Shemna T

monastery, among many people. Something extraordinary is about to happen, something we’ve been waiting for a long time. Could it be Judgement Day? I wonder. There is a lot of agitation now, as crowds of people hurry towards an arched gate. I follow too, although nobody knows if we are heading for Heaven or Hell. Reaching the gate, there is a white, marble stairway before us; a hawk goes up the steps, next to some people; it scares me although I can hear them say it is a good demon. Next moment, the hawk screeches loudly and it changes from within a bright light. I am in agony, as I am not sure whether it will be transformed into an angel or a demon. No, it will be an angel, I finally decide and indeed, the bird becomes an angel with white wings. It has the form of a beautiful woman with blond hair, dressed in a white long dress, who beams with tranquility and wisdom. Suddenly, the woman changes form again: She is holding an infant in her hands now and she hasn’t got wings anymore. I recognize Mother Mary with baby Jesus. She leads us all to a spacious room, full of chairs. Some kind of lecture is occasional clients are gone too. But why, indeed? Everybody admitted my typings and translations were flawless… Anyway, this is my first day in Pangaea today, and there begin bus strikes which are expected to last long-in fact, they will last more than two months. I hope this is not a sign of fate… Saturday, 7th March 1992 Strange night outing: I have arranged to meet the guys, at America Square in Patissia, at 8:00 in the evening. I leave home at 7:00, which is Kinda late, because I was invited at the last moment as usual. Until 7:30 there is no bus in sight, so I take a taxi to the bus-stop in Helioupolis. The cold is dreadful. Finally, I get in the bus no.208, I get off at the terminus in the centre of Athens and then I take the tram to America Square. I arrive there at 8:30, full of agony and with few hopes to find my friends there. However, they are still there and they are waiting, not me as I initially thought but Nick, who finally turns up at 9:15! I wonder at their patience, since they never wait for me when I’m late, not even for a quarter of an hour! I have happened to be fifteen or can to hide it. Anyway, it usually doesn’t take them long to make it up and start necking again. This evening, the couple and I went to the local cinema, where we watched a dull comedy. On our way home, not even for one moment did the two of them stop giggling, kissing, cuddling, chasing each other, in a rather ostentatious manner, I’d say. Then, Antony grabbed Alice with his strong hands, turned her upside down and started revolving her body around his playfully, making sure to catch her just on time before she crashed her head on the pavement. I found the game silly, but Alice kept laughing, apparently enjoying it. Surely, I have seen couples making out many times, but I have the impression that the two of them were showing off too much. I also found it strange, especially after their big row of yesterday. The macho man beat up the vamp again, she cried and cried for hours, neither remembers the reason, and I suspect Alice actually likes all this. In all probability, she regards physical assault as proof of passion just like most women do… Monday, 10th August 1992 This afternoon, however, after hours of negotiations, the guru finally gave us permission to go to the beach of Kourouta for a swim. So, we got in three cars (I was nearly left outside; no group looked willing to include me) and we drove for forty-five minutes until we reached the seaside. During the journey I was feeling rather isolated, as I was in a car with five men who didn’t utter a word. Not that I actually cared; I enjoyed the scenery of the picturesque golden-green hills, the blooming nature, the loud music, the speed. The beach was very big, with blond sand and only a few people. Then I noticed the lofty, black water tank and I remembered the dream of 26th July; I recognized the place. I got into the sea together with Aphrodite and Theano, the water was wonderful just what I needed in the summer heat but, after fifteen minutes exactly, we heard a voice calling us to get out now, urgently. We found ourselves walking on the sand, without knowing where we were going and why; then we reached the cars, we got in and departed for the ashram at once, as from the deck, when my fourteen-year-old sister suddenly sprang up, rushed out to the dock, and ran to catch up with Luigi, the third engineer. The guy is handsome, but he is 37 years old and married with seven children. Dad frowned in disappointment. “It seems that your daughter is used to chasing men!” he said to mum. At night we were invited to dinner by Alonzo, a Syrian steward. I was impressed at the luxury of his house and the good manners of his family. Alonzo, who is a Muslim, proves to be a quite progressive man: Not only does he let his wife go out without a kerchief, but he also allows her to work as a teacher. He helps her with the housework too. There were lots of Syrian traditional dishes on the table and I liked most of them. I had pilaff with dried fruit, stuffed vine leaves and yogurt sauce Tuesday, 15th September 1981 Early in the afternoon the Asian sailors made trouble because nobody came to serve them lunch, as they complained. They smashed up everything in their dining room and then they all returned to their cabins, refusing to work. It was Sayed who had started the mutiny. Michael was carried away by the others. window every night he expressed his understanding and then he asked smiling: “Outdoor garage? What does “outdoor” mean?”. I wondered at his not knowing this word, but I explained it to him. After that, he confided in me he intended to buy a house in Glyfada (meaning he is wealthy) and then he asked: “When I read the classified ads, looking for a house to buy, I often see an advertisement saying “Naxiotis real estate”. What does “naxiotis” mean?”. I explained to him it is the name of the real estate agent and he smiled satisfied. He is either pulling my leg or a penniless Albanian, he is certainly not a literature master, I thought but I suppressed that suspicion at once. After a while he pushed his chair closer to mine and complained “there are too many tables and people in here”. He was not wrong about that. We agreed to leave and drive to the seaside. A few minutes later we reached the beach “Diamond” but we didn’t get out of the car at all; we stayed in, facing the magical rosy-re sunset before us. Yet, I could hardly enjoy it, as the bloke started bombarding me with lots of silly questions Wednesday, 2nd October 1991 This afternoon I had an appointment with Harry, who is number two in Janus after Alexander, and talked to him about the two astral projections I had last week. Deep inside I wished to impress him and get a more specific astral projection technique from him. However, he told me there aren’t such techniques and he advised me not to pursue experiences of the kind, because I am not ready yet and I might get obsessed. The only thing he wasn’t opposed to, was my changing a lucid dream into self-hypnosis, reaching the “void space” without trying to cause anything. Then he explained that “Experiences which start from dreams are nothing but figments of your imagination. It all happens because you fear the real World; you feel unable to face certain situations, that’s why you seek refuge in the world of dreams. You resort to your imagination a lot, but this can prevent you from advancing in metaphysics because it offers pleasant fantasies. Moreover, fantasies satisfy your Ego! So, you had better avoid them!” Therefore, I must restrain my Finally, I managed to get out of the sea and lay down on the sand in order to sunbathe. A few seconds later he passed by me, he called me “nitwit”, I called him “stupid”, and that was the end of another love story. I don’t intend to go to that beach alone again. Tuesday, 16th August 1988 Just as I was wondering why relatives and friends never proposed a match to me, uncle Alex dropped by this afternoon and announced that he had just met a guy who’s Mr. Right for me: He has seen him at the seaside three times, he is desperately looking for a bride! Uncle Alex told him about me and the Arab said that if I wanted him to marry me, I should leave everything behind, go to Saudi Arabia with him and become a Muslim! “He must be rich, though!” wound up uncle Alex. My mother was very enthusiastic about this, she urged me to meet the bloke as soon as possible but I refused flatly. I am not at all in the mood of getting involved with a Muslim and buried in a harem… Wednesday, 17th August 1988 The two gentlemen contradict each other! “What prevents me from succeeding in everyday life, will also prevent me from doing so in the astral plane. So, why attempt an astral projection or anything like that?” Theano chipped in suddenly, and I found her argument rather equivocal… I am losing confidence in the guru once again – and not only because of the above. I am certain Alexander has been fooling us with all that sonorous mythology about “advanced classes”. Before closing for summer, he had told us that from September new classes would be arranged. On a Thursday he said something about “next time”. Next time” proved to be three weeks later and the only thing that really changed was the day: Instead of Thursdays, now we come on Tuesdays, As for the rest, the supposedly “higher class” to which I belong now has proved to be something “medium”, neither theory nor practice -namely nothing! Actually, it’s worse than the previous class! I can surely understand not all disciples are suitable for “moving up”. Some others, however, who can and want to advance in metaphysics, are discouraged with lame excuses such as “you are too Crazy! She replies enigmatically. In the afternoon, here comes Alice and takes me for a coffee to Milena’s cafeteria at Karaiskaki Square. Feeling rather guilty about our quarrel, I accept the invitation smiling foolishly, while Alice makes a wry face. As we are walking up the avenue to the square, she doesn’t lose an opportunity to express her contempt for me: “You will go mad soon, because you can’t find a man!” she tells me with a cunning smile on her face. There is a big party of friends waiting for us in the cafeteria; I can’t say they are cool to me- at least they are not cooler than usual. Yet, there is something: A young woman has brought her seven-month-old baby, a nice and smiling boy, and everybody takes him in their lap. However, any time I try to hold him, his concerned mother hastens to take him off my hands at once! It takes me a few moments to remember: My sister Chryssa reacted exactly in the same way when she visited us the other day, together with her husband and her baby boy! What’s the matter with all hens and they don’t want me to touch their brood? Are they afraid of me or what? Moreover, I was unlucky enough to share the room with an old neurasthenic who swallowed the sleeping pills by the dozen, yet she couldn’t get any sleep and hen the morning came she started complaining to me: “Aren’t you ashamed at all? You look at your watch, at 6:30, before the day breaks, then you put it on the bedside table and the noise wakes me up! Shame on you!” “Eeeeh, I’m sorry!” “And you snore all night long and you don’t let me sleep!” The hen got on my nerves with her hysteria; first of all, I don’t snore; then, every morning we had to be at the foyer by 7:00, ready for the tour of the day. After a couple of such incidents, I went to the reception and asked to be given a single room, but there were no such rooms in the hotel. I was told I complained about that to the travel agent, to no avail of course, everybody in the group to wind of the situation, and in the end they were all found of the old neurasthenic, while they looked askance at me. Anyway, I saw some beautiful places as well: Herceg Novi, Kotor, Cetinje, Mostar, Dubrovnik, Budva, Saint Stephen. attending a local gym, together with my friend Mandy. Sometimes Alice comes with us too. We go there three times a week and we do bodybuilding and aerobics. We have met a nice guy there, whose name is Dimitri Papayannis; he came and talked to me after he had recognized me as an old schoolmate from junior high school. We get along very well, we have pleasant chats, I like him. I show him my interest whenever I can, I have even given him my telephone number. However, he is clearly infatuated with Mandy, he has even confessed his love for her to me, although she has a relationship with another man and she doesn’t like Dimitri. Yet he insists on flirting her, using me as a point of contacting with Mandy. I keep on playing the role of the match-maker, hoping that Dimitri will eventually be disappointed from Mandy’s frigidity and notice me. At weekends I even arrange friendly meetings and outings, where we are all present. Dimitri, Mandy and I; sometimes my sister comes along too. I also like another guy: It is Themis, the aerobics instructor. He is thirty years old, chestnut- haired with almond-shaped eyes, not very tall but handsome and sensual. I comfortable with her and I was surprised at her spontaneous friendliness towards me. I am not accustomed to being treated so well… At first Alexander looked surprised to see me in his class after three years of absence as if he hadn’t known I would come tonight. After welcoming me, he began to complain about “a woman who left Janus three years ago, without even explaining the reasons for leaving; she left because she couldn’t find a boyfriend, but neither away from Janus did she find a boyfriend; maybe it’s her karma, maybe it’s her idiosyncrasy…” (at that point I begin to suspect he means me) “She has asked to return to Janus lately, I accepted, but I know she will leave again soon; nevertheless, I am not going to take her back for a second time, I won’t allow such a disciple to come back…” Monday, 23rd October 1995 This afternoon I finished the fifth volume of my illustrated manuscripts “Sandra Anderson – Astral Fantasy”. I consider this book to be the culmination of the whole series, as it is the most well-written with the most impressive illustrations. It contains only two stories. emotional” or “too touchy” or “too disobedient” and so on. Apart from that, I can discern some hypocrisy too. “Which of you went to a charitable establishment in the summer, so as to offer some help? None! You all went on vacations!” Alexander reprimanded the class at a moment, and they all stayed silent, acknowledging their guilt. Really now, which of the “advanced” disciples visited charitable establishments in the summer? Rena, who is always ready for a row? Or Mary, who thinks she is somebody just because she happens to be one of the guru’s stooges? Or, maybe, Alexander himself? Allow me to doubt… I strongly suspect natural psychics are not only ignored here, but they are also sabotaged on purpose. What makes an advanced disciple, after all? The “ability” to accept passively the usually irrational reprimands of the guru, maybe? Vanessa saw “the light” during her very well in the first telepathy experiments, but Alexander showed her no interested at all; on the contrary, he treats her as if she were paranoid because she occasionally questions his theories. Moreover, Alexander often accuses her of being and wait in a long queue so as to congratulate the newly-weds. When this is all over and we are ready to go, here comes one of Michael’s colleagues, a dark-skinned disagreeable guy, and sticks to us like a leech. He suggests we all three go for a coffee and Michael agrees immediately. “Sorry, Yvonne; I couldn’t imagine something like this would happen!” the “groom” excuse himself in a low voice. So, the three of us go and sit at a nearby cafeteria, where we have a rather boring conversation. At a moment, I try to start a more interesting subject, mentioning that the traffic jam in the streets is getting worse and worse. “Oh, so you think a lot!” says Michael in genuine wonder, as if witnessing a rare phenomenon. In the meanwhile, his friend has probably begun to get wind of what’s going on, and he looks at us askance. I had no objection to meeting the “groom” again and showed it to him clearly. However, he won’t come in contact with me ever again. I suspect that the only thing he wanted from me was to show me off to his colleagues as a girlfriend. appeared at 8:30. The tram dragged along Panepistimiou Avenue like a half-slaughtered hen. I preferred to get off and take a bus but I accidentally missed the bus-stop at America Square. I finally made it to my destination at 10:05. Naturally, there was nobody there. I got on the first tram that came along, I got off at Omonia Square, then I was too bored to wait for another tram and walked all the way to the bus terminus at Zappeion Park. The bus to Glyfada got a breakdown luckily not very far from St Tryfon Square: I only had to walk for twenty minutes to reach home. In all I toiled for four and a half hours for nothing… The bonds of fate: Ever since I was a little girl, I often have to work very hard in order to achieve a minimal or even negative result. Anyway, it has just occurred to me that if too many difficulties appear while doing something, it should not be continued or it will lead to disaster. There are external, invisible, omnipotent forces which define our destiny, in total disregard of our personal will and actions. Every moment in life is preordained from “above”. Even our intelligence, abilities and talents are preordained by these forces; DNA is a hope. My guns can stop them only for a while. While trying to defend myself, I accidently find out that water turns the contaminated into humans again. Using a hose as a gun, I sprinkle them all with water, but more and more aliens arrive from all directions, I am in agony, yet I can feel the enemies admire me. At that moment I realize this is a dream and I feel relieved: if it gets tougher, I can change it or even stop it. Anyway, I finally manage to outrun my persecutors and, always running, I reach lower levels of the spaceship, where I find out an exit, just in time, before my enemies get too close. A likely interpretation: Alien organisms contaminate and control earthlings, although human beings don’t suspect anything. Does water neutralize the invaders? Have I arrested the attention of hostile, extraterrestrial entities? Tuesday, 6th October 1992 Lessons at Janus started again last month, but they are still meaningless and boring. We don’t learn anything new and there is no practice. The guru wastes all our time complaining about delayed fees. In addition, he allows nobody to say anything in class any more, as he doesn’t tolerate even the slightest indication of a considered to be finished unless she is married by thirty. I had a very nice time while we were in the village; however, on the way back home I got really indignant at the old cretin, who made us listen to his prehistoric cantatas for hours, while he was singing along! Someone tried to protest but the moron paid no heed at all. Strangely enough, nobody else dared say another word to him. As I found out at the next stop, it was bad luck that had led my mother and me to the wrong coach. My father and his relatives were in the other coach, where nice pop and rock songs were heard and the atmosphere was more pleasant. Until we reached Athens, I (and all the other passengers, I think) had almost had a nervous breakdown because of the nasty prehistoric songs and the unstoppable, psychotic verbal diarrhoea of the cretin. I wonder, though: How is it possible that nobody reacted dynamically during all those horrible hours? Why do people submit themselves so easily to any nutcase who acts the leader? Tuesday, 10th May 1988 nearby, so as to borrow some fuel. This means that I had to wait in the car for 20 minutes, all alone at the back of beyond, until he came back with a jerrycan of petrol in hand. In all probability, the bloke was not at all in need of petrol; he just hoped to get something else from me while he was dragging me into the wilderness… Monday, 15th October1984 It’s been three days since Mr. Kargas first allowed me to teach for a few hours in the afternoons. This means that I have to work more than eight hours per day, taking into account that I still have to carry out lots of secretarial duties. Yet, all I get is ironic remarks. “You don’t even know how to talk on the phone! Hellooooo… People will think we are bums!”… “You are weak willed, you lack initiative”… “You have no gumption, and I can’t do the thinking for you” and so forth. All things considered, the podgy little man with the mouse-like face who happens to be my boss, is nothing but a hysterical workaholic clodhopper. He is always swinging around like a whirligig, Which “of course” proved to be a flop! Not even one of us managed to make a close guess of the object placed on the reception table. Alexander jumped at the chance to reprimand us all for being unworthy disciples and unready for such experiments. All thirty of us! Yet, I wonder: If you take thirty persons from the streets at random and tell them to guess –without any prior meditation or preparation- what is placed on a table behind the doors, in all probability at least one of them will guess right! However, thirty experienced disciples failed completely in making even a close guess! Therefore, I strongly suspect these experiments are put-up jobs! I also think that, for some months now, Alexander has been applying a subtle mechanism of psychological war in his lessons. a) He talks continuously, usually without saying anything specific; I often feel as if I were subjected to hypnotic suggestion, b) He allows no one to express any opinion, c) He disrupts any conversation in class, d) If anyone manages to express a personal opinion, the guru treats them like a moron or a lunatic: “You read something, but you Spring 1990 Years pass by very fast, I am almost 27 now and I have hardly realized I am that old. At this age, I should have already sorted out where my life is leading; however, there is no progress in any field, and there never will be -I know. Let’s face it, there is nothing here for me. Therefore, I think it is high time I did what I have been postponing for years. Take the path towards the inside… From the beginning of March I have started to attend parapsychology lessons in a school of spiritual development called “Janus”. Although it is Kypseli, very far away from Glyfada, I am eager to go there once a week, defying the exhaustion from the double bus journey to and from Athens: Since I still work in my office near Omonia Square in the mornings, every Wednesday –when I go to Janus- I spend six or seven hours of commuting in all. However, I don’t mind because I feel there are new spiritual horizons opening for me there. The fact is that metaphysics really excites me excited about something. The lessons include teachings of the guru Alexander Romanos regarding the evolution of the soul, the domination of Wednesday, 19th September 1984 It was about 2:30 in the afternoon, when I had a phone call from a frenzied bloke who said he was the owner of an English tutorial school in Alimos. He explained that he had just seen my advertisement in the newspaper and that he was in urgent need of an English teacher, because one of his employees had just quit her job. Then he demanded that I should take a taxi and come to his school at once. Twenty minutes later I was at his office. I was full of optimism, expecting to be hired on the spot. However, as soon as he saw me, the bald, skinny, black-dressed man made it clear that he wanted to get rid of me as soon as possible: “So, you have no working experience. Thursday, 27th September 1984 This morning I saw an interesting ad in the newspaper, reading that “ladies with some knowledge of English are wanted as teachers in an English tuition centre in his right hand and his mouse-like face didn’t attract me at all; when we parted, he took care to shake my hand with his crippled one. Another one was comparatively good-looking, yet he put me off with his arrogance and his tendency to boast off continuously. The short, hairless kiosk owner with the shrieking voice, whom I saw yesterday, was in a hurry to disappear fifteen minutes after we had met, because he had work to do, as he said. This afternoon, when I phoned the match making office, I was informed that the bloke had complained about my clothes. The match maker advised me politely to avoid dresses and prefer “something more fashionable” (that is something more tarty) when I meet the princes. On the other hand, “I hope you aren’t interested in the man’s appearance,” she says again and again. I think I had better quite these silly meetings. I am certainly not in the mood for losing my time with all kinds of screwy persons. Anyway, I suspect that marriage with an ugly, problem guy is not at all what I really want from my life… Monday, 26th February 1990 yet Tandoulou sets me thinking sometimes: On one hand she is intelligent and knowledgeable about many subjects; on the other hand she is rather bossy and obsessed with religion; she is also a scrooge, counting every cent she is to pay. She always wants us to meet no later than 6:00 in the afternoon so that she can be back home by 10:00, because she is afraid of being out at night, she says. What bothers me most, is that she often tries to be clever and she likes slighting the others-especially me. Last night we went out to a nice cafeteria at Kalogiron Square and she managed to piss me off with her malignant hints: She dislikes my going to the gym (“Only women of easy virtue do aerobics”), my living in Glyfada (“certain persons think they are aristocrats just because they live in Glyfada”), my speaking foreign languages just like she does (“Actually, you don’t know any language since you don’t have a university degree” –she doesn’t either). I usually act the fool lest I should lose my new friend… Friday, 16th February 1996 The main reason I decided to return to Janus is the quest for spiritual Monday, 15th July 1991 Despite the fiasco of my first book, in mid- April I finished my second fantasy novel, titled “Age of Nemesis”. The other day I phoned the publisher Halaris and told him about it (before realizing he had been stringing me along), but he didn’t even deign to have a look at it: “You work too much; don’t think you will be famous so fast!” was his answer. After a lot of personal research, and having watched a relevant reportage on TV recently, it is clear to me now that it isn’t easy at all for a new writer to be recognized. New authors take it as granted that they will pay for the publication of their first four books at least, as the about royalties, they are usually close to zero, even for the most distinguished writers. Therefore, seeing there is no other way to have the job done, I have decided to pay for the publishing expenses of my new book. I have been to numerous publishing houses asking about prices, but they all want 500,000 drachmas (eight monthly salaries) for a simple paperback book, they refuse to put the name of their firm on it, and as about distribution, it is out of the question. Only the typographer Jim what qualifications, really? Neither of them is a professional gymnast! As about the huge capitals requested for renting the building and buying the equipment, wealthy Milena is willing to spare a certain sum of money, while penniless. Alice wants to sell her house! Of course, since neither has a degree from the Physical Education College, they won’t be able to get the necessary license, which means their gym will be illegal! Nevertheless, my parents don’t even think of saying “no” to the princess. They always yield to every demand of hers, no matter how preposterous it is! Anyway, this idea will finally be abandoned because Milena’s parents (obviously more sensible) won’t agree to spend so much money on an illegal enterprise. Thank God… Sunday, 3rd March 1991 Night Adventure: A vast desert is gradually converted into an ocean, by use of magic, nuclear stations, special missiles, strange machines. There are lots of people at the beach now, and I am amongst them. I can hear a nice song coming from headphones: “In the Eye of the Hurricane”. Tuesday, 12th March 1991 Aphrodite, the vivacious blonde who happens to be my classmate in Janus, has expressed the desire to know me better, as I was informed by Vanessa. So, this afternoon the three of us arranged to go for a coffee at Victoria Square. Aphrodite narrated some incidents from her life, which show she is gifted with innate telepathy. She also suggested we three should make a team of parapsychology experiments. This is not at all a bad idea! Aphrodite is impulsive, maybe light- minded but not cunning-like some other people. Later on, she invited us to her house, where we performed a telepathy experiment by using the Zener symbols. I didn’t manage to concentrate, I only got 2/20; Vanessa got 4/20 and Aphrodite 7/20. Anyway, it’s been years since I last had such a good time with friends. The point is I feel a lot more comfortable with these girls, than with the others. When I am with Vanessa and Aphrodite, I speak more freely and I feel happier, since they accept me as I am; with them I can be myself. There is no problem among us, not even when I question the guru’s theories; Full of joy and optimism, my mother and I went to the school this morning and I went to the school this morning so as to enroll me in the third class of gymnasium. However, mum had the brilliant idea of giving our true address (13, Nereid st.), instead of the fictitious one (24, Tyrtaios st.) we had given the previous two years. As a result, I was not admitted at the high school of Glyfada because Nereid street is out of its territory. We were told I should go to the gymnasium of Argyroupolis, miles from nowhere, at the foot of Mount Hymettus. Willy-nilly we took a taxi and went there, but I wasn’t admitted to that school either; according to the masters, our address is in the territory of the high school of St Tryfon –which is the most reasonable thing. We got away at the double and ended up at the above school, which is situated near the homonymous church. It looked rather gloomy, and it was full of pupils and parents who were trying to get stowed in its poky rooms. I didn’t want at all to enroll in it, as it was ugly and in a bad state of repair; besides, it had a bad reputation. Last but not least, I was sure that George Franzis would never come here. I was really relieved when I heard that neither in that school could I be type, which is a quite interesting book. Taking into account that my income has increased, I have also decided to take out a life-assurance policy, although I have social security insurance too. This morning I contacted an agent of “EasyLife” and signed an insurance policy which offers extra medicare plus a retirement program. The latter will last 25 years and it will provide me with a good pension. Till then, I will have to pay 8000 drachmas per month as premium. My little sister hastened to take out a similar policy as well, at my parents’ expense of course, since they always indulge all her fancies. I have the impression that Alice is always seeking to copy me in every possible way, aspiring to be ahead of me some day… Sunday, 20th January 1990 Last night I decided to go to the usual place in Glyfada and meet my supposed friends, although Louise didn’t come along. I was given a cool welcome and they hardly spoke to me. Takis was absent. We finally went to a nice seaside tavern in Vouliagmeni, ten persons in all, and we sat at a big table. Michael, Louise’s brother, was there too, and he happened to be sitting on my left. 7:15 so, in immense relief, I left the square and went for a swim at the nearby beach “Diamond”. At last, now I had a wonderful excuse so as to get rid of him! George phoned me a lot later, at night, he complained about not finding me there and said he had arrived at 7:30. When I protested about his delays, he flew into a rage and started to shout: “Listen, Yvonne, from now on, when we have a date you will wait for me for as long as it takes! It might be one hour, two hours, I don’t know, but I am a busy person and I can’t be punctual! Let alone sometimes the car breaks down! (really?) In this case, I am usually held up for three or four hours! Got it?” “Yes, alright, got it,” I replied hastily and he hang up on me. After some confusion and thoughts of guilt such as cCould he be right? Did I leave the venue too soon? A relationship demands sacrifices, and all this trash, I came to my senses and I disconnected the phone at once; I left it like that for a few days, so as to make sure the dud wouldn’t be able to contact me again. Undoubtedly, the bloke was a pervert, maybe a dangerous one. Luckily, it didn’t live. Isn’t it really horrible, to be sentenced to death and know it… Thursday, 7th May 1992 Work experience in Pangaea: Yota, a disagreeable 3 (very rich, though) is responsible for English correspondence. She has studied History of Art in America (studies for the satiated), yet she commits quite a few grammar and syntax errors when she writes letters in English. Strangely enough, none of the bosses -who sign her letters- has noticed anything. Moreover, Yota doesn’t even suspect what filing is. She sends letters to various museums and photograph agencies all over the world asking for transparencies, yet she never keeps copies of them! They haven’t noticed that either. Naturally, I wouldn’t dare say anything about it. If I commented on anything about it. If I commented on anything like that, I would fall out with Yota and all the other colleagues would hate me. Of course, this means that my knowledge of languages and secretarial skills is entirely indifferent to the company. They don’t give a dime if I know perfect English and Italian, as well as very good German and Spanish. Obviously, there are other kinds of qualifications companies really manage to move up and she has to repeat the second class! I looked again carefully, trying to make out if her marks had been “corrected” (for example, a 13 can easily become as 18); but no, that was not the case. Then I imagined that her parents had bought a report sheet from somewhere and filled it in with the desired marks, in order to show it off to relatives and friends. And the seal of the school? How had it been stamped? Isn’t this a mystery…? Friday, 19th August 1977 I have been in Mary’s cottage in Salamis for a week now. We are having a great time together, going on long walks, swimming, or playing board games. Every day we meet Kate, whose cottage happens to be nearby, and we have lots of fun. I have impressed everybody with my ability in doing crosswords. My self-confidence grows day by day, as I feel that the others are fond of me. This is one of the happiest summers in my life, yet I am looking forward to the new school year, so that I meet my George again… Monday, 5th September 1977 opportunity to go out with other young people and have lots of fun! We usually go to restaurants, cafeterias, theaters, cinemas, or disco clubs! More often than not, Philip comes along too. He is a friend of Nondas and he is courting me all the time. I can’t say he is ugly or bad, yet I’m not very fond of him - maybe because he has a long beard and he tends to overreact: He gesticulates a lot, he talks a lot, he laughs a lot, he says lots of insipid jokes. Last night we all went to the disco “Oldies but Goodies”, where they mostly play pop and rock music of the ‘60s and ‘70s. All at once, Philip pulled me by the hand and took me off to the dance floor. While we were dancing together his favourite love songs, he was being rather flamboyant: He kept on making strange moves, and suddenly took my hands, raised them up and made sure we were dancing with our palms stuck we were dancing with our palms stuck together. I was very embarrassed, everybody was looking at us and I think we made a fool of ourselves. Then we danced a blues song and the bloke remarked that I wasn’t mincing enough. Later, after we had left the club and we were walking towards the taxi station, leads to madness. More or less, they say it is a miracle I haven’t gone mad yet! However, the other day Alexander admitted in class that with dream control someone can have experiences they haven’t had in real life; moreover, they might go mad only if they cause lucid dreams 30 or 40 times in a row –which is rather unlikely. At first I had been influenced negatively by the gurus and blocked lucid dreaming myself –but I don’t believe them anymore. For the time being, I will go on attending Janus, but I am never going to talk about my night experiences to anybody again. From now on, I will keep my distance and teach myself… Meditation technique for lucid dreaming First of all, you will need two rosaries: one with 22 knots and one with 72 knots. Then, sit comfortably with your spine straight, and do the following: 5 rhythmical breaths: 4 times inhale – 2 times hold – 4 times exhale – 2 times hold. 22 mental mantras: for example, “The universe and I are one”, counted calmly with the small rosary in hand. 144 (72+72) mental mantra in co- wonderful… Thursday, 20th February 1992 Yesterday evening, once again, the guru said “In reality, there is no Good and Evil, only our personal point of view, alias the Ego, makes something appear as good or evil”. The other disciples agreed implicitly but I had some doubts, which I cleared out this afternoon, through meditation: Power is Evil: When you are more powerful than another being, there are two natural and spontaneous ways to treat it: a) If the being is a little weaker than you, you seek to tame it and make it your “servant”. For this purpose you use either violence or charity; in the second case, it will owe you eternal gratitude and it will be obliged to serve you during its whole life – otherwise it will be considered “ungrateful” or “unworthy”, and the consequences will be detrimental for its survival in any society. b) If the being is much weaker than you, a small animal or insect for instance, then it is not only entirely useless but also a nuisance to you; so, you exterminate it without second thoughts. Evil is Power: Malice (the spontaneous desire to harm other beings) has always been the strongest motive to “action” and “progress”. Certain people gather extreme Saturday, 8th October 1994 Night Adventure: As I go out of my house, in the distance I can see a beautiful landscape with green hills, picturesque cottages, azure lakes and black statues. I fly all the way there, feeling wonderful. Yet, all of a sudden my optical field gets narrower and narrower; until it is as if I were looking through a long metal pipe. Then, darkness. I decide to fly through the dark pipe and I find myself in a land of exquisite beauty: Vast green gardens with wooden kiosks, luxurious glass houses, marble staircases and magnificent works of sculpture. On my left I can see an impressive kiosk made of white marble I fly over the green hills again and return home. I can see the smog of Athens in the distance now… Once again determined to escape from the unnatural stagnation of my life, since the beginning of September I have been expected, and we were worried about him. If he had had a car accident, for example, I would have been the one to blame –as Zafirakis told me with a serious face. I am looking forward to getting out of here. Late in the afternoon I visited Persa, we listened to music and I asked her to record some foreign pop songs for me. I especially wanted the song “Alien” but, as I found out at home later, all the other songs were successfully recorded except that one! How is this possible? I am the world champion of bad luck! If these simple plans of mine fail so ridiculously, what can I expect for the more important ones? Wednesday, 2nd March 1988 It’s a bedlam in here and I don’t intend to go mad. The telephones are ringing like crazy, only the boss can answer certain questions but he is absent and the rest of us can do nothing but look at each other in embarrassment. There is so much work to do but there is no guidance. I feel like suffocating. The atmosphere in the office is getting more and more hostile against me. I can’t bear it any longer. Lucas is leaving for Italy in ten days and I’m worried already. I’m sick and tired of being responsible for a hundred things at wrong texts and then she says I am the one who doesn’t work right; she drops hints I am illiterate and I don’t know the computer program, and so on. Luckily, Mrs. Julia, our chief editor, knows what’s going on and she is on my side. As about my social life, it is not at all satisfactory: I don’t see the guys from Janus anymore and I seldom go out at night. I occasionally meet Mandy (aunt Hermione’s extremely boring niece: the only thing she does is answer “yes” or “no” to my questions), Lena (an incredibly dull, married hen: I visit her once a week, and as soon as I get there she starts helping her sons with their homework; she won’t stop until I leave) or Persephone (rather depressed, yet she is the only one with whom I have something to discuss). For some months now, I have been attending another centre of spiritual development, the “School of Superior Knowledge”. This centre is of foreign origin, it is widespread all over the world, and a branch happens to be in Glyfada – hardly a 15 - minute walk from my house. However, I don’t like their fascist theories at all, let alone they are obsessed with the so-called “karma of retaliatory justice”, which excuses and praises even I wonder about it but neither give it any more though nor pause to say hello, I don’t give a dime and I don’t mind to show it. Later on, when Themis is gone, I ask my sister what Themis was doing in our veranda. She says she had asked him to lend her one of his music cassettes, so that she could record some beautiful songs. This afternoon she invited him to her house so as to give him back the cassette. Couldn't she have done that in the gym? I will never see Themis at Alice’s house again and, in all probability, nothing more important has ever happened between the two of them. Besides, the songs are fine and I will record them too. Nevertheless, I can’t ignore the fact: I have liked two men in the gym, Dimitris and Themis, both of them have turned down my love, and both of them turned down my love, and both of them have spent some time in my sister’s house. I get the impression that if I ever has a husband of a lover, I wouldn’t have him for long; Alice, my sweet sister, would do anything to take him away from me… Tuesday, 10th October 1995 Despite the new openings I have ventured for about a year now (gym, new friends, neurotic and hysterical before the whole class! As a result, Vanessa has been blocked, she has never seen the “light” again, and her telepathy doesn’t work anymore. Aphrodite is also gifted with innate intuition, she used to be psychic but she isn’t anymore –not ever since she started attending Janus… I have come to believe that what is taught in Janus has nothing to do with metaphysics. I certainly expected more action: experiments of telepathy, spiritualism, telekinesis, astral projections, psychometry etc., by use of specific methods. Last year something was going on, but now nothing – always on the grounds that our subconscious is not clear yet. “When the time comes, I will show you the right technique for a successful astral projection, but not now. If you try anything like that now, you will certainly fail again and again; you can’t fail all the time, because your subconscious will eventually connect this technique with failure!” claims the guru, so as to excuse the suppression of telepath experiments in class. and white –and sign it with Persa’s name, of course. Needless to say, I couldn’t say no. Tuesday, 26th January 1988 Just like every day, this morning I met Louise Hoidas on the bus to work. Last night she took the initiative in inviting all our old schoolmates in a cafeteria in Glyfada, but she didn’t let me know because she couldn’t find my telephone number, she said. Nonsense; in all probability, she didn’t want to find it. The boss didn’t appear in the office today and I spend the whole morning with Paul, our new mechanical engineer. He is 28 years old, he has studied in Bulgaria, he is not a trump, but: What a stupid, clueless boor! He isn’t capable of carrying through any conversation, he is such a lazybones, and he is constantly sleepy! When Lucas is absent, the bloke spends all the working hours making innumerable successive phone calls to everybody! He never puts down the receiver! What a hysterical moron! I would like to fling a vase at his head! The boss is mad at him because he is unable to carry out the simplest task. Yesterday Paul had to go to a factory in willing publisher” who, however, will ask for my contribution in the expenses. When I called Chryssa and told her about it, she agreed: “Don’t turn down the proposal. My boss will undertake the typesetting and we’ll offer you a discount”. I am beginning to like the idea. Saturday, 28th May 1988 Early this morning mum got on my nerves because, as usual, she started finding faults with me: “Don’t put on the red blouses, it shows off your wry shoulders”… “The yellow on shows off your wry back”… “You’ve lost weight, you look terrible!”. All things considered, she is as a deviously oppressive woman. Ever since I was a kid she has been scolding me for anything, criticizing whatever I do and depriving me from any initiative, even in the simplest matters. Alice dropped by at noon, she had lunch with us, I told her about the above incident and she agreed that our mother is wayward and pushy, especially towards me. “You certainly don’t let Yvonne take any initiative,” she said to mum. Paradoxically, my sister has escaped her influence: mum never tells her how to do this or that maybe because, for some has just started. Every day I have to go through lots of correspondence, I type endless lists of names, I fill in hundreds of pupils’ cards; actually, I organize the whole school for him. I occasionally watch lessons as a spectator, in order to learn methodology, as Mr. Kargas says. It is Wilma, his obese American wife, who teaches most of the times, and she has accustomed the children to a mockery of a lesson: While she is in class, a loud hubbub of shouting and laughter is constantly heard, which is often fomented by the “teacher” herself. She never takes the pupils’ notebooks at home; she spends a lot of time correcting compositions and dictations on the spot, losing all control of the class. This afternoon she wasted half of the lesson making the children act sneezing, according to a story in the reading-book. “A-ti- shu!” the whole class was shouting, for half an hour or more. All pupils, included those of higher classes, know almost nothing about English vocabulary and grammar, they can hardly even read. Nevertheless, Mr. Kargas is always praising his wife’s teaching skills: “My Wilma has taken many awards for her unique methods,” he brags. undertakenundertaken the bringing up and support of her two sons – which means at least half of my father’s pension is spent on the needs of Alice and her children. Nevertheless, all friends and relatives regard my sister as “a heroine, who works and raises two boys all alone”… Thursday, 17th March 1994 Astral Projection: I induce my astral body to get out, in the darkness of my bedroom. Then I fly out of the window and along Nereid st. ; black dogs get in my way as I fly towards the playground, yet I manage to leave them behind. I go to the painted red swings, then to the slide with the wooden pyramid on top. Around its base there are nice lilies and nearby there is an apricot tree. I go there, I cut a leaf off and hold it in my hand. It suddenly occurs to me I could bring it with me in the material world. I force awakening at once, while I hold the leaf awakening at once, while I hold the leaf tight. I wake up, feeling the leaf melting in my hand, as if it were made of some liquid substance… Interpretation: Dark enemies, in the form of dogs, try to prevent me from exploring the astral plane. Obviously, it is impossible to bring an object from the astral plane to the material world. Nevertheless, when I clearly unwilling to hold my hands. I often need to run after them and make them hold my hands either they like or not! Moreover, during the break I can barely endure all that concentrated negativity against me: It is impossible for me to exchange even a word with anyone in there; if I dare approach a group of pupils, they turn their faces the other way, they stop talking and they all split in a second. I often prefer to disappear from class during the ten-minute break. Anyway, I don’t intend to set foot in that hornets’ nest again… Tuesday, 6th April 1993 Psychic Experience: After a relaxation exercise in bed this morning, I suddenly feel myself sinking in the void. Looking up, I realize I am falling down a black tunnel, the edge of which is a huge, toothed mouth of a snake. I fall faster and faster and I can’t see the mouth anymore. I can only feel a cold, pleasant airstream coming up and down my spinal cord. I enjoy the sensation and I manage to prolong it for a few more seconds… Prophetic Dream: I am at the foyer of the hotel “Galactic” in Saronis, together with Yet, soon my enthusiasm started to wane. Firstly, the personnel manager made me wait outside his office for an hour, although he wasn’t doing any work. When he finally summoned me to his office, he seemed to be positive towards me – although he minced his words regarding the working hours: “This is a full time job, eight to ten hours per day” (“eight to ten hours” means “endless hours”)… “We offer the basic salary and we don’t pay overtime” … “This is hard work, it demands intelligence and eloquence” etc. I kept saying “yes” to everything, lest I should lose the ideal job. “One of your duties will be to welcome tourists who come from abroad,” he went on. I liked that, because I thought I would be doing this during my working hours. “So, you must always be ready to receive a phone call telling you to go to the airport or the seaport, receive a group of tourists and take them to their hotel!” “No problem!” I was beforehand in answering. “This may happen any time, but it usually happens at night! For example, we might phone you at 3:00 am and tell you that Mandy’s cottage in Amarynthos, on the island of Euboea, together with her parents and grandparents. During the first two days my friend seemed to be so displeased with my presence that she even avoided talking to me - not that she has ever been communicative… Anyway, it didn’t take me long to find out she is a wet blanket only when she is with me: For example, whenever we two go to Kavouri for a swim, she barely utters a word, she says in the water taciturn for five minutes, and then she comes out hastily, as if she were chased by sharks. On the contrary, when we are in the company of her two cousins, Mandy becomes incredibly talkative, cheerful, spirited! When we all four go swimming at the nearby beach, I can hardly believe my eyes as I see her splashing around, laughing and diving for an hour at least –as if she were another person! As for the rest, the week in Amarynthos has proved to be really boring, since we’ve spend most of our time playing cards or chatting with the old crocks. We have been to a disco only twice because, according to Mandy, it is dangerous for her Confused and belwildered… Monday, 6th June 1994 Night Adventure: I go down a white spiral stairway; suddenly I fall deeper and deeper into a whirl of crystals, until I find myself in a kind of asram. At first, it all looks nice and peaceful, everybody is kind to me, but I soon realize that the members of the cult gradually turn into monsters. At a moment I hear them say they intend to spread the taint to all humans on earth. I don’t know what to do, I am in agony, and I want to get out of there as soon as possible. Then, I wake up and I am sorry I can’t remember any more details… Now that I live on the second floor, I certainly enjoy more peace and quiet: at least, I don’t hear the noises of the street so much. Of course, there is still some sonic war I cannot avoid: The residents of the second floor in the next block of flats still have parties two or three times a week. Some new tenants, who live across the street, listen to music on full blast all day long till 1:00 after midnight, every night. Don’t these people ever go to work? Yesterday, at 2:00 am, I woke up with Ermioni with my parents, with a view to buying a piece of land for future exploitation. I didn’t find anything worth the while, yet I relished some unique moments in time: the polite woman at the souvenir shop; the cheerful foreigners in the yachts; the small forest with the winding path; the white chapel; the ruined re house; the rocky beach, full of sea-urchins; the gorgeous blue-eyed man in the ferry-boat back home. Happy moments I will soon forget… The real profit from the excursion: As the coach was passing through the village of Kranidi, I recognized the narrow street and the old houses I had dreamt of on the 26th of July; a little later I saw a blue car with the number 2504… Thursday, 20th August 1992 In the afternoon we paid a visit to uncle George, who was diagnosed with lung cancer, four months ago. His wife, aunt Despina, who is usually full of malice and grumble, seems to be calm now. On the other side, uncle George looks restless and discouraged; understandable, since his disease is getting worse and he is already in pain. “When I see people walking on the roads, I feel sorry for them because they don’t even suspect what the future has in Others carry out his or her orders with spontaneous joy. As about the reward, in this case it is socialization: the integration into a circle of friends, the avoidance of loneliness. d) Energetic giants: These persons have a very high position in the hierarchy of humanity. They possess incredible financial power and world fame, usually from activities of dubious usefulness (actors and actresses, singers, top models, etc.). Their most important talent is charm. The people just love to worship them like gods on earth. e) Gurus and religious leaders: They are the most powerful vampires of all, as they have the unique ability of mesmerizing millions of people. In this case, absorption of energy takes place in deeper levels, since religious leaders are obeyed and worshiped by entire populations, while they systematically rouse guilt and terror. As about the “flock”, they are willing to blindly accept even the most paranoiac religious dogmas and they are proud of it. Concerning their reward, what could be more alluring than the promise of a blissful “life after death” –even if it is intended only for “a few, chosen ones”? f) Gestalt entities such as political parties, imagination, quit fantasies and experience reality as it is, moment by moment. Also, I must not take dreams, astral projections, and the like into account, because they are often deceptive. He didn’t like it all when I confided in him the odd feeling I have sometimes, that I am the centre of the world and everything revolves around me: “Just like my cousin, who is schizophrenic and she always sees before her a killer with a knife in hand!” he exclaimed and I wondered: What does this have to do with me? Anyway, I didn’t stay in his office more than half an hour, because Harry suddenly stood up with his hands in his pockets, making clear he was looking forward to my making myself scarce… Friday, 4th October 1991 “Age of Nemesis” – the rest of the story: Refusing to admit I have thrown away four salaries for publishing an unacceptable book, I tried to forward my novel to some distributors; however, none was willing to undertake the distribution of such a product –I should have expected that. Then, I tried to distribute it by myself to bookstores and company. I was terribly sad and got a terrible headache which will last till midnight. I hate being a secretary: What a slavish, preposterous, indefinable yet irrationally demanding job! A secretary can never be sure where her responsibilities begin and where they end. Literally, the boss can demand anything from her! I suspect that most companies are actually run by (female) secretaries; of course (male) managers get all the money and the glory. It’s high time I started looking for another job. If I stay in Vinomec any longer, I will eventually get a nervous breakdown. Besides, all I can hope for in here is a basic salary, zero prospects and frightful tangles… Tuesday, 1st March 1988 The accountant informed us that there is no need to worry: Lucas will get away with this by paying only a small fine. However, the customer is likely to get into big trouble. Let’s just hope this story won’t go far. In the meantime Mr. Raptis, the technician, didn’t phone us to let us know that he arrived in Athens at 11.30, as without love!” she concluded with an air of expertise. A little later Zisis arrived home. Aphrodite sent me to the kitchen and she told her boyfriend everything, with all details. I heard some shouts, then silence for about half an hour. I was beginning to wonder, when they called me to their room. The window was wide open despite the freezing cold, but the place stank awfully, like vomit. In fact, I had never smelt anything so disgusting in my whole life. I suppose it was some kind of narcotic- taking into account that Zisis often provides Aphrodite with hashish, and who knows what else. I felt very embarrassed but I acted the fool. “Now I want you even more!” said Zisis to his girlfriend in a mawkish voice, and hugged her tenderly. Is all this madness, or what? Monday, 14th December 1992 I left Janus behind two months ago, but I’ve always felt the urgent need to find new friends. Therefore, as soon as I quit Janus, I enrolled in a local school of folk dances, together with my sister. During the first month, there was a crowd on the dance floor: about 45 persons had initially joined the class of beginners. Yet, Majority of them didn’t even deign to have a look at my book, some others thought it were too big (155 pages), someone found it “nice, publishable, not a masterpiece, but there is nothing to do now because our schedule is full till the end of next year”. This morning I went to Danae Publishing which is one of the most famous houses in the country. The editor returned the book to me, after having kept it for a month, together with a written review: “Interesting style of writing. Your novel has many influences but it is quite original”. She spoke to me in a friendly manner, she called me by my name, but she suggested I should go to other publishers, since they can’t publish it because their schedules is full till the end of next year (the usual story). “Don’t you have any acquaintances in the publishing industry?” she concluded with a meaningful smile. Mr. Kosmides, another famous publisher, didn’t wish to see my novel, yet he was very sincere to me: There is no way to have it published without paying, science fiction and fantasy are not in vogue any more, only renowned authors survive even if they write nonsense. He also told me that Varnalis is unapproachable, since he is the closest to the prime minister. I guess thing! She is a stupid cow!” or “How shall we get rid of that nitwit?” In the meantime, I have been desperately looking for another house but, unfortunately, so far I haven’t managed to find another place to stay –not even a hen coop! In general, landlords avoid letting out rooms to foreign students. Besides, according to hearsay evidence, there seems to be an invariable tactic of Italian house owners. They make their tenants’ life miserable, so as to get rid of them in three or four months, finally keeping the two or three rents paid in advance. That’s a rattling good trade! As Silvana informed me this afternoon, five different girls, one after the other, has rented my room the previous year! After four months of meeting cunning landladies who often seek to rip me off without even letting out a room, a certain suspicion has started to haunt my thoughts: People around me are not at all what they seem to be. Behind the smiling mask of the average, well-dressed and polite citizen, hides a criminal mobster, who’s able to stab you in the back in order to steal 10.000 lire from your pocket. Strangely enough, however, all the other foreign students finally manage to find dinosaurs sixty billion years ago. Nevertheless, the humble snail –one of the first creatures that walked the earth- still exists despite its small size, its inability to harm other creatures and its slow evolution. It doesn’t evolve because it doesn’t need to evolve… Sunday, 29th March 1992 Night Adventure: Someone tortures souls by dissecting their astral bodies with huge bone instruments. He holds a dead baby boy in his lap and bores his scull with a strange lancet. The baby tries to find consolation in the thought that the astral body is immortal; he looks like a living dead, he punches the enemy with his tiny fists but he can’t escape… Lucid Dream: I meet Nestor, a handsome guy from the advanced class in Janus, and I consciously ask him to give me the winning Lotto numbers. He offers them to me in a sort of riddle, but when I wake up I can’t remember them well. The most possible combination is: 3,7,10,30,33,34. Verification: Some of these numbers will come out in Proto; I will get right the last three numbers and earn about 8000 drachmas. However, the very next day I he can’t open the shop because there is a delay with the license. It seems that some shrewd people are ripping him off his money but he is too naïve to understand. My cousin is very disappointed. On the other hand, George has never been a balanced person: Eight years ago, when he was 24 years old, he fell in love with Clair, a nine-year-old girl, who is his wife now. Anthia is mad about her sister-in-law, considering her to be the root of all evil. According to Anthia, it is Clair who seduces George into inanities because she likes to act the superstar: she wants her husband to open that shop, so that she can play the guitar and sing for the customers. Anthia also claims that the young women often goes out with different men but George always forgives her and takes her back home. All this sounds very interesting, but I entertain some doubts: I know the girl, she is seventeen years old now, and she seems to be a quiet person –not a whore, as Anthia says. All at once, I remember Clair visiting us together with her husband a few years ago, when they were newly-weds: “I knew what was going to happen to me at the first night of marriage, because when I was nine years old someone raped Marcopoulos, Chryssa’s boss, has accepted to print my book at the price of 25,000 drachmas only; as about my cousin, she reassured me the book would be “very nice, very fine”. Today, however, when I was invited to the printing house so as to see the final product, I found out it has nothing to do with what we had agreed! First of all, the cover is just a simple photo of a picture painted by me; it hasn’t been computer processed, as we had said, and the result is rather poor. As about the interior, the paper is too thin, almost transparent, the letters too small, the lines too close, the margins too narrow. This is not at all what we had agreed! Even I, the author, find it too difficult to read this thing, let alone a reader! Nevertheless, I paid the agreed sum without making the slightest complaint… Monday, 16th July 1991 This morning the situation got even worse: I had to collect the 1,000 copies of this unacceptable book and somehow transport them to my office, no further than 500 metres away. For this reasons I had to find a taxi; I stood on Pireaus Avenue for about twenty minutes, but it proved to be abnormally difficult to find one since, last bus and he gets an after-midnight fare to Glyfada, double tariff! I, however, not only wait patiently until I get all my change, but I also catch the last bus in the nick of time! As soon as I find a seat, here comes another lunatic and sits right behind me. He coughs continuously, at the top of his voice, and he always tries to learn his knee on my hips. The bus is already full, the journey is too long, and there is no other place I could stand or sit. That was not an outing, that was Calvary! Was it worth the while? I don’t think so… Sunday, 15th March 1992 Lucid Dream: I asked it consciously while dreaming, and I saw some Lotto numbers being carved in relief on a stone surface: 6, 17, 25, 11, 21, 33, 9. Verification: The next winning numbers are 9, 17, 21, 29, 33, 35. I will get two fours and earn about 5.300 drachmas… In search of a way out: My failure in meeting the guys last night (I was half an hour late and they didn’t wait for me, which means I spend almost four hours in buses for nothing), led me to an outburst of realizations: No matter what I do, no matter where I go, the outcome will like the way I work, you had better hire a qualified accountant! One who will ask for a salary!” she retorted, which made him shut up for a while. Friday, 9th May 1986 This is the last day for the submission of tax returns. From now on there won’t be so much work to do, so I might calm down a little. So, I was unpleasantly surprised when Mr. Dragonas summoned me to his office late in the afternoon, as I was getting ready to leave. Here comes another blowing-up, I feared. However, as soon as I got into his office, Demis started praising my qualifications and my efficiency, only to conclude that he was “unfortunately” obliged to fire me on the spot because he could no longer afford my tidy salary, which till then I had no idea how high (or low) it was. Anyway, I can’t say I wasn’t expecting it at all: For days now I’ve suspected that Lisa wishes to take my position. It was only yesterday when I heard her say that she is usually in charge of the exports department and that she prefers running on errands to spending her hours in the office. Nevertheless, she certainly wouldn’t fancy running here and there like crazy I have arranged to meet the guys and go to a Chinese restaurant tonight. I do have fun with them, going out with friends is a new experience to me, yet neither this time shall I avoid the usual hardship: I leave home at 19:40 and go to the bus-stop. Until 20:00 there is no bus to be seen. I take a taxi and get off at the bus-stop of Helioupolis. From there I take a bus to Athens. Ticket inspector: I find out, luckily before it’s too late, that I have left my monthly pass at home. I get off quickly, I get on another bus and I finally make it to the centre of Athens. From there, I get on a third bus and arrive in Kypseli. Then it’s a five-minute walk to Forkionos Negri Square, where our venue is. At least, I am ontime: I meet my friends at 21:00 sharp. Time to return: I take a taxi to the Columns of Olympian Zeus, in Athens. I am hardly on time to get on the 1:00 o’clock bus, which has its terminus in St Tryfon. From there I have to walk about fifteen minutes, in the middle of the night, while a drunken Probably because I haven’t got any working experience. However, may be there is also something else to blame for my unemployment: When I go to apply for a job in an office, my sister usually comes along with me. As a result, personnel managers don’t take me seriously because I carry my little sister along. She says she wishes to find work too, although she is only sixteen and a half years old and her only qualification is the gymnasium certificate. In addition, she is married and her husband wants her to stay at home and be a good housewife. Sometimes I have the impression that Alice is only trying to complete with me. The only one who seemed willing to hire me as a secretary, was the owner of a car rental office near Omonia square, where I went on Friday afternoon. “You are good enough for me!” he said calmly, as soon as he heard that I can speak English and Italian and that I have finished a secretarial school. He warned me that I would have to work overtime very often, and that “in our company, secretaries bring their own typewriter at work”. I didn’t say no, although I found it weird: On one hand, the company has so many clients that I will have to work overtime; on the other hand, instead of furniture The extraterrestrial spacecraft is dangerous to the planet, but only the stranger knows that. A little later; weird natural phenomena start taking place: Odd-shaped clouds cross the sky in incredible velocity; strong winds blow furiously, uprooting trees and carrying away telephone booths and other heavy stuff. Something crashes against the window pane, breaking the glass before me and I (the stranger?) have to remove the fragments from my back. The violent natural phenomena are repeated several times. Eventually, the stranger reveals his true identity. This doesn’t prevent him from going steady with the daughter of the family, but their happiness won’t last: While she is in the garden, she bumps her head against a tree branch; she falls down on the ground and some mutated plants swallow her up; when they vomit her she is no longer what she was: she looks like a gigantic snail-like monster, a living horror. Her alien boyfriend swallows her up with a view to reshaping her; a little later, when he vomits her, she becomes an ethereal fairy. Yet, the only thing she wants now, is to harm him. The wind blows again and the landscape changes completely. Then I wake up, feeling realizing it? Thursday, 6th August 1981 I took the lyceum certificate with an average grade of 16.7; as about, this year’s Pan-Hellenic Examinations, I didn’t do so well: Composition 14, Maths 11, Physics 16.5, Chemistry 16.5. As expected, with such marks I didn’t manage to get into university and I am uneasy in my mind about the future. School belongs to the past now, unlike my reputation. As it seems, I won’t get rid of it so easily: Whenever I am in streets or in public places, I often have to put up with jeers, catcalls, mocking laughter, ostentations spits down –as usual. I don’t dare pass groups of youngsters on the road because they will surely make fun of me: “What an ugly camel you are!”… “Help! A scarecrow walking!”… “We like women, not garbage!” I heard this morning Paradoxically, thought, such incidents happen to me only in the area where I live, in Glyfada; nowhere else. Tuesday, 18th August 1981 Since yesterday evening my family and I have been in a hotel in Suez, Egypt, In comparison with George. All I can have from him now, is memories… Monday, 10th October 1977 I don’t think I will manage to participate in the parade of the 28th October this year. For some strange reasons, the nasty physical education mistress hates me and she just refuses to include me in the file. “Won’t Yvonne come to the parade?” a girl wondered. “What is Yvonne good for?” answered the mistress ironically. It’s not that I’m looking forward to taking part in the stupid parade. However, if I don’t participate, I will get a very bad mark in physical education, which will lower the average grade of the school report. Therefore, I had better inform my mother about this. Tuesday, 18th October 1977 After my mother’s complaints yesterday, the physical education mistress finally had to include me in the file, in the very first row because of my height. The other pupils have been looking at me askance ever since. In fact, the whole school has been talking about me, calling me a after death, the multidimensional universe etc., and men hate me for this. However, neither this can justify my loneliness, since the world is fully of vixens who inspire crazy passions, despite their awful character. I think there is an unconscious, mutual repulsion between me and men: They dislike me and I avoid them spontaneously. It seems there is a mysterious, invincible power inside me, which prevents me from having relationships with men, and the older I get the more I trust this power. Anyway, I’ve never had strong sexual desires: I have never pursued sex, I haven’t masturbated even once in my whole life! I used to have some sexual fantasies with men, but they are getting rarer and rarer. They just don’t come to me anymore. In fact, I often think how simpler, clearer, nicer life would be, if sex didn’t exist at all! Thoughts like the above lead me to old, forgotten realizations: I do not belong to the human species. I am something different, and this alien nature of mine is getting more and more apparent, day after day. In all likelihood, this is the deepest reason why the human herd Friday, 18th June 1993 The carpenter’s workshop that my brother-in-law opened a few months ago has been going from bad to worse, since Antony prefers fishing to working. More often than not, the bloke receives money in advance for the construction of furniture the client hardly ever sees. As about my sister, she is obliged to work so as to support her family: For some months now she has been working as a chamber maid in the hotel “Blue Rose” in Vouliagmeni. This morning things came to a pretty pass: While I was at work, one of Antony’s creditors became too aggressive and threatened to sue him; in order to make sure her son-in-law will not end up in prison, my mother ran to the bank with my deposit book (she is co-beneficiary) without telling me anything, she withdrew 400,000 drachmas and gave it to Antony! When my parents informed me about it, I got very angry and asked them to give me my deposit book in hand. From now on I will be keeping it in a safe place, together with my monthly salary. Up to this day I have trusted my money and my deposit The night walk in the vicinity brought back to my mind the old, inner enigma: I, the only conscience of the world; I, the centre of the world; all what I can perceive out there is nothing but projections to my conscience, imaged shaped in co-ordination around me; and the other people, what are they but deceptive visions? What is going on, and why? This is the perpetual question that can’t even be put into words. This is the only problem I should work out. All the rest – every day cares, personal issues, speculations about social, political, spiritual and other subjects- are just distractions from the inner enigma; they systematically detract me and I forget… Tuesday, 14th January 1992 This evening I decided to express myself (the guru often coerces us into doing so) and talk about my recent thoughts in class. Ignoring a strong heartbeat and an inner voice screaming “no!”, I proceeded to confessions concerning the inner enigma before everybody. My words came out uncertain, while Alexander was looking at me with strange, maybe malignant eyes. At the end he smiled cunningly and flung at me: “Be careful, Lacked self-confidence and I needed their approval. Recently, however, something has changed: I no longer feel obliged to put up with any moron. I was doing some extra work at my office this afternoon, when the telephone rang. I picked up the receiver and I heard a coarse man’s voice roar in my ear: “What iiiis it theeeeere?” “Typings – Translations” I replied calm. “Who’s theeeere?” cried the bloke again, before I had even finished talking. “My name is Yvonne Fezarris. How can I help you?” I asked kindly. “Yvonne, whooooo?” he Howled exasperated. Right at that moment I hung up. The bloke called again at once and this time he was furious. “How do you dare hang up on me? You know who I am?” “I’m sorry, the line went dead” I excused myself. Yet, he went on bawling undaunted: “If you think you are a toughie, then I…” I hung up again and left the office immediately. As I was walking up Patission Avenue to Janus, I was feeling Sunday, 30th May 1993 Prophetic Dream: At the crossroads of Smyrnis street and Kyprou avenue, a bus crashes into a car. The right front wheels of the bus is detached and rolls down the street. Verification: In the afternoon, as I return home from work, the bus I am in crashes into a car at the crossroads of Smyrnis street and Kyprou avenue. The right front wheel of the car is detached and rolls down the street… This evening I finished my first illustrated manuscript of the series “Sandra Anderson – Astral Fantasy”, which contains eleven fantasy stories. While writing them, I have noticed some odd coincidences: First I write or illustrate a scene; then, after a few hours (or one day) a similar scene takes place in my reality or in a film on television. Such coincidences I call contacts. To be more specific: Fifth story: Venor, Sandra’s archenemy, hides inside a laundry cart and escapes from prison. In a film I watch at the same night, the imprisoned hero hides inside a laundry cart and escapes from prison. Seventh story: I draw a picture of a dinosaur’s skeleton rising over a cemetery. A few hours later, at night, uncle George dies unexpectedly. trapped in a perishable physical body, and it has to comply with one sole order: “Survive!” Every moment of life, the soul is obliged to obey this order; yet the physical body is by nature mortal, as it degenerates day by day until it dies, usually of disease, old age, or both. In general, we have to toil very hard every day in order to “earn our daily bread”, often without much success. We usually need to fight tooth and nail in order to achieve a minimum result – and at the first mistake everything may fall apart. The purpose of life is pain. We are born to know pain in its various forms. Each person is born with a personal fate, that is a specific kind of pain which will accompany him or he in life: famine, war, physical or mental illness, poverty, injustice, failure, misfortune etc. Sooner or later, most people end up in an almost complete lack of awareness, so they get accustomed to chronic pain and they can hardly realize it’s there; in this way, they can endure their lives. We come in life so as to perpetuate it, not to have fun. In fact, the more miserable a society is, the more offspring it produces. The poor always have more children than the rich, and they use them either as all oxygen will evaporate, drying the air and my uncle’s lungs. He will die peacefully in his sleep because of lack of oxygen… Sunday, 23rd August 1992 Night Adventure: The commander of a spaceship secretly collects extraterrestrial organisms and brings them on board. Soon they escape from their cells and gradually contaminate all the crew. The aliens look like fat, short, rosy anthropoids. I, together with others, run to higher and higher levels of the spacecraft in the hope of escaping, until I find myself in a big restaurant with purple round tables and chairs. I cross the room, I find an officer and explain to him what’s going on. Then, I keep on running. Outside, on the planet, the situation is even worse: Horrible watery beings contaminate humans and transform them into aliens. Initially, the contaminated don’t look any different from normal people, but they can’t maintain a solid form for long. I run up a spiral stairway to higher and higher levels of the craft, till I reach the top. However, the aliens are still after me, there is no office at ten o’clock. He was all nerves, as usual, and he ordered me to bring him some coffee at once. “Stir it!” he shouted as soon as I left the cup in front of him. I obeyed with trembling hands. “Again!” he yelled and I obeyed again. An hour later, the big boss interrupted me from drawing up a client’s balance (paradoxically, credit never equals debit in these balances; yet those great accountants I work for consider this normal) and summoned me to his office. Soon it became clear that all he wanted was to lecture me about productivity: “All employees must be equally good and always excel in their work! A company is like a barrel full of wine: What happens, Yvonne, if any hoop is damaged?” he asked me with a cunning smile. “All the wine will be spilled,” I replied in a low voice, like a schoolgirl saying the lesson to a strict teacher. “Correct! That’s why you should work even harder, so as not to be detrimental to our company!” he concluded triumphantly. “Yes… yes, sir!” I could only stutter. Anyway, now that I’m thinking better about it, I can see that if a “hoop” is clothes? Have you seen anyone else dress like you?” “Of course I have! All women dress like me!” I snapped out. I usually wear dresses, or a blouse with a skirt or trousers. So? What’s so bad about the way I dress? I wondered, rather irritated. At that moment Kelly approached us with an enigmatic smile on her face; I didn’t like that, because she always agrees with Zeta. The two of them walked away together, and talked in low voices for a few minutes; then they approached me again and installed themselves on my desk, in a most ostentatious manner. Next moment they started describing certain pieces of clothing they had, so as to excite my envy –they are crazy! That ridiculous bragging lasted about a quarter of an hour. I pretended I wasn’t listening, as I was doing some paper work at that time… Saturday, 23rd November 1985 It’s two months now that I have been out of work. At the end of September all apprentices from the School of Tourism were fired from the hotel Carmen, I included. In overall, I can’t say I had a bad time there, especially in comparison with the horrible experience of Samos. I microbiology yet, she has never set foot in the university. From now on I will avoid going out with her only, as she is a mollycoddle and she hardly talks… Monday, 4th March 1996 For some months now I have been meeting Christina on the bus to work every day. We always sit together and chat pleasantly as, despite her young age, we have many common interests and we keep good company to each other. Especially this morning, she revealed to me many things about herself: She is 23 years old, very sociable and popular, with a large circle of friends! I talked to her about myself too, adding a fib or two, that I also have many friends and that I often go out to discos and clubs. She was impressed and she suggested my joining her party! I accepted at once, full of joy. Then we exchanged phone numbers and she told me she would talk to the others about me. “Tomorrow morning I will let you know about our next outing!” she concluded smiling and I was on cloud nine! At last, I will start going out with a large, cheerful party of young people, one of those I always envied but never had the chance to approach –not even in a round metal table in a small bistro and we drink coffee, waiting for the coach to arrive. Unique moments in the endless space and time… Thursday, 13th August 1992 Night adventure: A culture of a unicellular organism proliferates rapidly until it forms a reddish mass which looks like thickened blood and it covers a vast expanse of land. When it is cut with iron scissors, it is dried out. People are obliged to live on the dry culture, inside uniform metal quarters, while the dried, half-dead organism stirs under their feet. The children don’t want to play outside because they can feel something is wrong, but their parents compel them to do so. Soon I am informed that the only way to prevent humans from being destroyed is to do away with technology. People must learn how to handle the energy of light, they must learn how to work with light. Only in this way can they beat the horrible danger which lurks under their feet… Saturday, 15th August 1992 This morning I went on an excursion to Uncle, who lives nearby, so as to find out what had happened to the would-be groom. Finally, the young man rang the doorbell at 8:30, and he informed us that he had come earlier, at about six o’clock, but oddly enough the bell hadn’t rung. Was that bad luck or what? A soon as I stepped into the living room and saw him, I felt a strange embarrassment – probably because Alice didn’t go to the trouble of introducing us. We just said “hello” and that was all. A little later, when I followed my sister into the kitchen, she put on a disdainful look and admonished me for not mincing enough. “You were just standing there, like a gawk!” she said sharply. A few minutes later, Antony came home together with three video tapes, two of his friends and their girlfriends. He closed the French windows and we all sat and watched all three films, one after the other; as a result we couldn’t utter a word. Vangelis proved to be an agreeable guy. He doesn’t like video films so much, he said, I don’t like them either. He is tall, thin, good looking, a little dark-skinned – I could hardly discern his features in the darkness of the living room. So much of a match-making… Book to my parents -very stupid of me… Friday, 2nd July 1993 Mrs. Lemony’s husband, called Harry, has had a bad accident recently: He got his left leg badly injured by a press in the factory where he works as a factory-hand. Doctors say the leg needs to be cut off because it has started to rot. I think I may be able to do something about it: Lucid Dream: I wander about in our neighbourhood, I know I am dreaming and I look for Harry. I find him outside my house, at the street. I extend both my hands towards him and I send positive energy to him, saying: “This will cure you and it will protect you from all evil”. Verification: Two days later my mother will inform me that Mr. Harry’s leg is “miraculously” getting better and it won’t need to be cut off. Monday, 9th August 1993 Another neighbour of ours, the 25-year- old John Zarifis, has been taking drugs for years. It is said he is now very badly addicted, there is no hope for him, and he is expected to live no more than one year. Once again, I decide to take action: Than working in a company. In fact, I think that being an employee has never been my cup of tea… As about my friendship with Louise, I can see it is not unclouded any more: Little by little she is alienating herself from me; we hardly go out together, or even meet anymore. This is probably due to the fact that she prefer to see Nondas, her boyfriend, more frequently. We occasionally go out together, the three of us; I don’t really like this, it seems to me that I play gooseberry. Nevertheless, every now and then she promises to introduce me to this or that handsome friend of hers, which actually never happens. Besides, whenever I confide in her that I like someone from her party, she says that he is a dead loss and takes care that we never get in touch with that person again. About a month ago I told Louise that I like Takis; He is a tall, slender guy with blond hair and blue eyes, a serious and sensible person who happens to be a friend of her fat, disagreeable brother. We haven’t met TAKIS OR THE OTHERS EVER SINCE. In fact, I haven’t seen the guy more than, Louise insists on my going steady with Harry, a strangely enough, all taxis went to the opposite direction! Finally, I decided to act cunningly: I crossed the road, I stopped a taxi, I got on and told the driver to stop outside the printing house for a minute, without explaining why. A soon as he saw the ten packets of 100 books each he would have to carry in his trunk, he almost gat a stroke! Next moment, when I explained to him he should change direction and head for Omonia Square, he looked at me sadly, without even finding the courage to protest. A soon as we reached Omonia Square, he told me to get off, refusing to drive 100 more metres to my office! Consequently, I had to leave the ten bulky packets alone in the middle of the Square, and run to my office so as to get a small trolley I happen to have there. This trolley could hold no more than two packets of books, so I had to repeat the itinerary five times in order to carry them all. In the meantime, hundreds of passers-by watched my hardship in wonder, however the only thing that mattered to me them was to finish the job as soon as possible. Eventually, I managed to carry all ten packets to my office without losing any… What a niggard! To be more precise, he demands that Lucas imports his machinery without being paid a cent. This morning Lucas was left no other alternative but lie to Kranas that he has borrowed two million drachmas so as to pay the staff! Great, The company I work for is always on the brink of bankruptcy. Really, I have begun to wonder how all those big, multinational companies manage to stand: No matter what you do, no matter how clever and prudent you are, there are always imponderable factors that can destroy everything, any moment. Besides, the demanded efforts, pains and expenses are usually not worth the while, since the final earnings are generally too low… Tuesday, 19th January 1988 Since she hasn’t been in touch for weeks now, this morning I phoned Mary Bonanos and asked to make an appointment with Varnalis, just as she had advised me to. However, she told me I should wait one more month because, as she said, these days the publisher is snowed under with work because of a problem in the cover of a new book they have been preparing. And for this reason an entire know they can’t harm me, and I land on a green field near the beach. One of my co-researchers is still examining some viruses of Evil in a wooden lab. “They would contaminate the whole world if they didn’t have so many enemies,” she says. Sunday, 12th December 1993 I have just finished writing the second book of my illustrated manuscript “Sandra Anderson” – Astral Fantasy”, which contains four stories. The most important contacts I have observed are the following: First Story: I write and illustrate a music concert given by Venor. Two days later, my mother decides we should pay a visit to my godmother in Piraeus. Her daughter, who is a professional pianist, plays some classical pieces on the piano for us –a private concert. Third story: I write about Astrid, a dangerous woman who explores cyberspaces. The next day, a colleague at work tells me she has had such an experience in England. “It made me cry for two days!” she confides in me. Third story: Sandra sings in a music concert. A few hours later, I watch a cartoon where there is a concert given by husband; Dennis, Antony’s best friend, with his fiancé. As usual, everybody ignored me systematically until I was left all alone, crouched in a corner. When I dared say something to Alice, she gave me a malignant look and snapped at me: “We were kind enough to invite you! Now, if you aren’t having a good time, we don’t give a dime!” Tuesday, 26th April 1988 The long-waited settlement of Pavlides ended in a fiasco, just like I had imagined: On the invoices the Italians had written “Delivery Ex Works” instead of “Delivery CIF”. I moved heaven and earth in order to make the Italians understand how to draw up the correct invoices. Then I had to get an order confirmation from the customer –everything in record time. However, those shrewish hens in the bank didn’t accept the order confirmation, because they never move a finger after 11.30 and I brought them the document at 12:00. When I finally finished, the time was 12:05 –too late. I hate banks. I hate hens. I hate this job. Later on I had to go to the Tax Office and submit some VAT statements making me believe she intended to sit near me, and we approached a group of three girls. As soon as I made myself comfortable, Persa stood up and walked away. To my surprise, the girl –all three a lot younger than me- started chatting with me quickly and eagerly. I am not used to such politeness… At a moment I noticed my friend was dallying with a handsome blond man who, instead of mocking or spitting on her (as it usually happens when an ugly woman dares look at a good- looking man), he was extremely tactful to her. “I know how to seduce you! With a carnation!” joked Persa, rather foolishly. “Not with the initiation, with a carnation!” another guy joked and I wondered: Initiation? What kind of initiation? During the whole celebration, Persa hardly talked to me – in fact she avoided even to come near me. Many times I noticed impatient looks all around me; everybody hoped I would hit the road soon, but I persevered heroically till the end, when there were only four guests left. At a moment I heard Mrs Daphne ask her daughter: “Is Yvonne still here?”. Have I spoilt the party or what? Finally, when the from the clouds! Until yesterday I kept on flirting Dimitri, my sister knew about that but I had no idea what was going on behind my back! A far as I can see, the bloke is willing to go steady with any woman but me! As about my sweet sister, she has entirely ignored my feelings and decided to act as a match-maker between Dimitri and her insignificant friend, as if I didn’t even exist! I get very angry, I run upstairs and confide all my complaints to mum. She goes downstairs immediately and talks to Alice which means everybody gets wind of the situation. Right after, Alice comes upstairs and wants a word with me. “What’s the matter?” she asks provocatively. “What’s the matter? You ask what’s the matter?” I start shouting. “I’ll tell you what’s the matter: You never care about me, you never give a dime about how I feel! You always invite people at your home, people I know too, but you never invite me, although you know I spend hours and hours alone! And now, while you know I like Dimitri, you act as a match-maker between him and your friend!” “So, you have finally understood what our relationship is like and it drives you Sunday, 27th February 1994 Lucid Dream: I am in an open wagon speeding into a dark crater. Before it goes any lower, I consciously get out of the wagon and fly towards the huge, dim sun. The atmosphere is steamy, whitish, full of strange beams. I fly over a while stairway, until I arrive at a vast playground. There are lots of people there but they all look like ghosts… This afternoon my sister and Antony finally decided to take a divorce by mutual consent, after ten years of misery and irresolution. The basic reason for the divorce is hunger: If Anthony provided his family with a minimum sum of money, Alice would never leave him. The carpenter’s workshop he opened last year had enough clients, yet he hardly earned anything because he used to grab the money paid in advance and disappear, without even setting foot in the workshop. Creditors were furious, they even went so far as to knock on their door and the couple pretended to be absent! So, Alice finally got sick and tired of this all and decided to ask for a divorce. In the meantime, she still works as a chamber maid in the Hotel “Blue Rose” in Vouliagmeni, while my parents have think I have jumped down, so they lose me. I run across a dark place which looks dangerous, and I finally end up on a tiled roof. The sense of adventure makes me feel great. Next moment I jump down to a narrow stone alley and run along it until I reach the wooden door of an old edifice. Hearing some of my persecutors approaching, I decide to knock on the door. A tall, middle-aged man appears at the threshold. “I am tired from travelling and I would like to rest for a while,” I excuse myself. He allows me to get in, and I see it is an old-time saloon with wooden furniture, full of smoke and shady patrons. Nevertheless I feel comfortable, as if I were in my element. I sit at the bar and I am offered some stale cookies powdered with caster sugar on a saucer. The napkins are dirty, probably used. There is a black-dressed, sluggish guy sitting nearby, and he is staring at me with his glassy eyes… Interpretation (all my life in an allegory): I always try to fit in the human society, but for some strange reason I am not accepted by the “servant”, so I stay out. Recently, however, I have changed my way of thinking: Instead of fleeing, I seek “Never mind, he is okay; whenever you two do it, you will put a pillow on his face and everything will be fine,” jokes my sister. We all sir at the living room, we have a pleasant conversation, the atmosphere is positive; at a moment I dare put on my glasses so that I can see faces and things clearer. I only hope the spectacles won’t repel the would-be groom. Finally, we arrange to meet again next Saturday. Saturday, 6th July 1991 The great day has come and aunt Mary insists on my calling on her, at her house in Piraeus, many hours before meeting Michael. I accept willingly, although I can’t understand why. I arrive there at about 3:00 o’ clock in the afternoon, and she welcomes me happily; we have a long spirited discussion and she finds the opportunity to offer me some discreet advice about how to seduce the “groom”. Anyway, time goes by pleasantly till it is 5:50 o’ clock, when Michael turns up and we both leave in his car. To my great surprise, instead of going directly to a cafeteria the two of us, the bloke informs me he is invited to a colleague’s wedding at 6:00! Therefore, I have to follow him to church, attend the wedding ceremony of a total stranger, From8:00 am to 2:00 pm I do office work or, most of the times, I run to all public services in the basin of Attiki so as to transact various bureaucratic formalities. Sometimes the boss gives me wrong instructions, so I toil in vain and then he gets mad at me. From 2:00 to 7:00 pm I run to various clients all around Attiki, to give or take documents. I usually arrive home at 9:00 in the evening, exhausted and exasperated. More often than not, I have to wait in endless queues for hours. Again I get a blasting because, as they tell me, I’m not capable of getting the job done “cleverly”, that is out of turn: “It’s time you learned how to move in those places! If you had gumption, you wouldn’t get stuck in queues!” yelled Demis this morning because, according to him, I had wasted too much time in the Tax Office. As about Lisa, she spends all the working hours painting her nails, fixing her make-up and admiring herself in her mirror. She is quite attractive, 20 years younger than her husband, and madly in love with his money. It is her younger cousin, Mina, who carries through all the work and treats me more humanely. Without her, there would be no job done correctly in this office… However, soon it proved to be too difficult for me to get the ball, to go after a rival player, to dribble and all that. Strangely enough, all the other girls could play better than me. “Is Yvonne with us?” joked Mr. Golfis, our teacher, every now and then. Soon nobody made a pass to me, and after some boring minutes I preferred to withdraw without saying a word to anybody. Anyway, in all likelihood nobody noticed my absence. … I took a narrow, stone path which went up a green hillside; all around me there were tall trees in leaf, small sunny glades, wild flowers in bloom, no people; just blissful serenity under a blue sky and a bright sun. My classmates seemed to be millions of miles away. I had a strange feeling, as if there was no other human being on earth. I walked all the way up the hill, all alone in that isolated green paradise. Spontaneously I let myself unwind, all worries faded away, any sense of time was lost. For the first time in my life I was feeling complete, balanced, happy, alive. I was one with the thriving, unspoilt nature that surrounded me. Everything looked shiny and vibrant, from the tallest tree to the weakest grass blade; it was as if an esoteric truth was being conveyed to me from the whole world – a make a good impression on the others. The fact is she can’t fit in this company, and neither can I. Besides, I often get the impression that something is wrong with these guys: Firstly, they always phone and invite me out just one and a half hour before the meeting time – which means I hardly have the time to get ready; as if they were doing it on purpose, hoping I would say “sorry, I can’t come because it’s too late for me now”. Moreover, their behaviour towards me is usually enigmatic or, even, hostile. Yesterday Danae was ironic to me because I gave her back the negatives of some photos without their paper envelope; yet, when she gave me those negatives, she told me she didn’t care about them at all. Apostolis joked he would have a child with me only if I paid him one million drachmas; Manos laughed mockingly On the way back, at 1:30 o’clock after midnight, I asked Danae to take me in her car (five persons in all) and leave me at St Tryfon Square –barely a five-minute ride. She frowned and complained that the car was too small to carry five persons! I was ashamed and spoke no more. I am sure Danae doesn’t like me at all, and I bet there is a lot of gossip behind my back. Acting the rich publisher. When we arrived at the bus terminus at Zappeion, he isolated me at a bench and kissed me. I think he is very hasty and he says big words like “You kiss nicely, Yvonne”. Is this just hot air, or what? Tuesday, 7th June 1988 This morning my mother and I went to the Lyceum of St Tryfon, so as to make some original copies of my graduation certificate. Probably I will need them while searching for a better job. However, due to a mistake of mine, the master in charge couldn’t validate the photocopies, so going there was a waste of effort. My mother took the occasion to express all her disappointment in me: “We are always complaining about our bad luck, but we say nothing about our stupidity!”. Next moment she touched the left side of my back, which protrudes slightly because of my scoliosis, and said bitterly: “Your back is wry, you need exercise!”. Then, she touched my right shoulder, which is a little lower than the left one. “Lift your shoulder, don’t let it droop!” she went on grimly. At that moment I realized that my mother wished she had another daughter, someone beautiful and popular, not me. vulgar. This morning he didn’t send me anything; however, these three harlots though it would be funny to write some false love-letters for me, signed with his name. It was evident that the first three messages were phoney because the handwriting didn’t match. However, the fourth one was so perfect that I believed it was really Alex who had sent it. In the meantime, I was under tremendous pressure from all the other girls: “If you don’t answer the messages, everybody will think you are too silly to understand!” Antonia told me and the others seconded her promptly. So, I decided to reply, asking him never to bother me again. The disaster reached a peak during the break: Those three rascals wrote another message for me, Tellos happened to see it and he started pulling my leg. I felt extremely ashamed and disappointed. I wished I were dead. But it didn’t stop there: Now the whole school is deriding me, they are calling me names, they all believe I’m stupid, and I have no idea on how to prove the opposite. The only thing I really want, is to blow up the classroom with everybody inside! I hate them all! I don’t know how to get even with them. What can I do? Who can help me? Nobody, extra loud folk music in my ears! The duds across the street were having fun once again, right at that time, so I decided to call the police at once. When I explained to the telephone operator what I wanted, she just hang up to me! Nevertheless, whenever old Zarifis calls them for the same reason, the police arrive here in no time so as to restore peace and quiet! When my sister threw a party some months ago, the old man called the police as soon as the clock struck midnight and they arrived five minutes later. Oh, I forgot: Mr. Zarifis belongs to a political club… Saturday, 30th July 1994 Psychic Experience: It begins as a lucid dream, but I changed it into a meditation exercise using the mantra “Energy” (inhale) – “Ecstasy” (exhale). Almost immediately I hear a strong hum in my ears and I see before me an endless cosmic vortex composed of umpteen white spirals. I feel cold, I am inside the cosmic vortex, I am the cosmic vortex… Fear… Suspense… Hypertension… but I don’t intend to stop, I wish to go on. However, mum wakes me up right at that time, disrupting my unusual experience. It is only 8:00 o’clock in the I have noticed just a few contacts and they were all in the second story: a) I write and illustrate a scene where Sandra fights with gigong sticks. A few hours later Josef, my nephew, holds two similar sticks and acts as if he were fighting with them. b) I write and illustrate a scene where Sandra hits Venor on the neck with her elbow. In the same evening, my sister accidentally hits Milena, her best friend, on the neck with her elbow. Saturday, 11th November 1995 Early in the morning Denia called and we arranged to meet at Filopappos Hill this afternoon, together with three other girls she has recently met through correspondence: Helen Tanagra is 21 years old, tall and plump; she has a beautiful face, she looks nice and quiet and she happens to live in Glyfada. Helen Tandoulou is 24 years old, she knows four foreign languages and she gives private lessons to children, Xanthippe Malamos is 25 years old, she has impressive, long black hair and she works as a secretary in a shipping company in Varkiza. At first I liked Xanthippe, as she looked cheerful and talkative; Saturday, 16th June 1988 Due to lack of company (as usual), this morning I decided to go alone to the beach of Voula. I was swimming in the shallow when a dark-skinned guy approached me and started courting me. I didn’t like him so much, he looked like a frog, and he was always in my way. However, I pressed myself to be friendly and receptive; years go by fast, I am not twenty years old and I can’t be choosy any more. With his broken Greek, he told me that his name is Omar, he comes from Egypt and he works in the embassy. I considered it wise not to reveal my true identity: I told him that my name is Mary and that I live in Kallithea. His face lit up because he lives in Kallithea too, as he told me. As we were getting out of the water, the bloke wanted to hold hands with me, as if we were lovebirds. “You are in my heart from the first moment I saw you, Mary!” he announced histrionically. He treated me to a glass of iced coffee, we talked quietly for a while and we finally arranged to meet at a cafeteria in Kallithea three days later. As I was leaving the beach, Omar said to me: “No lies, Mary, alright? No lies!” the perpetrators. I try to walk away slowly, but they notice me as I go up the stairs. “Hey, you! Come here!” they shout at me and I turn round, pretending to be scared. They laugh, while preparing to fire their flameguns. I ask for one minute time, so as to pray; they allow me and I squat down, next to wall, for a brief meditation exercise. When I finally finish and get up, the enemies fire at once. However, their guns produce no flame for they no longer function; there is only a soft light inside the long barrels. The villains get angry and they try to catch me but I fight back with two high kicks and send them roll down on the ground stunned. They realize something strange is going on and they withdraw quickly. I know I don’t have much time, because my psychokinetic influence on the flameguns won’t last long. So, at a moment when my persecutors don’t notice, I enter a car of bright green colour and drive away at once. Yet, one of the enemies chases me in another vehicle. With a view to deceiving him, I get out of my car and let it go down a precipice… Monday, 13th January 1992 result” says the guru again and again. What should we expect, really? Spiritual leaders talk a lot and they all say the same: They show contempt to the world of matter and they propagandize abstinence from any demonstration of life: “Don’t talk, don’t protest, don’t judge, don’t desire, don’t be happy, don’t be sorry, don’t be angry, don’t be afraid, don’t even think!”, Of course, I don’t believe it is possible to achieve this condition of non-existence while living, but I can’t imagine what purpose such ideals serve. All these “wise men”, with their suspiciously confusing teachings, give me the impression they hide something. Sometimes they use rhetorical tricks to taunt their disciples, sometimes they just say nonsense, other times they deliberately say and unsay just to cause agitation – and all this contrary to the old saw: Those who know don’t speak; those who speak don’t know. Real knowledge isn’t taught anywhere. Only personal experience can lead to real knowledge. Second-hand knowledge is good only for devout stooges who take pleasure in showing off their allegiance to a master… Wednesday, 9th January, 1991 Namely the teacher’s kin and a few more persistent persons like Alice, me and four or five others. Those few who don’t belong to the teacher’s clique, are always under pressure to split: When we dance in a circle, we are always pushed to the rear places; moreover, we are often scolded or ridiculed by teacher: “It’s a good thing there aren’t any injuries!” he says ironically, meaning two young men who don’t have a great talent at dance, yet they do their best. Or, he mockingly mimics some pupils (maybe me too) by dancing a spasmodic dance, complaining that “certain people in here dance like wooden puppets”. Alice and I play the fools because we like folk dances and we prefer not to make much of this nonsense. Anyway, we don’t intend to become professional or steal anybody’s glory; we just dance for fun. We were waiting for today’s lesson to start, as I suddenly saw Nina running fast towards me. Before even realizing what’s going on, she was already close to me; she jumped on the air in no time and with a loud martial cry she feigned kicking me on the face, stopping her right leg just a few inches from my head! Obviously, the slut wanted to prove to her friends she can the whole school), how I feel (sorrow, disappointment, self-pity), and what I can do about it (whatever I do is never enough). This diary is my only ally in life, since I don’t dare talk to anybody about my problems in this wretched school. Every time I try to say something to mum, her only advice is “Don’t be sad and don’t pay any attention to them. You must always show good manners”. Anyway, as soon as she read my diary, she got out of control: “Come here, you, nitwit! What inanities have you written here? “Dear re notebook, I am alone in the world, everybody hates me, you are my only friend”! What’ this? Are you sick or something? Let me catch you at such nonsense again!” Then, she tore my notebook to bits, she pushed me on the bed and started smacking and pinching me all over, shouting in a shrill voice: “Why are you complaining about your life, you ungrateful bitch? When I was at your age, I worked all day and gave all my money to my parents! I wasn’t left a drachma! Are you listening to me, you fool? Non even one drachma!” - and she kept on hitting and pinching me, while I was begging her to stop. I spent the rest of the Following steps: We focus on the flame of a candle placed in front of us Mental mantra (mine is: “the universe and I are one”) Physical relaxation Mental countdown from 10 to 0. Reaching the “void space”, we observe the image of the flame which is shaped in the darkness of our shut eyes. We open our eyes slowly, then close them again. Mental countdown from 10 to 0 (twice) We envisage coming out of our physical body and entering the guru’s body (!). Always imagining that our astral body is inside Alexander, we envisage going out, to the reception, so as to see the object Harry has placed on the table. The result was rather disappointing: Everybody failed except Mary, who “saw” that the copper statuette of Oros had been moved away from its usual place. Mary happens to be the most obedient of Alexander’s stooges but, paradoxically, she is still in our “low” class. Anyway, I suspect her success was just a foul play, so as to show this special telepathy experiment was Together with my mother, the TV set and some other things she had brought me, since we all thought I would stay on the island for eight more months. I’m standing at the stern of the ship, which has just departed, and I am experiencing untold relief as I’m slowly leaving the port, the city, the island, further and further behind. Another horrible adventure of mine has finally reached an end. I can hardly believe I have just escaped from a nightmare, for a second time in year… So, I am back home again, right on time to enroll in the State School of Tourism in Saronis, after my success in the entrance examinations of June. I am one of the best students in class, I can’t say that I have any problem with school or the people here, yet I can’t avoid certain familiar situations: Once again I feel alienated; I really wish to approach the other students, but it is just proves to be impossible against an invisible wall of ice. I usually keep company with the three most boring girls in the class, who call me Nonny (how dull!). As about the boys, the only one who shows an interest in me is Dennis, a greenhorn with a big head and a plump if we were being persecuted! This means we drove for one and a half hours in all, just for a fifteen-minute swim! None of the other disciples found that strange –and none of them will even think of suggesting our going for a swim again… Tuesday, 11th August 1992 When Aphrodite and I decided to ask John, one of Alexander’s most advanced disciples, why we left the beach so hurriedly yesterday, he answered in a casual style: “Come on, guys, we’ve spoken so many times about how harmful sunbathing is because of the hole in the ozone layer! If we don't observe what we say, then what are we doing?” I didn’t contradict him but I wondered: When we left the seaside the time was 6:30 in the afternoon; how harmful would it have been, if we had stayed for fifteen more minutes? All things considered, I believe yesterday’s excursion was one of Alexander’s tricks, aiming to keep his disciples in subjection: He doesn’t allow them to enjoy anything, so that they don’t demand anything. In the meantime, Savvas has been trying to show off how “cool” and “liberated” he is. He won’t even hesitate to undress before everybody and have a bath with the water satify Alice’s increasing needs, taking into account that she has just rented a small apartment on her own. Anyway, I have the impression that her independence won’t last long: The game “Separation – Tragedy – Reconciliation” takes place about twice a year, which means that she moves house twice a year. The general plot is as follows: Without even a clear reason, the couple make feathers fly, Antony beats up my sister, she goes away and rents a house on her own. Then, the repentant husband goes and finds her, he cajoles her with sweet talk and flowers, Alice returns home, she abandons the house she had found for herself, and so on, until next time. In any case, the duchess demands that we promptly run and help her with the enormous amount of work needed to be done every time she moves house. Needless to say, everybody (relatives, friends, neighbours) is constantly busy with Alice’s problems. “But you have another child too,” said cousin Dimitri to my father the other day, and only then did I realize the truth: One way or another, Alice has been absorbing all my parents’ energy for decades now… about what they meant, I don’t care anymore, I just realize that my survival in such a hostile environment, for so many months, is a real achievement. … Every night I return to my wonderful secret life in the world of dreams, where I can travel freely in paradox lands, full of brightness or haze, paradises or hells. There, in my night adventures, I am always the protagonist and I am never bored. I love and relish these spiritual trips more than any everyday experience. I won’t get married. I won’t sacrifice my night bliss for anyone… Monday, 29th February 1988 That was the last straw! I’ve been too long in this company! I am always obliged to assume responsibility for things I can’t possibly know. The boss is constantly grumbling, he says that everything is on his hands, that “there is no organization in here” and that “other bosses never set foot in the office because their super secretaries do all the work by themselves!” I abhor phone calls. I always have to give half answers and irritate the customers, since certain things are not supposed to be told. When Lucas is absent – and he is absent almost every day – I have to sub for him even if it isn’t possible for me to know I interested in any of the suggested activities, although I can play the organ quite well, I can paint portraits and I like cinema too. I can’t tell what exactly put me off; maybe the frequently repetition of “there is a lot of work to be done by everybody”. Don’t we have enough homework already? In the end, we were asked to raise hands and enter ourselves for any of those groups; I didn’t do so, not even once. “Aren’t you interested in any of these activities?” asked Nina. “They are all fine, but I’m not good at anything, neither at music, nor at dance; and I seldom go to the cinema,” I replied hastily. I don’t know what happened with that club finally, but I have never heard anything about it again… Thursday, 17th May 1979 This afternoon, my cousin Annita and her mother paid us a visit. After a while, my sister suggested we go to the local park. It sounded like a nice idea and we agreed at once. No sooner had we arrived and sat on the wishes. Instead of a present, he asked to be given some money because, as he says, he prefers it to a meaningless consumer gift. We made a buffet and we all sat down on our hunkers, after we had removed the chairs. Only Alexander sat on his chair near the window and, under his guidance, we had a team psychoanalysis based on our sexual preferences and fantasies: Danae admitted she has been thinking about becoming a lesbian, due to her disappointment from men; Theano declared her first sexual relationship was with a woman; Christos confessed that his first time was with a man! Conclusion: We shouldn’t judge the others according to a label, because we aren’t so different as we think. For example, we have all had homosexual relationships or fantasies. Under certain circumstances, anyone can do anything. Then there was a long discussion about matriarchy, and Vanessa was the leading lady. Alexander wasn’t such a misogynist as he usually is. I said that “In our patriarchal society a woman can’t develop her innate intuition, because man plays all the roles: he develops not only action (male) but intuition (female) as well. A woman can’t be a real woman in a who introduced himself as Mr. Lucas Zafirakis, finally agreed to hire me full time, starting from today! He offers the basic salary and stamps -I’m talking about luxury! I can hardly believe it! The company is called Vinomec and imports wining machinery from Italy. I managed to get the position of secretary because I was the only candidate able and willing to listen to a text in Greek and simultaneously type it in English or Italian. According to the boss, all the other girls he had seen, most of them with university degrees from England or Italy, had either messed up everything or refused to do such a demanding test. December 1986 The first months at work rolled on smoothly, without serious problems; those started to appear later. In general, Mr. Zafirakis is a quiet and good-hearted person, but my job is extremely demanding: Apart from a typist and a telephone operator, I am also in charge of imports and I sub for the boss when he is absent. Besides, I am always under the watchful eye of Mrs. Stasa: She is Lucas’ mother-in-law, who first appeared in the office the same day I was hired –obviously warm family gatherings later, at the 80s, during the years of adolescence. Tonight a nice part of my life is going away together with Gregory. I lose an innocent past, I experience an agonizing present, I await a threatening future… Nothing lives for ever: What belongs to the past is as if it had never existed at all. There are only memories left, but they fade away moment by memories left, but they fade away moment by moment like a distant dream, until everything is lost in oblivion. Sooner or later all is gone: Good or bad, success or failure, bliss or pain. Everything fades with time. Whole generations eventually die out, omnipotent dynasties are finally wiped out –it is just a matter of time. Entire civilizations have disappeared from the face of the earth, civilizations that once thrived on vast continents for many thousands of years. Sooner or later the earth swallows up everything, all the big and wondrous works of the past. Life itself will be extinct from the earth when the sun starts to cool. Whole worlds, maybe more advanced than ours, may have vanished because of unpredictable or inevitable cosmic phenomena. The only thing that remains is dust in space –maybe not even that… my child! Is she any different from a child?”. Then, he explained it is necessary for all dog owners to masturbate their dogs, in case the animal hasn’t got the possibility to find a mate during the mating season. Next moment, he puts his finger in the dog’s vagina and the animal writhes accordingly for a few seconds, while Alexander is looking at us with a mockingly. I am flabbergasted, I don’t like this at all, but I say nothing. The rest of the disciples stay silent and calm, as if that were something absolutely natural, something you see every day. As for the rest: I can no longer stand the heat of August! The sun is scorching us from 10:00 am to 6:00 pm every day. It is impossible for us to stand anywhere on the field or even have a nap after lunch, because the tents get extremely hot under the blazing sun. The only thing we can do is sit at the shadow of the plane-tree and wait patiently for the hours to pass. Everybody suffers but nobody expresses the slightest displeasure. I am the only one who keeps complaining to my friends, everybody knows about it and they all look askance at me. Chios, together with my friends Apostolis, Danae and Manos. As soon as I arrived at the port of Piraeus, problems started to appear: The ship with the cabins, in which Apostolis had made reservations, proved not to be going to Chios at all! I definitely wanted to stay in a cabin, since it would be a ten-hour night voyage, so we asked in another ship but there were no cabins left! “Will you come with us, now?” Apostolis asked me, as I was standing before him with my baggage in hand. Strange question: Would he prefer my not coming at all? Finally, we all travelled together on the deck, under my woolen blanket, “like a big, happy family”, as Danae joked. This morning, after we disembarked at the port of Chios, a new misfortune was awaiting us: Soon we found out Apostolis’ parents had changed the lock to the front door of their house, without his knowing; so, we had to wait in the car from 6:00 to 9:00, for an uncle of his to wake up and give us the new keys. I couldn’t help wondering: couldn’t Apostolis wake him up a little earlier, given the circumstances? Did we really have to wait in the car for three whole hours? Anyway, despite our heavy drowsiness Thursday, 8th August 1991 Yesterday I returned to Athens after 17 days of vacations in England, where I went together with my father and one of his sisters, aunt Tassia. We stayed at Temple Fortune, a suburb of London, at aunt Miranda’s house. We decided to go there on occasion of cousin Thelma’s wedding. In overall, I had a fine time: In the mornings we visited parks, museums, and other sights of London: Madam Tussaud’s Rock Circus, the Tower of London, London Dungeon, St Paul’s Cathedral, Windsor Castle etc. One night we went to the casino, together with Thelma and her husband: I played roulette and lost five pounds in five minutes. Yet, I liked the environment: Luxury, devoutness, controlled tension. Since I didn’t have any more money to play, I stood by the roulette and concentrated on number 11; the ball hit 11 twice, three times it hit two or three numbers away from 11. The afternoons were rather boring: I had nothing to say to all these well-to-do, conceited relatives – they didn’t pay much Isn’t he George Franzis, our old classmate?” I asked with an assumed air of indifference. “No, Yvonne, this is not George, he just resembles him a little! George, he just resembles him a little! George isn’t so dark-skinned!” retorted Louise at once, and I saw that she was right. Thursday, 13th April 1989 It was a few days ago, on the bus to work again, when I first noticed a beautiful young woman with short blond hair and piercing blue eyes. I’ve been thinking about it and I am almost certain it is Rosita; I intend to get acquainted with her, so as to reach her brother eventually. This morning I went to the bus-stop earlier than usual. I stood by the corner and watched her for few minutes, while she was approaching. When the bus came, I took care to sit opposite her, so that I could observe her facial features more carefully. After a while it was clear to me that it was not Rosita, although she looks like her a lot. Then, all of a sudden, the young woman turned and looked at me in terror – obviously she had just realized I had been watching her. Poor girl, I must have frightened her out of her wits! interesting, dynamic person, entirely different from all the other friends I’ve had so far. On the other hand, any time I tell her about my problems at work, such as continuous computer breakdowns, she jumps at the opportunity to belittle and offend me: “But what are you, a nitwit? Don’t you know how to fix a system error by yourself?”… “What kind of company is this you work for? I think your boss is a niggard!”… “People who do office work are stupid!” I began to suspect what’s going on with her last night, when we went out together and she revealed more details about her job: As a sales manager, she controls some teams of commercial travellers. Mostly they sell in Athens, but they also travel all over Greece and sell books door to door. “Peasants are very easy to handle: Before they know it, they are persuaded to buy expensive encyclopedias, which they pay by monthly installments!” Diana said complacently. “How is this possible? As far as I know, people hardly open their doors to travelling salesmen!” I retorted, but Diana was ready to answer: “People do open their doors and buy whatever they are told, if the salesman or not, until the following incident happened at Danae’s this evening: There were eight persons from our class invited, we all sat together in the living room, but there was a strange silence among us; the TV was on, we all gaped at it, but we neither watched anything nor uttered a word. There was only embarrassment, frigidity, absolute lack of communication, “Shall we turn it off and talk a little?” I suggested calm, after an hour of exasperation. “I would like it to be on!” someone retorted with an air of importance. “Me too!” another one seconded and the others agreed, probably because they all wanted to oppose me. Anyway, we stayed there for about three hours doing nothing but stupidly looking at the screen. We hardly talked, I was bored to death, I got furious and I decided to leave Janus for good. By the way, how “spiritual” can someone be, if they can’t resist the telly? What have we been doing all these years? Monday, 12th October 1992 Night Adventure: I am in the yard of a sensible person; you two could match together,” she says smiling. I decided to drop in on her early this morning, before going to work. At first I was flabbergasted when I saw how big the company she works for is: Three storeys full of offices and lots of people coming and going. Then, I was disappointed to find out that the would-be groom is a chubby, bald guy with fat cheeks and short legs – exactly the type I have told Louise I dislike. “But look how big muscles he has!” insisted my friend, who probably considers fat as “muscles”. It didn’t take Louis long to understand I am not interested in that guy, so she started introducing me to some other lawyers, all of whom, paradoxically, were as fat and short as Peter. “This is my friend Yvonne, who is an artist and a writer,” she kept saying in a rather ostentatious manner, and I had to shake hands and smile to each one of them. Then, very cheerfully and eagerly, she took me to various offices on all three storeys, where I had to shake hands with lots of surprised people I had never seen before and I –in all likelihood- I will never see again. After a while we returned to Louise’s office at last; a little later, a new person came Wednesday, 26th February 1992 Doubts about the guru –once again: Now he needs many millions of drachmas for the creation of an asram, he says. For the time being, he demands 10,000 drachmas from each one of us, so as to buy the land. However, this is only the beginning; many more millions of drachmas will be needed for the building of the settlement – and the whole estate will be to the guru’s name. There follows a psychological extortion. “The imminent world annihilation makes the situation urgent (as if we would be safe in the asram). Besides, those who are really advanced in metaphysics, will be eager to offer any sum of money needed!”. Then, he makes an example of Harry, who has an ordinary job in a company and happily offers all his salary to Janus. Other “worthy disciples” have donated their own fields to Alexander, who makes it clear he owes them nothing at all, not even a “thank you”, since it is their honour to serve him! All in all, the creation of a sect is the cleverest enterprise: If you play your cards right, within a few years you have a herd of loyal “disciples” who worship you like a god, they donate you their properties and they consider it their honour to work for Philip approached me again and started jesting with me: “You don’t know a thing about dancing and you are incapable of improving!” he remarked, smiling foolishly. I didn’t get him wrong or anything, but I think he is a nuisance. Monday, 27th March 1989 It’s two weeks now that I’ve been possessed by a crazy idea: I intend to find my first love, George Franzis! So, day after day I’ve been searching for his telephone number in old and new directories. I’ve tried dozens of numbers in vain, until I saw 9630…, which seemed to be more probable. I have dialed it many times, but there is no answer. This morning, on the bus to work, I happened to meet Ivy, with whom we were classmates in the first two classes of gymnasium. We talked about our careers, I told her I work in an import company and she told me she has studied Chemistry but she works in a big bank. Then I brought up the subject of old schoolmates and George Frantzis; I was exhilarated when I heard that George has returned to Greece after completing his studies of business management in America, I even Anyway, I wonder: What is really achieved with “breaking of the Ego”? I talked to the girls about an experiment I have recently carried out with myself. I took care so as to feel, think and act according to Alexander’s teachings that is without the slightest vestige of selfishness. Pretty soon I started to ignore all my interests, needs, desires, emotions, because –according to the guru- “all these things satisfy the Ego, so they are contrary to spiritual development.” The result: If I had insisted on this for a few more days, I would have had a nervous breakdown, I would have even started thinking about suicide! Moreover, my self- esteem had diminished to a minimum: I had begun to believe that I was good for nothing and that everything I did was pointless since it served my own satisfaction. I was sinking deeper and deeper into apathy and that looked like liberation –at first. All things considered, what can this fallacy of “breaking the Ego” actually cause to the human soul? Probably, it destroys other things too, apart from selfishness. Maybe it bears a serious danger for the soul itself; perhaps the ultimate purpose of all religious systems is the disintegration and fusion of souls into something else. Apart from obedience to Old man is following me, raving and vomiting, until I finally reach home. Indeed, I wonder: Is all this fuss worth the while? Are these guys really my friends? Yet, they are my only choice for a social life. What else could I do? Stay at home and watch TV? Never mind; enjoy it while it lasts… Sunday, 10th February 1991 Night Adventure: I am reading a beautiful poem about someone who travels all over the world and has lots of experiences, seeking the meaning of life. Finally, he returns home, near the fireplace, in tranquility and simplicity. The last verse I remember is something like “and then, the thoughts are coming…”. All of a sudden, the piece of paper goes away and I wake up… Today my parents were absent from the afternoon till late at night, because they were invited to dinner by old relatives. I wasn’t in the mood of going too, so I stayed home alone and enjoyed some precious privacy. When my parents are around, I have the impression of being constantly watched. Especially my mother observes every move I make: how I act, how “That’s weird! How come don’t you know me? The whole school has been talking about me!” I let slip but then I shut up immediately. All night long, in my bed, I kept wondering: What’s wrong with Mary? Once we used to get along so well. It seems my friend has changed; she is no longer the carefree girl I used to know. Day by day she is becoming a woman, while I obstinately remain a child. Mary likes flirting all men around her, while I don’t give a dime. I am still in love with George Franzis. Mary enjoys going to the park and swaying her hips to all the boys there. When I frowned at the whole performance this afternoon, Mary looked at me scornfully and said: “You are a girl, too! You should sway your hips a little!” Yet, this is impossible for me, maybe because I’m still tall and thin like a rake, not at all in the mood for airs and grace. Female mincing and simpering is just not my cup of tea… Sunday, 18th May 1978 This time it was Mary’s turn to come and stay with me for the weekend. I can’t stand incessantly and/or slam car doors uncountable times! Why, indeed? Only God –or Satan- knows! The fact is that more often than not I can hardly sleep, I feel exasperated and I can’t meditate properly. In addition, the family who lives on the second floor of this building throw parties twice a week and there is very loud music till 3:00 o’clock in the morning. Besides, they are always on the balcony, shouting, screaming, listening to music or television on full blast, every day, all day long! Moreover, the family who lives across the street have a nasty black dog which barks continuously for hours and hours, day or night! The weirdest thing, though, is that nobody else in the neighbourhood seems to be annoyed by all that pandemonium! I was hopeless about the problems mentioned above, but this morning an unexpected solution came up: After years of moving houses, my sister has just decided to return here, at her own house, so that my mother can help her even more with raising her children. Yet, she suggests she and I should change houses: she prefers to live in my house, on the ground floor, because it is bigger and it has a veranda; therefore, I will move into her Introduced himself as Mr. Demis Dragonas and he told me to take a taxi at once and come to the hotel Lyra in Vouliagmeni. He said he would be waiting for me there till 4:30, and he insinuated I would be hired immediately as a restaurant cashier. Twenty minutes later I arrived at the accounts department of the hotel Lyra, beaming with optimism. However, it didn’t take me long to understand that Mr. Dragonas didn’t think very highly of me: “So, you only have a Certificate of Proficiency in English? Haven’t you studied abroad?”… “Besides, your diploma from the State School of Tourism is not a university degree”… “Moreover, you have no working experience”… “This job requires a lot of sprightliness, I'm not sure if you can do it, of course, I don’t know how high your intelligence quotient is” etc., etc., etc… Monday, 3rd March 1986 I had almost forgot the above case until today, when I received an unexpected phone call at 2:00 pm: I jumped for joy when I heard it was Mr. Dragonas, asking me to take a taxi at once and come to his office in New Faliron, because he was in urgent need of an assistant in the exports department! I set out without a second of Organizations, sects, companies: These are bigger or smaller groups of people which act as sovereign vampiric entities. A company consists of its employees, but it is not its employees; it is an entirely different entity with its own needs, goals and way of thinking. Companies are very demanding vampires: They want us to give them the best hours of our days (from 9:00 am to 5:00 pm), the best years of our lives (from 20 to 65), our full attention and the maximum of our potential any minute. As a reward they provide a usually miserable survival, a boring routine and a rather dubious security. In general, vampires are gifted with excessive charm, personal magnetism (sex appeal), shrewdness and eloquence. They are easy to recognize, as they monopolize every conversation in an almost psychotic manner, and they manage to catch attention spontaneously, in a natural way. They are often arrogant and aggressive, yet everybody finds them lovely. The roles of the vampire and the victim may be interchanged -according to the circumstances: In different environments, a vampire may become a victim and vice versa. For example, an employee/victim offers all his energy to the company/vampire he works enormous spider-like insects etc. I, together with other people, run to the mountain so as to escape, while weird liquid objects keep falling from the sky. At that moment, a white substance rises over the tombs and the cypress-trees of the old cemetery, and it gradually forms something like a dinosaur’s skeleton on the night sky. Someone shouts we should all run away together… It is high time I started observing Silence. I need to keep my mouth shut, since I am not able to ignore the other people’s opinion. Anyway, the others can’t possibly approach the fascinating worlds of my dreams; that’s why they usually show disbelief, boredom or envy. Even when they seem to be interested in my experiences, I should be reserved and kept silent. Unfortunately, I tend to talk a lot and ask for approval or advice because I am insecure inside. I also like to believe that the narration of psychic experiences will make me a more interesting person –but this has always proved to be wrong: Even Aphrodite and Theano, who are my best friends in Janus, seem to be more interested in sexual experiences than parapsychology; as a result, I often encounter disapproval, disbelief, or ironic remarks. The fact is that this situation Anderson is a revolutionary cosmonaut, who fights against evil all over the universe. Her stories are structured in a very unusual way: In a separate notebook I have written down some of my memories, fantasies, as well as night adventures, classified in certain categories: Start of story – Main events – Secondary events – Cosmic truths – Fights – Dialogues – Space and time – End of story. Each item corresponds to a card of the Egyptian tarot. I draw a card at random for the category I need each time, I develop the respective item into one or more paragraphs, and thus I gradually form a full story… Thursday, 6th August 1992 Since yesterday afternoon I have been here, at Alexander’s asram, somewhere in Peloponnese, together with other guys from Janus. It is a quite large field full of nut-trees, at the shadow of which we have put up our tents. To the north there is a wood of fir-trees; to the east, a spring forms a babbling stream at the shadow of a lofty plane-tree. Green hills crown the horizon to the south and west. The landscape is picturesque and peaceful, yet the weather is too hot and I already feel disappointed. Eighth story: I draw Sandra singing in a disco pub. Next day I am unexpectedly invited to go to a disco with my cousins – I hardly ever go to a disco. Tenth story: I write about a gigantic monster which absorbs energy from spacecrafts. A few hours later, in a cartoon on TV, there is a strange machine which absorbes energy from a spacecraft. Tenth story: In another cartoon on TV, the hero gets captured by his enemies. Suddenly, he turns round and fires at them with an anesthetic laser gun. They fall back, the hero runs away. Earlier in the morning, I had written an episode where Sandra Anderson escapes from her enemies exactly in the same way. Eleventh story: On the 21st of May, I am at the funfair of Saints Constantine and Helen together with my friend Mandy. Suddenly, I noticed a young blond man, who resembles Venor a lot and happens to be standing next to me. Right at that moment, Mandy talks about a whip and moves her hands accordingly; she is dressed exactly like Sandra in a similar scene, where Venor is holding a whip. I had drawn that scene the day before, on 20th May. her great achievements: “When I finished high school, nine years ago, I left my family for good. They live in Edessa, and I haven’t seen them ever since. I’m not like some mollycoddles, who never get any further than their mother’s skirt!” (that was a hint about me: not only do I keep contact with my parents, but I also live with them)… “You go to bed at midnight? So early? What a milksop you are! I stay up and watch TV till three or four o’clock in the morning!” (admire me, I am a neurasthenic!) … “You go swimming at the beach of Voula? That’s only a ten-minute ride from your home!” (what a shame!)… “I’m going to succeed in life, my ambitions soar high; not like you, who will always be a lowly-paid employee!” she burst out finally. Alright, she was asking for it. I took a deep breath and started talking: “Obviously, you think you are my superior here; let me remind you that in this same position! And you are five years older than me!” That left her speechless for a while… Tuesday, 20th august 1985 All day today Zeta kept on criticizing the way I dress: “Why do you always wear such We are chatting cheerily, when all at once Chryssa asked me about my book. I informed her that I have been to many publishers, that two of them are interested in publishing my novel till the end of next year, and that I will prefer the one who will sign the contracts first. Everybody seemed to be impressed. “Shall we see you again?” they asked me later, as I was leaving. “Of course!” I replied smiling. On the way home, a nice young man came and sat next to me in the bus. Before long he started talking to me and I was surprised at his interest in me. His name is Michael, he is 24 years old and he is a publisher! He is rather plump, with big buttocks, not quite my type, but he has a beautiful face. He said that his company is quite successful, with a staff of 50 employees, and that he was going to the Book Fair at Syntagma Square in order to find new collaborators. Finally, we went to the fair together. I bought a book of fantasy stories, while he was talking to a group of managers. “This is how you earn 4000 drachmas a day,” he bragged a little later. I suspected he is just a peddler who tries to hit on chicks by modern, “feminist” society, a woman’s thoughts and actions are focused mainly on one thing –how to satisfy her man. Otherwise, the woman has no man and she is non-existent to society. This is exactly what the male vampire offers the woman: A social position (as his wife or mistress) and an acceptable reason to leave (satisfy him sexually and have his children). b) In a family, children are the most powerful vampires. With their cuteness, tricks, tears, mischief, as well as with their endless demands, they manage to keep their parents always busy –especially their mother. The proud parents offer all their time, money, thoughts and energy to sometimes unworthy children. On the other side, “What is the purpose of life? To have children, of course” claim all parents in robotic unison. c) Popular persons: They are “the life and soul of the party”, as it is often said. Indeed, in any party there is always one person who acts as a leader, although nobody can actually explain the reason why: in general, these persons are egocentric, frivolous and capricious. Yet, the popular person commands and the again, I assured him that I had just arranged everything according to his wishes, but he burst out all nerves: “9th or 10th of May? What are you talking about, miss? It will be too late then! On the 3rd of May, at the latest, the technician must be here!” “But you told me…” I tried to protest, but the bloke hang up and I had my hackles up. What shall I tell the Italians now? I wondered, full of worry. Finally, the manufacturer Tafel sent a telex, where I added on the spot that everything was ready for the technician to come on the 3rd of May at the latest. After a while Mr. Christides called again and ordered me not to do anything until he spoke with Lucas. He is a madcap! When the boss came at last, I narrated the whole story to him, he phoned Mr. Rossini at once and the Italian congratulated him on me. Then, for half an hour or more Lucas ran Paul down, saying that he is nothing but a dead loss. In the end, I had to work three hours overtime in order to finish all the necessary work and the boss gave me 2000 drachmas “so as to drink his health”. We stayed there for half an hour but nothing like that happened. We got on the car and returned home, while my mother could hardly hold back her tears. Thursday, 13th October 1988 As I was returning from work by bus, I happened to meet Kate, an old schoolmate of mine, with whom I used to keep company (as boring as can be) while we were in lyceum. I was astounded to hear that has been married to a famous footballer for five years now! She has two children and she works in the Tax Office, where she was hired as soon as she finished high school. “I met Lena by chance, a few months ago,” she informed me then. “She is married too, and if you see her husband, you will drop dead! He is just gorgeous! As about her, she has lost weight and she is very beautiful. Moreover, she has a permanent job in the Social Security Insurance Foundation!” Really now, isn’t this odd? The most boring girls in the school, always stuck in a corner, parroting the lesson again and again, are now married to handsome and successful men, and they have Tuesday, 30th August 1983 As the time for my departure is coming closer and closer, I gain more and more self-confidence. Ambition is flaring up inside me and I like it. I already envisage myself working in the Observatory as an astronomer, making great discoveries, reaching the highest levels of scientific achievement. Apart from that, I also aspire to become a writer of science fiction books and I have already started writing my first novel, entitled “The Conspiracy of Shadows”. I won’t calm down, unless I fulfill my dreams! Nevertheless, first I have to get rid of all the inner bondage I have been burdened with since my early childhood: Timidness, self-pity, passivity, pessimism. Surely, a part of the fault lies with me: I have always appeared different from the others, I have never followed the herd. This is unforgivable in the society of humans: You are never accepted as an individual, with your own peculiarities; all you can do is always adjust yourself to the mass, never showing the slightest deviation. Therefore, from now on I must pretend I am exactly like the: I must behave in the same way as they do, and tell them stories that my life is not at all different from Her any more. She’s become such a smart aleck! She thinks she is the most beautiful and shrewd woman in the world. All she is interested in is throwing herself at any man she meets, including my friend Gregory who is twelve years old now. During these two days, she was constantly itching to go to the local park and flirt any man she found there; moreover, she kept shouting English or French phrases so as to be heard by everybody. “Don’t try so hard, we can speak English too!” a boy pulled her leg yesterday. Then, she was in the sulks and hardly talked to me from Saturday afternoon till Sunday evening, when she left with a long face. I considered it weird that Mary called me this morning and asked me to visit her at 1:30. “We’ll take lunch together, and we’ll have a nice time! Bring your sister along, if you like,” she said and I agreed, thinking that she wanted to make up for her bad behaviour at the weekend. So, Alice and I arrived on time, we rang the bell three, four times, but nobody answered the door. We walked around for a quarter, then we rang Mary's bell again, still nothing. We repeated the walk, we Monday, 22nd May 1989 As soon as I came back from work, Alice brought little Yanni for us to babysit till later at night –as usual. Despite that, she never misses an opportunity to show her contempt for me. “Isn’t there a nice guy to introduce to Yvonne? Antony has so many friends!” suggested mum at a moment. “Antony’s friends see Yvonne almost every day! If they liked her, they would have said something,” answered my sister disdainfully. “Besides, I don’t like their telling me that they don’t fancy Yvonne!” “How can you be sure they don’t fancy her?” wondered mum. “But can’t you see how awful she looks?” “This is what I look like, take it or leave it!” I popped in. “Everybody leaves it!” wound up Alice, with an air of one hundred Hollywood stars. Wednesday, 14th June 1989 Good news at last: The publishing of my book has already started! A few days ago I was given the corrected rolls and this Holy Wednesday, 3rd April 1991 Return to Athens – that is ten endless hours of absolute boredom in the chill of the night. Nevertheless, I have been experiencing an awakening, all alone on the deck, while the others have been crouching on their chairs of the economy class, after a brief quarrel I have had with that wiseacre of Manos: It all began when the gentleman mocked that my jacket had been reduced to a “dusting cloth”. Then, I went to the bar and took a cup of coffee; as soon as I returned, he told me tauntingly: “Be careful or you will split it on us!” “Now that you say it, it could as well happen! It’s a matter of basic psychology! You claim to know this too!” I replied. “Oh, don’t start again!” complained Danae. Moments of truth in absolute silence: These guys are certainly not my friends, and they never wanted me to join them on this trip. Not only during these days, but also whenever we meet in Athens they constantly make fun of me, they treat me as if I were a retard, and they ridicule every word I say. It’s high time I cut down on jokes and do well in certain tasks, while Alice does fine. My father has to set the sea on fire, so as to prevent some enemies from approaching and invading the ship. When we reach the port, he intends to kill me and I don’t know why. However, I won’t just sit there waiting for death. I start flying over the blazing sea, until I reach the coast and escape to a nearby wood. Yet, there is still danger, as my father is chasing me in a helicopter. I hide in a clump of trees and then under a heap of leaves. My father takes another way, so he loses me. I get out of my hiding place and I end up in a public service. I ask the guards to let me hide in there but they don’t let me in, so I neutralize them with karate blows. In the meantime my father has just arrived but he doesn’t look threatening anymore: he smiles to me in a friendly way, probably because he is proud of my abilities now. Mum is with him and we all three go away together. Interpretation: The dream shows my inner feeling of not being loved by my parents, especially in comparison with Alice, the star of our hostile to me, and I wish I could prove my worth to them… guarantee from Tronchi. Finally, I received the document just at the last moment, while the bank employee was grumbling vexed. I hate banks and public services. All those who work there are nothing but useless idlers. In the afternoon, my parents and I were invited by Bill and Judith, who have rented our first floor. They are getting married on Sunday. A little later, the nuptial bed was made. I was surprised to see that there was only a white sheet and two pillows on the bed. Their baby, the eight-month-old Constantine, was very sweet and slept most of the time. Is Bill rather jumpy, or what? Some relatives of Judith were present as well; they all arrived this morning from New Zealand and they will stay in Greece for a week. I communicated with them in English, especially with Judith’s mother and two other ladies. Sometimes I had a little difficulty in understanding them because they are used to speaking between their teeth, but all of them were pleasant, polite and friendly. Paradoxically, I felt quite comfortable among them. I wasn’t shy and reserved as usual, neither did I wonder once what I should say to look interesting and cute. Too much ado for nothing, I think. Wednesday, 15th June 1983 Here is the continuation of the love story: My mother has been itching to meet Anton’s parents who, as far as we know, have separated lately although they have five children. “Besides, it’s urgent that we find out this guy’s intentions regarding your sister!”, announced mum this morning. Then she asked me to accompany her to Antony’s house, which is not far from ours. As soon as we saw the old hut with the weedy garden, we were speechless but not daunted. Mum rang the bell and a fat disagreeable lady answered the door. Fortunately, that was not Antony’s mother, but an aunt of his. “Mrs. Markakis cannot see you now, she has visitors,” she told us scornfully. There were many other relatives inside the almost dilapidated house -probably a family reunion. Finally, Antony’s mother appeared at the threshold; she looked friendly, we exchanged a few words and she promised to come and visit us as soon as possible. Friday, 5th August 1983 All day long we are obliged to perform boring, thankless, tiring, enervating tasks –which often have no clear purpose. They just keep us busy with various nonsense, so that they can suck our energy day after day, year after year – and we let go in complacent misery, boasting off that we are hard-working people, useful to society. Networks of all kinds control the lives of ordinary people through special mechanisms (work, money, patriarchy, religion, nepotism, etc.), but they are also structured in a rigorous hierarchy: There are many ways the bosses of a company can control the lives of their employees, but this happens always in accordance to the line they take from higher ranks of the elite. Yet, those “higher ranks” toe the line of other, “even higher ranks”, and so on. Consequently, the flow of Power follows a strictly one-way course through specific human channels, until it all accumulates to a secret centre –at the top of the social pyramid. The Centre is not some human being; it is an invisible, incomprehensible, probably extraterrestrial entity, an absolute Lord, who demands to be worshiped as “God” by the human herd. This is where all authorities and powers derive from and A nuisance or as a poor thing… Thursday, 14th April 1988 Another exasperating day at work: I received Tronchi’s offer for Valasis Winery, however there is no authorization, and the letter of guarantee is written in French! Moreover, the name of our company isn’t mentioned anywhere! For God’s sake! As if that moron of Tronchi had never exported to Greece before! I spend the whole morning running an office to marathon: I typed the four-page offer to Valasis, I sent uncountable faxes and telexes to the Italian manufacturer instructing him how to correct the above mistakes, I co-ordinated various Italian companies with customs brokers and bank employees. Absolute madness! Needless to say, it is impossible to finish today and this means that tomorrow, when Lucas returns from Santorini, he will be furious at me. I’m fed up with all this lunacy! Friday, 15th April 1988 One more marathon day at work, striving to carry out an enormous number of tasks. Moreover, the bank put me through the mill before preparing the letter of The same string: “I won’t be able to give you a leave next week, because I must go to the village; neither the week after the next, because my wife wants me to go to the village with her, and someone must stay in the office,” he said with an air of irony. “Next week I won’t be able to come to the office, because I have already bought the tickets for my vacations!” I lied to him. For a few moments Zafirakis was flabbergasted, as if he couldn’t believe his ears. Then, he started shouting, wild with anger: “What are you talking about Yvonne? This is impossible! Up to now you have given me a different impression, I thought you were somebody I could rely on! But now I see another Yvonne before me!” “I can’t understand why you wonder,” I replied as calm as possible. “I think this is the best for both of us, since August is the only month that all Italian companies close for summer vacations, so we have no work at all. Yet, you keep on postponing my leave with various excuses…” “We are going to have lots of work this month! This means that I will have to hire another secretary for the time you will be away! I will be financially ruined because the subconscious in a man’s life, methods of relaxation and meditation, the awakening of telepathy and so on. The guru is gifted with a lot of eloquence, he knows well the art of persuasion, he is said to possess psychic powers, and he doesn’t hesitate to go against the dominant dogmas of metaphysics. For instance, he doesn’t believe in the theory of karma – in contrast to all the other schools of spiritual development. We have already learned a basic technique of relaxation, which can be applied either sitting on a chair or lying in bed, as long as the spinal cord is kept straight: In the beginning, we relax our body from toe to top, giving the respective mental orders to each body part separately. For instance: “My feet relax”… “My calves relax”… “My thighs relax”… and so on, to the head. Then, always mentally, we countdown from 10 to 1, ordering -for example: “10: I relax, I relax”… “9: I relax deeper”… “8: Deeper and deeper”… “7: No external noise interrupts my relaxation” and so on, till you reach 1. When we reach zero, we enter the “void space”, where we let no thought or feeling come inside us. We stay there, in absolute tranquility, for as much time as we can. A woman politician, who is dressed in a dark-coloured suit, has short blond hair and reminds me of Persephone, tries to prevent me from flying to liberty –but she can’t stop me. I fly high towards the countryside, enjoying the fresh breeze on my face and arms. I am transported with an unprecedented joy as I fly freely over green fields and deep gorges. What happens if I fall? I wonder, as I suddenly discern large bulks of iron lying on the ground. For a few moments I lose height, but I finally manage to beat my fears and go on. I wake up full of joy and excitement. Interpretation: A clear allegory of our prison-world; I wish to escape, but hidden enemies watch and obstruct me with strange guns. I eventually find the opportunity to escape, but I feel lonely and insecure. I am alienated, but still I can’t escape. Certain persons who seem to be friendly, may actually be indifferent or hostile. Finally, I manage to go away, I am free. Nevertheless, inner fears and doubts make me “lose height”, as I can see they have polluted everything, even beyond the limits of their civilization. However, in the end I beat my fears and continue my spiritual ascension… Giving me work at home lately – namely audio cassettes containing recorded dialogues of various rich and famous people. I listen to the tapes and type the dialogues. This is a very tiring and time-consuming job, yet I can handle it. A few days ago I took in my hands two cassettes, where three reporters talk about some famous actors and actresses. For safety reasons, I haven’t put them together with my music cassettes, but in another drawer of my bookcase. This afternoon, I felt like listening songs from the radio; as soon as I heard one that sounded nice, I decided to record it. I went to the bookcase, I opened the drawer, took a cassette and started recording on it at once. Right at that moment, the phone rang; it was aunt Penelope, Alice’s godmother, and asked me to drop in on her so that she could give me some cake. I left the tape- recorder working (something I had never done before) and went to her. When I returned home twenty minutes later, I stopped the recording, I ejected the cassette and only then did I realize it was one of the two Gryparis had given me! I stood there dumbfounded, hardly believing what I had done! How could I be novel. I also told him I read Greek and foreign literature, mostly books that give information or teach something. “This is what I do too, but in this way you eventually obtain nothing, and you don’t enjoy reading either. I have read thousands of books; if I had kept something from each one of them, I would be a wise man now,” he retorted. I went along with that, although I’m not so sure that I agree. Finally, he assured me that he will read my book carefully and see that it is published. We shall also give it to journalists and get some reviews. I will probably have to pay for a part of the publishing expenses, while the publisher will undertake the distribution of the book. Linotype costs much less than phototypesetting and we’ll prefer it, since the result will be the same. A little later, a guy and his girlfriend showed up. As soon as he saw them, Chris greeted them warmly and remembered the good old times after the political changeover of ’74, when lots of people went in and out of his shop and revolutionary books were in vogue. When we finally left the shop, Chryssa confided in me that Kotsonis struck her as morning and told me to come to his office immediately. I was very happy because I thought he wanted me to start working at once. However, when I got there, I found out he was not alone: He was in the company of a middle-aged lady who proved to be German and started talking to me in German. I was a little embarrassed because I didn’t expect an oral test, but I think I did quite well. “I will call you soon,” said the boss finally, but I know that he never will. The fact is that relatives and neighbours have begun to wonder about my continuing failure in finding a job. “Such bad luck with work! Could it be Yvonne’s fault?” wondered aunt Penelope this afternoon, when I told her about my recent adventures… Monday, 17th February 1986 Some days ago a new hope for employment appeared unexpectedly: One of my father’s friend has a nephew, who is a successful accountant with lots of public relations and he will certainly find a post for me, as he said. This afternoon, at about 4:00 o’clock, that great nephew phoned me at last. He Instead of Loutraki. I just hope this ends well; if anything goes wrong, I will be the one to blame for all the mistakes made by the Italians. At noon I phoned Mr. Kotsonis; I introduced myself and told him about my novel. He seemed happy for my phone call, he explained that he is a writer himself and that he keeps contact with many famous publishing houses. However, he pointed out that I am not likely to find a publisher who will publish my book on his own expenses; most probably, I will be asked to pay a certain amount of money. He showed an interest in my novel, but there was something I didn’t like in his expressions: “I will bend over it (he means my book) with love”… “I like the Ionian Islands but the increasing tourism has resulted in the prostitution of their inhabitants” (twice). Finally, we arranged an appointment for Tuesday evening. In the evening Persa dropped by because she wanted me to make a painting of fish for her. I finished it in a quarter of an hour. Aunt Pauline, who happened to be present, sought to tease her: She told us about two sisters for whom she used to embroider The most blatant injustices in this world. As about the guru, it is a woman called Donna; she is a very aggressive person, full of irony and malice, and doesn’t hesitate to insult anyone who dares express the slightest doubt about her teachings. “Certain people here make me feel like vomiting,” she said this evening staring at me with a malignant look. I know she dislike me because I often show disbelief to her preachings. I must admit, though, I am still not smart enough to keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I even dare present my own ideas in class. I face disapproval and hostility almost every time. In my opinion, some of Donna’s teachings are unacceptable: For instance, she believes that people are divided in two basic categories, “the ascending” and “the descending”. The rich, the powerful, the lucky, are ascending; the poor, the weak, they unlucky, are descending. Insupportable pain and mortal danger can make a person spontaneously aware. Nazi concentration camps were something very good, because such horrible living conditions made the inmates live every moment in full awareness! “Many ex inmates of those camps often feel homesick of the years they spent in there!” claims Donna complacently and everybody Appreciate in employees… Saturday, 16th May 1992Night Adventure: Alien robots have taken over the Earth. They keep us prisoners in small, yellow cells furnished only with a bed. They let us out only if we are to carry out certain tasks for them. As far as I’ve heard, those aliens reached the Earth because of someone who made the mistake of trusting them. I notice that adjacent cells communicate through a small window, high on the inner wall. I wonder whether I could use these windows to come in contact with other prisoners. Interpretation: Maybe mankind is under occupation of an alien race, who keeps us isolated and mislead us into performing certain duties with unknown purposes… Tuesday, 26th May 1992 Lucid Dream: Between sleep and awake I dream of Billy, an obnoxious, ugly, fat, hairy guy who is a classmate in Janus. He is lying next to me in bed now, he is restless, he shouts, he puts his legs on my chest, he shouts, he puts his legs on my chest, he asks foolishly and I resent him. Then the dream becomes lucid and it bag and injected a drug into her orange! Anyway, I really wonder how Nassia (and all the other pupils) manages to survive without any problems in such an environment… In the afternoon I called on Alice so as to help her carry some things to her new house. As soon as she saw me she snorted, obviously annoyed. I also met Emmanuel and Mara there. The two of them are having a mad love affair this year: He is a middle-aged womanizer, married with three children, and he happens to be Antony’s best friend. She is a stupid chick and my sister’s best friend ever since they were schoolmates in gymnasium. At a moment, Mara asked me to stay out and guard the television set; then she turned to little Yanni and said: “You saw? I kicked her out!”. When they finally took the television away and I was allowed to enter the house again, the boy expressed his worry about me. Probably, he was the only one who was happy to see me. Such situations get on my nerves. That superstar of my sister is constantly telling tales about me to her numerous friends, that’s why they all look down on me. I must change environment if I want to see better days… turned up. I didn’t show any displeasure and we walked to a nearby cafeteria. George managed to win my confidence very soon, as he appeared to be a thoughtful and understanding person. He listened carefully to what I said, he agreed in everything and declared he had just found his soul mate. I was seduced into revealing many things about myself and he made so bold as to suggest our going to his house “for a drink, as friends”. I refused, of course. At a moment I mentioned I had seen his car going round the square at about7:00. “Eeeh, I was driving to the seaside, because I wanted to change clothes. I had gone swimming first!” he excused himself. Nonsense; he was well-dressed and his hair was nicely combed; he had not gone swimming. In all probability, he was late on purpose, so as to strain my impatience. But no, probably I am all wrong he can’t be so silly, I thought. “It is not right for a woman to be stood up and accosted by every bum! No, this will not happen again!” he said pompously and I believed him. A little later, as we were chatting on, I complained about the awful noise made by cars at the outdoor garage below my heading for Anavyssos, where I decided to buy a nice parcel of land, following an unexpected proposal of my godmother. The said parcel of land seems to be a good opportunity: It is situated on a low hillside, it has a beautiful view, there is electric current and water supply. It belongs to a settlement called Galini, which is just a few kilometres away from Anavyssos. It costs 390.00 drachmas and I will have to pay 50.000 drachmas in advance. The rest will be paid off in bills, with my own money. In the evening we were invited by Alice and Antony to dinner. My sister gave me the impression that she was jealous of my newly-bought land. As always, she wants everything for herself… Monday, 18th January 1988 Another boring day at work. Mr. Zafirakis started whining again about the future of the company – which, indeed, doesn’t seem to be all roses: That psycho of Dimoulas keeps on cancelling one signed contract after the other. Another “good” customer, Mr. John Kranas, always claims that he is destitute and he bargains over the beggarly provision of my boss for hours - That things will get better for me from now on. My alopecia has been cured and the blinking is gone. Even my terrible colds are not so terrible any more, thanks to some new antihistamines. This winter I got sick only three times and each cold lasted five or six days; not eight months non-stop, like it did until last year. Moreover, I think I’m falling in love again: This time it’s with Alex Tellos, the best pupil in the class. He is in the bad habit of sucking up to the masters all day, but he is very clever and handsome. Tuesday, 21st February 1978 This morning we were given the algebra tests back. I got an 18. There were no mistakes on my paper. The only thing marked in red was the phrase “very good” written in the end. By the way, why an 18 and not a 20? I think I have got two new problems: During the last break I noticed that two classmates, who hadn’t given me a reason to think about them so far, were looking at me askance, gossiping and giggling continuously. I’ll see what I’ll do with them. Right from the first months of his life, little Josef has proved to be a very wayward baby, all nerves and whining. He was only five months old when he uttered he first word: It was neither “mum”, nor “dad”; it was “bad”: His father was rocking him playfully in his lap, asking him “What kind of boy are you?”, when the baby started giggling “bad-bad-bad!”. When he doesn’t want to eat, he looks away and grits his few teeth in exasperation. If he doesn’t like something, that is often, he clenches his fists and shakes all over. When he sees anybody, he extends one or both his hands threateningly and shouts: “Da-da! Da-da!”. He is also extremely naughty: This morning he managed to climb up the net walls of his playpen and jump out of it! From now on we must be always on the alert and never lose sight of Josef, lest he should climb on the television, or break a window pane, or upset the sitting-room table, or destroy the rolling shutters with his tiny hands – and all these events are meant to happen during the months to follow… Tuesday, 27th February 1990 On the contrary, Yanni is growing into a very sweet child. Since his mother works, the first thing I do is ask my mother whether she can smell anything nasty on me. She is taken aback at my question and she tells me that, on the contrary, I smell wonderful! Next moment the stench will vanish into thin air! It is unbelievable what autosuggestion can do… Sunday, 24th June 1984 This evening my sister is getting married to her beloved Antony, after a passionate and adventurous love story of one year. It’s hardly been three months ever since they got prematurely engaged, because Alice had a miscarriage – which meant that the two of them had consummated their love affair. Consequently, may father had demanded that they should be engaged at once, “before we become the scorn of the whole city”. As about the wedding, it was initially intended to take place next year. However, the groom is going to join the army in the camp of Tripolis at the end of next month, and Alice raised the roof the other day because she wants to go and visit Antony in Tripolis, every time he is on furlough. Once again our father remembered the traditional manners and customs: “This is unheard-of, an unmarried woman here!” answered another one. “Now listen: When the selection procedure is over, you will raise your hand and say that you have changed your mind and that you want to exchange hotels with another person. Mary will answer to your proposal, and both of you will finally get what you really want!” “What if the teachers refuse to let us exchange?” “Don’t be afraid, they have never refused, there is no such risk!” they all reassured me. Just as expected, when the selection procedure was over, one of the three teachers asked the class: “Does anyone of you wish to add something?” About fifteen pupils raised their hands, but the teachers asked me to speak first. “I have just changed my mind; I wish to exchange the hotel Carmen for Galactic,” I said. Mary, who had chosen Galactic, raised her hand and agreed to my proposal. So far so good. “Oh, the same story,” said the teacher smiling. She turned and whispered something to the colleague standing next to her, and then she answered to me: hardly read a text and he pronounced the word “door” as “duur”. Well, I didn’t like the whole performance and I have no intension of working for rascals… Sunday, 30th September 1984 When I returned from the baker’s this morning, I found my father talking on the phone in a loud voice. As mum explained full of joy, dad was talking with a Mr. Bill Kargas, who had responded to my advertisement about giving private lessons of English. “This is the opportunity we have been waiting for! He wants you for his tutorial school on the island of Samos!” announced mum, exhilarated. I was taken aback for a second, but I agreed to talk to the bloke on the phone; he seemed to be positive and willing to hire me, he even offered to pay for my plane ticket. He also promised to let me stay in his ancestral house for a small rent. Taking into account that a) my parents and I are convinced that I will never find a permanent job in Athens, b) so far I haven’t managed to find any other pupils apart from that girl in Hymettus, c) my parents are looking forward to my earning some money and helping with the house expenses, I didn’t Sunday, 1st May 1988 Today my family and I went on an organized day trip to Saint John the Russian, in Euboea, together with uncle Harry, his wife and their daughter, Nassia. It was an enjoyable trip along wooded mountain sides and green fields. However, I was exasperated by a paranoid old man who, during the whole journey, went near the coach driver again and again, took the microphone in his hands and made ridiculous speeches or told insipid jokes with his nasty, clarion voice. When we arrived at the church of Saint John the Russian at last (my ears!), the whole group went to bow before the saint’s relics and his belt, which is believed to cure illnesses. His face is covered because the faithful used to bite it and take the pieces as a talisman. People are crazy… We had lunch in a local tavern and then we played volleyball with Nassia and some other young people from the group. Volleyball is my favourite sport but I seldom have the chance to play. After that, my cousin and I went for a walk in the green, flowery village of New Prokopion and we talked about many interesting subjects, such as the oppression of women in the modern society, where a woman is showed up at 7:00 o’clock sharp, which was the set time of the wedding. I held the baby in my lap for a few minutes but he wouldn’t stop crying. Mrs. Voula, who has rented our apartment on the second floor, took him in her hands and managed to calm him down. “ She knows how to do it,” said the bride’s mother smiling. When the ceremony was over, we returned home on foot. Mrs. Voula, her husband and their teenage son went to the wedding reception, just like all the other guests. Only my family was not invited. Why, indeed? I thought we were in good terms with Judith and Bill… Friday, 22nd April 1988 Calvary at work: Once again, the buses were on strike. I managed to arrive at the office half an hour late, that is at 8:30. Luckily, Lucas had not come yet. Mr. Rossini of Tafel phoned and suggested his sending a technician to Christides Winery in the beginning of May. I notified the customer, But he insisted the technician should come on the 9th or 1th of May. I phoned Mr. Rossini and informed him about it. After a while Mr. Christides called “mollycoddle”. During the rehearsals for the parade, my schoolmates never stop admonishing me: “Move your arms higher!”… “Make bigger steps!”… “Go slower!” and so on. This morning they really got on my nerves, so I turned back and told Joanna, who was the lead singer of the serenade: “Why, are you jealous that I am in the first row?” They all shut up at the moment, but I could feel they were already plotting the reprisals. …On the day of the parade, the whole school will gather along the coastal road of Glyfada and wait for our turn to march before the town dignitaries. As soon as Nelly Christides saw me, she groaned sarcastically: “So, you are here! Couldn’t you have broken your leg and not have come?”. I didn’t utter a word; I was only speechless at such malice from a person I considered a friend. Thursday, 3rd November 1977 As soon as the bus to school came and the door opened before me, I came face to face with an unknown pupil, who was looking at me mockingly. All at once he saluted me like a soldier and shouted: “Heil Spontaneously sociable and open to everybody, including me. It was pleasant, natural and easy for me to go for a walk with a boy. Men didn’t avoid me and I didn’t run away from them. Even time seemed to be passing more slowly, more naturally. During these months, it was as if I were a different person, in a different universe. Yet, the miracle was not meant to last. Now it is all over and I am here now, on the train to Venice; soon I’ll be on the plane to Greece. I am leaving now, actually forced out of that different universe, while my old self is calling me back with an omnipotent, malignant attraction. I feel extremely disappointed and I can’t stand the stench my own body gives off. I must be very sick, I have to see a doctor, the sooner the better… As the train is accelerating on the rails, I feel more and more desperate. An endless blackness is flooding my soul. I know well that when I return home, I will become what I once was: isolated, disagreeable, a misfit, a loser. I hope to avoid the return to my old miserable self, but deep inside I know this is out of the question. As soon as I arrive home in the evening, A great times, spontaneously taking part in all kinds of entertainment. To me, such things have always been an ordeal. Everything seems boring and meaningless to me, because I never find any external response: I write books which will never be published, even if I were willing to pay. At work, I have no say; I am always the typist, just a cog in the machine. I try to accost certain men I like, but they never pay any attention to me. All my life is limited to a strictly personal field of action. Whenever I try to reach the others, the result it a complete failure. No matter what I do, it is like shouting in the desert. The desert. This is the real face of my world. People come and go, voices, parties, laughs, throbbing life – but there is nothing here for me. Everything looks too distant and fictitious. All these “fellow – human beings” that surround me, could as well not exist at all. May be they do not really exist, they come alive only for a few deceitful words and an enigmatic smile, then they fade away like ghosts. Most people are ghosts, probably dangerous ghosts… Saturday, 30th March 1991 Yesterday evening I set off for the island of This morning, just a few minutes before we had entered the class, I was accosted by Mary, a vamp classmate, who during the whole school year hadn’t even said “hello” to me. Accompanied by a large group of her friends, she explained to me that she wished to do her practice at the hotel Carmen, which is in Patissia, near her house. The problem is that she is very low in the list of grades, so she isn’t likely to have the chance of choosing that hotel: “I will be obliged to come to Galactic, which is too far for me. If they send me here, I won’t serve my apprenticeship, and I won’t serve my apprenticeship, and I won’t take my diploma” she said sadly. “Won’t you be able to take the hotel coach, as usual?” I wondered. “There is no coach during the summer months and I can’t stand the heat in the buses,” she answered with a frown. Then, one of her friends started explaining to me a traditional trick done on this occasion every year: “When your turn comes, you will choose the hotel Carmen, and Mary will choose Galactic..” “How can we be sure that Mary will be able to choose Galactic? What if someone else wants it first?” I asked. “Oh, don’t worry, no one wants to come panic. Israel could have intercepted the missiles but it didn’t; why, indeed? “They are preparing something else, something a lot bigger; maybe Iraq is to be sacrificed for the game of the Great Powers, which is just beginning. The Apocalypse is coming, as most “signs” have already appeared: Global environmental pollution, war in many countries, forest fires everywhere etc. Moreover, most ancient prophecies agree: Everything will end in 1999,” claims the guru passionately. Anyway, Alexander got on my nerves again: When I raised my hand and tried to express my opinion about the war, just like many others had done before me, he interrupted me scornfully saying the subject was over –right at the moment when I started talking. He didn’t answer to what I said, nor did he let anyone else reply. He just sought to shut me up in a rather offensive manner. He doesn’t like me because I don’t worship him as a god, like many others do… Saturday, 19th January 1991 No meditation today. It is impossible for me to find a moment of quiet in this new reality to the fullest, even if sometimes I feel that the atmosphere around me is strangely tense.. From the company of Janus I especially like Apostolis: He is 25 years old, tall, slender, calm and sensible –unlike most guys I know. I show him my interest at every opportunity, he doesn’t seem to respond but I, as usual, refuse to acknowledge the batter truth. Only once did he accept to go out with me, just the two of us, because he thought he could persuade me to take out a life assurance policy by the insurance company he works for; I pretended to care only because I hoped I could start dating him. Another time, I phoned him and suggested our going to the cinema together. “I have other plans for today”, he answered flatly. Since then, any time we meet together with the others, he looks rather buttoned-up towards me but very friendly to Danae, who is eight years younger than me and much richer. Nevertheless, I still hope… Friday, 29th July 1990 Every year “Pangaea” remains closed during the whole month of August, which is very convenient to me: I won’t have to fight in order to get my summer leave! I of time and no friends. So, we arranged for the eleven-year-old Persephone, Mrs. Daphne’s daughter, to visit me two or three times a week. She is in the sixth class of elementary school and she needs help with maths, physics and Greek language. Tuesday, 28th January 1986 As months go by, I keep on searching high and low for any job. I have been to hundreds of companies, applying for any post, even that of a factory worker. However, no employer has been willing to hire me so far, despite my new qualifications: The diploma from the State School of Tourism, my four-month practice as an assistant receptionist in the hotel Carmen, my good knowledge of typing, plus my fluent Italian, English and German. The main problem is that in a society where backstairs influence is everything, my family is the only one which can pull no strings at all. This morning I had a reason to believe that the miracle would happen: My father took me to a big company in Marousi (a four- hour commuting), where an old friend of his works as a manager. “I will talk to him about you; maybe he will hire you as a secretary,” dad explained to me Fortunately the subjects hadn’t been given yet. Helen, who was sitting behind me, wanted me to help her and kept nagging me all the time, just like she had done in all the previous exams. I had no other alternative but literally shout to her “Leave me alone!”. The invigilator turned round and gave us a stern look, but she didn’t say anything. Phew! In the end, after all papers had been collected, the pupil sitting in front of me turned and talked to me. It was Helias, a polite boy with blond hair and blue eyes, one of the few good children in my class. He took a deep breath and, without beating around the bush, asked to get off with me; I found him agreeable and nice, yet I was not at all in the mood for such things and I discouraged him immediately. Besides, I found it rather strange that he chose to talk to me today, the last day of the exams. During the whole school year we had never spoken to each other, we didn’t even say “hello”. “Shall I give you my photo, so that you will remember me?” he asked sadly. It didn’t take me long to understand that certain pupils are already professional dancers! Sometimes, the teacher tells them to dance in a separate circle, so that the rest of us can see “how people dance”. Then, it is obvious that these persons have a relationship with the teacher, as they are: his wife, his wife’s sister, the boyfriend of his wife’s sister, his sister, his sister’s boyfriend, his brother-in-law and so on. Before the beginning of the lesson and during the ten-minute break there is always an atmosphere of ostentatious hilarity in the class, as mocking laughs and jokes echo everywhere. There are two jolly friends, Lisa and Nina (both are good friends of the teacher’s wife) who catch all attention with their shouts, giggles and claptrap; it’s evident they consider the dance school as their own property. Nobody seems to mind that, on the contrary everybody fawns upon them. Alice has often tried to join their clique; yet, for some strange reason she was frowned upon, so she has quit trying. The only pupil I used to speak to was Catherine, a 17-year-old nice girl; however, since the beginning of the month she hasn’t appeared at all, and she is not the only one who has disappeared: out of 45 people, now there are only 20 left - Alternately, after staying in “void space” for a while, we choose a subject and meditate on it as thoroughly as possible, taking into account events, thoughts, feelings, ways of action; after the awakening, we write everything in a notebook. The awakening is done by counting slowly from 1 to 5, while ordering ourselves to wake up with all our senses on the alert. After the number 5, we open our eyes and stand up at our ease. By following this specific technique, the subconscious gets clearer and clearer; later on as we keep practicing the unconscious reveals itself too, unfolding great cosmic truths which could lead even to enlightenment. When we finish the lesson, some of the guys gather together and we go for a coffee to Fokionos Negri Square, where we discuss lots of controversial but interesting subjects: parapsychology, spiritual development, magic, social matters, etc. Some of us meet on Saturday nights too. I can barely believe what’s happening to me: It is me who goes out every Saturday night, having fun in tavernas, cafeterias and pubs, together with an interesting, large company! I experience and enjoy my when she was a schoolgirl. The sisters always got full marks in housekeeping, but if the teacher made them embroider in class, they would put their foot in it. Persephone made a wry face but she pretended she hadn’t taken the hint. Tuesday, 17th May 1988 Right after work, I met Chryssa downtown and we both headed for the bookshop of Chris Kotsonis, in Pagrati. When we arrived there, I was impressed by the rustic furniture and the great number of arty books put on three long shelves they will hardly ever leave. We sat on a nice sofa made of logs and covered with patchwork rugs. Right from the first moment, the guy was very friendly and he gave each one of us a copy of his last book, “The Unknown City”, as a gift. He also gave me a collection of his poems titled “Brief Gleanings”, which I must return in due time. Chris is about forty, single, an ex-rebelled youth, one of those who think they have avoided compromise. Answering his questions, I told him that I have been writing stories ever since I was a child but “The Conspiracy of Shadows” is my first twenty minutes later three times, and when I got at the venue I found no one there – which means I wasted almost four hours in the buses for nothing. We go to a nearby Italian restaurant but it is closed. We end up in a packed and noisy taverna, where we pay through the nose. At about 11:00 we go for a drink at a nice pub, but I can stay there no more than half an hour, otherwise I will miss the last bus home. I leave without paying for my drink, because nobody can change my 5,000 –drachma banknote. I run to the bus-stop but I lose the 23:30 tram for one second, so I have to take a taxi to the bus terminus at Zappeion Park, hoping to catch the last bus to Glyfada. Before long I realize that the driver, a skinny old man, is a nutcase! He drives erratically, swerving or applying the brakes without any reason, as if trying to cause an accident! As he drives along Patission Avenue, he often gets too close to the car in front, or turns the steering wheel with jerky movements –almost crashing other cars. Moreover, he swears at any diver who happens to be near! At a moment, as we have stopped at the traffic lights, he suddenly turns the steering wheel to the right and the taxi sticks to a tram! Wondering flabbergasted: Does he really know what he is talking about? Has he heard about me, maybe? But from whom? There are too many mysteries around me lately… Friday, 8th May 1981 I don’t care about the problem of the “stench” any more. As far as I can see, there is nothing I can do about it. I have told my mother about it but she says it’s only a fixed idea and that I should forget all about it. In the meanwhile, pupils of other classes have started to talk about me: “What stinks?” I heard an unknown girl ask her friends on the road this morning, as we were all heading for school. “You know what!” another one answered meaningfully and they all giggled. I wasn’t even close to them. I find it weird though, that such things happens only when I am in the school premises. Nothing like this happens when I am at the English tuition centre, or at home, or anywhere else. Indeed, how is it possible that someone “lets them out” non-stop for seven hours every day, without ever young workers, or as “hope for their old age”. The rich seldom have more than two children, because they would rather live their lives than spend their days changing diapers. In the countries of the Third World, where disease, famine, destitution and death reign in every corner, women breed continuously and each one of them brings 8-12 children into the world. Most of them die before reaching adulthood; those who survive suffer endless misery, yet they all look forward to becoming parents themselves. As a result, the population increases vertically. In two words: Life thrives in pain. Life is pain and vice versa. All in universe is one and the relation which connects them all is this: “Your death is my life”. This truth is more obvious in the realm of life: The survival of each living creature depends on the death of other creatures. “Eat or be eaten” as people say. On the other hand, the prevalence of the mighty in the battle of survival is often apparent or short-lived. A microbe can kill the “king of the jungle”, the lion. A tiny, brainless virus can exterminate thousands of clever, educated, civilized humans. The fall of a meteor eliminated the magnificent listens. According to the basic dogma of this school, man’s most important goal in life is the breaking of the Ego (how original!). In every single lesson Donna trumpets forth the urgent need for wiping out all the separate “egos” which compose a personality: Any personal like, dislike, opinion, thought, feeling, will, is an expression of the Ego and for this reason they must all be eliminated, so as to achieve the so-called “awareness”. She also teaches all human beings are One, and for this reason they should all think, feel and act identically. Any expression of a personal opinion is considered to be an aberration. “You head for the darkness! I head for the light!” said Donna full of arrogance, when a disciple dared disagree with her about that. So much of breaking the guru’s Ego… The purpose of all these new age cults mushrooming all over the world nowadays, is the creation of human puppets. The majority of these cults are international and widespread in most civilized countries. In Greece there are hundreds of such schools which prepare the people for the New Age, let alone the So as to trick the others and have fun. As soon as the bell rand for the first lessons, we changed classrooms with C3, hoping to miss physics. Nevertheless, the physicist came and gave us the lesson although we were in another room, while the mathematician went to the others who had occupied our classroom. So, our little trick didn’t wash. In the second hour we had algebra and we came up with a new plan: All girls from C3 and C4 gathered in the classroom of C4, while all boys were in the classroom of C3. However, when the mathematician and the literature mistress arrived, they made us return to our classrooms. So, neither this time did we shirk the lesson. During the next break I met Dora, whom I’ve known ever since we were in primary school. Sometimes we talk, but we’ve never been close friends. I was surprised when she invited me to her birthday party, which is tomorrow. In the fourth hour Mr. Tellos sent me a love-letter signed with the name of another classmate. It read “You are very beautiful, I love you”. I gave no answer. In the sixth hour, during the history lesson, Alex sent me three more messages but I didn’t even deign I don’t think I will go on that trip to Chios with them next week… Most people are ghosts: Last night I cried. Truth hurts, especially when you decide to face it after many years of delusion. Something is wrong. Everybody ignores me. This is and this will always be the main problem of my life. All the rest are just natural consequences. Everybody acts as if I didn’t exist at all: When I am in the company of others, they either don’t let me speak or interrupt me as soon as I start talking –as if I hadn’t even begun speaking. My opinion is never taken into account, or it is shrugged off immediately, without the slightest explanation. Whenever I manage to speak openly to friends, I usually regret it at once, since every word I say is misunderstood –as if I were speaking a foreign language. I feel alone in the world, with few contacts only. To be precise, my only contact is my mother, with whom I do have some communication. Actually, she is my link to the human society… When I am with others, I always feel a strong sense of alienation. Alien. It is always the same, no matter how I describe it. All people around me seem to be having “Listen, Yvonne, I’ve just seen my doctor, and he says I have contracted scabies, and this happened because I come in contact with a dirty person who doesn’t wash! And this person is you, Yvonne!” “What?” I shouted, hardly realizing what she was talking about. “If I have this disease, you have it too! You should go to a doctor at once! And if you don’t leave the house within three days, I will evict you!” she snorted maliciously and walking out with quick steps. I went on studying for a few moments, but then I quit. It was just impossible for me to go on. Right after, a tremendous storm broke out in my mind. All of a sudden, my world was falling apart. Silvana was threatening with eviction and lawyers, while I was feeling helpless and miserable. I even started wondering whether that harlot could be right. Indeed, I’ve been smelling something bad around me lately, and this strange stink seems to be coming from my body; it never goes away, not even when I have a bath. Especially now, after Silvanas’s offense, the stench has become even more unbearable. Maybe I am really sick, maybe I do have scabies, I thought, full of anguish. Next moment I stood up and got out of the It was late in the afternoon when my mother and I decided to go for a walk together. Who did we meet twenty minutes later, as soon as we turned into Pellis st.? Uncle Alex! Right at that time he was driving up the road, having just returned from the beach! Is this a diabolic coincidence or what? I wondered. Uncle Alex claimed that our meeting was fateful and that I was meant to meet the groom from Arabia right away! “Every day at this hour he is sunbathing at Diamond Beach! Especially this evening, he will be waiting for us!” he concluded, full of excitement. My mother, jumping for joy, agreed immediately that fate was leading me to… Saudi Arabia. I tried to protest but nobody was listening to me. So, we got into uncle’s car, he reversed direction and we headed for the seaside. However, when we finally reached Diamond Beach, the groom was now here to see! Phew! That was close! Yet, uncle Alex and mum wouldn’t get daunted so easily. They insisted on our waiting there for a while, in case Prince Charming showed up. bombarding me with admonitions such as: “Don’t run, you will fall!”… “Don’t fight with other children, they will hit you!”… “Don’t wear this blouse, wear that one”…”Don’t be late at night, nasty things might happen to you”, and so on. Until I was eighteen she used to be in total control of my wardrobe; she always escorted me at the shops and I considered it as a matter of course to choose the clothes she liked. Until I was 25, I was indissolubly bonded to my mother, who programmed the slightest move of mine, as if I were a robot. I had no friends, and I didn’t need any because mother was there. My parents have never worried about my solitude, all they ever cared about was my taking good marks at school. Not that they ever expected me to become a scientist; it is just that studying kept me away from “bad company”. Even now, I take care to hide my diaries well, lest mother should see and disapprove of them. However, I suspect she has already found and read them: she knows I attend Janus –without my telling her- and she demands I stop. She is always spying on me, because she doesn’t trust me. When I am downstairs, in my apartment, she appears at my threshold every fifteen minutes, putting forward various strange mMake do with 140,000 drachmas a month; they are cyphers, all of them!” she cries pompously and goes on with an air of profundity: “A businessman wants to earn as much as possible, this is natural! He will pay you as little as he can, unless you prove to him you deserve to be given something more!”… “A clever businessman will hjire a secretary who will work for him for a month or so “on trial”, then he will tell her she is incompetent and he will fire her without paying her a dime; then he will hire another stupid chick who will work for him for another month without payment, then another one will take her place, and so on, until he finds the one who will satisfy him fully” harangues Diana, showing her admiration for bosses. When I tell her I earn no more than 160,000 drachmas per month, she looks at me scornfully and says: “You work in the production department, I work in the sales department –that‘s the difference! There is only one kind of work that’s worth the while today, and this is sales!” she concludes triumphantly. “Yes, but I work only six hours a day, whereas you work ten hours and you aren’t paid any overtime! If I worked as many hours as you, I would earn more arrested everybody’s attention. I was feeling frustrated when I finally noticed that a tall, blond, blue-eyed lawyer was standing at the next desk and he was giving me the glad eye. I flirted him back for a few moments, then I let know Louise discreetly, “Oh, this is assistant of John Comnenos, one of the most important lawyers in Greece,” she informed me and right after she hastened to take me down a peg or two: “He is also a moron, an idiot!” she added contemptuously. Next moment, the young man left the office. I don’t intend to pay another visit to Louise in her office again; I can see there is no reason, besides it occurs to me I have made a fool of myself for nothing. Naturally, I don’t question Louise’s good intentions; on the contrary, she is the only friend of mine who supports me indeed… Wednesday, 21st June 1995 Yesterday afternoon I saw Dimitri in the gym. We hardly did any bodybuilding; he spent all my time confessing to me his passionate love for Mandy. As about Despina, he needs her only for sex, he said. In the end, he made clear he wanted me to invite him to my birthday party today, so that he could meet Mandy. name is Sayed. Late at night, my sister, two other children and I gathered in the cook’s cabin and watched an interesting adventure movie, which had no subtitles. I was impressed, because it was the first time in my life that I had watched a film in a video player. Saturday, 22nd August 1981 We are on roadstead outside the harbour of Latakia, in Syria. Dad spends his time playing backgammon with Jimmy, the marine engineer, and he always loses. They both shout, sing and joke all day. Nick, the wireless operator, happens to be a dwarf and Jimmy is always after him: He calls him “nephew”, he plays tricks on him or grabs him and turns him upside down. Marina, the engineer’s four-year-old daughter, is very fond of me and she follows me wherever I go. I have a really nice time here, on the ship. This evening all Greek seamen and their families had dinner on the deck. We roasted a lamb, we drank wine, we told jokes and we had some laughs. Michael, a nice Pakistani steward took us The very next day, when I finish work, I will go to a nearby store and buy a fine video player with four heads, at a prize of 130.000 drachmas. Later, as soon as I reach home, I will rent and watch my first video film. Saturday, 2nd April 1988 Early this morning mum and I went to Alice’s home, so as to help her move house. She and Antony have just found an apartment which is newer, bigger and nicer than the old outhouse they have now. This time we had to work even harder than any other time, doing extra household chores for her Majesty: We had to fill up big boxes with stuff and carry them from one house to the other. Thank God the new house is only a ten-minute walk from the old one. In the afternoon, as I was going for a walk, I happened to see Cleo an old schoolmate from elementary school. For heaven’s sake, she is getting uglier and uglier every day! Her face is manly and so are her arms, shoulders and legs: full of muscles, and this is not due to working out. Her body is more masculine than any man’s! Of course, it is a common secret that she is a hermaphrodite, a girl with male genitals hidden inside; Cleo’s talk or sit next to me in the coach. Yet, the journey was wonderful. As soon as we arrived, we visited the museum and the archaeological site. The ancient temple of Apollo is a magical place, full of energy. The landscape of the green mountains surrounding the site is just amazing. I was feeling wonderful, all my sorrows and concern were gone, my soul was serene. I wished I could stay there forever. Unfortunately, we stayed at Delphi only for one hour and then we left for the city of Itea, where we had lunch in a seaside taverna. Alex and Nina fell into the sea, they both got wet and everybody laughed. We had a nice time there, too. After a couple of hours we got on the coach and took the way back home. Quite unexpectedly, Antonia came and sat next to me. “Why should Yvonne be sitting all by herself?” she said to some others who looked at her in wonder. Soon there was a party in full swing: The cassette player was on full blast and all pupils were clapping were clapping their hands to the rhythm of the music. Me too. After a while, I could feel by hands burning. Taking turns, we rose from our seats and danced to the music. The driver didn’t mind at all; on the contrary, he seemed to be works as a hair-dresser. We were having lunch in the same restaurant, and it was her who first talked to me. She seems to be a kind and interesting person, and we became friends very quickly. This evening, while we were going on a walk, we happened to meet Mr. Kargas on the road. The two of them started talking joyfully, and it was crystal clear to me that they’ve known each other for a long time. Friday, 19th October 1984 Mr. Bill himself seldom loses sight of me and he always makes sure to come with me when I search for new lodgings. He says he doesn’t want to me to fall a victim to some impostor, and he insists on choosing himself my new house. He also says he is willing to pay for my first rent. The truth is that he does everything he can to sabotage every attempt of mine to find accommodation: Whenever I try to make an arrangement with a landlord, he always chips in and claims that the house I’ve just found is unsuitable for me for lots of possible or impossible reasons. Yesterday I managed to find a nice, independent, cheap chamber situated on the roof of a house. This evening I had an appointment with the elderly house owner, Sunday, 6th January 1991 Last night I went out with the guys from Janus and we went to Plaka for crepes. I am still interested in Apostolis, he is always fascinating, and maybe he cares about me: Many times his legs touched mine (casually?). All at once he took my hand in his so as to have look at my ring, as he said. However, deep inside I know nothing else is going to happen… Yesterday I didn’t hesitate to talk to my friends about my doubts regarding Alexander’s teachings. How shall I follow the way of apprenticeship, unless I trust the guru completely? I even explained to them my recent suspicion about an imminent mutation of the human species. All these things we do – meditations telepathy experiment and the like- what are they if those “doors” should be open, would they be so difficult to open? The point is I have already started to question the “traditional metaphysics” most spiritual masters stand for. After all, nothing can be certain: Meditation and relaxation techniques guarantee no results, no matter how often someone practices them. “Do not expect any specific attention to me, anyway. Especially aunt Tassia wouldn’t miss a chance to express her contempt for me (“You look like a loser!”) and her admiration for my sister (“Alice is a fly customer, a go – getter, the devil incarnate!”). Moreover, we slept on the same bed, she snored continuously like a chainsaw, and her huge bulk (150 kilos) almost pushed me out of bed. I hardly got any sleep during those 16 endless nights… Tuesday, 20th August 1991 There was a bad accident this morning: My sister and her friend Milena, together with husbands and children, went on a day trip to Catramonison, a small island off the coast of Voula, in Antony’s boat. The men were absent for hours underwater fishing, while the women and children were having fun at the seaside. At a moment, little Josef hid behind some boats in the shallows and started swallowing sea water without being seen by anyone. When they found him, he had already lost his senses. Fortunately, someone had a speedboat, so they managed to take the kid to the Aesculapius Hospital in Voula in time. When my parents and I got there, Josef was still uinconscious, Alice was weeping and wailing, and Antony was threatening be a really thriving business! Yet, their books are not so renowned, I wondered at first but dismissed all negatives thoughts immediately, reckoning that the rapid development of Halaris Publishing could mean something positive for me as well. Besides, the change of address could also justify the delay in the publishing of my book. Finally, we signed an extension of time until the end of 1990. In the long run, Halaris will never come in contact with me again and “The Conspiracy of Shadows” will never be published. It will take me many years to realize that the whole thing was part of the publisher’s scheme to show a great number of books under publishing, so as to get a subsidy from the European Union. Nevertheless, two years later Halaris Publishing will go bankrupt and close for good… Tuesday, 16th January 1990 Business has been looking up lately. Week after week I earn more and more money, which makes me feel satisfied. My most important client is the famous publishing house “Pangaea”, which publishes books of science and literature. They have given me a bulky “Lexicon of Scientific Terms” to “You mean, all these young guys who go to cafeterias with their girlfriend, put drugs in her drink? All of them? At the same time?” “Yes, this is exactly what they do, all of them! That’s why you should never go out with a man! A woman must be clever, not be fooled by trumps. So, listen to what I’m saying: When you grow up and get into university, you will meet some handsome undergraduate, but you won’t go on a date with him. You will only sit with him on a bench once or twice, just for some minutes. Then you will explain to him that you are a decent girl with moral principles and that you can’t be knocking about with someone who’s not your husband –and risk being seen by a neighbour! So, you will tell him to come and ask your father for your hand! If he is worthy, he will understand and he will marry you as soon as possible. If he is not, let him go!”, concluded mum, with an air of expertise. I guess she could be right, yet I wonder: Why doesn’t she ever say these things to my sister? Saturday, 11th March 1978 This morning we had no lessons at school; instead we had a fancy dress party, on the I agreed because I wanted to show good will and adaptability. How could I imagine what awaited me? During our walk along Amalias Avenue, the bloke didn’t take his hands off me –not even for one moment! He kept me captive right in front of him, in a most unnatural way, so that his body was stuck to mine while we were walking. In fact, I could hardly walk, while everybody was staring at us. I didn’t dare say anything because nothing like that had ever happened to me before and I didn’t know how to react. Besides, I didn’t want him to put me down as an iceberg –even if every moment was torture to me. Only when we arrived at the bus terminus at Zappeion, did I ask him to behave himself. He partly conformed to my wish but he kept on holding my hand, making sure that it touched his penis! I didn’t protest anymore; I just had patience until we reached the bus. Needless to say, I don’t intend to meet this pervert ever again. I only wonder: Is this what happens any time a girl goes out with a guy? “This is what all men do, and most women like it!” confirms my sexually expert sister. But how can woman tolerate being treated like this? I just can’t Antony’s parents are about to take a divorce: His mother lives with her boyfriend, his father lives with his girlfriend, and the old house has been abandoned. I am not sure where their five children live. Antony, who is the eldest, had rented a house nearby; yet he stayed there just for one month, since it proved to be more expensive than he had initially expected. Finally, my sister coerced my parents into allowing Antony to move in with us – on condition that nothing “irreparable” happens. It’s been three weeks now ever since Antony came to live with Alice on the second floor. My sister is on cloud nine, the two of them do nothing but make out and kiss passionately all day long. I have to admit that the guy is very handsome; that’s why Alice finally chose him over hundreds of guys who had been flirting her: He is only 18 years old, he has a muscular body, blond hair and blue eyes. For the last three years he has been working in a carpenter’s workshop and he is very efficient at his job. He is not educated, he has finished only elementary school, but he has finished only elementary school, but he has a pleasant, gregarious character. On the other hand, sometimes he gets irritable and violent, he beats up Alice over a trifle and she does everything she can’t hear this anymore. There is also something else: Every time, after the lesson, I suggest our going for a drink at Fokionos Negri Square –just like we did some years ago- but none of the other disciples seems to like the idea; in fact, they all seem to detest it. My only friend there is Mary Glenos. She occasionally calls me and we chat on the phone for half an hour or so, but she avoids arranging an outing with me. As about her 22-year-old daughter, I was surprised to know she is in the same class in Janus; strangely enough, mother and daughter never sit next to each other and they seldom talk before or after the lesson. Unless Mary had told me, I wouldn’t know who her daughter is… Friday, 23rd February 1996 Returning from Janus this evening, as I walked into Dardanellion street, not far from my home, all at once I had a sudden realization: The road behind me no longer exists; a new road unfolds before me; time and space around me changes moment by moment, step by step; every moment, a world dies and a world is born… “What are you talking about? There are whole volumes of our new encyclopedia waiting to be typed! You hear? Whole volumes!” she interrupted, outraged. “Yes, but I’m leaving for Yugoslavia tomorrow! What can I do?” “Find us another typist, one who can sub for you during these three days that you won’t be working for us!” “Alright, I will try” I replied hastily, just because I wanted get rid of her as soon as possible. “And make sure she is educated, not an illiterate one, you understand?” “Yes, alright…” I thought about Mrs. Georgia, a schoolmate in Janus, who also happens to be a typist. I came in contact with her at once, I told her all about it and asked her to visit the company tomorrow morning. She expressed her wonder about the whole story, she was even worried “But what if they hire me and fire you?” but I insisted on her going there, because I didn’t want to displease Mary Bonanos and the bosses of Pangaea. Wednesday, 10th August 1990 Saturday, 25th February 1978 This is the happiest Saturday of my life: I was the class monitor and Alex, my darling, lied to me that he had been given permission to stay in during the second break. Then, he looked at me tenderly and asked me to show him the solution to a maths problem. In the next break he told me the same lie. This time he wanted me to help him with a geometry exercise. I have the impression he loves me. In the afternoon I told mum all about Alex and his growing interest in me, and she took the occasion to give me the usual lecture –the same ever since I was an infant: “You must be careful with men, or some shrewd guy will fool you and then dump you like a squeezed lemon! Always remember that good girls don’t go out on dates. You must never go to a cafeteria with a man. If you do, he will certainly put drugs in your drink and then he will do to you whatever he wants!” “Really?” I wondered. “All boys so that?” “Yes, they all do that!” how irresponsible it was of me to ask for a leave in the super busy month of August… Monday, 18th September 1989 Louise has tried many times to organize a gathering of old classmates (including George Franzis), but up to now it has been impossible for her to find any of them on the phone, she says. The fact is that as time goes by and I don’t get any closer to my goal, I get more and more frustrated. After months of vain search for a lost love, this morning I felt so disappointed that I didn’t hesitate to do something crazy: I took a “sick leave” from work and went to the high school of Glyfada in order to ask for Rosita’s address and phone number! “I am looking for an old friend of mine, Rosita Franzis, whom I lost years ago but I must find again!” I said to the astonished masters, who showed unexpected understanding and started searching in the old lists of pupils right away. A little later, they said they were sorry to inform me that there is no record of that pupil after so many years. Then, as if I were an automaton, I bent my steps to the Town Hall, where a similar scene was repeated… for, but when he is at home he becomes a husband/vampire who demands from his wife/victim to give him all her attention and energy. Nevertheless, a truly powerful vampire never becomes a victim. It is a fact that victims seek vampires –not vice versa. A vampire is like a magnet. It is not attracted, it attracts. Actually, victims are unable to live without offering their energy to vampires: People who don’t really need to work go crazy if they stay unemployed for two months; many women complain that their man exploits or maltreats them, however they don’t even think of staying single for more than one week; without a male to serve, they feel useless and unworthy of living. The truth is that victims are attracted to vampires. Probably, the absorption of energy acts as an anesthetic too: on one hand exhaustion is often screened by the sweet delight of “offering”. Vampirism is the conjunctive tissue of mankind. The human society, in whole, is structured upon this basic relation of interdependence between vampires and victims. Social institutions (such as religion, family, work) are nothing but different faces of vampirism… affects me negatively, it makes me doubt about myself and it blocks my development. The soul is a sacred place, a sanctum. Nothing sacrilegious must invade there: no harmful information, no malevolent mouths or ears. For this reasons, the law of silence must be observed… Saturday, 20th June 1992 Night Adventure: I, as well as many other women, drive cars along a big avenue full of traffic, strange turns and obstacles. Driving proves to be very difficult, we have to manoeuvre a lot in order to stay on the right course, until we reach some bright traffic lights. We get off there, men take our cars and they drive comfortably along straight roads, until they finish. They all win a trip abroad as a prize. Women are left behind. Interpretation: Possibly, the dream symbolizes the roles of the two sexes in our society… In the afternoon I went to the nursery school “The Little Castle”, so as to watch the celebration for the end of the school term. Josef, my three-year-old nephew, took part in one of the sketches, showing unexpected shyness. I had a very nice time, realizing the importance of every moment: All what happened during those two hours was unique, nothing like that will ever happen again. It was also evident to me that those who are destined to be distinguished in life, take this path from a very early age – like the cute little girl who was dressed as Minnie… Sunday, 26th July 1992 Prophetic dream: I am at a nice beach with blond sand and a few sunbathers. A lofty, black water tank dominates the place. I slowly get into the sea, wearing my black swimsuit. I enjoy swimming in the clear blue water; Aphrodite is with me. Verification: The beach of Kourouta that I will unexpectedly visit on the 9th of August. Another prophetic dream: I am in a travelling coach. I am seated by the window, my mother is next to me. We pass through narrow streets with old, half- ruined houses. Lather, I notice a blue car which has the number 2504. Verification: The trip to Kranidi on the 15th of August… This is the first day of my illustrated manuscript “Sandra Anderson – Astral Fantasy”, which I start writing today. I feel great, like being born again! Sandra like this so as to earn some serious money!” I exclaim spontaneously. “Our company offers you two weeks of free seminars!” snorts Diana. “These lessons provide you with all the knowledge you need so as to manipulate customers and sell books. If you don’t sell, it means you are a moron and the company has suffered a loss by allowing you to participate in the seminars. So, they do what’s right: they fire you, they don’t give you a dime and they make you pay the penal clause!” “What if someone refuses to pay?” “If anyone dares oppose to us, our team of lawyers will take their pants!” “I bet the company earns more from penal clauses than from book sales!” I conclude. … That explains it: Lately I have heard about certain persons who, though illiterate, have become successful travelling salesmen and earn up to 700,000 drachmas per month! Taking into account that a salesman’s commission is no higher than 10%, how do they manage to make sales of 7,000,000 drachmas every month? What do they really sell? Encyclopedias? Come on now! Nowadays you can find cheap and voluminous encyclopedias in bookstores or, even, on