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35 WAYS TO BE A GOOD FRIEND AND ATTRACT PEOPLE Introduction “I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let's face it; friends make life a lot more fun.” -Charles R. Swindoll The family, religious organization, schools, and the society at large provides us with opportunities to meet and relate with people. In this part of the universe, you inevitably have to talk with people, share ideas with them, give opinion, and engage in meaningful discussion with people of different background. These interactions are needful for daily activity and productive living. Social interaction and human relationship is essential for anyone who wants to enjoy life, learn, grow and be happy living. Just as the words of the famous poet, John Donne who says, “No man is an island.” Indeed, nobody can survive in isolation. We all need one another for help, comfort, relationship, and for the reason of togetherness to achieve our dreams and goals. The truth is, you cannot do much alone. You need the company of people who are willing and ready to provide you with the whole support and assistance that you need. We need one another for effectiveness. Take for instance, if you alone can do a task effectively, how much more would you have done with someone else, who has similar skill as yours? Truthfully, we achieve more with people than we would have done alone. This is the secret of effectiveness and great achievement. Human resources are the only resources than are indispensible. Your money, power, talent, and skill can never be a substitute for people because the people around you matter to your joy, happiness and wellbeing not the things you have in your possession. You see, many people suffer loneliness not because there are no people to interact with or share their burdens with but sometimes, they find it difficult to come out of their shell and extend hands of friendship to others. Facial expression, actions, gestures, words and inactions contributes to why some people are lonely, frustrated and feeling unfulfilled. They keep the loom face often and some even always keep themselves from interacting with others that they suddenly develop sweaty hands each time they meet with a new friend. The good news is, all habits can be learnt and unlearnt. Once you realize that you have a habit that does not make you feel good about yourself, then it’s high time you replace it with a new habit. You cannot hate your own skin and expect others to like you. If you will be likeable, then you need to change some habits around you and learn new ones. Now, it is imperative you take caution about people you allow around you and into your life. Not everyone can be around your circle of friends. The truth is, good people attract friends easily. In fact, they attract good people as friends. Now, you wonder why certain people make friends easily and are very accommodating. Well, the reasons for this are not far-fetched. There are certain traits or qualities which you can learn and develop to be a good friend and attract more people to yourself. Below are 35 ways by which you can be a good friend and attract people to yourself; 1. Always make people feel confident around you “A man who has friends must himself be friendly. But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”i Daily, you will meet with people. But, when they leave you or you leave them, how do they feel after two or three lines of conversation? You see, there are some people, who always want to dominate any conversation, such that, other people feel around them feel less, not needed or insignificant in the discussion. Truthfully, this is not a good way to show extend hands of friendship to people, especially a new friend. Everyone wants their opinion to count and be appreciated. Nobody will like to be intimated by your knowledge. Parading your knowledge boastfully before a new friend will not actually impress them. Instead, it will make them feel like an ignoramus-someone who knows nothing about the subject of discussion. You will not show good friendship when you make someone new to you or new to an environment feels like a fool. The moment you make others feel they know nothing and you take charge of the subject of discussion, you are invariably letting go of friendship. Good friends allow others ‘air’ their own opinion and make them feel they are needed and important. Even if you are the most knowledgeable, for the fact that you are with someone who is new to you, brace up the person’s confidence level by allowing him or her express themselves freely. This is essential for good friendship. More so, there are some folks who are shy when they meet with new people. They either talk swiftly or inaudibly when they meet with a new friend. These attitudes are some of the signs of lack of confidence. A shy person cannot make someone else feel confident around him or she simply because the shyness will make the other person feels uncomfortable around you. The truth is, you cannot give what you do not have. Once you are not confident about yourself while talking to someone new to you, most likely, you will make the other person lose their confidence as well. Therefore, if you will make someone else feel homely around you, then you have to shun shyness. Good friends shun shyness, low self-esteem, and lack of confidence, by speaking feeling while communicating to someone new. For you to be a good friend, you must learn how to express yourself without mincing words. You can overcome shyness by when you stop to look down on yourself. The truth is, you are alive in this generation which is an indication that this generation needs you. You have in you what the world needs- your talent, your skills, even your smile, someone else out there needs it to survive. So, stop seeing yourself as though you are insignificant. Your presence matters and so is your words and your contribution to the world. Stir up your confidence by going out there and give the world what you have. It will interest you to know that someone else out there needs another person to see them as a good and important friend. Someone wants to feel the vibes of being important, useful, and needed. However, they are hiding in their shell of loneliness, low self-esteem, and inadequacy because nobody could show them true friendship by stirring up confidence in their heart. Now, you can be that true friend someone else had dreamt to meet. You can be that good friend who will lift someone else up and make the person feel important. Therefore, as much as you can, let others be happy being with you. Let them be confident because they meant with you. Show them they are important and tell them they matter so much. Give compliment to people such that it will infuse in them a purpose for living and reason for existence. Most times, you should learn to input confidence into others by giving them a compliment at first sight. But, how easy can you past a compliment to someone you are meeting for the first time? Well, it’s quite easy. Compliments are most appreciated when it is not sensual, provocative or with the motive to falter. It is good to tell people they look good when they really look good because words of compliments like that have a way of making the person feel good for the rest of the day. For instance, you just met with someone for the very first time. You might just give the person a warmth gesture such as a smile while you shake hands firmly but calmly, or possibly, you were at a presentation and the fellow presented well. It will make no wrong if you walk up to the person and say; “I really appreciated that presentation” or just say, “That was one of the best presentations I have ever seen.” A good compliment gets a warmth smile in return and that shows you just made the person feel comfortable around you. However, never stop at a compliment and walk away, if you want to be a good friend. Give them attention. It is not a good attitude to look distracted when someone new talks to you, this attitude put-off a supposedly good friend and does not make you a good friend either. Being distracted by your phone, while someone is right in front of you talking to you does not show good friendship. In fact, it makes the person talking feel non-relevant and invariably lose confidence. Everybody craves attention. It makes us feel important and confident. The attention you give to a new friend makes them see themselves as being needed and useful to you. You can show people you are genuinely interested in what they saying by giving them an eye contact when they speak, or a slow intermittent nodding of your head in agreement to what they say. When you meet someone newly, what they feel after you both left each other will determine if they want to see you again or not. Always let other miss your absence, by the way you make them feel happy about their selves when you leave.