Vikram Ravindranath Menon

ANGER AND ITS MANAGEMENT Anger is often described as an Intense Emotional state that the Mind exhibits in response to a perceived provocation, hurt, or threat. The exhibited response is a strong feeling of displeasure and non-cooperative in nature, aligned with the perceived provocation. The feeling of Anger or, Wrath or Rage as it is also denoted, commonly stems from Frustration, fear, anxiety, guilt shame, embarrassment or humiliation, betrayal, jealousy, sadness, hurt, worry, and inability to control a situation. Feeling angry is perfectly acceptable and fine, just like other emotions. Anger is known to help get us through hard feelings and situations and motivate us to change things we don’t like about our life. The instinctive, natural way to express anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is an adaptive and natural, response to threats, it is a natural response that at times takes a physical form and causes damage. Anger when channelised works as a motivating factor to help achieve goals. Anger turns into a major problem and it affects a person's life when he finds the feeling of anger overwhelming, has frequent sessions of angry outbursts, the duration of the anger lasts longer, or is triggered by the faintest of reasons some of which are ignorable, and the manner of expressing the anger progresses to a stage where he may hurt himself or those around him. Anger is often passed as part of life and the person who gets angry generally tags the anger to people, circumstances, or reasons around him but rarely takes the blame for losing his cool Understanding anger and managing it is the best way of being in control of this emotion, which if left unattended can cause irreparable damage. Anger passes through four stages, (1) the buildup, (2) the spark, (3) the explosion, (4) the aftermath. We, therefore, have sufficient time to take all possible measures to control the emotion. The first step is becoming aware of the build-up, becoming aware of your mounting feeling of anger arising from the situation you are in will help curtail a responsive build-up within you. Don’t be a sponge, don’t absorb any of the hatred or anger directed at you. Counting from one to ten is an old grandmother's solution to curb the natural response of anger. It still holds good and is a sure-fire and easy method of anger management and staying calm. Not responding in retaliation is the best method of breaking the cycle of anger and the resultant damage it does. Once you have calmed down ask yourself the reason for the anger buildup in you and what was the trigger. Did it hurt you; or threaten you. or damage your status and being, or your manhood and integrity; were you made to look dumb, unsure, insecure, or embarrassed by the perpetrator? This will help us discover why we get/got angry. Step two is knowing the trigger, as that can help us take corrective measures. How? Would be a common question. As an example, at an office party, If someone takes a jibe at you, it would generally be based on one of our weaknesses which that person may be aware of or a slight arising from competition and your growing status within the organisation, which hurts him. With a calm head listen to what the other guy is saying, LISTEN not HEAR. Listen beyond his words If the reason for the jibe is a weakness, then you can work on that weakness, If it is jealousy, you can pat yourself on the back but be wary and guard against possible company politics working against you in the future. Once the root cause is identified and acted upon, The final step is not to dwell on it till the dying day, discard the issue and the anger with it. Living with it will only hurt you and no one else. You have acted on it and do not need to carry the baggage, it will only burden you and none else. How should we respond when we are in an angry argument at a party or in the office? When the person across the table is going hammer and tongs at you, stay silent and calm, DO NOT SAY ANYTHING. Just listen to him. Generally, these outbursts last around half a minute plus-minus ten seconds. Not too long a time to stay silent and avoid saying something you may regret later. After your opponent has finished his say and is silent, let five-ten seconds pass and then in a calm controlled voice tell him something like – “ I feel sorry that you feel like this.”, or “You seem to be pretty pained” – neither statements is an apology from you and projects an image of caring for the other guy, to the onlookers. Don’t say anything more, stay silent. Controlling your anger does help in keeping your mind on an even keel and will see you have a better life. Vikram Menon