the writer of me
Never give up on Love
It never occurred to me that I had the urges to feel love and be loved at this stage of my life. Not until one day my online student mentioned about that Valentine whiskey which reminded me that yes it’s almost Valentine’s Day. Not that I have this notion to treat holidays equally which doesn’t make sense anyway. But I wanted to greet him and I was hoping that he reciprocates my greetings within what I expected it to be. But to my dismay he didn’t. He doesn’t feel the same way that I do. So, I bet that I need to accept the fact that I’m stuck up in the tutor’s zone again. I don’t want to complicate things with him and I’m fine with what he thinks about me. He is very vocal about how he learns so many good things from me and I definitely appreciate it.
And therefore, I welcome Valentine’s Day with a different expectations about love and roles. I cannot live in fairytales anymore nor can I live to be a second best or shadow of supposedly out of the line relationships. This journey of being a single mom or being single doesn’t mean that I could settle for anything less. Beyond age or time, it really doesn’t matter. I still believe in love and faith and it will never fail.
It’s almost a year since I tried something daring when it comes to dirty love. And I’m thinking about welcoming Valentines with the conventional version of dirty love. I have realized many things about real and hard love the past few days. I have witnessed how people loved and cried around me with no regrets and with the hope that they will turn into a better version of themselves after these doomed days. And sometimes I feel burdened because I was asking myself why it has to the ones that are closed to me. This kind of mindset will not lead me anywhere because I know I don’t have the power to control people’s destiny and choices if it even made sense. So, I kept my silence sometimes and I made sure to make them feel better in the best that I can make them feel. But the moment that I myself will crumble and cry will not come because I won’t let that happen. Others judgement and their choices are theirs to conquer. I’m going to take my time and I myself will take care of my own choices at heart.
So, what’s left to say now? Gone are those days that I have to beg for a pinch of love because in the first place I have them already. I just failed to see them in the past. My heart will continue to beat and is going to beat when it’s time. Love is best when it’s shared anyway. I mean it doesn’t have to be romantic but it has to be genuine. So let’s spread the love this coming Valentine’s day. As the bible verses from 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 say love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails. This is the real thing because God’s Love has never ceased to guide me every day of my life.
Name: Melissa M. Bajas
Address: Porac Pampanga
Age : 29
Company and the position: Alorica, Clark Philippines (Technical Representative)