Bob Van Baren

Table of Contents Introduction Page 5 Hot Rod, When Passion and Talents Fail to Intersect Page 6 Frozen, Don’t be those Parents Page 8 Superhero Obsession Pt. 1 Page 9 Superhero Obsession Pt. 2 Page 10 Parks and Recreation, Who is Influencing the Talents of You and Your Kids Page 13 Harry Potter and Dumbledore, Do not Dictate your Kids Quest Page 15 Neville Longbottom, Focus on the One Page 17 Sherlock Holmes and John Watson, Task versus Relationship Page 19 Learning While Lost Page 21 Kids’ Talents and Golf Page 23 2 Copyright © 2017 by Bob Van Baren All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. 3 Who is Bob Van Baren? Bob is the owner and president of Vision 2-10 coaching and consulting company, that helps individuals and organizations better leverage their Clifton StrengthsFinder assessment for long-term success. The Clifton StrengthsFinder assessment helps identify the areas where people have the greatest potential for building strength. Whether working with a team or an individual, Bob loves to help clients increase confidence and boost effectiveness so frustration becomes fulfillment. Bob holds a Master of Arts in Transformational Leadership from Bethel University and is a double certified strength-coach through Gallup and Strength Strategy. During his 18 years of professional church and non-profit career, along with his personal-life, Bob has learned how strengths could positively impact individuals, couples, teams and organizations. Bob knows how to unlock passion, leadership and strengths in individuals and teams, first helping a client understand what already exists within and then walking with them as they devise a plan through the Clifton StrengthsFinder assessment. When not working, Bob loves spending time with his family and watching the Chicago Cubs. Learn more at WWW.VISION2-10.COM 4 Introduction Before I started my strength-based development organization, Vision 2-10, I was a youth pastor for 16 years. During that time, I developed a passion for giving parents the tools to help them be successful in raising their teenagers. I may not be in youth ministry anymore, but I still have a fervent desire to help parents, and I believe this book will be a great resource for your family. In this e-book, I use popular books, shows, movies and commercials to teach parents about the importance of developing talents into strengths as a family. I strongly believe that everyone needs a coach to reach their top potential; parents you are your kids coach and I want to help you become a good one. Ephesians 2:10, "For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." I hope this e-book begins to help you create a vision of what you can do with the talents God has given your family. No matter what your beliefs are, we believe you and your family can make a greater impact through your strengths. Are you ready to start this new adventure of becoming a strength-based family? It is time to change your focus, so you can change your world. Let us know how we can help and have fun! 5 Chapter One Hot Rod When Passion and Talents Fail to Intersect I must admit a guilty pleasure which is the fact that I like the movie Hot Rod starring Andy Samberg, as Rod Kimble. It is about a guy who had a passionate dream to be a stunt man, but we came to later understand in the movie that he may be the worst stunt man ever. Now hear me on this, I totally understand that this is what drives the humor in the film, but it made me think about the problem when passions and talents do not intersect. Peter Drucker, who was considered the leader in the development of management education, says, “Most people think they know what they are good at. They are usually wrong…And yet, a person can perform only from strength.” No matter how hard Rod practiced and tried to convince himself, he was never going to be a good stunt man. I am all about following your dreams, but your dreams must live in the reality of who you have been created to be. My guess is somewhere early in Rod Kimble’s life someone said one of the greatest lies that I hear, “You can do anything you put your mind to.” Or in Christian speak, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me,” which is a verse about getting strength from Christ during the ups and downs of life. This advice is leading many people (especially children) down the wrong road and this mindset can shatter someone’s world when they realize they are the Rod Kimble to their misguided dreams. Tom Rath, author and strength researcher says, “You cannot be anything you want to be – but you can be a lot more of who you already are.” I want you to reflect on that quote today. This quote fits well with Ephesians 2:10, “For we are God's handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” God has given you and your children unique talents that He is going to use for His kingdom. We want you and your children to dream, but we want these dreams driven by passions and talents together. When those two things are working together, not only will your children find greater joy and fulfillment but they will impact this world in a greater way. Look at these powerful numbers that show the impact of working from strengths: 6 People who use their strengths every day are 6 times more engaged on the job (Gallup). Teams that focus on their strengths are 12.5% more productive (Gallup). In appraisals, when the discussion focuses on performance strengths, performance improves by an average of 36% (Corporate Leadership Council). Equally, when the discussion focuses on weaknesses, performance worsens by 27% (Corporate Leadership Council). Departments supporting colleagues to use their strengths have 44% higher productivity (Gallup). Don’t you think those numbers have the same kind of impact with you and your kid? I am not trying to squash dreams but I am trying to set the next generation of leaders up for success. When the report card comes home spend as much time on the good grades as the bad ones and try to find areas where your kid succeeds and encourage them in what they do well and continue to build on it. I am telling you, your kid’s confidence will soar. 7 Chapter Two FROZEN Don’t be those Parents I live with two beautiful little girls and like most girls, they love the movie Frozen. In fact, this past year I have had the privilege to watch Frozen about 300 times. I do enjoy this time with my kids and there could be worse things to watch over and over. Frozen is about a princess named Elsa who has the power to turn things into ice and even has the ability to make a snow man come alive. Her parents are so proud of talents, right? Elsa has great powers that she does not understand (like your kids) and she tries to hide these powers from the world. Her parents, who should be helping her understand her abilities, do everything they can to conceal what she can do. This fear of who Elsa is leads to a confused and angry girl that cannot hide her powers anymore and they get released in an out of control way that hurts and scares others. Elsa decides the best thing to do is run and those that have seen the movie all know what happens next. All sing it with me, “Let it go!” This song resonates with so many because when we are misunderstood, angry and confused we feel the thing to do is hide. Here is part of the song, “It's time to see what I can do. To test the limits and break through. No right, no wrong, no rules for me, I’m free!” Is she really free? Thankfully the movie does a decent job showing that she is not free until she reconnects. As a parent, you can prevent this from happening. Like Elsa, you and your kids need to learn that your abilities are good and they do not need to be concealed but just understood and developed. I encourage you to take the StrengthsFinder (16 and up) and StrengthsExplorer (12-15) assessment and begin to learn your talents! When you receive your top five StrengthsFinder themes begin to discuss your results with each other and grow as a family. This is so important because many times others can see the potential that we are blind to. Vision 2-10 can walk with you and your family in order for you to better understand your talents and assist you in creating a game plan for growth. 8 Chapter Three Superhero Obsession Pt. 1 Parents have Powers Kids have Powers Marvel superhero movies alone have made more than $18 billion dollars worldwide. That is crazy! Why so popular? I have a few theories about people’s obsession with superheroes, but the one I want to focus on today is people’s desire to have a super power. Have you ever watched these movies and said to yourself, “I sure wish I could fly or run that fast?” Many times, in the past I have wished I had Tony Stark’s ability to think outside of the box and invent like he does. However, lately something strange has been happening as I watch these movies and that is I no longer desire to have one of these super powers (except the ability to fly while stuck in Chicago traffic). This change in me started when I began to learn more about my own talents. A few years ago, I took the Clifton StrengthsFinder assessment and I learned my top five talents, but after I took it I did not think much of it and moved on with my life. Raise your hand if you have done this with most of the tests you have taken. This was a mistake and thankfully in my last year of graduate school, I had a class that focused a lot of attention on StrengthsFinder and on our results. I left this class realizing that I had my own set of awesome God-given superpower potential. I say potential because in order for our talents to become super powers they need to be invested in and developed. I would love to help you, and your family, discover and cultivate your superpowers! I can’t help you or your kids become some other superheroes, but I can help you all become more of who you were created to be. Yes, you all have super power potential and you may not even know it! My top super powers are Responsibility, Communication, Maximizer, Learner, and Belief. What are yours? What are your spouses? What are your kids? You don’t know yet? Take the StrengthsFinder (16 and up) and StrengthsExplorer (12-15) assessment and then contact me to start a plan to grow your super powers today! Stay tuned for Superhero Obsession Pt. 2. 9 Chapter Four Superhero Obsession Pt.2 Young People and Talents This chapter takes on another group of superheroes called the X-Men. Specifically, I want to look at the movie X-Men First Class. Many of you know that these movies feature people who are called mutants who are born with extraordinary talents that are greatly misunderstood by “normal” people. The most famous of the X-Men is Wolverine, but we can focus on him another day. For this post, we are going to look at a movie that is a prequel to the original XMen trilogy. This is the best superhero movie to look at for seeing how talents working in young people. Why? This movie goes back in time and looks at the early days of mutant Discovery, Development, and Misunderstanding. Discovery (Self-Awareness) • In this movie, the mutants are learning they have great and powerful talents and that they are different than “normal” people. Hmmm sounds like a young person! • Each mutant is discovering that their set of talents is different than other mutants. Each mutant is unique. Young people struggle with comparison. • The “normal” population is discovering that there are people that exist that have different abilities than them. Let’s help adults have patience with young people as they develop. • The mutants discover they can either use their talents to help or hurt people and that they need to focus on Development. The talents of young people are operating at a raw place and they need you help so they can help more people than hurt. Development (Talent x Investment = Strength) • You watch these young mutants discover their unique talent but they also learn that it is raw and needs development. Start developing your young person’s talent today! • When the mutants refuse to develop their talents, they cause damage. Often the pain your young person creates comes from immature talents. 10 • The mutants rely on each other to develop their talents and they encourage one another. This is so important because they face major Misunderstanding. Make sure your young person is being influenced by the right people (we will talk more about this in the next chapter). Misunderstanding (Seek Understanding) • The “normal” population fears the mutants because they do not understand them. Too many people fear young people because of simple ignorance. They are not scary! Everyone was one at one time in their life. • The misunderstanding between the mutants and “normal” population leads to hostility. A lot of pain could have been avoided by seeking to understand through communication. Listen to understand your young person. • The mutants see their talents as a weakness because they are so different than others. Help encourage your young person daily in what they do well. I hope talent discovery begins to help your young person see their uniqueness and that they have God-given talents that are not worse or better than anyone else’s talents. Encourage them not envy others and put down others because of their talents. Your child cannot be someone else and that is awesome! Help them begin self-awareness of their talents and start them on an earlier road towards developing their talents. Yes, your young person is not a mutant but you do have talents and they come with great powers! Self-awareness for your young person is a good start, but you need to realize that their talents can do good for this world or harm. They may be harming others around them without even knowing it, because their talents are not developed. Also, I believe talents can only grow if we involve other people in the development process. Invite other trusted people in your circles to help encourage your young person’s talents. Involving others is always win-win because they will help your young person start to understand themselves better and they will begin seeing their talents. So, what now? 1. Start discovering your young person’s potential talents today! You can simply do this by taking the Clifton StrengthsFinder (16 and up) or StrengthsExplorer (1215). 11 2. Once you know your top 5 themes (I would challenge you to get all 34 if possible) begin learning more about the themes your young person received and then discuss with your young person which theme they want to develop for the next month. Vision 2-10 is also here to help you and your family, develop talents into strengths. Let us know how we can assist. 12 Chapter Five Parks and Recreation Who is Influencing the Talents of you and your Kid? There are not many shows better than Parks and Recreation. The writing is brilliant, the cast has chemistry, it is incredibly funny and they do an excellent job of character development. Do we really want to watch shows where the characters experience no growth? Well, maybe one, Seinfeld, but that is not our topic today. There is one person I want to explore talents through today and that is Aziz Ansari’s character Tom Haverford. If you know anything about the 34 themes of StrengthsFinder and watch Parks and Recreation it will jump off the screen that Haverford has Ideation at number one. What is Ideation? According to StrengthsFinder, “People who are especially talented in the Ideation theme are fascinated by ideas. They find connections between seemingly disparate phenomena.” Ideation people are innovative and think “outside of the box” and when you watch this show you will see that Haverford is Mr. Creative Idea Man. I love this about his character, but unfortunately, often his ideas fail. Why do his ideas fail? Some of them are plain ridiculous, but the main cause of his failures is his association with Jean-Ralphio. Jean-Ralphio is a troubled kid who has not had to work hard a day in his life. His character does not develop and you can see him dragging Haverford down to his level. Haverford allows JeanRalphio to dictate his talents abilities. When I would watch the show, I would be reminded of Proverbs 13:20 that says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm.” Another way to say this is that stupid is contagious. This truth is applicable in all areas of life and not just in how our talents operate! However, when you watch this show, you cannot escape the fact that Haverford’s talents get hijacked by someone else and the same can happen to us. As I mentioned above, character development is very intentional on this show (except for Jean-Ralphio). They really grow Haverford’s talents and he starts to have success through his ideas. He really starts to take-off later in this show. Why? He starts leaning on people that really care about him and believe in his ability. I love that he starts to understand his talents and that Jean-Ralphio has been hurting his progress and success. 13 There are four things I want you to learn from this today: First, I hope you understand that you and your kid have talents that have the potential to do great things if you utilize them properly. Second, I want you to know that your talents need to be invested in and developed for them to become strengths that lead to success. Talent development is not just for your kid! Third, do not let your talents or the talents of your kid's talents be held back by bad influences, but surround yourself and your kid with the right friends. I hope you as an adult realize the power of a friend’s influence, but sadly I still see the talents of many adults hijacked by bad seeds. This is not just a problem that kids have. Bill Hybels, pastor, and an author has a great way to determine the right type of friends in his book Simplify. He defines true friendship as “Knowing and being known; accepting and being accepted; loving and being loved; serving and being served; celebrating and being celebrated.” Imagine what kind of impact this could have on, not only you and your kid’s talents but all areas of your life. Fourth, be that good influence on someone today and encourage your kid to do the same! 14 Chapter Six Harry Potter and Dumbledore Do not Dictate your Kids Quest I have an obsession and it is called Harry Potter. I know that may be weird coming from someone almost 40, but these books just strike a chord with me. Her writing ability is so deep and brilliant, and every time I read them I see new things that I missed before. I am also on this journey to continually grow my talents into strengths and to help people do the same. This is affecting everything I watch on TV and now as I read Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows again. I guess I have a couple obsessions (okay I have like 100 obsessions). I learned in my strength certification training that I cannot make someone grow their talents into strengths. I can help establish an atmosphere to give them the best potential for growth, but in the end, it is the person’s responsibility to follow through. This is true for many areas in our lives where we think it is on us to help someone change. I guess it is the old cliché, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.” We have heard this so many times, but it is one that we forget often, or at least I do. So, what does this have to do with Harry Potter? I was reading chapter 22 of the Deathly Hollows and they are still searching for Voldemort’s soul carrying Horcruxes and now they are searching for three items that can master death called the Deathly Hollows. Until this part of the book Harry Potter, Hermione and Ron are frustrated with the late Dumbledore because he had given them this job to do and his instructions were vague. As you read, you too become frustrated but something changes in this chapter. Here is the dialogue between Harry and Hermione that jumped off the page to me: “If the Deathly Hallows really existed, and Dumbledore knew about them, knew that the person who possessed all three of them would be master of Death — Harry, why wouldn’t he have told you? Why?” Harry had his answer ready. “But you said it, Hermione! You’ve got to find out about them (Deathly Hollows) for yourself! It’s a Quest!” “But I only said that to try and persuade you to come to the Lovegoods’!” cried Hermione in exasperation. “I didn’t really believe it!” Harry took no notice. “Dumbledore usually let me find out stuff for myself. He let me try my strength, take risks. This feels like the kind of thing he’d do.” 15 Your kids are on their own quest that comes with its own set of risks. You cannot control the decisions that your kid make. You should allow space for your kid to grow their own strengths. Do not try to dictate your kid’s quest, but help them understand their strengths in order that they may have greater success in their quests. Help your kid identify the potential quests that fit their strengths. Take the StrengthsFinder (16 and up) and StrengthsExplorer (12-15) assessment as a family and start discussing the results together. This will begin to give you and your kid an idea of what their talents are and are not. Then start observing these talents in action and encourage your kid to pursue what fits their talents. Do this and I believe your kid will start to have more awareness, confidence and then success. 16 Chapter Seven Neville Longbottom Focus on the One I want to look at talents through the lenses of the Harry Potter character Neville Longbottom. He is definitely one of my favorite characters because of his awesome transformation from a low-confidence kid to leader and hero as a young adult. The brilliance of J.K. Rowling’s writing is that you see these characters develop book by book and she is very intentional in showing how each of their talents is needed for their mission against Voldemort (courage to say the name). In a lot of the early books, Neville is a character that you pity. He does not seem to do anything well and everything he does seems to go wrong. He is the type of person that I was at times growing up. I often wondered if I did anything well and if I even offered this world much value. Often, I found myself confused about my existence and told God that I believe He made a mistake. Ever been there? I hope not, but I am thinking many probably can relate with Neville at one time or another. Maybe even right now you are struggling with figuring out what you can offer this world. If you feel like Neville at times or know someone that does I want to offer you one piece of advice: focus on the one and go from there. Neville really starts to come into his own when he starts learning that he is good at herbology. What I love is that the professors even start to point this out him (even if it is the fake Moody) and encourage him to focus more on his talent. From here you start to see Neville gain more and more confidence and offer his talent to the cause. His talents were needed just like everyone else’s in the story and he develops into one of the greatest heroes in the book. This would not have happened if he kept focusing on his weaknesses. I also wonder if it would have happened without the encouragement from others. What does your kid do very well? Why not really pour more energy into what they can do and put less thought into what they cannot do? What kind of difference do you think this could make in their life? What if you did the same as well for your life? I think it could change their life and the lives they encounter because this world needs your kid’s talents! Mother Teresa once said, “What I can do you cannot; but what you can do, I cannot do. The needs are great, and none of us, including me, ever do great things. But we can all do small things, with great love, and together we can do something wonderful.” 17 Like Neville, Mother Teresa focused on her talents and especially her talent of empathy. So now what? Start to look for those things that your kid does well and encourage them. It may be one thing and that is okay! Focus on that and go from there. Begin to let go of what your kids do not do well and come up with a game plan to manage their weaknesses while focusing on their talents. If you are struggling to figure out your kid’s talents have them take the StrengthsFinder (16 and up) or StrengthsExplorer (12-15) assessment and learn their themes. This will really start to show you what their greatest potential for success is. When you get your kid’s report you may be overwhelmed by the five themes and what you need to do is focus on one theme that really speaks to your kid and build on that one. The great psychologist Donald Clifton said, “What will happen when we think about what is right with people rather than fixating on what is wrong with them?” I think what would happen is very similar to what we see in the character of Neville Longbottom. You will see your kid’s confidence rise and they will make a greater impact in this world! 18 Chapter Eight Sherlock Holmes and John Watson Task versus Relationship My top 10 StrengthsFinder Themes Responsibility (task), Communication, Maximizer, Learner (task), Belief (task), Futuristic (task), Relator, Arranger (task), Activator, Intellection (task). Today I want to talk about one of my favorite TV series, Sherlock Holmes. The Sherlock Holmes that I will be referring to is the one produced by the BBC and stars Benedict Cumberbatch (Sherlock Holmes) and Martin Freeman (Dr. John Watson). In my opinion, any other Sherlock is an imposter! This show is beyond brilliant and really focuses on character development. I love how they have made Sherlock and John equal and set it up where both carry the show! They have also given us a good understanding of the differences between Sherlock and John and how they need each other. When you watch the show, you will learn quickly that Sherlock’s focus is on the task and one of John’s purposes is to help Sherlock understand that people matter. Here are some classic Sherlock and John quotes: John Watson: There are lives at stake, Sherlock! Actual human lives— Just, just so I know, do you care about that at all? Sherlock Holmes: Will caring about them help save them? Sherlock Holmes: Brilliant! YES! Four serial suicides and now a note! Oh, it's Christmas! Mrs. Hudson, I'll be late. Put the kettle on. Sherlock Holmes: Alone is what I have. Alone protects me. John Watson: No. Friends protect people. I understand that I am using an extreme example when I use this Sherlock Holmes (self-proclaimed sociopath) as an example of a task person, but I think watching this show has helped me understand myself a little more especially as I have been learning more about my strengths. After I received my entire StrengthsFinder theme report (all 34 themes) and met with my strength coach I am now aware that I am generally task-focused over relationship-focused. If you look at my top 10 themes listed above you will see that six out of ten are task-orientated. This 19 has made me realize that at times I need a John in my life to remind me that I am in the people business. I can get so caught up in accomplishing goals, learning and thinking about the big picture, that I lose sight of what matters most and that is people. The other side of the coin is that relational people need task people too, but maybe I should leave that for a stronger relational person to blog about. Without StrengthsFinder and receiving my entire 34 theme report I am not sure I would gain this type of self-awareness. It is why I am now a believer in having a strength coach. Until I read my full report and talked with my coach I was not that aware that I was approaching this world in such a task fashion. I believe this is one of the reasons there have been people I have not been able to connect with. Think about your marriage and parenting skills for a moment. What do you think happens when a strong task person tries to use the task to connect with a strong relational person? Yep, it does not go well! How do you think understanding this will help you come up with a game plan to make your marriage healthier as well as how you approach your kids? You may be struggling to reach your kids because they need you to be more relational. However, there are also kids that need a strong task person because what motivates them are goals. Maybe that frustration with your spouse is simply a misunderstanding about their talents. I know for myself this realization has really caused me to reevaluate how I approach my spouse, kids, friends and those I work with. It has shown me that I need John Watson type people in my life that will keep me accountable and help me remember people before tasks. It has also made me realize that each person is different and that we cannot have one-size fits all strategy when trying influence others. If you have not taken the StrengthsFinder assessment yet I encourage you to take it today! Go ahead and receive your full 34 theme report. It is worth the money! Also, consider hiring a strength coach to help you make sense of it all. If you cannot do this yet I have a question for you that can start helping you understand whether you are a task or relationship person. Would you rather have someone ask you, “What are you thinking?” Or “What are you feeling?” I answered, “What are you thinking” instantly and so do most task-driven people. 20 Chapter Nine Learning While Lost Before starting Vision 2-10, I was a youth pastor in Palos Park, IL. When I was working there I was around 30 minutes from my house and when I first started at that church I was very unfamiliar with the roads. I remember that I used to get lost all the time while driving (before GPS and I have never been a map person). However, being lost was not always a terrible thing for me. It was not bad because it was during these times that I discovered new and better ways of getting to my destination. I learned about roads that offered me less traffic and nicer scenery. This was huge for me because the area where I worked was a traffic nightmare at times. This has now given me the confidence to do this when I am traveling in other areas as well. Ask my wife, she loves it (not at all). As I reflected on my fun adventures I started thinking how this can apply to life. When we are lost we can either wallow in it or search for the new. J.R. Tolkien coined the famous phrase, “Not all who wander are lost.” This is true, but we must make a conscious decision to turn being lost into a time of growth. Some get lost and they seem to shut down, but others seem to thrive in that time. I would challenge you to look at being lost as an opportunity to learn. For example, if you are feeling lost while trying to figure out your life-purpose start considering how you can view your situation as a chance to explore many new things. When you do this, you may find the perfect route that fits specifically for you. When I would be lost driving I often would stumble across the right road totally by accident. Finding the perfect path does not happen when we set the car to cruise control on the highway but can only happen in those periods of being lost. Now think about this in regard to parenting. Sometimes we need to let our kids be lost at times and find the right path on their own. We can offer wisdom, but we cannot dictate every step of their journey. I know I catch myself always wanting my kids to make the right “turn,” but how does that look when they are no longer under my roof? We do not grow when we are coasting or when someone else has mapped out every move we make. The true development comes when we are lost and searching. I am a Christian and I believe that sometimes God allows us to be lost (See Israelites in most of the Old Testament). The problem is that the 21 Israelites kept wandering because they viewed being lost as a punishment and they stopped trusting and seeking and instead turned to whining. They kept missing the fact that their situation was going to end in something amazing. If you are lost right now, please do not replace trusting and seeking for complaining, but keep your eyes open for the unexpected and teach your kids the same lesson. 22 Chapter Ten What You Can Learn about your Kid’s Talents through Golf During last year’s football season, my attention was caught by a MetLife commercial where a guy is bragging about his new bag of golf clubs (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ANY1tBSy6o). The golf clubs looked sweet, but there was one problem that was identified in the commercial and that was that all of the clubs were drivers. MetLife is trying to sell their ability to diversify portfolios, but it made me think about the talents of our kids. If we golfed with all drivers we may start out a hole very well with a booming drive but what happens next? The driver is going to fail to produce in the middleshort game that is just as important as the long game. The driver cannot putt because it is not a driver! Does that make the driver bad? No, it just has a different purpose. It reminds of this quote, “Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” I bet a lot of people feel this way because they were never encouraged to follow their own God-given talents. What does this mean for you as a parent? Are you struggling with your kid’s passions because you had other dreams and expectations for them based on your perspective? Did you dream about them being a “driver” when in reality they are a “putter?” Do your expectations of your kid come from your own talents? Maybe you are a “driver” and you expect your kid to be a “driver” as well because that is what you understand. When this type of misunderstanding occurs, it can lead to frustration with everyone involved. It can lead you to push your kid into the wrong roles where they end up bitter and disengaged. Start learning your kid’s talents. How do you do this? Start by observing them and seeing what gets them excited. Praise them when you see them using their talents. Take the StrengthsFinder assessment (link to purchase assessment) to see how your talents may be causing you to have certain expectations of your kids. When you feel your kid is ready to have them take StrengthsFinder (16 and up) or StrengthsExplorer (12-15) and discuss their results with them. Finally, encourage your kid to develop their talents with skills and knowledge so they can become strengths. No matter if your kid is younger or in the teenage years it is not too late to start focusing on the development of their talents. 23