Article about Perception
Your Perception IS Your Reality
I recently had an experience in my professional life that forced me to rethink how I
communicate with others.
Without going into much detail, what I can say is what I knew to be the truth was
completely different from what the other person claimed it to be. And I was like,
‘What just happened here?’
Then when my mentor said something like this, “Maybe her perception is her
reality”, I got thinking that maybe she was right. And there it was, as clear as the
light of day!
So, I started doing some online research about this and found the following in Elite
Daily: “When truth is blurred by lies and misinformation, perception becomes reality
and all is lost.” What people perceive is usually what they believe, and this is based
on what they hear, see and think. Most of the time we cannot control what happens
but we can always control our reactions.”
And Lifehack states the following: “Things aren’t always what they seem. Marketers
and magicians rely on this fact to make you see things – the way they want you to
see them. Artists do too.”
As I reflect on my own family life and how my siblings and I perceive the way our
lives were, I can’t help but ponder what my brother said recently to me. He told me
this, “That’s not the way it was. We were all there.” To which I respond, “Yes, we
were, but the way each of us experienced our family life is very different, because
the way we perceive it is Our Reality.” We cannot seem to see eye to eye on much
of anything, but I’m come to peace with the fact that his reality is one thing and mine
is another. And that’s OK.
When we experience immersion in a culture that’s different from ours, our
perception of reality expands. I lived a “second life” in Argentina by becoming
deeply immersed in that culture for the 17 plus years I lived there, 16 of it having
lived as a local resident while being married to one. My temporary stint of 1.5 years
the first time was completely different from when I went to live there and experience
firsthand what it’s like, how the locals feel and think and to also come up with my
own perceptions of why things are the way they are. And boy did it open my mind.
I could perceive another reality than my own. And as Charlemagne has stated, “To
have another language is to possess a second soul”. How true that is! When you truly
learn another language, it opens your mind to other possibilities, and you can then
begin to entertain other perceptions that allow you to see the world as others see it.
Wow!
I’ve been fortune enough to delve into people’s professional and personal lives since
I taught English to many different populations such as Argentineans, Koreans,
Chinese, Israeli and other Europeans such as Spaniards, Germans, French and Dutch,
just to name a few. Most of the classes I gave were personalized where I would go
into their private homes and teach them. It was there that I gained a sense and
representation of the way different people thought. I learned that Argentines value
family and leisure time above work and they work to live, not live to work, as I had
been accustomed to doing in the U.S. The U.S. has a definite sense of ‘what you do
for work is who you are’, whereas the Argentines would intermingle and the taxi
driver, doctor and lawyer would all find common ground about the same issues,
which were usually the weather, politics and the current social climate in the country.
I learned from Koreans that education prevails over any other priority in their life.
Those people even sent their children to school (kwan) on Saturdays. That wasn’t
the norm in my culture and upbringing. And I prepared many of my Asian students
to live in the United States after living in Argentina. Many told me that they were
just living in Argentina until they could move onto living in the U.S. themselves. I
was witness to that happening. They were always preparing for the next step in their
lives.
Moreover, one of my most beloved and successful Korean students told me that until
40 years old, we were just fooling around. Once we reached middle age, we would
finally figure out what we wanted to do. Of course, he was older and wiser than me,
and I was younger than 40 at the time and thought I knew better than he did. But he
turned out to be right. Until 40 years old, I think I was just learning until I could
finally begin to put that wisdom into practice… Wow, what a lesson that was!
My Jewish students were some of my favorites. Buenos Aires boosts the 3rd largest
population of Jewish people outside Israel, New York being the 2nd largest
concentration. I found that we had much in common and they were big on
capitalizing unique experiences. They were well-read and well-traveled and could
talk about anything with intellectualism. They were the ones who forced me to crack
open more and more books and read so I could simply converse with them, which I
consider invaluable today. After all, you are the books you read…
The French taught me about quality. I learned that Dannon chocolate tastes different
in France than in Argentina and that their version was superior to the local recipe. A
Dutch man taught me that Americans are so “stuck on themselves” and that we have
an entitlement mentality about us that annoys other nationalities. And honestly, I
must say that I agree with him. To me, there is nothing uglier than “the ugly
American” who thinks they have a right to be treated like royalty everywhere they
act like arses in a foreign country. Germans have taught me that there is no room for
inaccuracy. You either do it right the first time or you don’t do it at all. They are
brutally honest and probably wouldn’t make the best diplomats, because they say it
like it is and there is no room for fluff or nonsense. And I like that!
My purpose in writing these thoughts is to extend a challenge to you: Look around
and see what you can learn from people who are different from you. After all,
wouldn’t you want the same courtesy and respect shown to you? We each come with
our own unique packages, born with our own talents, gifts and personalities. And
there’s a reason for that. Furthermore, if we insist on being right and the philosophy
of ‘my way or the highway’, are we truly evolving to become the higher version of
ourselves? If not, are we truly growing or are we are living in ignorance? Could we
be limiting our opportunities for growth because of our closemindedness? If we are,
we are really shooting ourselves in the feet! And we ourselves become our worst
enemies…
I’ve often heard this thought quoted in my business, “It’s not what we don’t know
that hurts us; it’s what we DO 'know' to be true that simply isn't so." Consider this:
We might be so stuck on what we’ve accepted as the truth because of our limited
perceptions, and it might be the very thing that hinders us from so much growth and
even prosperity! After all, isn’t the definition of insanity this: ‘Doing the same thing
repeatedly while expecting a different result’? Hello people, if it isn’t working
YOUR WAY, it might possibly be time to do things differently! For example, if the
job you’re working in isn’t producing the results you want, don’t you think it’s time
to start looking for a new opportunity that gets you closer to what you’re seeking,
even if it’s just doing it as you can, on a part-time basis? What are the steps you need
to take to create the kind of life you’d like to create for yourself? Maybe someone
else would love to mentor you and teach you how to create that opportunity without
any monetary fee.
I’ll give you an example of how I’ve done exactly that in my own life. I’m a
professional linguist and because I knew Spanish fluently, professional opportunities
were being offered to me that would increase my income level if I could do the same
tasks in another language that was more in demand, one of them being Portuguese.
I had learned Spanish from being immersed in the Argentine community, but I had
a desire to learn Portuguese better. For as much as I would’ve loved to have packed
my bags to move to Brazil, that wasn’t a real possibility for me. Furthermore, I had
practically no time to travel to a teacher or allot time for a teacher to come to me
either. It then occurred to me that because I was a qualified English teacher, maybe
someone who spoke Portuguese might want to do a language exchange with me at
no cost to either of us.
I put out an ad to find that person and a few responded. I started out with Adriana
from Rio de Janeiro and then I went onto Renato who was from another part of
Brazil, yet he was physically located in Vancouver, Canada. Thus, because of so
much technology available, we opted to do our language lesson exchange via Skype.
I don’t know how much Portuguese I truly learned or how much English they gained,
but to me that experience proved to be invaluable to me. I’ve lost a lot of that
Portuguese fluency due to lack of practice, but it did give me an expanded world
view into what it’s like to see the world through another set of eyes. And Adriana
and Renato are still my friends today.
So, continuing with that challenge of being willing to open your mind to new
possibilities that will in turn open new doors to other worlds. And as you do this, let
me remind you that Opportunity knocks on the door of those who are the most
prepared at that time. Moreover, there’s no time like the present and we are not
getting any younger. I truly believe that the more we open our minds (and hearts) to
other possibilities, ideas and philosophies, the more we will begin to perceive and
live life to its fullest. But it starts with one step. Question your “reality”. Ask
questions. Look for other alternatives. Think outside the box. Read more books. Go
to more classes. Learn a new language or new skill. You never know when that could
open a new door to an awesome opportunity or experience for you.
A newer and more beautiful world is awaiting you and it all starts with opening your
mind to new perceptions.
I’m in my own journey of expanding my reality and I’d LOVE to know what you’ve
been learning along the way.