Millicent Njue

Voices in his Mind The voices in his head were very distinctive. He could hear them as clearly as if they came from one standing right next to him. They were so loud that he had to cover both of his ears. It was terrifying for him to hear what it is they were saying to him. Clear instructions of how he was to take his life. It was bad enough that those around him did not believe anything he told them. Right from the time he had first heard the voices and told his family and friends what it was he was hearing they had all taken it as some sort of a joke. Yet Paul was so certain that there were people that were communicating to him in his mind. Sometimes the voices were calm and talked to him in normal tones. But at other times they shouted so loudly that he had to shut them off by tightly placing his hands over ears. At other times he found humor in what it was the voices said. There was even a time when he had heard them hold a very funny discussion and he had found himself unable to hold back laughter. Only when he was bent over laughing so hard had it occurred to him that those around him did not share the joke with him. He had decided then that it must have been meant for just him to laugh at. Paul would wake up sometimes to hear whispers around him in the dark of the night. At such times he would hold his breath and pretend to be asleep so that he would listen to what it was that was being said about him. It was funny how these voices always talked about him when not addressing him directly. They seemed to be obsessed with him and his past especially. At times they would discuss some embarrassing incidents in his childhood and would taunt him till he begged them to stop. One time he had woken up to hear an ongoing discussion about his relationship with his parents. He had heard the voices say that they were not his real parents as he was adopted. They had gone on to say how that explained the fact that he could not get along well with them as they viewed him differently from their other children. This had changed his relationship with his folks as from then he had decided to be more careful around them. It seemed the voices were always warning him of imminent danger thus he regarded them as his good friends. They had even gone ahead to tell him how the people who claimed to be his friends did not have good intentions towards him. They only wanted to find a way to get him killed they said. And so he had become detached from many of his friends because either way none of them seemed to understand what was going on in his life. On the contrary the voices seemed to always be on the lookout for him. Thus he had got to trust them and to take everything that they said to him as Gospel truth. The instructions on how he was going to take his life seemed a little difficult for him to perform. He thought out every detail of that which he was supposed to do. It brought terror to his mind but then the voices kept reassuring him that it was the only way he was going to find peace from the ones that kept pursuing him in life. They had even gone ahead to describe in detail how life would be on the other side for him. No more would he have to look over his shoulder in fear of people keen on attacking him. If there was anything he longed for it was peace of mind. He wished that he would just live a life with no threats from those around him. He longed to find people who genuinely loved him unlike his parents who he had gathered were not genuine at all. He wished that his siblings were not as conniving as the voices confirmed. It seemed to him that all those around him were all after him and if what the voices said was true then he found no meaning staying around such mean people. He would take a chance at the happiness they promised him. The voices said that life would be perfect on the other side. With no threats to him and surrounded by people that genuinely cared about him he figured that life must be better on that other side. The journey to that other side would begin by following the clear instructions that the friendly voices had issued out. He needed to find courage to walk right into the path of a moving truck. He must not fail on this mission, the voices had said. He was to stand by the road side, pretend that he meant to cross over to the other side and on seeing a huge struck he was to walk right into the highway in its way. Not to worry as the voices would be right there with him and would nudge him on at the right time. He had spent the day before going over the details to executing the plan. So engrossed was he that he had not even found time to get out of his room that day preferring to stay in and hold numerous conversations with the voices. At one point he had even enquired if there was going to be any pain involved but the voices reassured him that the transition would be so fast it would be over before he knew it. He considered this as very worthy advice coming from them. He stood by the huge highway with others waiting to cross to the other side. Everyone else was bent on getting across safely. But he was on the lookout for a huge truck that would come shuttling down and help him get to his destiny on the other side. He was well prepared for the journey too. It had been quite a while standing there but he patiently waited to hear the voices give him the go ahead. At last he heard them. On looking up he saw the huge truck coming downhill fast. The voices seemed to be outdoing each other telling him to walk across the road. They were so loud he did not even think about it but did just what it was the bid him do. Behind the wheel of the new truck was an elderly man on his way to deliver some urgent goods. He was behind on time but this new baby would get him there on time. He was enjoying driving it as he sang along to some country music from the stereo. It was while going downhill that he saw him. The young man seemed intent on making it to the other side of the highway for he suddenly sprang onto the road without warning. The truck driver braked and missed running him over by inches. Paul woke up to hear familiar voices hurling abuses at him. How could he fail after all the instructions they had offered him? What had been so difficult for him to do? They kept shouting at him and he made several attempts to offer answers. None of his answers seemed to make sense to them and they continued chastising him on his lack of commitment to finding happiness on the other side. The truck driver stood over Paul with several other people who had seen the young man walk right into the way of the oncoming traffic. He like others tried to make sense of what it was that had led the young man to make such a grave move. In his experience the driver thought that the young man lying sprawled out on the ground was not of sound mind. He wondered what it was that bothered him to the extent of wanting to take his life. He was overcome with pity for the young lad and decided to get him help. Hurling him to the passenger seat beside him was easy as the lad seemed to be in a daze oblivious of all that was going on around him. As he restarted the engine with his new passenger, he knew that this was not an easy task he had taken on himself. But he just had to make those deliveries first and then he would take time to come up with a way to helping the young lad snap out of whatever it was that bound him. It was not a mere coincidence that he carried in his truck foodstuff that would feed hundreds of mental patients at the hospital. He was going to mention the incident to the head Doctor there and see if he might figure out how to help the young lad. It was the kind face of a stranger that looked back at him. Lying stretched out on a hospital bed Paul had been holding a deep conversation with the voices. The truck driver and the Doctor had watched him wrestle unseen people and heard him shouting back at the voices. It was when he came to his senses that he found the two looking down at him as he lay on the hospital bed. He hoped that he had somehow made it to the other side and would find peace at last. He was almost sure he was in the right place.