The Lost Art Of Reading People
The Lost Art of Reading People
"I don't play the odds, I play the man." - Harvey Specter, Suits
A couple of years ago I had a sales job selling furniture & I was pretty good at it.
Let me be more specific about what "good at it," means. I wasn't one of those a sales
prodigies who could pressure everybody who walked in the store into buying a new piece of
furniture. In fact, I didn't even talk to everybody that came into the furniture area but I was
success.
How?
For as long as I can remember I've always been an introvert. A shy kid turned into a shy
teenager which in turn became a shy adult. But, as I grew I found, I had to overcome my
shyness if I wanted to succeed in anything in life.
I did what I could but as with anything with life I would easily fall back into certain patterns.
Even to this day, I find myself in a group of close friends and have said maybe two words in a
span of a lengthy conversation. You'd think I'd work harder to stop this habit but I don't
because this is where the magic happens. I maybe quiet but it's not like I'm doing nothing.
The Most Dangerous Person in the Room
It's not that I don't like interacting with people, it's just that I'm one of those rare people that
would rather listen than talk & rather observe in the background than be in the spotlight. I've
found what really interests me is the why & what makes people what they do? Why they buy?
What them tick? All the fun psychological stuff that makes us human beings in the first place.
This has led to a fascination with personally honing my observational skills and how read &
profile people. Over the years of this learning I've realized three things:
1. It should be treated as an art & craft that needs regular practice.
2. People care more about their phones than people around them; &
3. Observation skills is becoming a lost art.
The world is changing my friend and with an ever reliance on handheld technology there's a
larger need for those who can read people. Even today when you look around and see how
many people are into themselves so much that learning this art gives you an advantage in
business (& life.)
With that mind here are ten things to look for when reading people:
1. Crinkle Around the Eyes = Genuine Smile
If you were to dig out all the portrait family photos in your life you'll see what I mean.
A genuine smile is nearly impossible to do on command. When someone is smiling at you
look around their eyes to see if they crinkle. If you can't see crow's-feet around their eyes, it's
not genuine smile.
2. Mirroring Body Language = The Conversation is Going Well.
A simple trick to getting along with another person is to mirror their body language and their
body movements in the most subtle way you can. This gives the person you a sense of ease
around you because at a subconscious level they feel you are like them. And, we like those
who are like us.
Positive psychology tells us that we mirror each other when we're feeling a connection.
3. A Clenched Jaw, Tightened Neck, or Furrowed Brow = Stress
There's a reason why we avoid a particular person at the office some days & don't others.
They show their stress on their faces and we instinctively know it.
The reasons for these facial reaction is because they are all "limbic responses" connected
with the limbic system in the brain.
"Emotion, spotting & reacting to threats, as well as assuring our survival, are all heavy
responsibilities of the limbic system," says former FBI counterintelligence agent Joe
Navarro."The bus leaves without us, and we are clenching our jaws, rubbing our necks. We
are asked to work another weekend, and the orbits of our eyes narrow as our chin lowers."
We're emotional beings and can't help but to display this comfort. It's been that way for
millions of years.
4. Crossed Arms = Defensiveness
The disclaimer is that it all depends on the context of the situation. In the typical situation
crossed arms usually indicates the other person as being closed off.
However, be aware of the environment around you as people are more likely to cross their
arms when it's cold out or when their chair doesn't have an armrest. The importance of
observation comes in handing in this situation as you can look for other key indicators to go
along with crossed arms.
5. Crossed Legs = A Sign of Resistance & Low Receptivity
Crossed Legs is the worst thing you can see in a negotiation. Gerard I. Neirenberg & Henry
H. Calero looked at 2,000 negotiation, for their book "How to Read a Person Like A Book,"
and found there wasn't a single settlement when one of the negotiators had their legs
crossed.
In psychologically, this signals the person is mentally, emotionally & physically closed off
making them much less likely to budge in a negotiation or even accept a new idea.
6.Expansive/Authoritative Postures = Leadership
There are a number of signals & behaviours people use when they feel they're a leader.
These can be something you were born with or even learned throughout your life.
The "leadership behaviors" include holding an erect posture, walking purposefully, steepling
and palm-down hand gestures & all around open. expansive body postures.
7. An Expansive Pose = Power & a Sense of Achievement
Want to know how a person is feeling before even asking? Check out how they hold
themselves.
Expansive poses increase testosterone & confidence says Harvard Professor Amy Cuddy. If a
person is leaning back & relaxed they will be feeling powerful & in control. And it doesn't
matter who you are, research has shown that even blind people raise their arms in a V shape
and lift their chins when they win a physical competition.
On the other end of the spectrum lies the low-power pose that increases the stress hormone
Cortisol. This is when someone closes up and wraps their arms around themselves.
8. Eye Contact = Interest (Both Positive & Negative)
Interesting fact that looking some on in the eye sets an arousal state in the body.
Now, it all depends on the parties involved in this non-verbal conversation on how that arousal
gets interpreted. Think about this yourself, would you rather be started at by an ominous
stranger or a potential sexual partner. The former is perceived as a threat and brings on a fear
response and the latter is looked at in a positive light.
9. Eye Contact for Too Long = They Might Be Lying
Remember the old adage if their eyes shift up and to the right they're likely lying? Well, to
combat that theory some liars purposely hold their gaze a little too long.
Couple that with standing very still & not blinking, you may have a dishonest person.
10. A Shaking Leg = A Shaky Inner State
Being the largest area of your body, your legs are easily noticed when they move. A shaky leg
usually signals anxiety, irritation or both.
When you see someone leg-shaking understand that it could be anxiety translating
unconsciously. The person isn't even aware they're doing it.
Reading body language is a great way to understand not only your prospects or customers
but your employees or co-workers. The above tips do work but take practic. The only rule is to
know your environment and make sure you're putting the situation you're in into context.
In our society when everyone is more concerned about what's on their mobile phones reading
people has become a lost art but if you can get good at it you ahead of the crowd, in my
opinion.
What do you think? Do you have any tips on reading body language?