Marlene Halim
Native English speaker, editor, proofreader
- Reply rate:
- 50.0%
- Availability:
- Hourly ($/hour)
- Location:
- Temecula, California, United States
- Experience:
- 6 years
Transition
Following is an excerpt of a student essay:
After a black man is killed or faces another injustice, his story and identity is told through white lenses and any fair opportunity that the black man had for his voice to be heard is erased. The American Dream described by the Oxford dictionary is, “the ideal by which equality of opportunity is available to any American, allowing the highest aspirations and goals to be achieved.”
Following is my corrected paragraph with a better transition and correction in punctuation:
After a black man is killed or faces another injustice, his story and identity is told through white lenses. Any fair opportunity that the black man had for his voice to be heard is erased. This is in stark contrast to “The American Dream” which is described by the Oxford dictionary as “the ideal by which equality of opportunity is available to any American, allowing the highest aspirations and goals to be achieved.”
