Ross Arendse

The Diary of a Poet- So distant Words often fail me... They can't say enough, do enough, change how people feel or express what my soul bleeds... If only you could hold my heart & not my hand, stroke my soul & not my skin, hear my cries & not my voice, then would you be home... Then would you be within my reach, my arms, my love, would you be mine again? Insecurities build walls between us & burn; I feel our brief moments of happiness slip like ash through my fingertips lost on the wind... Why can't u hear me calling you, why am I lost to your sight...? - Wrapped in darkness I find no solitude, my nightmares the hauntings of your tears. Surrounded by your tears & sorrow I slowly drown myself deeper with suicidal Hate, wondering how long before I break. - Consumed by Darkness I find myself haunted by my own thoughts, longing for your sweet embrace. These acidic waterfalls flow, burning trenches into the deepest regions of my soul. A vulgar Insult to the Love & Happiness once reflected upon these lips. Where have you gone?- Warm Shower This misted viewing glass a mockery as my fingers imprint a smile, a lying reflection of an image this visage will never wear again. - Tears fall upon deaf ears, With a thunderous roar, they shatter, Echoing the Earth with the thoughts & emotions of this broken soul, Resonating throughout the heavens... So Why Can't You Hear Me...? - No pain or torment quite as loud as this nightmarish silence... Empty & alone this soul breaks, as memories of touch and remnants of your smell Tease this skin... A mind and mouthful of desperation with no one to listen... I find myself buried in darkness under the burden of my own thoughts. Will I ever see you again? - A thousand Tears I've cried, their paths burrowed Valleys in these cheeks, No matter how many times they've fallen, still, they hurt. No matter how loud they fall, still, their echoes never reach you... Are you really gone? 08/06/- Death’s So today I watched you leave, a sight I’ve seen a thousand times. Screeching tires as you rushed away, no distance from me seemed far enough. And there I sat all alone with a broken heart and broken soul, drowned beneath ocean of tears and depths of this darkened soul. An echoing harrowing silence as my own screams filled my ears, pain cursing through this flesh as I lived my greatest fear. And even though you returned it seemed moments far too late, for my death has been written I have sealed my own fate. So I bury myself to this world but not beneath tons of sand, no you will still see my face but never hold my hand… For I am lost in my own eternal hell where you left me to burn, a place without your lips or touch, a place to which you cannot return. And here alone I’ll burn till the very ends of time, without your kiss, your lips or touch, I’ll die a 1000 times. 08/06/2017 Hollow With your ring in my hand, I peer into my own soul. Is this who I am without you, a never-ending cycle… Am I truly this hollow? 20/06/2017 Broken Glass Broken, cracked and shattered images appear tainted now even in memory. What happened to the crystal-clear joy that once reflected so brightly? Where has it gone, does it lie beneath this broken surface or has it been lost within these cracks… 22/06/2017 Lost in translation How do the same words spoken have such different meanings? How do WE MISREAD, miss understand, misinterpret each other when we both desire the same thing. How do I lose you so often, just when we find each other once more? How is my honesty read as deceit, are we that different? How do I finally show you, make you understand, make you know and believe without a SHADOW of a doubt that I am yours entirely, from my body to my heart, my thoughts and my soul! Or am I forever cursed to pass you by at arm's length, have you within my reach but never hold you, have my heart and soul burn for you but never get to show you I’m yours. 28/06/2017 Regret Two years gone and I don’t know whether I’ve moved forward, fallen backward or simply stood still. I made a promise I will regret, a promise to let you leave if ever you hurt again, and you have, you’re hurting again and it’s ‘cause of me. So I hold myself back, hold back my cries, my heart, my tears, my body as it longs for you and reaches out, I let you walk away. Words and emotions left unspoken, unopened never conceived or even imagined, silenced by a choice and a promise that will haunt me from this day till words on paper fade, bones become brittle and air no longer fills these lungs. Tears that will fall never to be seen or heard, a heart that will break till there’s nothing left knowing that broken or whole it is yours entirely. Words I’ve uttered a thousand times now a simple truth, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN YOU’LL EVER KNOW… Did I foresee our own demise or speak some dark prophetic word into existence…MORE THAN YOU’LL EVER KNOW… How these words echo and haunt me now! 28/06/2016 Who Am I Now All I know fought for, live for, gone in a moment of single promise and haunting regret. An emptiness echoes through my mind as images seem to pass me by unable to hold onto a single thought. Hollow void, lifeless I stand surrounded by nothing but my own darkness and for the first time, you’re not starring into that darkness to find me. Nothing NOthing NOThing NOTHIng NOTHINg NOTHING … Please come find me…