Scott Trantham

 Scott Trantham- /  H: - 743 Illinois Ave., League City, TX 77578 ) Writing Samples A Survivor’s Guide to a Broken Heart June 6, 2019 By Scott Trantham For the Broken-Up, the Mourning, and the Lost Dear Broken-Hearted Reader, So, things didn’t turn out the way you wanted to, did they? It’s okay. (Obviously, it’s not okay, but the more you repeat it, the more it may bend things in that direction.) You’ve got your work cut out for you. A broken heart is a registered grief type. It’s got its own Wikipedia page and everything. This pain has been in human history for thousands of years. It may not help, but you’re not alone in this. It’s something that everyone has to deal with at one point or another. The first thing to remember is that like any grief, we all experience it differently. You can read all the books for similar symptoms and occurrences, but truly, you need your own guiding hand in this. So be aware of your state. However, I’ve found some solid guidelines that help. Be Kind to Your Broken Heart I know this storm. You’re feeling like everything is closing in, and you can’t breathe. You’re inundated by thoughts, hauntings, and memories of them. It all hurts. Or–maybe it’s been a while, and now you’re just tired. Tired of feeling bad. Tired of the pain. Just remember, a broken heart is a wound, and it needs kindness and tending like a physical one. It’s not an easy thing, especially when you remember how things were before. But, this is something you can control. Emotions are mercurial, but not entirely out of our hands. You need to start by being kind and soft to yourself. Your friends and family can be there as much as possible, and that makes a whole world of difference, but that emotional shell of sadness is hard to penetrate. They can’t be there all the time, during all those late night thoughts and memories. But you can. Show up for yourself. Be your own champion. Tell yourself you’re not crazy, that you can feel sad. You can rage. Be kind to yourself first and foremost in this process. This starts with small steps like making your favorite breakfast. You may not want to eat it but do it anyway. Is there something you’ve been wanting to do for a while? Now is the time to do it. More than any other time, you need to prove that you’ve got your own back. For more steps, take a look at this list here. Channel Your Emotions Whether you want to or not, you have to get the storm outside of your body or mind and into reality. It’s easier that way. Now, I’m not saying to go on a bender or smash up something as an excuse for “dealing,” Remember, hindsight is 20/20, so if you do something in the height of passion, you may regret it later. sad person viewing themselves to be kind You’ve got to be there for yourself now more than ever. It’s the healthiest thing to do. Meditation or yoga are great for any type of grief or stress. Remember, your mind is like a muscle, and it can get sore too. Carrying around all of that sadness, anger, shame, anything you’re feeling right now is going to exhaust you if you just cling to it. Of course, everyone processes differently, but please, if you do nothing at all, meditate. You have to set the emotional stuff down for at least 20 minutes a day. Art has always been an amazing channel for emotions, especially heartbreak. Some of the greatest love stories ever told, perhaps you can think of a few right now, began with the seeds of what you’re carrying. Plant this garden in yourself. Allow it to be focused into something good, not for anyone else, for you. Use this to become a better person. Write poetry or songs. Paint something. Dance on a rooftop under a full moon. Sometimes, even just driving to a secluded spot and screaming can help. Not into art? That’s fine. Find what makes you feel good and lean into it. Work is another good choice. Sure, it won’t erase the pain, but getting a heftier paycheck may destress other parts of your life. If you can just bear with it, breath by breath sometimes if you have to, it will ease. It sure won’t feel that way at first though, but keep in mind, you won’t have to relive the worst days again. Repeat to yourself, “I’m not just a broken heart. I’m so much more.” Let Go to Heal Your Broken Heart I saved this one for last because it is the hardest. And I know. I know exactly how you feel when you read those words. How could you? How could you ever just set this down and move forward? You don’t have to at first, or even in a week or a month or a year, but at some point, you must. Life will dance merrily forward around you, even if you’re not dancing too. Regret is something we all live with, but you don’t have to let it rule you. It’s not worth it in the long run. This is also last because it’s the final step. The love that you had is gone. Take a deep breath. It’s gone. But you’re not. You have your memories and yourself. When you clutch that last remnant of what was or what might have been, you’re only hurting yourself. But I get it. When you unclench that desperate grip on that feeling, you’re surrendering to the reality that it’s over. It’s the last thing to unsling from your back to the floor, and with that, you’re the one putting an end to it. And you don’t want it to end. Do you? You want to hold that door open. You wish for something to change–for them to come back, for them to say sorry, for them to be alive again. The truth is, those are only possibilities, and you, dear reader, live in reality. Reality is a tough, miserable place right now because of this, and possibility is a sweet, addictive cloud that keeps you bound in painful hope. It’s a place to stay, for a while, but never a place to live. Let yourself feel sad. Don’t deny your feelings or try to cage them. When anyone comes to the doorstep of grief, it changes them. We have no choice in that, but we do have a choice in how it changes us. Let the actions you take now forge you closer to your best self. I know I said earlier to let go, but let’s take a trip back down in memory, just for a moment. Remember the first feelings of love? When you first started the relationship? They felt amazing, right? You deserve those feelings. You’re worth finding that. It may seem dismal now, but it’s true. The storm you’re feeling now is the most beautiful thing because it shows your capacity to love someone. In the shadow of your broken heart, you can see your true strength. So remember: you’re not alone, and you’re not crazy. Be kind to yourself because you need to be the one to save you right now. Find a way to channel your emotions even if you don’t want to at the time, and let go. Say goodbye and mourn what is lost. Because you’re worth more. With all my love, Scott 8 Costly Mistakes New Business Owners Make June 6, 2019 By Scott Trantham Learn from Those that Came Before With all the small business ideas out there, we live in a wonderful time of innovation, but that comes with its own risks. Whether you’re wanting to sell produce and flowers in a farmer’s market or opening up your own electronic repair store, it’s good to be aware of the pitfalls with running your own business. Don’t make these business owner mistakes. 1. Failing to Organize & Budget Like anything, organization will set you free. When starting a business on the ground floor, having a clear plan with SMART goals can not only keep you going in the right direction but also help keep stress down. This also involves keeping clear notes on your goals and setting intentions, especially with a budget. With all of the clarity, you should have little to no mistakes during the start-up period by sticking with your business plan. 2. Skipping Research on the Market (Knowing Your Customer) It’s not the most fun aspect of business running, but it is a necessary one. The market is your influx of customers and money, so you can’t ignore its heartbeat or where it flows. Researching what’s happening in the market will give you first-hand knowledge, making you one step ahead of those who do not. A secondary aspect of this is knowing your customer base, a part of the market. Knowing exactly what they want and how it pertains to your goods/services can keep your edge. For example, if you sell sandwiches and your market research shows a new type of cheese coming out, buying the cheese and utilizing it in your store can give you an edge over your competitors. And you would never have known if you hadn’t looked into it. 3. Not Taking Advantage of Technology While the solidity of hard copies can’t be forgotten, technology has come far in contemporary times, assisting us in many trivial tasks. Also, in our screen-drenched world, your business could be disregarded for not having a website or having a mobile presence. Yes, this means social media too. Software for businesses is a relatively cheap expense. If you want to do your own accounting (which you can, but don’t skip this either), there are programs available to secure all the numbers in their places. Other software can be useful from tax preparation to advertisements. Would your business type benefit from an e-commerce store; if so, think about which host websites are available. This is the most costly of business owner mistakes. 4. Forgetting Paperwork Simply put, cover yourself. The amount of paperwork can be staggering, but it is a necessary part of the business world. Don’t forget to sign all your agreements and keep receipts in case something comes up later. 5. Undervaluing Yourself Along with market research, you’ll see the average cost of your goods/services. When new businesses start, they can assume they’ll start in a novice category. While true for some, it may not be the same for all. Make a fair market price for what you provide so that you can maintain a solid profit margin. Adjustments may come, so be ready for those as well. 6. Spending Too Much Too Soon (Or Too Little) Debt becomes a big problem over time, but business loans are known to be a popular first choice. Your starting capital needs to stretch to cover everything you need starting up. Again, referencing the goals from earlier, you should be able to attain them and keep within budget. Just make sure not to stretch yourself or make large personal purchases using your company account. The same can be said about spending too little. If you don’t maximize your starting capital, you risk lessening your impact on the market and thus falling behind from the get-go. There is always a risk, but make sure these risks are calculated. 7. Not Planning for Hardship Hard times fall on us all, and businesses are no exception. Whether it’s an unforeseen accident, theft, or illness on the team, you’ll want to be prepared for it. Insurance can definitely help with this, but also keep a savings account with enough money set aside for the interim. For more information on types of insurance, look at our easy guide here. This way, when hardship falls on you, you can rest secure with the knowledge that you can see it through, and your business will continue to thrive. 8. Going it Alone We’re a communal species, and this goes into the intricate dealings of a business. You’re not alone in the market so you shouldn’t be alone in your company. If you work alone and are comfortable with that, of course, it’s okay, but when it comes to managing more complex matters, don’t make the mistake of not asking for help or advice. Hiring others when needed and delegating is the start of a strong team. Don’t forget that by working together, we can achieve loftier goals than apart. This can be done with small hires like a personal or virtual assistant, hiring agents for insurance, or even seeking financial advice from experts. Successful business owners learn all these things, from organizing to teamwork. As long as you take it one step at a time, you should have little problems navigating the business world, and you won’t fall for these business owner mistakes. The Adult Guide To Making New Friends June 6, 2019 By Scott Trantham High school years are the best of your life, right? I would disagree, but I know many believe this, and a big portion of that belief stems from the sheer exposure to good friends. You were learning about yourself and your interests, plus activities were rampant. You had to try not to engage. Also, people your age were all around you and doing those same things. Now though, how does someone make adult friends? Now, as an adult out of academia, we’re released into a structureless world of career-building, family-planning, and just experiencing life. It’s easy to fall into the routine of wake-up/go to work/come home/sleep/repeat. Unlike school, we don’t have that revolving table of people spinning around for us to pick at our leisure. The swamp of daily life can lead to a comfort-zone mentality, an insidious habit that keeps you locked in your comfy cage. Is there any hope? Of course, there is; you’re already on the right track reading this, but what’s the first step? Know Thyself “Follow your dreams. They know the way.” – Kobi Yamada The first step is to be comfortable with who you are. Are you lonely? Are you bored? Or are you just wanting those good vibes from making new adult friends? Whatever it is, be honest with yourself about why you want to start this journey. With your intention set, you’ll have a good anchor to fall back on. Expanding on this, know what you like to do, and what fulfills you. If you’re someone who loves talking about the latest Netflix shows, then that’s already a great start. You’ve got a million people that can connect with you on that alone. Compound this with starting a fitness regimen, and you have the ability to meet someone who wants to go to the gym with a buddy, and you’ll have lots to talk about. If you have goals like finishing a book or climbing Mt. Everest, then you’ll most likely meet similar-minded people along the way. These are the people to reach out to. The old saying remains true: be yourself. If you are honest with yourself about what you are looking for and what interests you, your relationships will start on a solid foundation at any age. Be Ready to Eliminate and Be Eliminated It’s tough getting rejected, even on the friendship level. Let’s be honest though; if you don’t have much in common, how fun are future meetings going to be? Find someone fulfilling and listen to them. Sure, it’s going to be awkward at first, but it’ll become easier over time. Remember the earlier step? If you go in knowing what you’re looking for with adult friends, you’ll be calmer and more ready to accept someone. For those harder conversations like sexuality, here is another guide to deepen that story. When you’re vulnerable like this, you’re showing a side willing to connect with someone. When you listen to them, you’re reaching out. Be patient and let them meet you halfway. And I stress this: be discerning. Not everyone out there is a good match. If you find yourself putting more energy into the budding friendship than the other person, it may be a good time to let that prospect go. There are tons of people out there wanting to connect and willing to meet halfway. Use the Tools We Have We live in the future! It’s never been easier (at least technology-wise) to meet someone new. Our phones, computers, and tablets connect people all over the globe. Here are some powerful tools: MeetUp Need to find a social group? MeetUp provides a huge list of activities to peruse. Just sign up, click on your interests, and the app will do the rest. It finds events for you nearby and lets you sign up for those you’re interested in. Go and focus on enjoying yourself for the first few times. The adult friends will come. Bumble Yes, there’s an app even for this. Bumble is specifically for making friendships. Although, I have heard people using it for dating as well. Be specific in your profile about what you’re looking for, and tell people this when you meet them to keep things clear. When you write your profile, be a little different, and real. Hint at your true colors, but keep them wanting more. You’ll find interesting profiles are the ones that stand out exactly because the person is being honest. School–again I know what you’re thinking, but it doesn’t have to be a university. Community centers or even coffee shops offer classes, so take a look around. You don’t have to seek a degree, but remember those goals from earlier? If you’re following your dreams of being a master mechanic or planting the perfect garden, you’ll find similar people enrolled in classes for those skills. Seek those that will support you and learn together. Social Media This means Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, etc. These are popular places people talk about their lives, even trivial things. If nothing else, you can build up confidence by engaging with people here. Be positive and encouraging to others on the Internet, and you may find adult friends nearby. Events Besides MeetUp, you can search for conventions, parties, and other fun things to do in your area. Like MeetUp, go with the express purpose of enjoying yourself/ learning something new. Your openness and confidence will be attractive. Don’t worry about finding that clique right off the bat. A Warning: Use your best judgment when you expose yourself to new people. Information like your email or phone number are traditional ways to communicate, but be wary with whom you give them to. I didn’t want to put it on the list because they aren’t tools to be used, but still important are your old friends. Mention that you’re wanting to meet new people. The friends you’ve had for a while have their own social circles. So why not reach out to them and invite new people in? As a bonus, you’ll be maintaining the friendships you already have. Adult friendship seems like a daunting task, but like most, it is rewarding. Just remember to come from a grounded place, know what you’re wanting, and utilize the tools around you. You’ll be a thriving social butterfly (or maybe just two couch potatoes enjoying a show together) in no time.