Caron Goode

© 2015 by Dr. Caron Goode All rights reserved. No part of this document or accompanying files may be reproduced or transmitted in any form, electronic or otherwise, by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher. Published in the USA by Inspired Living International, LLC Menifee, California, 92548 The information presented herein is for informational and educational purposes only and is not a substitution for any professional advice. The contents herein are based on the views and opinions of the author and all associated contributors. The author and all other contributors accept no responsibility for any consequential actions taken, whether monetary, legal, or otherwise, by all readers of the materials provided. It is the reader's sole responsibility to seek professional advice before taking any action on their part. **Core Temperament Essentials™ (CTE) is a trademark used in core temperament essentials programs for counseling, coaching, parenting, self-help, self-improvement, and entrepreneurship offered by the Academy for Coaching Parents International, LLC, and HeartWise® Coaching Institute. The purpose of the process as well as a product is focused for coaching, self-improvement, transformation, and education. CONTENTS An Introduction to Core Temperaments ................................................ 1 What is Temperament? ........................................................................... 2 Four Basic Core Temperaments.............................................................. 2 The Bulldozer-Persistent Achiever..................................................... 4 Core Essentials ........................................................................................ 5 Does Not Value ....................................................................................... 5 Positive Emotional Tendencies ............................................................... 5 Negative Emotional Tendencies ............................................................. 6 Core Strengths ......................................................................................... 6 The Doer in Relationships ...................................................................... 6 Strengths in Relationships....................................................................... 7 Challenges in Relationships .................................................................... 7 The Detective-Observant Thinker ........................................................... 8 Core Essentials ........................................................................................ 9 Does Not Value ....................................................................................... 9 Positive Emotional Tendencies ............................................................. 10 Negative Emotional Tendencies ........................................................... 10 Core Strengths ....................................................................................... 10 A Thinker’s Basic Needs in a Relationship .......................................... 11 A Thinker’s Strengths in Relationships ................................................ 11 Weaknesses in Relationships ................................................................ 11 Border Collie-Adaptive Supporter ........................................................ 13 Core Essentials ...................................................................................... 14 Does Not Value ..................................................................................... 14 Positive Emotional Tendencies ............................................................. 14 Negative Emotional Tendencies ........................................................... 15 Core Strengths ....................................................................................... 15 In Relationships .................................................................................... 15 Emotional Relationship Patterns ........................................................... 15 Ringmaster-Creative Influencer ............................................................ 17 Does Not Value ..................................................................................... 18 Core Essentials ...................................................................................... 18 Positive Emotional Tendencies ............................................................. 18 Negative Emotional Tendencies ........................................................... 18 Core Strengths ....................................................................................... 19 In Relationships .................................................................................... 19 Emotional Relationship Patterns ........................................................... 19 AN INTRODUCTION TO CORE TEMPERAMENTS O ne of the most defining features of humanity is our capacity for empathy, the ability to identify with how other people feel and think. Empathy puts us in another’s shoes. A new study showed that we are hardwired to empathize because we closely associate people who are close to us -- friends, spouses, lovers -- as being like us. Research also shows that we are most comfortable in relationships with people who are have similar values and emotional patterns. For these reasons, your best gift to you and to any partner is learning as much as possible about core temperaments. Otherwise you are flying blind in relationships, reacting from instinct, and hoping it works out. We’ve coached many who believed they have found the one, and their love was unconditional and would last forever. That is a naive approach, but also a hopeful approach. Here is the realistic viewpoint: relationships require effort to keep them strong and positive. Two primary areas to keep relationships positive are expectations and communication. The science of core temperaments is solid and you can learn how to relate, communicate, and anticipate reactions and conversations. Applying core temperament sciences to your relationships is a revolutionary approach. Knowing your core temperament is essential for self-awareness. But you also need to know the characteristics, needs, values, and preferences for your partner, whether you are dating, plan to marry, or are considering a longer-term monogamous relationship. ♦1♦ What is Temperament? We are born with a natural predisposition to interact with people and do tasks in a certain way. This unique constellation of how we do what we do is our personal core temperament. Temperaments refer to characteristics that we are born with, and they remain stable over time. These characteristics include how you relate to: 1. People 2. Data-Information 3. Tasks Your core temperament is a biological way of thinking and behaving, and it points your desires toward work or a profession, and toward relationships that resonates with you being happy and fulfilled. Finally, temperaments provide the constellation of your specific human needs, values, fears, emotionality, and genetic responses to stress. Four Basic Core Temperaments There are four distinct categories of core temperaments. These categories include the basic names, but for the sake of humor, we’ve added the following titles as metaphors for the temperament traits. They are more fun and offer examples from everyday life by which you can remember the temperament traits. 1. 2. 3. 4. The Persistent Achiever = the Bulldozer The Observant Thinker = the Detective The Adaptive Supporter = the Border Collie The Creative Influencer = the Ringmaster While there are bits and pieces of each personal temperament in all of us, you’ll typically exhibit one to two dominant temperaments that influence the way you interact in a relationship. To demonstrate the basic way a person of each temperament acts, imagine a pool party on a hot summer day. ♦2♦ A Bulldozer type dives in and calls on the way into the water, “Last one in is a loser. I’ll race you to the other side!” Doesn’t he just love the challenge and thrives on competition? A Detective type finds a quieter place to dip her foot in to check the water temperature before venturing in. Shy of the noise and splashing, this observer watches and learns about the people around her before introducing herself and joining in. A Border Collie type might serve the drinks and snacks around the pool, or get in the water to play a game of tag or Marco Polo, while carefully ensuring that everyone’s okay and playing nicely. The Ringmaster jumps in the water and yells, “Watch my cannonball.” He does love to make a big splash, making sure he is seen. He then organizes everyone into a game of water volleyball. Each of the core temperaments approaches relationships differently. ♦3♦ THE BULLDOZER-PERSISTENT ACHIEVER T he Bulldozer likes to be in charge in relationships because he or she is direct and firm. Professionally, an achiever tends to hold a position of authority, leads, and makes decisions. These temperament traits will likely be strong also in a relationship, more so than heart qualities like empathy. An achiever is competitive and action-oriented, not naturally oriented to people. Because an achiever is busy and action-focused, he has little time for dating around. She won’t waste your time or hers playing a dating game. Thus, a bulldozer is careful to build a longer-term relationship focused on the results that fits the life plan and goals. A potential partner must share the same interests and goals and be interested in the conversation and ideas. When an achiever is ready to make a commitment, their attention becomes fully focused on the partner. They show love by doing…what do you want? what can I get you? what would you like to do? What pleases you also pleases me. What an achiever brings to a relationship is commitment, and could be the financial foundation for a family, loyalty to a partner, who shares similar values of a traditional family. An achiever likes independence and is self-reliant. This partner won’t talk much about feelings or emotions, or abstractions. However, once committed, they are sexual, generous, and romantic. Complementary skills for partnership with a Bulldozer are listening, emotional intelligence, social skills savvy, and adept at handling disagreements. Sharing the same goals and being willing to follow are helpful. Loyalty is required and traditional values are helpful. ♦4♦ Core Essentials NEEDS VALUES FEARS Independent Achievement Stimulation Affluence Sovereignty Accomplishment Challenge Responsibility Dependent Failure Inactive Weakness Does Not Value      Emotionality, Show of weakness, Poverty, Dependence, Failure Positive Emotional Tendencies  Is Responsible  Has strong will and decisive strategies  Rises to a challenge and leads  Strives to win and succeeds  Has a compulsive need for change-perhaps driven by the momentum forward and the persistence to achieve.  Does not give up easily  Exudes confidence  Is focused  Is independent and selfsufficient     ♦5♦ Not easily discouraged Not easily convinced by others Is optimistic Plans and leads Negative Emotional Tendencies            Has hard time relaxing Not empathic or sympathetic with others Shy about personal emotionality Enjoys the challenge of controversy and arguments Fiery tension can erupt into anger Impatient Inflexible Not complimentary Persists and pushes into overdrive Too impetuous Too much a lone wolf Core Strengths            Logical thinker and visionary in planning Action-oriented in a persistent way Inflexibility serves momentum for a team or project. Courageous risk takers in ways others will not dare. Can be aggressive in efforts to reach goals, if kept realistic Quick to act under pressure and devises new solutions. Sticks to schedules and plans steps to success rather Works harder and perseveres Excellent organizer and delegator Unfazed by and thrives on opposition. Loyal and committed The Doer in Relationships Research shows that Doers are more compatible with Influencers. The Doer may be too quick to assume that any partner wants to share in their activities and focus. Doers provide a safe space for a partner through competence in managing the home and work responsibilities. ♦6♦ Doers focus on playing the social role well in the dating game, as you enjoy going out to be supportive of the partner, observing the appropriate rituals, and being respectful. The Doers drive to help and to do is an interesting combination in partners because You are very serious about their duty in the relationship. At the same time, the Doers' preference for solitude can cause problems, as can the stubbornness of holding on to rules and obeying them. Strengths in Relationships     Faithful and loyal partner Tradition and order stabilizes the partnership Very serious about relationships Works hard to provide for family Challenges in Relationships     Stubborn in holding a solitary stance Not attuned to the emotional needs of self or others Blows off any issues and blows up in anger or worry Insistence on being right ♦7♦ THE DETECTIVE-OBSERVANT THINKER T he Detective loves data, ideas, numbers, and greatly respects and structure. This cognitive tribe member looks inward, not outward. Think of the Detective as a perfectionist who likes to explain what is and envisions what could be. The Thinker’s partner is a good listener willing to provide feedback. This cognitive tribe member takes relationships seriously and pragmatically. The thinker is slow to warm up to people and takes time before entering relationship. Detectives take compatibility seriously in a relationship and plan how it could be practical. Thinkers like predictability so dating takes place with concrete planning. Thinkers will be on time, polite, and show a partner respect. That may be the reason that a thinker prefers companionship within his own tribe. While thinkers could be viewed as unsociable, they are not that. The detective’s preference is to contemplate the work, issues, or solutions. The mental realms are where the cognitive tribe members dwell, and one basic need of the members is to discuss theories and data structures with other thinkers. Social trivia, emotional discussions, and such are not on their radar as important or even necessary. Yet, when a thinker makes a commitment, they so value intimacy, closeness, and sexual expression. They are loyal and committed to their partner. A thinker could also be a follower in the relationship if the partner likes taking charge. Sensitive by nature, the Detective does not take criticism too well, as personal respect is a core need and value. Persons with emotional ♦8♦ displays, fantasies, and melodrama upset the balance and even-keel of a thinker’s life. They seek a consistent personality in the partner. They enjoy group activities and community events. Detectives enjoy stimulating discussion and sharing with others of similar mindset. Some are respected as pillars of their communities. With this in mind, their selection of a partner is planned around social approval and long-term commitment. They take their commitments and marriage or partnership responsibilities seriously, and expect the same in return. Detectives also need affirmation and understanding. They are deep thinkers who thoroughly examine issues. They value intimacy, respect, and good relationships. Core Essentials NEEDS VALUES FEARS Respect Expertise Humiliation Perfection Quality Incompetence Structure Organization Disorganization Comprehension Instruction Ignorance Affirmation Intimacy Disapproval Does Not Value      Emotionality Show of weakness Cluttered Thinking Dependence Failure ♦9♦ Positive Emotional Tendencies         Perfectionist Rationalist Conscientious Visually Intuitive Appreciative of Beauty Genius Prone Analytical Creative Negative Emotional Tendencies            Tendency toward hypochondria Guilty Introspective Self-centered Selective hearing Low self-image Focused on work and ideation Has false humility Moody and depressed Remembers the negatives Holds grudges Core Strengths         Logical thinker and visionary in planning Depth focus or concentration on the task or challenge. Works alone well and is accountable. Quick to act under pressure and devises new solutions. Sticks to schedules and plans steps to success rather Works hard and perseveres Loyal and committed Challenges in Relationships ♦ 10 ♦ A Thinker’s Basic Needs in a Relationship Thinkers generally date in the later teen and early adult years. The slowto-warm personality means that over time, a Thinker trusts, loves, and cherishes the intimacy with one person. Being romantics, you show that side sparingly. When you find friendship with a like-minded colleague or love with an intimate, you make a lifetime commitment. Separation or divorce could devastate the Thinker. Anger and aggression cause the Thinker to pull back. You are not aggressive, but wish to run away from things that have caused them pain. If Observant Thinkers want to get back at someone who hurt them, you prefer making them feel guilty rather than insulting them bluntly. Establishing relationships with the Thinker type takes time and energy. You enjoy discussions and sharing knowledge. Thinkers usually do not make a lot of social connections, and may clown around to hide lack of social skills. Dating and mating rituals might seem absurd and humorous. When looking for the right partner, Thinkers consider intentions and expectations, and then map out the process of the investment that takes time, energy, and involvement. The Thinker’s integrity of a relationship prevents complaining. You honor commitment and don’t verbalize unhappiness if that emotion arises. However, you can be very moody and tend to maintain that mood. You always make efforts to continue and honor a relationship. Because of this disposition, you find it difficult to initiate ending a relationship and always prefer to work things out. A Thinker’s Strengths in Relationships Thinkers are easy going and willing to defer to partners. Thinkers are enthusiastic in their approach to activities of interest. You are not personally threatened by criticism and not demanding about personal needs. Weaknesses in Relationships Thinkers are slow to warm to emotional needs and are not attuned to emotional needs of self or others. You are not strong in daily matters like ♦ 11 ♦ money management, childcare, cooking dinner, etc. Thinkers usually avoid issues or blow up in anger or worry. ♦ 12 ♦ BORDER COLLIE-ADAPTIVE SUPPORTER T he Border Collie is a supportive, interactive person who has empathy for others’ feelings and the drive to help and support others. This heart tribe member seeks commonalities and heartto-heart connection for a fulfilling relationship. A supporter’s empathic heart is the more sensitive of all four temperaments. Handle with care. A supporter looks inward, not outward. The border collie’s dedication to finding a soul mate is at the forefront of dating. Otherwise, the supporter is not investing emotionally unless the relationship has potential for commitment. The Supporter values harmony and needs a sense of being secure with a partner and appreciated in tangible ways. The supporter idealizes the relationships and is devoted to the emotional intimacy and shared conversations and tenderness. A supporter’s core drivers are to help, support, and cherish the relationship. The temperament is sensitive to the negative side of life because of an empathic heart. This is true for a Supporter’s relationship with people, pets, and all creatures. A Border Collie often plays the peacekeeper role in relationships because of the practical, adaptive strength. If the loyal border collie invests energy, time, and emotions in building romance and meaningful love, the collie expects the same unconditional love from a partner. ♦ 13 ♦ Core Essentials Needs Fears Values Accord Conflict Cooperation Trust Dishonesty Truthfulness Stability Instability like shifting schedules and insufficient funds Security Harmony Being in conflict Inner peace Affirmation Ingratitude Acknowledgment Does Not Value • Assertiveness • Anger and high negativity • Competitive natures • Chaos • Unpredictability Positive Emotional Tendencies • Always sincere at heart • Witty • Calm and patient • Like consistently and planning • Good Listeners • Well balance • Negotiators • Calm, cool, calculated • Happily, reconciles life • Easy-going and accepting • Hides emotions • Low-key personality • Sympathetic and kind ♦ 14 ♦ Negative Emotional Tendencies • Can be stubborn • Quiet will of iron • Self-righteous • Indecisive • Too shy • Fearful and worried • Too compromising • Unenthusiastic Core Strengths Is highly supportive and motivated by seeing other’s happy. In turn, the supporter needs to feel safe, be acknowledged for his or her contributions, and enjoys group projects and collaborations. In Relationships • Influencers make friends easily and like spontaneous activities. You tend to apologize quickly and don’t hold grudges. You seem exciting, love people, prevent dull moments, and thrive on compliments. You forgive and forget easily • Engagement usually involves wanting to influence others • However, you tend to dominate conversations and want to be at center stage all the time. You try to answer for others, interrupt, and don’t listen. An Influencer wants to be popular, hates to be alone, looks for credit, and is sometimes fickle and forgetful. Emotional Relationship Patterns Supporters do not express their emotions openly always. Their emotions are mainly expressed internally, unlike the Influencers who would jump up and yell at the slightest provocation. The only form of expression may be a simple frown or smile as well as through touch and hugging. You are motivated to do things not for their own interest but to please others. Supporters can do difficult tasks as they plan and execute pans well. ♦ 15 ♦ Loving is the natural expression of the Supporters' soul. In love, Supporters can empathize and take on the emotional state of their partner. Other temperament types are attracted to the Supporter because of the interpersonal style, warmth, vivacity, heart-fullness, insight, sparkle of love, and sensitivity. Supporters hold dear their commitment and their service. On the other hand, their gifts may become their utmost challenges. Their weaknesses in relationships include empathy overload, attending to too many others with hurt feelings, psychological overload of worry, and lack of security. Eventually, self-care takes a back seat and overload becomes normal. ♦ 16 ♦ RINGMASTER-CREATIVE INFLUENCER F or the Influencer, everyone is a friend. The Ringmaster flourishes in friendships that laud their creativity and entrepreneurship. They value their freedom above all else. They love to indulge their senses and seek pleasure. They look outward, not inward. The influencer is most compatible with an adventurer like them to explore the pleasures and sensuality of life. An influencer lives for today and loves getting affection and giving affection freely. A compatible couple with the same values wouldn’t sweat the small stuff. Their shared optimism lifts each of the strain of conformity. Two ringmasters revel in each other and offer full attention that makes one feel so valued and validated. Ringmaster companions are sensual, sexual, playful, and funny. Unfortunately, the compatibility factor could also be the trigger that cause the two to clash.  Influencers are independent, not introspective.  Influencers are flirtatious companions, not always committed.  Influencers like to be where the action is, and the relationship adventure could get old.  Influencers are easily bored and wanderlust beckons. What’s next? Maybe it is good point that influencers are slow to make any commitment that could limit freedom or impose rules. The core driver is to express creativity as an artist, author, actor, or influencer in hopes of helping people change for the better. If a relationship creates more friction than pleasure, any new adventure would be more inviting. Seek a playmate with tolerance for idiosyncrasies. ♦ 17 ♦ Does Not Value    Time Boredom Completion Core Essentials Needs Fears Values Acceptance Rejection Friendship Attention Exclusion Recognition Expression Repression Creativity Recreation Boredom Pleasure Variety Routine Variety Positive Emotional Tendencies • Always sincere at heart • Changeable disposition • Changeable disposition • Lives in the present and doesn't hold grudges • Lives in the present and doesn't hold grudges • Wide-eyed and innocent • Wide-eyed and innocent • Good on stage • Good on stage • Always curious • Always curious Negative Emotional Tendencies • Seems phony to some • Naive and gullible • Easily angered • Blusters and complains • Controlled by circumstances • Egotistical ♦ 18 ♦ • Has restless energy • Dwells on trivial matters • Scares some people off • Elaborates and exaggerate • Can’t remember names • Compulsive Talker Core Strengths • Active when provided interesting case • Motivated by inner creativity an • High adaptability • Adventurous • Goodwill • Charismatic • Intuitive • Cheerful, optimistic • High mobility • Compassionate • Open-minded • Convincing • People-oriented • Enthusiastic, inspirational • Playful • Friendly • Pleasure seeker • Listens to inner drummer In Relationships Influencers make friends easily and like spontaneous activities. You tend to apologize quickly and don’t hold grudges. You seem exciting, love people, prevent dull moments, and thrive on compliments. You forgive and forget easily. Engagement usually involves wanting to influence others. However, you tend to dominate conversations and want to be at center stage all the time. You try to answer for others, interrupt, and don’t listen. An Influencer wants to be popular, hates to be alone, looks for credit, and is sometimes fickle and forgetful. Emotional Relationship Patterns • Loves fun, pleasure, people, and parties ♦ 19 ♦ • A variety of recreation keeps them interested • Enjoys excitement and trusts impulses • Is generous with time, energy, and attention • Likes to be seen in a positive light and holds back negative words or feelings, which cause tension headaches and body aches ♦ 20 ♦