Roselle May Advincula

Five Things That Happen When You’re an Insecure Friend (And How It Ruins Your Friendship) Here are five things that happen when we are insecure in a friendship: 1. You never say no. When you’re insecure, you have this unexplainable desire to appease everyone. Can you do this for me? Yes! Can you run to the store even if it’s raining so hard and lighting might just struck you and buy me a pack of gums? Yes! Yes! Yes! You have this fear of saying no, thinking your friends would hate you, or they would love you less if you do so. So you just say yes to everything! Even when you can’t do it. Even when you don’t want to. Even when you don’t have to. You wouldn’t know it then, but everything will snowball, and eventually you’ll get tired of the relationship, thinking you’re always the one giving. Well, you are, because you’re allowing yourself to. It’s never a bad thing to say yes to someone asking for a favour or for help, especially if it’s a friend, but it’s also healthy for the both of you to speak up when you can’t do it or when it’s too much already. This saying is old, but it’s true- all relationships are give and take. You’ve got to have confidence on your friends and on their love for you. Know that saying no once in a while won’t ruin your friendship. 2. You notice all the little details and turn them into dramas. It’s that one time your friend seenzoned you when you sent him a cat gif, or when your best friend tagged your other best friend in a sweet quote, but not you, or maybe that time when a friend called another friend for a small favour but didn’t call you. Whatever it was, no matter how small, your insecurity has that power to turn them into a crazy chaos of questions in your head. Does she hate me? Does she love friend 1 more than me? Are they giving me a cold shoulder? All these worries and scenarios in your head will eventually affect how you are with your friends. You will become too sensitive, too jealous or too needy, and these are what cause dramas in any kind of relationships. The best way to avoid this is to realize that your friends’ worlds do not revolve around you. They have other lives, other friends, and other needs. One seenzoned message does not mean abandonment (screw the internet for instilling this idea in our heads). Just because a friend talked to another friend about a problem does not mean she or he does not trust you anymore. Sometimes, you’re just not the person your friend needs in a certain situation, and there’s nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t mean that he or she does not love you anymore. Instead of doubting your friendship, be thankful that there are other people who can be there for your friend when you’re not around or when you’re not available. 3. You compare and you get jealous. Sometimes three can become a crowd, and when you’re insecure, you can’t just stop looking at your friend’s plate. You keep noticing why friend 1 isn’t doing for you what she did for friend 2, or how can friend 2 be okay with friend 1 doing something he isn’t okay with when you’re the one who does it. It can be the simplest things, but it just doesn’t escape your laser eyes. When you start comparing and feel like you’re on the losing side, you unconsciously start to build up anger, rooting from your unnecessary jealousy. Once that happens, you will be blind to all the good things that are or were done for you and miss out on appreciating and taking in what could be a happy memory with your friends. Jealousy is what causes relationships to crash and burn. So stop comparing. (But if you still think they’re doing things together and don’t include you, just tell them to include your or else you will make memes out of their ugliest stolen shots and make it viral. Kidding.) 4. Fear Of Missing Out. There are two things that make someone push their limits just to be there for their friends, and the line between these two are often blurred: one, you’re just a really super caring, always-available, and all-around friend, and second, fear of missing out. It’s hard to distinguish which is your reason when you’re insecure, sometimes maybe both. You want to be there so bad and comfort your friend and at the same time, you want to be there because you’re afraid you’ll lose a spot to someone else if you aren’t. Sadly, the latter totally diminishes the sincerity of your action, thus making you a bad friend. 5. Trust Issues. The worst of all. Because there are already ideas planted in your head, all caused by your insecurity, you tend to question everyone’s motives. You always find yourself asking if your friends’ sincerity, their truthfulness, are real. You wonder if they’re talking behind your back and say shit about you. You lose your trust, when trust is one of the most important foundations in friendships. This one’s the hardest to battle because it goes hand in hand with insecurity. But here’s what you can remind yourself of: You can never really know if someone’s feelings for you are real or not, they may show it and say it, but they are the only ones who know how they really feel about you. So don’t lose your energy thinking about it. Instead, use the time you waste on over thinking in appreciating the love and the goodness your friends are showing you, and make them feel the same way too. Insecurity is a kind of poison, one that slowly kills you and your happiness while causing damage to your relationships, and hurting the people you love. I don’t think anyone is immune to it, but everyone hast the ability stop feeling it anytime. Just a little push towards positivity and you’ll make it.