Steven Rodgers

Editing examples and sample comments: ORIGINAL: The same principle whether or not I could lead others for the better was applied when I was choosing my first job. EDITED: Likewise, when I chose my first job, I considered first whether or not I would have the opportunity to lead others and enrich lives. ********* ORIGINAL: I did not feel motivated to apply to those companies because I did not find such work meaningful. EDITED: I did not feel motivated to apply to those companies because it would not have been as fulfilling to me. ********* ORIGINAL: As illustrated in these two examples, a bigger picture of what I am doing and where my life is heading is very important to me. Likewise, as a person, I try to be resourceful and helpful. EDITED: You might not need to say “as a person”….. we assume you are human! ********* ORIGINAL: I was a mentor. I visited middle and high schools to make a presentation about majoring Education in college, helping students decide what to study in college EDITED: “…lives in Korea, mentoring high school students about their college majors. ********* ORIGINAL: I like the way my values have thus far led my decisions and my life, and I assume that they will keep my life on the right track like a lighthouse. EDITED: This is what we call mixing metaphors (right track and lighthouse). Also, ‘assume’ is a weak word here. Another option is….. “I trust that they will act as a beacon of light, drawing me ever closer to my ultimate goals.” ********* ORIGINAL: Many of his questions are the things regarding the text books, and at the same time, those were related with advanced concepts that is already had written in another advanced books. He made such his own original thinking at the very time after my lectures end without any help. EDITED: Many of his questions pertained to advanced concepts that students were not yet expected to understand, but his curiosity and passion for learning prompted him to go above and beyond what we were studying at the time. ********* ORIGINAL: It has been three years when he talked me that he wants study more but he couldn’t for his circumstance. EDITED: I was not surprised with his decision because it was something that I had encouraged him to do for years. ********* ORIGINAL: He was thought of as a god, or god-like by many people of his time. EDITED: He was deified by many of his contemporaries. ********* ORIGINAL: She had to leave her sons behind; Josiah, who was 7, and Moses, who was 4. Josiah later escaped his situation, and Moses became a famous abolitionist EDITED: She had to leave her sons in slavery. Josiah, who was seven at the time, later escaped enslavement; and Moses, who was only four, eventually became a famous abolitionist.