Mary Rosalie Olandesca

Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs PROLOGUE I haven’t written for so long. For three years, I’ve been insensitive to my sentiments and I’ve been suppressing my emotions. It’s not that I like it or dislike it. It’s just because I chose it. I chose not to feel anything. I chose not to touch my soul and I do not allow my soul to be touched. I’ve been hiding from the real world, I’ve been tired. I just wanted to free my mind together with my soul from any complexities. Yes, indeed I’ve succeeded for a long time until one fine afternoon came that changed everything. I was walking alongside with my girl friend downtown. We were just pretty enjoying ourselves. You know, doing girl stuff – talking which always leads to gossiping, passing windows of shops, scrutinizing boutique displays, checking who’s the month’s cover girl of Cosmopolitan, eating vanilla-flavored ice cream, sashaying to make boys’ heads turn – just silly little things young single ladies do. As we were about to cross a street, a red sedan passed us by. Suddenly, my world turned in slow motion. Driving the car was none other than the man who always brings the intensity to shake my wellshielded universe. I stood there frozen just watching him, hoping against hope that he’ll see me too. Everything else was a blur including the horns of cars were unheard. It was as if I was on trance with only him who’s visible to my eyes. The car glided smoothly until I just suddenly noticed only its wheel prints on the street. He did not see me. As I’ve come into my senses, I looked at my friend. She looked at me too. Without any word, without a smile, without a nod, we looked away from each other and proceeded to cross the street. It was just like we’ve come to a silent agreement not to talk about it and to pretend that nothing happened. I appreciated her for doing so for I’m the kind of person who just ignores unlikable circumstances for unwanted feelings not to come. So, we continued into our search for a pair of black stilettos that will match my friend’s little black dress which she’ll wear to a wedding. Why black? Because it’s her ex-boyfriend’s wedding! At first, I really didn’t agree for her to witness the wedding. But she wanted to. Of course, she was invited. And of course, she will not go there out of courtesy to the invitation nor to mess things up as she had promised never to do. But she will go there to confront reality and to face the truth. According to her, if she’ll face the truth, acceptance will come. 1 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs Unlike me, the truth is so clear as crystal in front of me but still I’m in denial. I’m in denial of everything. I’ve always been in denial! I always keep my eyes closed to reality. I don’t accept the truth because I know deep down that I’m defeated. I’m already defeated! I’ve been a weakling for a long, long time. I’ve been keeping a love that has long been dead. I’ve been depriving myself from the truth that the man I’ve always loved has never loved me back. CHAPTER 1 My story starts way, way back in high school. I was in my sophomore year, first day of class when a new classmate came in. Cliché this may seem but I must say that he was tall, dark, and handsome. Of course, he was handsome to me! He was also lean, carries himself well, and totally my type. He’s got those pair of tantalizing eyes that attracted me the most. It was not a love-at-first-sight kind of stuff for it was not the first time that I saw him. His classroom was adjacent to mine the previous year. Let’s just say, it was the first time that I took notice of him. Unfortunately, he was seated at the back row while I was in front. It was so hard to take glimpses of him because it would be too obvious. There were times when our eyes met but I simply looked away, trying to hide the build-up of butterflies in my stomach. And to be honest, I couldn’t really remember our first conversation. But to tell you, every time I got the chance to talk to him, I felt so nervous and always tripped over my tongue. I hated myself for being so and just wished I’ve melted away at the middle of the conversation. And after every encounter with him, I felt so stupid and wondered, “Had he noticed it?”, “Did he see that I’ve blushed?”, “Had he heard my heart beat faster?” So many afterthoughts and so many “I should’ve done this or that” but at the same time, also formulating words for the next time we’ll have the chance to talk again. During recesses, I wanted to catch up with him but he was always with his boy friends and I couldn’t get near them because I was also with my girl friends. You know, we were on our adolescent stage – wherein boys are with boys and girls are with girls. It is a conscious stage wherein youngsters feel awkward with the opposite sex. They are aware of each other’s existence, attraction is also there but they are just afraid to show it and approach one another. 2 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs Day after day, that was the scenario – stolen glimpses of him, wishes of him to walk by me, and hopes for conversations with him. Until one day, our homeroom adviser told us that there will be a rearrangement of our seat plan which will be permanent until the end of the school year. I got transferred to the very first row and guess what. He was transferred to the second row right behind me! I was so happy then and considered that fate cooperated for us to be closer. Imagine that! We were given a great deal of time to know each other. Well, just the fact of having him close to me for the rest of the school year excited me to some extent! Then we had little getting-to-know-you conversations. I found out who his parents are, what are their occupations, when is his birthday, where he lives, and how many siblings does he has. I also found out that he’s into basketball and table tennis. “Oh, he’s sports-minded! I’m gonna be the one to hand him a towel and a bottle of water each time he plays.” That’s what was on my mind. Little by little, the stammering vanished and I felt so at ease with him. I laughed at every joke he cracked, considered his views and opinions to some matters, and hated Algebra with him. We also agreed that dogs are great pets, exchanged likes and dislikes in television shows and movies, and shared music. One afternoon break, from out of the blue, he handed me a cassette tape of Peter André and told me to listen to the song Mysterious Girl. Without a word, I just took the tape from his hands and put it in my schoolbag. Then I instantly turned my head away from him. What was he thinking? Why did he lend me a cassette tape of some artist I didn’t know and haven’t heard of about? Why was he lending me something I didn’t ask to borrow? When I got home, I didn’t change my clothes yet as I always do every time I arrive. Instead, I turned on our cassette player and listened to the tape, tuning into Mysterious Girl. I listened intently to the lyrics but all I could catch was the line “Oh, mysterious girl. I wanna get close to you.” And what did that mean?! Even the dumbest person on earth could understand that. How much more to a witty thirteen-year old who’s discovering a new world of love. “Oh, my God! Am I in love?! Is this what they call love? How about crushes? Is he only my crush or is he already my love?” A lot of questions came across my mind like jets of lightning passing to and fro so quickly but registering so blatantly. I just stared at the cassette player until the whole side A of the tape finished 3 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs rolling. I didn’t play the song again for some reason I didn’t know. I just returned the tape to its place in my schoolbag, out from my sight. I haven’t slept all night analyzing things and trying hard to keep myself not to presume that he liked me too. It would be so inappropriate for I was the kind of girl who considers myself not a beauty. At that time of my life, I ranked myself Class C when it comes to beauty, fame, and social status. The “social status” thing had bothered me a lot since his family was among the elite in our little town. But this doesn’t mean that my family was poor or unpopular. It was just like his family was better than mine when it comes to prominence and circle of friends to hang out with. Plus, there was the “beauty” thing. Unlucky for me, I was really not a beauty. Even worse, I grew up being the object of ridicule to kids – playmates, classmates, even relatives. They always teased me and called me names like “libat” (cross-eyed), “ita” (Aeta), “agta sa paril” (a very black persona in Filipino mythology on the wall), blah, blah, blah. Poor unfortunate me! I was born black! CHAPTER 2 Black, black, black….. “Black!” “What about black?” my friend asked me. We were outside a first-class (in our town’s standard) shoe store right after we crossed the street. There on their window was a pair of black stilettos sitting glamorously with its tiny rhinestones radiating the late-afternoon sun’s rays. “Your black stilettos!” I exclaimed, pointing my index finger to the fabulous find of the day. “OMG! This is it!” she exclaimed too motioning inside the store. I really, really like my friend. We speak of one language. She likes what I like and I like what she likes. She loves what I love and I love what she loves. We grew up together literally, emotionally, knowledgably, and spiritually. We went to the same school from preparatory to tertiary and had the same course. And right after college in the big city, we went back home and opened our one-stop wedding shop – the first ever and only hassle-free wedding shop with wedding planning services in our town. 4 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs We cater everything our costumers need – from invitations, wedding rings, gown, bridal car, church arrangements, reception venue, flowers, food, cake, wine, souvenirs, etc. to pictorial, video coverage, and even honeymoon reservations. This may be absurd but we also function as proxies to bride’s maids or maids of honor if badly needed. And not to mention, also as proxies to fiancées, entertaining their grooms-to-be who are toughly coping up with wedding jitters….. With a total regular employee of thirteen including us as managers, we had raised our shop to some heights in the period of only three years. We had expanded our services to neighboring towns and small cities. We were always in demand! With that, we already reaped good fruits from our hard labor. It afforded us to go on vacays to some exciting places, buy fancy clothes, shoes, bags, and jewelries, and regular hang-outs at posh resto-bars. We’re totally enjoying a life a 25year old young lady could ever dream of! “Girl, I love it,” she said as the saleslady handed her the pair of black stilettos. “Go on, fit it,” I urged her at the same time admiring the tiny rhinestones intricately laid on the hem of each shoe. She excitedly sat down on the store’s plush divan and tried one shoe on her right foot. As she slipped the shoe on her foot, her ankle couldn’t get in. She stomped her foot, still it did not. “This will fit,” she said with a smile. She assisted her foot through her fingers to allow the opening of the shoe to expand but still nothing happened. “Get a size six,” I told the saleslady as I sat on the divan beside my friend. “Right away, ma’am,” she replied. “Why won’t you try the left shoe,” I turned to my friend who stomped her right foot again. “Good idea. I won’t panic,” she said while getting the other shoe. She slipped it on her left foot and the same thing happened. It did not fit. 5 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Oh, God. Please fit in!” she requested as she stomped both her feet now. “I’m sorry, ma’am but there is no size six. I got here size seven,” the saleslady interrupted. “What about six and a half?” my friend asked her hopefully. “There’s also no six and a half,” the saleslady replied. “OK. Let’s see. Just try these,” I took the pair of size seven from the saleslady and handed it to her. “Definitely it’s loose,” she said as she took the pair from me. “This is five and a half,” I showed her the shoe she just fitted. “You’re five and a half but this is tight on you. Probably seven will do.” “See,” she said as she slipped size seven on her right foot. It certainly didn’t fit. Even if you fill it with tissue paper, it won’t do. She’ll look like a duck then. “Miss, are you sure there’s no size six or six and a half of these?” I asked the saleslady. “Yes, ma’am,” she said confidently with head up high. “Will you please check again,” I requested her. “Alright. Just for a moment, ma’am,” she said kindly. “Thank you.” “Oh, how I wish there will be,” my friend sighed and leaned her back on the divan. “Let’s keep our fingers crossed,” I encouraged her with a smile. “Size six would be perfect,” she said. I just smiled back at her and got up from the divan. CHAPTER 3 6 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs I got up from bed and checked the digital clock right at my bedside table. It read 6:04 a.m. It’s time to wake up. “Wake up? I haven’t even slept,” I murmured to myself. Then I took a bath, had my breakfast, and headed for school. The moment I entered our school’s gate, there was my crush reading something at the bulletin board. I looked down at my feet and tried to avoid him but I was already late. He already saw me. He then smiled at me and approached me. What a heavenly morning! The first person I saw in school at the very start of the day was the person who kept me awake all night. Again, there was a build-up of butterflies in my stomach. Will he know that I was thinking of him all the time? I just smiled back at him. “Hello. Ready for another day?” he greeted me. I just nodded not looking at him because I feared that my voice would quiver and afraid of my eyes to show that it’s him that I’m always thinking of. We walked side by side at a distance of approximately two feet. Not so close and yet not so far. I contented myself with it and felt I’d float. We arrived to our classroom without looking at and talking to each other. He didn’t even mention the cassette tape and I thank God for that! When our first class started, I put my hand on my schoolbag and felt the tape inside it. How will I return this to him? Will I wait for him to retrieve it from me and tell him I had left it at home so he could say that it was unimportant to me? Or will I just hand it to him and say thank you? Will I tell him the song was nice? Or will I tell him that the song was not my taste? Will I ask him about Peter André so we could talk more? Or will I just simply hand the tape to him without saying anything? Recess time came but still I hadn’t made up my mind. I was also afraid to the unseemly thought of him telling me that he likes me. That would be the most impossible of all impossibles! As usual, I went to the canteen with my close friend. She noticed that I was not myself and asked me what the problem was. With much hesitation, I told her that I like our new classmate. “Are you serious?” she asked me. “I don’t find him cute.” 7 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “OK,” that’s the only word that came out from my mouth and proceeded to take a bite of my bunwich. I shouldn’t have told her. “Well, if you like him. I’ll like him too,” she sighed handing me my drink. “But only as a crush for you. Not for me,” she added. Being together since childhood, we have this some kind of fond sharing crushes. We never argued nor competed on boys. If the guy notices her, fine with me and if the guy notices me, fine with her. We just then say “Share!” and laugh ‘till we drop! “Why not for you? We always shared,” I said. “I think it’s kind of different now,” she replied. “Different good or different bad?” “Both, my dear!” “I don’t get it.” “And I don’t get why you like him!” “I don’t know. I just do.” “See? Ever since, our crushes are those who are heartthrobs, campus figures…..” “And those guys whom everybody likes,” I cut in rolling my eyes. “Exactly! And that explains things. We shared crushes because we know that there was no harm on it. We both know that we cannot get our crushes to be our boyfriends. And this time, it’s different,” she said and gulped on her soda. “So, you think he’s not cute and admirable? Not in the level of our certified crushes?” I asked finishing my bunwich. “As for the moment, I don’t find him cute and he’s definitely not a heartthrob. And as for the question, it’s different good because I think you must be in love with him and it’s different bad because you might get hurt!” she finished the conversation as the bell rang. CHAPTER 4 8 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs The bell at the door tinkled as somebody came in. I turned around to see. The blinding late-afternoon sun revealed a silhouette of a wellbuilt man. Then my heart went pounding. Is it him? “Thank God you’re here!” my friend exclaimed as she got up from the divan. Of course, she knew the owner of the shop. It’s the renowned Mr. Angelio. Mr. Angelio had been in the shoe business for over thirty years. He had traveled around the Philippines and across Asia to bring rare stylish shoes from eminent local designers to our town. He also sells second hand high-end international designers’ shoes. But he does not display such precious items in his shop. He just offers them secretly to trusted and well-to-do clients. As per agreement, he keeps the names of the owners from where the shoes came from confidential as well as the names of the shoes’ buyers. I even got a pair of Prada for only PhP 15,000 from him which I never wear when I’m in town. It might be recognized by the owner and I might be branded as cheap buying handme-downs. “Please tell me that there is still a size six or six and a half on these,” my friend said hastily showing the shoe to Mr. Angelio. “Oh, Mr. Angelio. Be an angel to us,” I appealed joining them. “That, my dear, I’m afraid has no six or six and a half. It’s a special design crafted by Lei See of China. It is a limited edition and lucky for me, I got a pair of five and a half, seven, and eight and a half. Shoe sizes which are common to Filipinas.” “What? Six and six and a half are the sizes common to Filipinas!” my friend said in disgust. “I am five and a half yet this five-and-a-half size doesn’t fit me,” she showed him the pair she previously fitted. “I’m so sorry dear but there’s really no six and six and a half on these,” Mr. Angelio apologetically said. “That is true, ma’am. came in. I had checked thoroughly,” the saleslady “Alright, then. Let’s find another pair. Get us a black stiletto, Mr. Angelio. For my friend, please,” I gave him a wink. That would mean from his secret fabulous collection. 9 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Let me see,” Mr. Angelio said motioning to his MacBook. “But girl, I couldn’t afford to buy a designer’s item now,” my friend complained. “Oh, just get some money from your savings,” I suggested. “No, I can’t!” “Hey, take a look at this lovely pair,” Mr. Angelio called up. We hurriedly went to the counter to see what he has on hand. “That’s so chic!” I exclaimed as I saw the picture of the pair. “Perfect!” my friend exclaimed too. She already changed her mind about getting some money from her savings. I always knew she would and I grinned at her. “After all, he’s worth a million-dollar bill!” I said teasingly. “Oh, shut up,” my friend replied. “Will check be OK, Mr. Angelio?” “Of course, dear! You’re a loyal client,” Mr. Angelio replied. “Let’s go upstairs so you can fit it.” CHAPTER 5 Upstairs at our typing laboratory, our teacher gave us a short activity test. After the test, she told us that we’re free for the rest of the afternoon given that we’ll just stay inside the lab and keep our voices low so we could not disturb the other classes. And to make the time worthwhile, I took a copy of song lyrics from my friend and typed it. Surprisingly, my crush came to us and sat beside me! He asked me what I was typing. I told him, “The song It Might Be You by Stephen Bishop”. Just recently, the song was sung by the school’s heartthrob, Mark Carlo Gualberto during a school program. He swept all the girls off their feet for the song was also the theme song of a famed love team on Philippine TV. Every girl in school was on a lust-song syndrome until now. Without warning, my crush took the copy from my desk and asked me if he could dictate it for me. “Oh, my God! I guess I couldn’t type a letter anymore,” I thought nervously. I didn’t say yes nor nod but he started to dictate the song for me. 10 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Something’s telling me it might be you. It’s telling me it might be you. All of my life.” The song said. Exactly the lines I was about to type before he came to the scene. I typed what he just had dictated clumsily. In contrast to the perfect grade that I just had in our activity test, I would rate zero for this. “Looking back as lovers go walking pass,” he continued to dictate. I continued to type. “All of my life. Wond’ring how they met and what makes it last,” he dictated again. I typed again with a lot of backspaces and alterations. “If I found the place, would I recognize the face?” I couldn’t help it anymore. I knew he was looking at me and that made me feel so nervous. I told myself to just type what he said but I couldn’t control myself. There was some kind of a magnetic field that pulled me to him and all of a sudden, I turned to him to see his face. “Something’s telling me it might be you. might be you,” he said as our eyes met. Yeah, it’s telling me it He stopped dictating. I stopped typing. We both stopped dead on our tracks. My heart was pounding so intensely that I could not move nor say a thing. It was like that we were the only two people in the room. The world seemed to stop revolving. I didn’t notice anything else. It was only him. His eyes, his lips, his face….. For what seemed like an eternity, we stayed there eyes to eyes, face to face. Then he leaned closer to me. We were so close now that I could feel his breathing. “I have to stop this,” I said to myself. “This should end,” I said to myself again. Trying hard to gather my senses, I suddenly withdrew myself from the magical moment. I turned to the typewriter to type the line he just dictated a while ago. Realizing that I didn’t catch the line, I turned to him again avoiding his stare. “What was the last line again?” I asked him shyly. “Have you listened to the tape?” he asked instead. I have forgotten about the tape he lent me. The situation on how to return the tape that bothered me the whole day had finally come. 11 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Yeah,” I nodded. “Did you listen to the song, Mysterious Girl?” he asked again. “Yeah,” I nodded again without looking at him. “How do you find it?” “It’s nice,” I answered. It’s the only complement that I could say to him. “You know what,” he said but did not continue. I waited for a few seconds but no words came out from his mouth. “What?” I asked him still not looking at him. Oh, I shouldn’t ask him that. I was so afraid that time to what he might say. What if he’ll say that the song was for me? What if he’ll say that he likes me? I really regretted for asking him that. “That song is classified as reggae,” he explained. “Oh, I see,” I replied with a relief. I was not ready that time for someone to tell me that he likes me because I didn’t know how to react and handle the situation. On contrary, I was also hoping for him to say what he felt about me. Does he like me or not? Is he considering me to be his girl? Does he feel the same way as I do? A lot of opposite thoughts were debating on my mind. And preventing him from saying anything else, I took the cassette tape from my schoolbag. “Here’s the tape. Thanks!” I finally managed to hand it to him. “Oh, you’re always welcome,” he replied taking the tape from me. “Now, where were we?” I asked motioning to type again. He continued to dictate the song for me line by line. This time, I had quiet adjusted to the situation of him very close to me. And after a lot of mistakes, I finally finished typing the song. “Girl, it’s time to go,” my friend called me up. Time ran so fast. It was time to go home. I wondered why I didn’t hear the bell rang. Our classmates started piling out from the room now saying goodbyes to fellow classmates and to our teacher. Then I realized that I am now back to the world, back to reality. I sighed and gathered 12 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs my things as well as myself. On the other hand, my crush stood up to get his things from his desk. Without saying our goodbyes, I followed my friend outside our classroom. I was hoping for him to catch up but he did not. He went out with the boys instead. Crestfallen, I walked with my friend silently. “At least we had a moment,” I thought consolingly to myself. Then I went home savoring every detail of what happened that afternoon. I was so blessed – very blessed of having my crush so near me. Of course, I also had high hopes for him to say that he liked me too. I also hoped that it will be us. But we were only kids then – too young to have a romantic kind of relationship. At that age, people with boyfriends or girlfriends were always the center of attraction and gossip. I was not hoping for that to happen to me. And why was I even thinking of that? It would be so far from reality that he’s gonna like me too. I was just an ordinary school girl who was undesirable to be liked. Anyway, I always had the opportunity of seeing him everyday. With that, I was more than satisfied. I was enjoying every precious minute of the day with him and always looked forward to go to school the moment I wake up each day. I couldn’t explain what I felt for him because it was the first time that I ever felt that way to a guy. I have had a lot of crushes prior to him but this time, it was different. Maybe, my friend was right. It was different good because I must be in love and it was different bad because I might get hurt. This wasn’t just a mere attraction anymore but this involved feelings – feelings of happiness and of sadness. CHAPTER 6 “So sad these don’t fit again,” my friend said miserably. With the pair of unfit Diors on her feet, it was like her world crumpled down. “Are there any other black stilettos, Mr. Angelio?” I turned to the store’s owner imploringly. “I’m so sorry girls, but there’s no other,” Mr. Angelio said regretfully. “Maybe, it’s time to move on and visit other shops,” I suggested to my friend. “I doubt it. Mr. Angelio’s is the best in town,” she replied taking off the shoes from her feet and carefully replacing ‘em in the box. 13 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Thank you for the complement, dear. But as for the situation, I couldn’t help you. Maybe if you give me some time, I could manage to give you a pair that would just be perfect for you,” Mr. Angelio said encouragingly. “That would be impossible. tomorrow,” I said. The wedding’s on the day after “The wedding’s on the day after tomorrow? That soon?!” my friend exclaimed. “Yes. It’s written on the invitation. September 23, 2008. today’s September 21, 2008,” I answered her. And “Oh, my God! I lost track of time! Is that true?” she asked blankly. “Yes!” Mr. Angelio and I answered in unison. “Where on earth could I ever find that perfect pair of black stilettos in this short span of time?!” she exclaimed. “Let’s try online shopping,” I suggested. “You know I’m not into online shopping. I couldn’t get to see and touch the real thing up close and personal. Photos are just so deceiving,” she added. “Ah, ah. Not all the time, dear. Sometimes you’ll get more from what you see in pictures. For once, consider taking risks,” Mr. Angelio pointed out. “Alright then, Mr. Angelio thank you so much for your help. Our time is up here. See you in some other day and circumstance,” I said eyeing my friend. “Good luck in your quest in finding the perfect pair of shoes,” Mr. Angelio wished, waving us goodbye. CHAPTER 7 It was my quest to face him every day. It was not easy to act normally whenever he was around. Day after day, my feelings for him got stronger until from out of the blue, I felt the total reverse. “Hey, have you done our assignment in Algebra?” he asked, catching up with me to our classroom after the flag ceremony. 14 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “No. I still have to ask my tutor to answer it this lunch time,” I answered sourly. “How about our Biology quiz? Have you reviewed for it?” he asked again. “Yeah. You know I’m always good in memorizing,” I again replied flatly. “Can you not cover your paper for me? Please,” he said jokingly with a grin. “Oh, shut up. You know how mad Mrs. Gonzaga can get if we get caught,” I snapped. “Come on. It was just a joke. I also studied,” he said touching my elbow. “Well, it’s not funny,” I said dryly, moving my arm away from his touch. “Hey, are you OK?” he asked with a concerned look. I didn’t answer anymore and I just gave him a piercing look, turned away, and left him behind. I suddenly disliked him! As in super dooper mega over dislike that turned into hatred! He didn’t do anything to me for me to hate him but that was what I felt towards him. Gah, just the smell of his perfume made my blood boiled that even at home I still cringed ‘coz he got the same perfume as my dad’s. I really couldn’t understand myself why I suddenly hated him so. He was still friendly to me but I unfriended him. He still talked to me but I talked back in the form of a roar like a tiger. He borrowed my Algebra notebook and I didn’t hand it to him properly but threw it at him instead. It flew to his stomach and dropped to the floor but he still stooped down to get it. He didn’t give any word and just humbly scanned my notebook and copied from it. Then I turned away feeling guilty. I always felt guilty every time I blew at him with my cruel gestures. I really didn’t know that from out of nowhere, I felt the urge of belittling him and turned so heartless for him. He was as meek as a dove and never did he fought back. He never did question me why I suddenly became rude to him. 15 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “What was that all about?” my friend whispered to me after I threw my notebook at my “supposedly” dear crush. “What?” I asked, pretending not to get what she was implying to. “Your behavior towards him,” she answered looking at the boy behind my back busying himself with my notes. “What behavior?” I over pretended. “I’ve been noticing since last week,” she replied. “What have you noticed?” “That you’re so rude at him.” “Am I?” “Yeah. Haven’t you notice yourself?” “Maybe,” I said hesitantly. “I don’t know,” I added. “But, maybe,” I wondered to myself. Maybe I was having the “the more you hate, the more you love” kind of thing. Maybe I wanted him to notice my feelings for him. Or maybe, I denied myself from loving him too intensely so I won’t get hurt. How could a fourteen-year old (I just turned a year older then) evaluate such emotions? All I knew was I really really hated him that I suffered for the rest of the school year having him at my back! CHAPTER 8 “Oh, God! Why do I have to endure this?” my friend asked me as we had greasy Chinese take-out for dinner in our shop. “Endure the quest for the black stilettos or the wedding?” I asked back. “Both,” she simply said taking a bite of her siomai. “Maybe this is a sign that you should not go to the wedding,” I said playing with my chopsticks. 16 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “No. I should go,” she insisted taking a gulp of her iced cold matcha. “The siomai’s sauce is so spicy!” she exclaimed. “Haha! I should’ve warned you,” I laughed at her burning tongue as she let it out from her mouth. “This is so ridiculous!” she again complained. “Siomai’s sauce is never ridiculous. It’s going to your ex’s wedding that is! I should warn you,” I stated my unsolicited advice, getting the sauce from her. “I already decided to go. The battle in my head has long been over. I need to go,” she explained further getting a piece of my dumplings. “I still couldn’t understand why you should go,” I said rolling my eyes. “Face reality, my dear! I need it to move on,” she said with a sigh. Then I didn’t answer to defend my argument anymore. I suddenly remembered the unexpected and unsolicited street scenario that late afternoon. So I finished my noodles in one mouthful instead. “You done?” my friend asked. “Obviously,” I answered gathering my take-out boxes and stood up to the sink, avoiding whatever my friend was about to say. “Let’s go get a drink,” she said, finishing her matcha. “You just drank a whole lot of matcha,” I said, washing my hands. “Oh, come on! Can you not console a friend in this time of need?” she said, joining me in the sink. “I am already consoling you,” I said, not looking at her. “Well, console me more. Let’s go! The night is young and so are we,” she said in a singsong voice. “Haha! We can’t be that stupid to stay late tonight. Remember that we have brunch meeting tomorrow with the Gutierrez’s,” I reminded her for the upcoming 50th wedding anniversary of the year in our little city. 17 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “We won’t stay late. I promise. Just get enough drink to sleep. Please?” she pleaded. “If that is so, just drink milk,” I said getting back to the table to clean it up. “We can’t be like this forever,” she said turning around to face me. “Forever what?” I asked. “This! Two successful independent women who can rule the world in their fingertips but,” she paused having a faraway look. “Unhappy,” she added, shrinking to a seat. “Unhappy? You think so? I’m not,” I disagreed returning to the sink. “Maybe I can find the shoes while we’re drinking,” she said wishfully. “OK. OK. Let’s go out, get a drink!” I said on second thought. Chapter 9 “Drink up,” mom instructed as she let me finish a glassful of water after taking aspirin. My head was throbbing the moment I woke up that morning due to staying up late watching HBO. “Thanks, mom,” I said weakly forcing the water down my stomach. “You should be taking rest today. I’ll just go to school and talk to your adviser to have you excused for your absence,” she offered. “No, mom. I should not miss school,” I declined. I was already in my senior year, the last year of high school. Before the school year started, I already promised myself to make the most out of it. So I should never miss a day not being in school. As a fulfillment to that promise, I participated in all school activities like the jingle contest in July, speech choir in August, and cheer dance competition in September. The month started with the audition for the cheer dance. The cheerleaders were mostly from the other sections since they were more gifted in dancing than us, from the top section. It was funny auditioning to them for they also didn’t want to judge us. Ending, they let all of us 18 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs from the top section passed because they were too shy to let any of us down. When rehearsals came, we were so excited to learn the chants and yells! The ever talented and gorgeous cheer leader, Yvonne Cheng was the one who taught us. We had our chanting practice first in our classroom. As we were following Yvonne, somebody from the last section came in late. “Well, hello there Mister! Practice call time was 9 AM. minutes late,” Yvonne called up to the late-comer. You’re thirty It was no other than my previous classmate in second year whom I hated so much! “I’m so sorry, Miss. Got held up in the hallway,” he replied coolly. The other girls started whispering but I didn’t get what they were up to. My friend just eyed me with an all-knowing smile on her face. “I don’t want people with big heads in my league,” Yvonne continued to bark at him. “Ohhh,” the others chorused. “Not as big as you think,” he said mockingly tapping his forehead. The girls cheered and he mimed to silence them until he saw me. He smiled but I looked away. I ignored him all throughout the practice until Yvonne gave us a 15-minute break. “Hi!” The hell he’s still talking to me! response. I just rolled my eyes and didn’t “Wanna grab some snacks?” he tried again. “I’m not fond of eating snacks,” I muttered under my breath. I still couldn’t stand having him in proximity. I still couldn’t understand his effect on me! “Well then, see you later,” he said with a wink. 19 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs And my blood boiled again! Why was he doing that to me? How many mistreats should he had to get from me? Why would he just couldn’t leave me alone? “Until now?” my friend asked me the moment he left. “Don’t start with me,” I warned her. “Why that much hate?” she asked again. “I don’t know,” I answered irritably. I really didn’t know! Unknowingly and without any hint, this was my first encounter of him that marked my magical month of September of the year 1998! Then we always met for rehearsals every afternoon after class and every Saturday. I was so happy with the rehearsals for it was my first time to join a cheer dance competition! He was also always there but I didn’t care until one afternoon came when he didn’t join our rehearsal. I wondered why but I just let it pass because I didn’t care. Chapter 10 “I don’t care what people might think,” my friend said getting up from her seat to go to the dance floor. We were in a club to have a drink but my friend had already downed 5 shots of tequila! Trying to be the sane one ‘till we go home, I was only nursing a glass of Shirley temple which she detested. “Wai wai wait! You can’t go in there in that state,” I was trying to hold her up. “The heck you’re telling me what to do,” she said while downing another shot of tequila. “This is really good!” She raised the empty shot glass while dancing to the beat of Don’t Cha by the Pussycat Dolls. Salt, shot, lemon, repeat. She’s doing that for 6 times already! “I think we should go home,” I said grabbing the shot glass from her and taking the bottle of tequila from the table. “Who wants a shot?” I motioned to the other table. “Hey, you’re not doing that,” my friend tried to get the bottle from me. 20 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Oh, you want some body shots?” the guy from the other table asked mockingly and his friends jeered in laughter. “No, have this all you want for free! And, you might also want your table to be covered by us?” I offered haughtily. I could see that they were only students. Students who were younger than us so I was confident to talk back. It was so easy to boss ‘em around ‘coz they’ve got no money. “Woho! Rich girls! OK, just let me have that shit,” the bastard took both the tequila bottle and the shot glass. “Thanks, anyway!” “You’re welcome, handsome. Wanna dance?” my friend suddenly butt in tracing the young guy’s jawline with her index finger. “Sure thing, lovely lady,” the boy next table handed the bottle and the glass to his nearest friend without even watching who. He just locked eyes with my already insane friend. “No, you can’t!” I protested, moving in between them. “Oh, just give us one song,” my friend pleaded and it’s Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani in the background. “I ain’t no hollaback girl, I ain’t no hollaback girl,” she sang while swaying. “God, she’s got the moves!” the boy exclaimed in admiration. “Oh, please. Could you please shut up!” I barked at him. “Come, come, come! Just one song!” my friend grabbed the boy’s hand and it was already too late to hold them back. They were hastily joining the crowd in the dance floor. Then the boy just passed me with a big grin. I lost! “Fuck!” I shouted behind them but I doubt if they heard me. “Your friend’s gonna be fine. James is a good boy,” the boy’s friend reasoned handing me a shot of tequila. For the first time in the evening, I took the glass. Salt, shot, lemon, I downed my first shot that night. “You can sit with us if you want,” the supporting boy offered. “No, thanks. I’m better off alone,” I rejected. Then I went back to our table and slouched in the couch. 21 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Ahem. Ahem. Being alone in a club as a girl is no good,” the supporting boy chimed in from behind my back. “I’m a girl no more,” I muttered rolling my eyes though he couldn’t see. “No man is an island,” he continued. “So what do you want?” I demanded facing him. “Sit with you,” he answered looking straight to my eyes. I didn’t reply and just turned away from him. “So, what’s up with your friend that she’s drinking?” he inquired hopping to the couch from behind and sat right next to me. “Nah, she really doesn’t intend to. We’re really not into this. Just some hormones of the female reproductive system kicking in,” I intentionally intimidated him. “Tsk tsk tsk. You, girls really have your own thing,” he insinuated. I didn’t mind him with that anymore ‘coz I was busy keeping an eye on my friend who was already grinding with a boy to the tune of My Humps by the Black Eyed Peas. “She sure is having the time of her life,” the supporting boy implied, following my gaze. “We’ll be damned good tomorrow morning!” I concluded with a white flag. Chapter 11 The morning after as I arrived in school, there was a great commotion going on! Girls were yelling everywhere. I hurriedly looked for my classmates so I could ask them what was happening. But when I passed by the hallway, a friend from the lower section told me that the pictures were already posted! “Pictures!” I thought sighing. Only pictures and girls go gaga over them! “How stupid!”, I added to myself. 22 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs I just passed by the mob of girls looking at the pictures and when I entered our classroom, the section 1 girls were also talking about the pictures. “What’s with the pictures?”, I asked them. And they answered, “They were all so good-looking especially Lance!” And that was why he wasn’t in our cheer dance competition anymore – he shifted to join another contest! “So he joined Mr. & Ms. Sportsfest?” I asked my classmates. “Yes!” the girls chorused. “But he’s too shy! Who convinced him to do so?” I asked again. “Maybe he has changed. reckoned. People change, you know,” one of the girls “Oh, he’s just the boy next door type,” another girl sighed dreamily. “For sure, he’s gonna win this contest!” then still another chimed in. So, that was it. The person whom I hated so much in second year high school instantly became a campus heartthrob! “Just what potion did he use to get you, guys attracted to him?!” I blurted out without expecting for an answer and went straight to my seat before our adviser comes in for homeroom. Recess came and more freshmen and sophomore girls were now crowding to take a look at the pictures. Lunch came and the scenario was still the same. And in the afternoon dismissal, the more girls were there. But one classmate urged me to come with her so she could take a look at the pictures again. I didn’t have a choice but to accompany her. So, I did take a look at the pictures. “I just can’t get enough of his photos,” my classmate said and I could see that she’s been watching the photos for the nth time. “Why?” I asked dejectedly. Those were just normal pictures however, something was stirred up inside of me. There was something in the pictures that transformed him. I evaluated them for a while for flaws and suddenly, I ended up admiring 23 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs him. Truly, he was not the same person as portrayed in the pictures. He had become different. He stood out among the rest! He surprisingly became the apple of my eyes. I stood there frozen with what I had seen until I noticed my classmate was already poking me for I didn’t hear her say that we had to go. So I got back to my senses again. “Oh, I just can’t wait to watch him during the compet!” my classmate exclaimed. “He’s a sure win!” she added. I just nodded and she gave me a quizzical look the moment she took a glance at me. “Are you okay?” she inquired. “Mmm, yeah!” I replied absent-mindedly. “He really is a changed man! He’d grown up so cute. Oh, not just cute but super handsome! How come we haven’t noticed him before? We were classmates, right? Then why is it that we haven’t took a look at him? He’s really really cute now!” my classmate continued to babble. But my mind was somewhere else. classmate’s words just drifted away. Somewhere very very far that my On my way home, I was not myself. I always thought of the pictures. I said to myself that it could not be. My one and only enemy had become different! He instantly turned out to be a celebrity. I could not believe it! Henceforth, what happened was real and I had to admit that. Even to myself, I could say that he indeed looked good. He had become handsome! At that night, I couldn’t sleep. His face was always what I saw. And this paved the way of having my first love – one that branded my entire love life! Chapter 12 “I love my life!” my one and only best friend even when she’s drunk yelled as we helped her get into the car. “Boys, thank you so much for your help but I can handle this,” I shoved the boys next table away. “Easy, breezy, Miss prissy. You can’t help your friend alone. She’s too wasted and you’re also drunk to drive,” the supporting friend of James said as he carefully held my friend’s head as we put her in the backseat. “Hand me the car key, I’ll drive,” James added. 24 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “No!” I indignantly protested. “Oh, come on! Tom, get into the front seat,” James commanded his supporting friend as he took the key from my hand. So, the supporting friend whom I was sitting with the rest of the night got his name. Tom. Tom as for Tommy? Tommy Hilfiger. Haha! “You better be careful. I’m not yet done paying for this car!” I surrendered despite my objections and got into the backseat with my wasted best friend. “Now, where to?” James asked. “Third street, block 4 of Justice Village,” I answered. “Oh, really?” Tom suddenly shot a wicked smile to James. “What’s with that?” I asked in suspicion. “I just live two blocks away from her!” James answered. “So, what is this? Serendipity thingy for the two of you?” I mocked. “Sort of like that!” Tom roared in laughter. “Youngsters nowadays!” I sighed rolling my eyes. As we pulled over my best friend’s front door, we struggled getting her out from the car. She insisted getting out, babbled words, and puked. Luckily, it was James he puked onto. With that, he did not wait to get my best friend into her house anymore and hurriedly ran home for comfort. “Oh, what a gentleman!” I shouted at his back. “Don’t mind him. He does that anyway. Leaving friends hanging in the air,” Tom said while knocking at the door. We finally got my best friend out of the car and side by side with her, Tom and I hoped for someone to open the door immediately. “What happened?” my best friend’s mom asked in shock upon seeing her wasted daughter. 25 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Sorry, Tita. explained. We just celebrated something and she over drank,” I “Please help me get her in,” she requested. After we deposited my best friend to her room, her mom offered us coffee but I declined. “It’s already too late, Tita and we’re going to meet the Gutierrez’s tomorrow. Kindly wake her up early please,” I pleaded as she sent us out. “Sure I will,” my best friend’s mom answered. As I got back to my car, Tom hurriedly opened the passenger’s seat. “Wait! Where do you think you’re going, mister?” I asked him with a piercing look. “With you. I have to go back to the club and get my car,” he answered easily. “What?! You’re making me as your driver? No, I’m not offering you a free ride!” I exclaimed. “OK. If I walk there all by myself, maybe there’s a snatcher lurking at the alley. Maybe he has a gun and shots me ‘coz I have nothing to give him,” he said talking to my conscience. “Grrrr!!!! I hate this life!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. Chapter 13 As I've said, I hated him when we were in second year high school. I hated him so much that just with the smell of his perfume, my blood boils! I didn't know what made me hate him so, to the fact that he had not done me anything wrong. In truth, he was so friendly and so kind to me despite my rudeness to him. He borrowed notebooks from me politely but I didn't hand them to him. Instead, I threw them at him. He asked me questions gently but I didn't answer him. Instead, I shouted at him. He was as meek as a dove and never did he fought me back. On that night of pictures of him on my mind, I realized something. I realized that it's payback time. This is what we call as "karma". Wikipedia defines karma as the concept of "action" or "deed", understood as that which causes the entire cycle of cause and effect in Indian 26 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs religion. In my own understanding, it's a consequence / retaliation / vengeance / an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. This is what I earned from being bad. The following day, I went to school with nothing on my mind but him. Mental telepathy as we have it, he was the very first person I saw at our school's gate! He smiled at me and greeted me but I was so startled. I stood there speechless for a while and I didn't know what to do. My mind said, "Say hi!" but my mouth couldn't let the words come out. So, I just passed by him and hastened my walk in order to avoid him from following me. What a jerk I was! Recess time came and I wanted to see him. Girls were all over him wanted to see him, wanted to be with him, and wanted to talk to him. Girls! Girls of all sort! Girls who are fat, girls who are thin. Girls who are ugly, girls who are pretty. And where am I in the picture? There at the corner of the canteen, pretending not to notice but dying to be noticed. With the knowledge of girls already wanting him, he had built his confidence in his self. He had concluded that indeed he was "somebody" and that encouraged him into courtship. He then courted his long-time crush and this broke my tender heart. "Why is this thing happening to me?" was the question that always played in my mind. Why had I ever noticed him the way the other girls did? Why did the hate fade and had been replaced with love? Is this love? That's just absurd! I couldn't love him. But why do I feel so jealous and so insecure with myself every time I see them together? Blah blah blah. Plenty and plenty of questions! But what I felt at that time was so real. I regretted for doing him bad before and I hated myself for the feeling of loving him by then. Fortunately, his crush didn't have any feelings for him. I was so happy! Maybe he will now come my way. But, he didn't. He went courting another girl instead. And that girl hurriedly made him as her boyfriend. She was just so flattered for it was the campus crush who paid her attention. "OK, well. That will not last," I was so bad again thinking this to myself. Truly, it did not last and this made me hope again. Even my friends went up to him, insinuating of my feelings towards him. They were teasing us every time he comes near me. They were so supportive making childish pranks for us to be together. It was so exciting! I felt that it's gonna be it until one afternoon came that we bumped into him with another girl by his side. 27 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs Chapter 14 With somebody by my side, I couldn’t concentrate driving. I am not used to having somebody at my passenger’s seat aside from my best friend. “So, why were you up drinking with your friend?” Tom asked just to break the silence. “As what I’ve said to her mom, celebrating!” I answered. “May I know what you’re celebrating about?” he followed-up a question. “For not finding a pair of shoes for her to wear at her ex’s wedding, for her to fin’lly confront the truth that she was not the one who was chosen, for her to…… Wait, why am I answering your questions?” I suddenly realized that I was confiding too much. “For you to have someone to talk to aside from girls so you can also consider the boys’ point of view,” he said confidently. “I told you I’m not a girl anymore!” I exclaimed. This guy is already irritating me. What’s with this small talk and everything? “But you’re still a girl. All female species are. You should be treated as a girl. You should be taken care of, protected, and loved,” he explained sentimentally. “What’s with the drama?” I asked. “Nothing. I just learned that from my grandma,” he answered. “OK. Now tell grandma she had raised a grandson very well! But why were you in the club?” I scrutinized. “James just tagged me along,” he replied with a sigh. “I don’t usually go out,” he added. “So you don’t have homework for tomorrow?” I inquired while banking round the curve. “Me homework done. James just copy tomorrow,” he said wryly. “So you’re the good one,” I eyed him upon saying this. “Try me!” he dared. 28 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “What?!” I exclaimed as I bumped into a red sedan! Chapter 15 After bumping into him with another girl, I told myself that it’s already hopeless. Efforts of my friends were already made. I had also shown him what I felt. But he didn’t seem to acknowledge everything. And sure he knew! He just ignored it for he didn’t see me the way I was seeing him. It really hurt big time! All the regrets and all the “if’s” in the world came out. If only I was kind to him when he was befriending me before. If only I didn’t make him look dumb every time I insulted him. If only I didn’t hate him without any reason at all. If only….. The last few months of my senior year were scarred with painful memories of him going out with his girlfriend then another girlfriend then another girlfriend. He always changed girls but he never did pick me! I felt so embarrassed of myself and I felt like I was the ugliest girl in town. It was so humiliating in my part because I was the intelligent one compared to the girls he was dating. Unfortunately, the battle then was not of the brains but of the beauty. And unfortunately of all unfortunately, I was indeed the ugly duckling. Thus, I had made the most out of my senior year! Aside from enriching my extra-curricular activities, I had unexpectedly fallen in love and had my very first broken heart. At that point in time, I thought that was the most painful thing in the world that could ever happen to a person. Sleepless tearful nights, gloomy days, and absent-minded afternoon hang-outs. It was like living as a human zombie. On graduation day, I was not that happy. Graduation for me marked the end of carefree and joyous high school days. I had to bid goodbye to my classmates and friends. Moreover, I was disappointed of not getting him to look my way until the day we parted. But in consolation, he congratulated me when we crossed path outside the Cathedral after our graduation rites. Then I went to our country’s top university for college and he went to another university in a different place. Being miles away from him, I thought I could forget him. I went on with my life partly happy of not seeing him with his random girls anymore. But in our first semestral break, we met in a common friend’s birthday party. My heart was beating so fast just at the mention of his name. 29 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs When he arrived, I was already shaking. My friend noticed and prompted me to relax. So I avoided him and went to the veranda of their house. When he was done eating, he went outside and I went inside again. After a few minutes, he followed inside and sat right next to me. I could not move out anymore so I just stayed. Then he asked me how I was doing. I just answered him flatly and I stood up quickly to go outside again. I felt that I was so snobbishly bad again. I didn’t treat him well again – I felt like I insulted him. But it was not supposed to be that way. I was just unsure of myself, unsure of my words, and unsure of my actions. So I’d better get out from the situation before he saw the sadness in my eyes longing for him. At that night, I couldn’t help but cry! After months of not having those tearful nights, there I went again. I regretted for not talking to him nicely that afternoon. If only I could turn back time…. Just what’s exactly in him that made my world shaken this way?! Who is he that he takes in control of my mind and my heart as well? Who is he to make me regret of the things I had done so badly? Who is he to affect me so much for a very long time even in his absence? Chapter 16 “You’re absent-minded!” Tom got me into my senses. I just bumped into a car and didn’t notice it. “Oh, my God!” I exclaimed motioning out. Then the driver of the red sedan got out from his car. His body built was a resemblance of a tall, dark, and handsome man. So my heart started to leap! Though I couldn’t see his face from the blinding headlights, I got so nervous. My intuition said, it was him! “Angelie?” the gentle voice of the man in front of me softly came to my ears. “I’m sorry?” I asked quizzically. “It’s me, Lance,” he motioned towards me. “Oh, I’m really so sorry. I didn’t see you coming. I’m a bit dizzy with just little alcohol. I’m not reckless but this boy keeps on bagging me,” I blurted out explanations. “Oh, I see,” he just replied calmly nodding to Tom as the boy got out from my car. 30 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “We’re sorry, bro. Let’s just take a look at what we have in here,” Tom suggested moving towards the sedan. “Hon, is there damage?” an ethereal-looking slender and sophisticated lady got out from the sedan. She’s so tall, prim and proper, and oozing with self-confidence. She’s intimidating in fact. “We’ll see, hon but it’s a small world we’ve got in here,” Lance said with a smile on his face. “Hon, I’d like you to meet Angelie, a former high school classmate. Angelie, this is my wife, Criselda,” he added. “Oh, I hardly meet Lance’s friends. It’s great to have met someone here,” Criselda said while extending her right hand for a formal hand shake. “It’s also nice to meet you, Criselda,” I almost stuttered at the mention of her name and she’s his wife and my world again crumpled down! And now he’s married! He’s married to this model-like figure, he’s married to this soft-spoken lady, he’s married to this almost-perfect creature with nothing you could pick on! God, he’s married! He’s fin’lly married! Why haven’t I heard of that?! I was not ready for this confrontation. The man whom I love from childhood to adolescence is now married. The only man who made me feel that I’m a woman is already married! “I see there’s no damage in here,” Tom said upon inspecting the bumper of the sedan. “Now let’s check on your car,” he added going towards my car. I didn’t realize the boy was still there with us, I mean “with me”. What a tag along! “So, what’s up with you all these years?” Lance asked eyeing the boy who was indeed, with me. “Oh, I’m just here in our small town all these years,” I said dryly joining Tom in his little inspection. “I see there’s not even a dent here and yours is okay so I guess we have to go,” I said hastily. “Wait, Angelie. Can I have your number so we could have coffee sometime? We’ll be staying here for a week and a day I’ve spent here in your town, it seems like I already saw everything. You know, just to do away with some boredom,” Criselda hopefully butted in. I understood her. From the metro to a sleeping town, you’ll surely need some people to hang out with! 31 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “It’ll be my pleasure to have coffee with you, Criselda. You may come visit our shop. Lance could very well take you there,” I said nodding at him. “So let’s go. We’re sorry for the hustle, Sir and Ma’am. My driver is just no good with herself every time she’s with me,” Tom said winking at me. Oh, what a jerk! Why is this boy so full of guts?! “Okay, then we’ll see you around,” Lance agreed taking Criselda’s hand and took her to get inside the red sedan. “Bye, Anj,” she waved at me. The hell she’s calling me that! Are we that close already?! And why was he with another woman? After three years of not hearing from him, there he was married to another woman! After three whole years, now he’s married! Oh, what a day it had been! From early this afternoon when I saw him alone driving until this late night or is it already at the dusk of dawn when I did a handshake with his wife! Why is it still isn’t me in his front seat? “Bye,” Tom interrupted without letting me say a word again. So I just got in the driver’s seat. Chapter 17 I took my seat at the front row because I was near-sighted. I was so eager to listen to this seminar because I knew deep down that this could pave the way to my dreams. Then my mobile phone rang. “You’re late! Where are you now?” reprimanding voice. “I got held up here in the bank. explained. I asked my best friend with a The queue is just too long,” she “I told you yesterday that you have to be here early,” I reiterated. “I’m sorry but at least you’re there already,” she apologized. “Okay, okay. Just hurry and the talk is about to start,” I demanded dropping the call. We were fresh from college with only one thing on our minds – to start a wedding-planning business. That day was a great day for us because 32 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs Kitchie Ng of Getting Married Weddings and Events will be hosting a three-day seminar workshop on wedding and event planning. She’s the country’s top name when it comes to weddings, catering all the needs of celebrity weddings. In fact, me and my best friend had worked in her company as part-time while we were still studying. That’s why we were two years late in finishing our four-year degree. We enjoyed being oncalls for event preparations and one of the weddings Kitchie handled was the wedding of the year 2003, Yilmaz Bektas and Ruffa Gutierrez’ fairytale day. So the game was on for Kitchie Ng! She gave us just enough experience for us to start our very own company. And now that she’s here, we can really get topnotch hands-on training from her. Not yet five minutes when I dropped the call with my best friend, somebody poked me from behind. As I turned around, I saw a very big smile on the face of none other than the most “it” girl in our high school. It was cheerleader, Yvonne Cheng. “Hi, Anj! It’s great to see you here. Are you with somebody?” she asked enthusiastically. If I was excited for this seminar, I bet she was more excited than me. “Yes, yes. My best friend is on the way,” I replied smiling back at her vivaciousness. “Yeah, my boyfriend is here with me too,” Yvonne said with hearts on her eyes. Oh, I could see ‘em! “I haven’t heard of you all these years,” I inquired. “Well, I just got back from Saudi and I, I mean, we are planning to get married. But there’s still no wedding planners here in our town. I must’ve been lucky to have heard of this seminar. I mean, we,” she bubbled. Same old Yvonne. The star cheerleader Yvonne who always wants things and gets things her way. “Hey,” another person poked me and this one was a male voice. As I turned to the other side, I couldn’t believe what I saw. There standing was the boy who hit me big time when we were in high school. Then my world went slow-mo again. There standing was the boy who even without his presence, I’ve loved! I must’ve been tongue-tied when Yvonne interrupted. “Anj?” she tried to bring me back to present. 33 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs Yvonne was with her boyfriend as she said a while ago. Then the boy suddenly materialized in my eyes. He sat beside Yvonne therefore, he was her boyfriend. Yvonne said she was getting married. If the two of them were here, then they must be getting married! My mind was so busy processing these facts. The boy whom I was nursing feelings for was getting married! The boy I was always daydreaming of would be tying the knot with another girl! “Angie!” my best friend shouted from behind, waking me up from my reverie. “Oh, you’re here,” I waved to my best friend to her seat by my side. “Thank God I made it on time,” my best friend sighed upon relaxing on her seat. “Hi, Lance. Hi, Yvonne,” she greeted the two flatly, not eyelocking but only glancing. “Hello, best friend! You two are still the best of friends, huh?” the boy quipped. “Of course! To death!” my best friend replied. “Oh, how I wish to also have a best friend. My past best friends are now all in the past,” Yvonne uttered with envy in her voice. Chapter 18 “So, past is past let’s not discuss?” Tom suddenly teased upon getting in the front seat. “What’s past and what’s to discuss?” I eyed him with daggers! “Well, that,” he answered hesitantly. “That, what?!” I demanded him. I perfectly knew what he was referring to but I won’t acknowledge it. “That scene a while ago. A dashing man getting out from his red sedan, a gorgeous gal tailing from behind. And you, you just didn’t know how to react,” he allegedly said this time without hesitations. “Fuck, the hell making up stories!” I yelled at him in my disbelief of showcasing all the truth on my face! “Oh, easy Madame. Don’t say bad words. You’ve got a minor in tow,” he said mockingly. 34 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Now you say that you’re a minor. murmured. Trying to be an adult all night,” I “And you say that you’re not a girl anymore. What? “woman”? But acting like a brat,” he got even with me. A “lady” or a Well, he was absolutely right! After three years of denying things, there I was confronted by the whole truth again. The very truth that he never did look my way and that he will never ever look my way! Why do I keep on being so affected by his presence? Even with his absence? Is this a disease of the mind? Thinking that I love someone although we were not together ever? “Get out of my car,” I ordered as I pulled over the corner. “No,” the boy refused. “Get out,” I reiterated. “It’s the wee hour of the morning. Your conscience will not be at peace once you get home if you leave me here hangin’,” he concluded without the hypothesis, gathering of facts, and experimentation. “Get out,” I said for the third time. “I’m not that much of a hassle. Why so mean?” he asked. God, this boy is such a headache! Why am I even bothering myself with this stranger? He’s the weirdest creature I had ever encountered! “The heck! Is still there something called “respect” these days?!” I’m losing my patience now. “Respect is only for the elderly. Bad for you, I don’t consider you as an elder,” he flirted for the third time that night. “Don’t you dare hit on me, young man!” I exclaimed. “Now you’re acknowledging me to be hitting on you,” he further teased while getting out from my car. “Now where are you going?” I asked. “You said I get out. As you wished,” he curtseyed. 35 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Fine, yes. But come back here. surrendered. I’ll take you to your car safe,” I “No, bye. Thanks for the ride!” he declined. “Oh, come on!” I opened my window to catch up with him. “Car’s here,” he mouthed pointing to the direction of his car with a big grin on his face. “I see,” I whispered to myself realizing that the boy just got me fooled. When I was little, my parents constantly warned me never to talk to strangers. So I tend to be snobbish to people I newly met. Much more, my mom always told me to choose my friends. So I never made the first moves to win a friend. But with my good-natured personality, I attracted real good friends. I am so lucky that by far, all of them are of good influence to me. All of them are righteous and all of them love me as I am. But those friends were mostly girls and gays. I never initiated to be friendly with boys so I won’t be misunderstood as flirty. Well, I do have some boy friends but my relationships with them are just limited to “hi”, “hello”, and “how are you?” Until came such a time that one “hello” from a boy had got me big time! “Knock, knock,” he suddenly got back knocking on my window. “Who’s there?” I played along with him. “Tom,” he continued. “Tom, who?” I continued. “Tom-belina,” he said trying to pun a joke. “Hello, my name is Tom,” he formally said with back straight extending his right hand for a shake. I accepted it then I smiled. Chapter 19 I smiled at the idea of him and Yvonne getting married. It was the second day of our seminar, another day to survive with him and his soonest-to-be-wife. Yvonne just declared yesterday after pack-up that they’re gonna get married next week! As in, she decided on impulse! I guess she just got so carried away by the teachings of Ms. Kitchie Ng 36 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs that she urged Lance to talk to their pastor for a schedule early that morning. On the sideline, I was there pitying myself again. It was like high school rewind when he dated an assortment of girls with me looking from afar. Last night I got drunk with my best friend. It was my first time ever after college when I got so wasted during our night-out after graduation. If it hurt in high school when my love was left unreciprocated, it’s harder this time to let a boy go who was never been mine. “So, what’s up with you? We haven’t really talked since yesterday,” he inquired during our morning break when Yvonne was in the powder room. “Here, as you already know, me and my best friend will be putting up a wedding planning business,” I answered. “Yeah, I know about that. How about a boyfriend? Who is the lucky guy?” he ensued. “Oh, I’m focusing on my career. No to love life just yet,” I replied nervously. Small talks like this always make me feel uneasy. “Same old you, huh?” he accused. “No, just concentrating on priorities,” I emphasized. “You’re only having that as front,” he further charged against me. “What?” I asked bewildered. “Now don’t act like a high school teenager. We’re already adults, right? You’re always in denial,” he raised his allegation while taking a sip of his coffee. “I really don’t know what you’re talking about,” I rejected all his accusations. Now I was starting to feel so ridiculous! What the hell is he trying to say? Why is he jeering at me that way? So I stood up from my seat to leave him alone. “For once, acknowledge what you’re really feeling and what your heart desires. Have it out to the open. Get out from your shell,” he advised unsolicitedly grabbing my elbow. I shoved his grab aside when Yvonne got back to us. 37 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Is there something wrong?” she asked curiously. Maybe she has sensed the tension between me and her fiancée. “No, Yvonne. Everything’s just fine. We were only talking about the kinds of flowers that will be perfect for your aisle,” I said eyeing at her fiancée. “Yes, absolutely! That was what I was thinking about. Calla lilies are such a beaut nowadays!” Yvonne said dreamily as she took her seat beside her fiancée, the seat that was mine a while ago. “Exactly! White callas are dainty and exquisitely elegant,” I seconded the motion, grabbing the seat beside her. “Love, let’s have callas then,” Yvonne turned to her fiancée. “Whatever pleases you,” Lance muttered without much interest. He then stood up and left us with the girl talk. Why did he always does this to me? His effect on me always made me feel guilty for myself! Was I really in denial? Did I really make my feelings unacknowledged? Why did he know so? What was it for him? Why could he see me that way? He never did see me ever as far as I could remember! Chapter 20 It was that September to remember when I first met him. It was just an ordinary night in the club when somebody had the guts to talk to me. I was at the brink of letting go some big dreams at that time and I considered my future uncertain. To be exact, I was at the crossroads of my life. Yes, our business was doing great for three years now but I knew I could do better. Yes, we are on top as per our city’s standard and neighboring areas but what if we go farther and further? Recalling that first moment of meeting him, it was just zilch! I didn’t look forward to seeing nor meeting him again. It never crossed my mind that that one night would lead to sunny days and exciting nights in my once gloomy life. Then we met again. I was not friendly to him and he suddenly became unfriendly to me. “Good morning, Mr. and Mrs. Gutierrez! I’m very, very sorry for coming in late. I stayed up late last night and I forgot to turn my alarm on. 38 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs Promise, I won’t do this again,” I hastily explained to the 70-75 years old couple. “Oh, no. There’s nothing to worry about, dear. At least I had some date time with the love of my life. Right, honey?” Mr. Gutierrez said stroking the hand of his wife. “Perfectly correct, love,” Mrs. Gutierrez returned the sweet gesture. Oh, they just looked so cute. How did they manage to keep their love burning for fifty years?! That rarely happens these days of break-ups, annulments, and divorces. Will Lance and Criselda also end up this way? I doubt! “So, we’re here this morning to choose the menu for your wedding reception as well as the cakes,” I declared opening my fat little notebook. Fat because they are full of to-do lists though little. “I think we should be doing away with too much pork, dear. Our guests are mostly dual citizens so pork will be no good to them,” Mrs. Gutierrez suggested. My phone silently beeped. I just got a text message from an unknown number. “Well of course, Ma’am. We do have considerations for those who are strict in their food choices. But what’s dual citizen, if you don’t mind?” I asked out from curiosity. “It’s Filipino citizen and senior citizen,” Mr. Gutierrez chuckled. I faked a laugh alongside him but Mrs. Gutierrez heartily laughed. Maybe that’s why they last this long. Silly little jokes are being appreciated. My phone silently rang this time. I put it on hold. “Well then, let’s have fish kebabs for starters, clam chowder ‘coz it’s generally safe from allergies, fresh garden salad, steamed breast chicken with asparagus as main course, and tiramisu for dessert. Would that be alright?” I suggested. “Sounds great, dear,” Mrs. Gutierrez agreed. “Please don’t forget the wines and champagne. Kindly include whiskey for my kumpadres too,” Mr. Gutierrez added. 39 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Noted, sir,” I jotted it all down on my notebook. My phone silently beeped again so I opened the text message. It said that he was Lance, he got my mobile number from our secretary in our shop, and informed me that Criselda wanted to see me. I just put my phone down raising an eyebrow. “Now with the cakes. Our supplier makes the most creamy ube cake in town,” I bragged a little. “But let’s not make it all ube-flavored, dear. Let’s also have chiffon, chocolate, and marble cakes. Yes, correct. Let’s have it four layers,” Mrs. Gutierrez said dreamily. “That would be great, Ma’am. Lots of choices to offer to our guests,” I approved. “Oh, here goes our grandson,” Mrs. Gutierrez exclaimed as she saw some sort of sunshine approaching us. “Did you park the car safely?” Mr. Gutierrez asked the boy as he claimed his seat on our table. “Of course, granddad. I always do,” the boy assured. “Dear, this is our grandson who also turns out to be our very skillful driver. He’s my favorite boy in the whole wide world,” Mrs. Gutierrez proudly announced squeezing the cheek of the boy. After depositing my notebook, pen, and phone without texting back Lance inside my bag, I turned and got surprised with the boy Mrs. Gutierrez was referring to. It was the boy from last night. It was Tom. But the unfriendly Tom this time. Chapter 21 “Getting married is always a time for a new beginning,” Kitchie Ng concluded as we wrapped up our three-day seminar workshop which for me lasted forever having had to endure Lance and Yvonne. And they’re finally getting married in five days! Five days and I’d lost him forever! My best friend told me to snatch Lance but how could I ever do that? How could I ever be in comparison with Yvonne? The cheerleader Yvonne who always made boys go gaga over her! The two of them was 40 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs already a perfect pair! Insert me in the picture? I would just totally be laughed at! “Gosh, I could no longer wait!” Yvonne exclaimed in excitement. I don’t know if she’s that too excited to marry Lance or just excited with the thrill of wedding preparations. But this is not of my concern. My concern should be to stop feeling for Lance. Childish crush no more, I should grow up! They are getting married. Period. “Pick us to help you out! Don’t worry about the professional fee. We will give you our services for free. We’re already experienced doing weddings with Ms. Kitchie in Manila. Your wedding could be our grand jumpstart for our wedding planning business here in our city!” my best friend unexpectedly proposed to Yvonne. “What do you think?” she asked turning to me. Gladly she still solicited my opinion. “Why not?” the only words that came out from my mouth as she secretly pinched me from behind to agree with her. What was she thinking? She knew perfectly well that I had feelings for Lance and now she’s doing this to me! “That would be great!” Lance agreed. “Well, what are batch mates in high school for?” Yvonne declared in agreement with a very big smile on her face. “I could just scream right now for that offer!” she continued. “Is everything okay there, dear?” Ms. Kitchie asked as Yvonne’s voice became louder than hers. “Oh, yes Miss Kitchie. We just closed a business deal here!” suddenly stood up. “Look, we’re getting married in five days,” motioned Lance to stand also. He then complied. “And these aspiring yet already experienced wedding planners here will be doing wedding!” she added and let us also stand. she she two our “That’s an excellent decision, my dear! I had them in my team before and I promise you that they can deliver splendidly,” Ms. Kitchie complemented. “So why won’t we give a hand to the future bride and groom as well as to the first official event of Legally Hitched Weddings and Events. I suggest that name for your future business, dears,” she added as she proudly introduced us to the audience. After a round of applause, we had photo opp with our mentor, the great Kitchie Ng. I thought that was the end of my inner ordeal with Lance and Yvonne. I thought I could move on in peace after our seminar 41 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs workshop. However, that was only the beginning. Unpredictable as my best friend, unpredictable circumstances also happened. On the other hand, on that day was born Legally Hitched Weddings and Events. It was only yesterday when my best friend and I dreamed of having our very own business. It was only yesterday when we were in high school crafting our shop. It was only yesterday when I had Lance all for me even for only that precious moment in the typing laboratory. It felt like it was only yesterday. Chapter 22 “So where were you yesterday that you didn’t show up with the Gutierrez’s?!” I scolded my best friend upon seeing her storm inside our wedding shop. “You knew I was drunk the other night. Obviously, I had hang-over,” she rolled her eyes retrieving a piece of paper from her drawer. She handed it to me. “Not even a call? You called the whole day off yesterday without even a simple damn text!” I was already starting to shout at her, putting the paper on top of my table without reading it. “Please. Today is not the right time, okay?” she implored. “Come on, let’s go!” “Excuse me. Where do you think are we going?” I tried not to give in to her whims. “Where else? Today is September 23, right? And what’s with September 23? Fuck! It’s the asshole’s big wedding day!” she exclaimed as if she was drunk. “And you’re wearing those?” I examined her from head to toe. She’s only wearing an outdated black pumps we got from Thailand last year. “To be honest, I was out the whole day yesterday just to get the Goddamn perfect stilettos! But the cards were not on me and I hate to say this, I’m defeated. It’s all over and done,” she suddenly got teary-eyed. “Now will you go with me or not?” she demanded. “Make a promise to me first. there,” I said calmly. Promise that you’ll never make a scene “Yes, I promise,” she reassured. 42 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs We were late at the wedding ceremony. The priest already solicited the audience with this provocative speech, "if anyone can show just cause why this couple cannot lawfully be joined together in matrimony, let them speak now or forever hold their peace". Thank God, I’m saved from whatever chaos my best friend would surprisingly do. She will now live in peace! Then the ceremony went smoothly until the recessional march. My very best friend unexpectedly got in the way of the newlyweds, congratulated the couple and gave the groom a cheek to cheek felicitation. I was so nervous looking at what she was doing! “Thank you for gracing the event, Ma’am but the camera is rolling for the recessional,” one of the wedding organizers came to the scene. Wedding organizers from the big city. Of course, the newlyweds didn’t pick us because of the groom and my best friend’s history. So my best friend stepped aside, leaving the groom frozen and the bride eyeing her groom. Then they proceeded for their march and with only one step by the bride, she tripped over her very long trail! The groom was shocked and hadn’t caught his bride straight away. So the bride fell head on the ground! As I shifted my head behind, I saw my very best friend with her black pumps intentionally on top of the bride’s wedding trail! When some people came rushing in to the rescue, she promptly got away from the scene. Then I was left there in the air all by myself with the groom staring at me with what-the-hell-are-you-still-doing-here look. The people followed his gaze and there they were with all their accusations! I was petrified and so terrified! I felt so humiliated being our town’s top wedding planner and here we go wrecking a wedding! The people were so angry at me that they seemed to wanna attack me. It seemed like Plants vs. Zombies, me versus 300! But somebody instantly came to my rescue. I really didn’t catch him in my sight beforehand. I wondered what he was doing there but he opened the passenger’s seat of his car for me. Looking at the mob of people so ready to gnaw me down, I ran to his car for shelter! “Why are you even here?” I asked the boy upon closing the car’s door. “Why, is it bad to go to a big bro’s wedding if you’re invited?” he returned my question zooming out from the cathedral. 43 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “You’re brothers?” I asked in horror. “Not biologically but frat-tingly, yes,” the boy explained. “Oh, just pull over and I think I could manage here already,” I instructed as I saw that the coast was clear. “Wouldn’t you just be grateful that I’m taking you home?” he didn’t consent. “Well, no thanks. Just pull over, okay,” I demanded. “Maybe the cops are after you. For sure, they’re there waiting for you to retrieve your car,” he threatened. “Of course, not. I’ve got nothing to do with what happened!” I denied. “Just lemme take you home and I’ll be the one to come back for your car,” he offered. “No!” I insisted. “You really are something, Miss I-don’t-need-help, Miss I-can-manage, Miss I-can-do-it-myself!” he mocked this time. “And you’re an effin’ bully who’s trying to act as an adult but just wouldn’t do!” I barked at him. This boy has now turned out to be a migraine! But I had to be nice to him as our client’s favorite grandson. Then our next meetings were just casual – just merely professional. He snobbed, I snobbed. He ignored, I ignored. I didn’t even get to notice him among the crowd! One day, something terrible happened. I didn’t know what got into him that he empathized me. And that was the start of him befriending me again. Chapter 23 “Why the hell are you befriending them?” I confronted my best friend while we were waiting for Lance and Yvonne at an evangelical local church. Today we will be meeting with the bride-to-be’s church mates so we could also have ideas on how weddings are done in their religion. “God, is there still an issue? I thought you’re done with him already? I told you to snatch him from Yvonne but you said you’ll never do so. And please don’t do as I’ve said. Lance is overyly head over heels with Yvonne so just don’t attempt at all. Just start getting over him. We’re adults 44 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs already. High school crush must be all over by now. That’s what you get for not having a boyfriend in college!” my best friend laid these facts all out in my face. “Yes, it’s just me. This is my entire fault,” I finally accepted the fact that everything is just in my head. “Let’s just get over this and done,” I sighed on my seat. “Everything will turn out just fine. For Legally Hitched Weddings and Events, okay?” she tried to cheer me up with the future of our newlyfounded company. “Guys, we’re really sorry for coming in late! Lance was so late in picking me up because he stayed up all night playing Conquer so he woke up late!” Yvonne apologized with Lance behind her. “Oh, there’s no need to worry Yvonne. Come, I’d like you to visualize on how we’re going to decorate the altar,” my best friend ushered Yvonne at the front of the church leaving me and Lance alone. “So, is everything doing well?” he initiated to do the talking. “Yup! We already booked the venue Yvonne requested for your reception,” I answered. “How? I thought that was already booked for another wedding,” he wondered. “Well, it turned out that the owner of the venue was Yvonne’s favorite godmother and she in turn was the godmother’s favorite goddaughter so she made a way,” I explained. “Yvonne really has her ways,” Lance sighed shaking his head. “Are you okay?” this time I asked from out of the blue. “One moment I knew, I made her to be my girlfriend through Yahoo! Messenger. One moment I knew, she flew all the way from Saudi to see me. One moment I knew, we’re getting married. And one moment I knew, we’re getting married in no less than three days!” he narrated making things all sink in into his system. “Some wedding jitters, huh?” I teased with a grin. “I just can’t believe I’ll be getting married too soon,” he finally blurted out what he truly felt. 45 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Now don’t have cold feet!” I teased him again. “You must be so lucky to have Yvonne as your wife,” I added. “You really think so?” he asked suddenly becoming more serious this time. “Yes, for sure,” I replied not looking at his eyes. “You really think that we’re meant for each other?” he further asked. “If not her, then who?” I challenged him with that question. “So you’re giving us your blessing?” he asked back. Mother earth, please open the ground and swallow me. Challenge unaccepted! What was I thinking? Will he answer, “You”? In my dreams! “Now why can’t you answer?” he must’ve noticed me blushing with shame. “Blessings indeed,” I answered with a straight face. This wedding-planning-free-service-just-to-have-our-first-client-aswedding-planners thingy for a high school crush is hell indeed! Chapter 24 “Sue us? Why the hell are they suing us?” I asked in horror as the boy told me and my best friend about the plan of his fraternity’s big brother. What an early morning surprise upon opening our shop the following day of my best friends’ ex’s wedding. “That’s why I’m here to warn you,” Tom answered as a matter of fact. “Wait, have you read the piece of note I handed you before we went to the church for that effin’ wedding?” my best friend redirected the issue. “No. Let’s not talk about that. Let’s talk about this trouble that we are about to face,” I warned her. “Well, let’s get a lawyer then,” she said calmly. “No! We can’t afford to be in that big trouble!” I dejected. “All we have to do is just apologize,” I added. 46 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “I agree,” the boy instantly butted in. I didn’t notice that he was still there with us. “Now thank you for your time in informing us of your big brother’s plan. You may now leave,” I commanded him. “You better read that note, Anj or else,” my best friend suddenly stood up, got her bag and motioned to leave. “Now where do you think are you going?” I admonished her to get back and deal with the issue but I was late. She hastily left leaving me with the boy and the bad news the boy brought. “Grrrr!!!! She always does this to me!” I exclaimed in desperation. “It’s okay. I’m here to help you out,” the boy offered. Despite of my ill-temperament towards him, he was persistent. Though I drove him away, he stayed. “I agree with you that all you have to do is just apologize,” the boy reiterated. “How could I bring my best friend to apologize to her ex?” I asked. “I can supply you with a rope for her neck for that,” he replied without even smiling. So I got to know him. He was such a hilarious person! He’s got plenty of weird stuffs in his head that he ought to tell. “Or let’s blackmail her in being an old maid forever if she doesn’t say sorry for her fault,” he continued. Eventually, I listened. Oh, why did I even bother?! “And tell her she’ll be cursed to death if she won’t own up to her liability,” I continued. It was all because he was so importunate! So pesky whom you couldn’t resist to entertain. “It’s already 12 midnight. We should hang up,” I suggested yawning at the receiver of our landline. After a week, the boy suddenly became my constant someone-to-talk-to friend. 47 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “You hang up first,” Tom answered at the other line. “No, you hang up first,” I insisted. “Ladies first,” he also insisted. “It’s time to break that rule,” I said smiling. “So let’s not hang up then,” he ended our little debate. So I entertained him because I was confident that he was harmless. And for the first time in my life, I had a textmate and a phone pal. Corny as this may, but I was flattered. Flattered to have someone make me smile for the very first time. Then the stranger became my friend. From his simple “hello” to sweet smiles, I felt alive. Because somewhere between all our laughs, long talks, stupid little fights, and all our jokes, I fell in love! Chapter 25 “I’m not in love anymore! I’m cooling off the wedding!” Yvonne stormed inside our make-shift shop beside our ancestral house. “Cool off? Meaning, cancel, postpone?” my best friend asked nervously. “What’s the difference of these words, by the way?” she continued in panic. “Wait, will you please calm down?” I suggested and motioned the two to take their seats. “No! I can’t stand getting married with that jerk!” Yvonne exclaimed. “Why? What must be the problem? What will we do with our wedding suppliers?” my best friend was starting to worry already. “Shhh… Let us first listen to Yvonne on what she has to say,” I cut her. “He is just so immature! See, I’m very busy doing everything just to make our wedding very memorable but it seems like he’s not even interested,” Yvonne said with tears falling down her cheeks. “Maybe you, guys just have to talk about it,” I suggested. “Nope. He’s very busy with his computer games and hanging out with his friends with too much to drink. God, he always drinks and get wasted a lot!” she said in disgust. 48 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “He will change once you’re married, for sure,” my best friend also suggested. “Will I wish for that or just won’t start that kind of life at all?” Yvonne asked desperately. “Don’t rush on your decisions, Yvonne,” I whispered to console her. “Exactly,” my best friend got up and handed her a glass of water. “No. My decision is final. I will pay for all the damage. Don’t you worry. I’ll have everything covered before my flight tomorrow,” Yvonne said gulping at her glass of water. “Flight? You’re leaving tomorrow? God, Yvonne. This is supposed to be our company’s first wedding. Please don’t leave us hangin’ in the air like this,” my best friend begged this time. “I’ll talk with Lance about this, Yvonne,” I offered. “Thanks but no thanks. I already booked my flight. I also talked with my ninang regarding the venue and the rest, I’ll pay for everything as I’ve said,” she said firmly. “Look, Lance and you are the most perfect pair ever! We’ve seen that even before in high school,” my best friend tried to persuade her looking at me to agree. But I didn’t say a thing to agree with her anymore. Maybe this is meant to happen. Maybe they are not meant to be. I felt so sorry for Yvonne for having gone through this heartache. Lance may not have broken her heart by cheating on her but he had broken her heart for not living up to her expectations. Yes, we females do really expect a lot. We expect to be appreciated, to be taken care of, and to be loved. If Yvonne thought that Lance couldn’t reciprocate, then I respect her decision for calling it quits. The wedding was off! Chapter 26 “Are you turning your phone off? I called and texted you but you didn’t return. Criselda wants to hang out,” the note said. I just shoved it aside. What is this hanging out thingy? Why does my high school crush’s wife want to hang out with me? 49 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “A jolly morning, everybody!” Tom breezily greeted us, mimicking the greeting of a famous fast food chain to their customers with James tailing behind him. “Well, look who’s here,” my best friend abruptly stood up to approach James. “We’re here to invite these two lovely ladies for lunch,” Tom declared. “Wow, rich kids!” I said rolling my eyes. “Let’s go!” my best friend instantly grabbed her bag as well as James’ hand with her. “What are you waiting for?” Tom asked winking at me. So I understood. Maybe this was the rope he was referring to. At the café, there waiting were my best friend’s ex with his fresh wife. Yes, fresh. Fresh from the shower wife. I wondered how long have they been up last night. Anyway, my best friend’s ex got up when he saw us entering the café. “Gosh, I forgot something. I have to get it from the shop,” my best friend instantly excused herself. “No, nobody’s going back to the shop,” I said firmly grabbing her other hand while James was still doing the same but this time, he gripped firmly. “What is this? A set-up?” my best friend asked James. “’Dunno. Just here for lunch ‘coz Tom said you were coming,” James replied with eye to eye contact with my best friend, trying to seduce her. “Shit!” my best friend exclaimed as her ex reached us. “Bro, thank you so much for coming to our invitation,” Tom said, meeting my best friend’s ex for some sort of a hand shake as frat brothers. “Anything for you, bro. Come on, join us in our table,” my best friend’s ex offered politely. “Good day, sis. Thanks for granting my request,” Tom approached the wife kissing her cheek. 50 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “You’re welcome, little bro. Thanks for the initiative too,” the wife said turning to us with a hint of it’s-okay-to-sit-with-us look. “I’m really really sorry for what happened on your wedding day,” I started the awkward conversation. “That’s why we are all here to make things straight,” my best friend’s ex offered. “Good. Ahm, my best friend was really not herself that day. You know, she’s still hurt with what happened between you two,” I continued eyeing my best friend’s ex. “My apologies. I didn’t intend to hurt you. It’s just that, my husband chose me and I guess I don’t owe it to anyone if I was the one who gets chosen,” the wife explained. “What you did was so humiliating not just to me but also to my husband and our families,” she continued with a lump on her throat. “I do understand and I know that asking for your forgiveness could still not ease the pain you’re feeling with what happened,” I said kicking my best friend under the table for her to say something. “Actually, we were about to sue you on this but Tom came and appealed for a talk. I hope this talk will lead to something good,” my best friend’s ex said looking at her to also say something. “Excuse me, ladies and gentleman, I’m sorry I don’t know what you’re talking about but I see that somebody has to make her side clear. Now then, pride could get you nowhere, sexy lady,” James suddenly blurted out turning to my best friend. “Oh, shut up James! Okay, okay. I accept that it was my entire fault. It was my intention to do that to get even. Why did you just suddenly get married without closure?” my best friend asked her ex without warning. “We already talked about it. I didn’t feel the connection with you anymore. Even when I still haven’t met my wife yet, it was all over between us already,” her ex replied. “So just that? Are men really like this? One moment they’re head over heels to you and the other moment they tell you that they fell out of love. Poor unfortunate best friend, here in front of her ex with his wife on his side,” I thought to myself. 51 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Alright then, I’m sorry. If I have to do a public apology, I would gladly do so just to save your face,” my best friend finally apologized but still, with pride in her words. “Shhhh. Stop that!” I interrupted the bitchiness of my best friend. “I’m so sorry for that. Look, if there’s anything that we can do to have your forgiveness, kindly advice us,” I pleaded the couple. “I guess, a heartfelt apology will do,” the wife said humbly. “I’m sorry if the effect of our break up had led you to this. I’m sorry for letting you love me that way and for hurting you so,” my best friend’s ex boyfriend eventually gave in to what she longed to hear. “Fine. Well then,” my best friend started to soften her heart as all eyes were on her already. “To you, the man I’ve loved for almost a year, I’m sorry for believing that you love me,” she continued looking at her ex. “But I did love you,” her ex interjected. “And you,” my best friend didn’t listen to her ex, turning to his ex’s wife. “My apologies for involving you into this. I’m so sorry for ruining your wedding day. I was so immature. It’s never in my dreams to ruin somebody else’s wedding but it happened. I feel so stupid for doing that. I was such a Grinch trying to steal your most anticipated big day. I really am so sorry,” my best friend thankfully owned up her mistake with tears rolling down her cheeks. “Apologies accepted,” the wife of my best friend’s ex simply said so. “Well, then. Stop crying and everything’s alright now,” James handed his hanky to my best friend. I leaned at the back of my seat with a sigh of relief and turned to Tom mouthing my “thank you” to him. He returned it with a very sweet provocative smile and unexpectedly, I felt my heart leaped! Chapter 27 I leaped as somebody banged on our door! “Anj, are you busy? Can we talk?” Lance suddenly appeared at our shop while me and my best friend were busy cleaning up his and Yvonne’s mess. 52 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Excuse me but I have to go to the florist to hand in their check. Thank God Yvonne was so generous for the bill!” my best friend said eyeing Lance to death as she left the two of us alone. Yvonne already flew back to Saudi Arabia. The wedding was off and I guess she and Lance were also over. “What are you doing here?” I asked without looking at him. “I just need to talk to you,” he answered. “If you’re here to say sorry about the hassle you caused us, then apologies accepted,” I started at him to conclude his presence in our shop. “No, that’s just one thing. Another,” he said. “All things are being taken care of. Don’t you worry. Yvonne already paid for everything,” I interrupted. “I know that. She didn’t even give me my chance,” he said. “Those we already sent invitations to, I already called them up one by one,” I continued without listening to him. “Yes, I know you do your duties well,” he said. “And your ring? I’m sorry to inform you that Yvonne instructed us to pawn it to cover up some of the expenses. So you still had your chance in ironing some things out. I do have the receipt, anyway just in case you want it back. My best friend was actually assigned to give it to you,” I continued without listening to him again. “Whatever,” he said. “You really don’t care about this whole hullabaloo, huh?” I started to raise my voice looking at him. “Anj, I’m not here for that. I’m here for you,” he said grabbing my elbow and looking at me straight in the eyes. Then my heart started to beat boom boom boom! Why in the world is he saying that to me? His voice sounded so angelic to my ears. His grip brought tingling sensation to every part of my body. Why does his presence affect me a lot? With his proximity, I’ve suddenly gone petrified! 53 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Why are you always acting this way? Why do you always push me away?” he asked me with all sincerity. I could clearly see it in his eyes that he was longing for my answers. “What do you mean?” I stammered in return. I really couldn’t understand what he was trying to point out. Never did I assume of any feeling he might be having for me. Then without warning, he instantaneously moved his body closer to mine. So close that I could feel his breathing. So close that I could hear his heart thump. He tightened his grip to my elbow and started to trace my jawline with his other gentle hand. Then he moved his face to level mine, slowly bending for his lips to touch mine gently, tenderly, unexpectedly. In that spur of the moment, I experienced my first kiss. My very first kiss with the boy I was swooning over since high school! In that bright afternoon sunshine, I experienced my very first unexpected kiss! Chapter 28 Love comes unexpectedly. It comes at the least expected time, from the least expected person, and through the least expected way. You’ll just be surprised by the sudden turn of events. It comes regardless of status, regardless of age, regardless of beliefs, regardless of other circumstances thereof! It comes, may stay for a while, may stay for a long time, or may stay forever. May it stay or leave. May it bring laughter or tears. The important thing is, you’ve loved! You are human! You’re entitled to be crazy over love! No matter what your love story is at the moment, it is perfectly made just for you! So, savor it as long as it is there – as long as it lasts. Maybe it will last for a lifetime. May love come, may love go. Just always open your heart to it then you’ll end up amazed by the magic it does! Embrace love, welcome love, and stay alive! For what is living without loving after all… At the realization of being in love with him, I had written that. Indeed, my life turned around that it was like living in a teenage dream. I admit, every single moment I had with him were my firsts. Well, except that of my first kiss with Lance. That was only a reckless whim of him! “Can you finish an order of halo-halo?” Tom asked one fine afternoon during our rehearsal for his grandparents’ renewal of vows. “Nope,” I answered. 54 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “So let’s just share that then,” he offered grabbing the glass of halo-halo and taking a spoonful of it using my spoon. “I thought you were not drinking coffee,” the text from Tom said as we had coffee with his grandparents after our rehearsal dinner. “Just trying out this cup of decaf,” I replied to his message. “Isn’t it weird that we’re texting while we’re only facing each other?” his text was in my inbox again. So there were the secret texting and stolen glimpses. clandestine feat that was with the thrill of getting caught! Oh, what a “Anj, are you getting my messages?” another text came out from my phone again. This time, it was not Tom’s. It was from Lance. “What can I do for you and Criselda?” I replied. “We’ll just see you at your shop tomorrow, OK?” he texted back. “Dear, let’s go?” Mrs. Gutierrez’ prompted me as Mr. Gutierrez left a tip for the waiter at our table. “OK,” I accidentally replied to Lance’s message. That was supposed to be my answer to Mrs. Gutierrez but the message was sent! “Come on now,” Tom got up from his chair and took my bag as he also motioned at my back holding my chair for me before I get up. “Alright then, see you,” Lance’s message said. “What was I doing? There I was with a boy whose only goal in life is to make me smile everyday yet I was connecting with a high school excrush and his wife!” I battled with myself as I was tailing behind Tom and his grandparents out from the blue and white-themed coffee shop. Chapter 29 “Bluer than blue, sadder than sad. You’re the only light this empty room has ever had,” I sang along the karaoke as I tagged my best friend with me for a drink. That night after having my first kiss with the boy I was nursing feelings for since high school felt like Cloud 9! “Oh, some broken-hearted fella we have in here, huh?” my best friend suddenly asked me. 55 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “….changed the numbers on my telephone….” I continued singing with all my heart out. “Girl, just what’s the matter with you?!” my best friend now exclaimed. “Shots please!” I demanded trying to reach out to a glass of beer. “Wait,” my best friend grabbed my hand and took the glass of beer from out of my reach. “Are you OK?” “I’m more than OK!” I exclaimed. Gosh, I just had my very first kiss so I must be very very OK! “Did something happen earlier between you and Lance?” she inquired. “What?!” I was dumbfounded on what to answer her. “When I left you and Lance this afternoon at the shop, what happened?” she insisted on asking. “Nothing,” the only word that came out from my mouth as I took my hand away from her grab and reached farther for the glass of beer. “Your nothing sounds like something really happened,” she insinuated. “He only apologized for the hassle he and Yvonne caused. That’s all. Now it’s your song,” I handed her the mic as the prelude of the next song of the karaoke started playing. “If something is going on with you because of Lance and don’t ever bother telling me about it,” she warned without even continuing her thoughts and just started to sing instead. Though unsaid, I agreed with her. Yes, I had my first kiss. Yes, I was on Cloud 9 but I felt something was off. I parted with Lance that afternoon with him very excited and feeling fulfilled. With him very happy of what he had just somewhat “accomplished”. He was mischievously glad about the kiss but I was not. He was so cool about it but I was agitated. He regarded it as something normal but not to me. I felt that that kiss was illegal, that maybe I was the reason why he and Yvonne called off their wedding. “Keep bleeding, keep, keep bleeding love. You cut me open…..,” my best friend’s karaoke song says. 56 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs Chapter 30 I turned the signage of our shop’s front door from “Sorry, we’re closed” to “Please come in, we’re open” as I entered our shop the following day. Our staff always forgot to do that every time they open our shop. As usual, my best friend is late again for the day. “Good morning, Anj!” a familiar voice came breezily from inside our shop. Realizing that I was set to see my high school ex-crush and his wife that day, I inhaled deeply as if gathering some strength before turning around to see them. “Finally we’re here, Anj! Your shop is so chic. At last I see something avant-garde here in your laidback town!” Criselda exclaimed while examining the fabric of a wedding gown one of our mannequins was wearing. “Oh, thank you so much for that compliment, Criselda. That means a lot,” I said as I put my bag on my table, passing Lance who was already sitting at one of the seats for the customers. “Well, Lance did tell me that you were trained by Kitchie Ng. That must’ve been so exciting, huh?” she inquired while she was approaching my table. “Yes, it was the time of our lives!” I replied as I was reminded of me and my best friend’s lives while being on-calls for Kitchie Ng. “Honey, you mentioned to me that you have met Kitchie Ng, right?” Criselda turned to Lance and he suddenly jolted out from he-only-knewwhat-he-was-thinking-about reverie. “Oh, yeah. That was way, way back three years ago, I guess?” Lance motioned to me for a nod. “Yep, three years. Oh, how just time flies,” I said while taking my seat. “Yes, time flies so fast and I just happen to know somebody who haven’t flown with it yet,” Criselda implied while eyeing her husband. “OK then, I’ll just leave you here two for a girl talk,” Lance surprisingly announced as he got up to kiss his wife on the cheek. 57 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Alright, honey. Thank you for taking me here today. Finally I have someone classy to talk to here in your hometown,” Criselda returned the kiss on his husband’s lips. “So, what are we up to aside from being bored here in our small town, Criselda?” I asked sarcastically. “Oh, really. Nothing is happening! I am bored to death! If only Lance did not decide on trying his take for their family business,” she started to try to confide but she got distracted on the emboss-printed wedding invitation on the table. “Gosh, this is so pretty!” she admiringly traced the intricate details of the invitation with her delicately long fingers. “Oh, thank you. That is specially designed for an elderly couple whose romance hasn’t died out through the years,” I said referring to the Gutierrez’s and a sudden rush of excitement flowed through me as I remembered Tom and our phone conversation until 3AM that morning. That boy hasn’t had enough of me even after dropping me off at my house after his grandparents’ rehearsal dinner. “I wanna take you home,” grabbing my things as we packed up after his grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary. “No, I can manage,” I refused. “I’ll drive your car for you,” he further offered. Then his grandmother passed us by with my eyes pleading for him to release my bag from his hand. He in turn looked at me with eyes longing to be with me as he gave my back to me. I couldn’t stand looking at him that way so I walked away. One look at each other’s eyes, there was understanding. Subtle moves, waiting for each other, and secret whispers. Goosebumps, fast heartbeats, and butterflies in the stomach. Then it came to the point when I realized that sometimes something beautiful happens in this world, you don’t know how to express yourself so you just gotta smile!:) Damn, I often caught myself smiling! Contented smiles but sometimes, the eyes show wanting for more…. I didn’t expect our friendship to come that far. We didn’t expect and try to make a “relationship” out from it for we both know our limitations. “We” couldn’t be. It was just enough for us to know that I was his reason to smile and he was also my reason to smile. Though there were a lot of 58 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs things left unspoken, it was OK. We understood our situation and we understood each other. It was the meeting of the minds, a silent agreement, a sweet attachment! We were contented with what we had and we cherished all our moments together. But the love just stayed for a while. We chose not to bring it to the next level. We chose to stop from there. “Tom, this couldn’t be. You’re way too younger than I am,” I said. “But age doesn’t matter,” he replied. “What are you doing?” I asked. “Talking to the moon,” he replied. “The last time I talked to the moon was for you to be safe at all times and for you to handle all life’s challenges pretty well,” I said. And the laughter became tears. While the rose he gave me withered, so as the love faded. From being blissfully happy, I turned miserably blue. Chapter 31 I woke up miserable the following day after my little life’s first ever kiss. Guilt was gnawing my conscience as if I was stealing Lance from Yvonne. Why did they call off their wedding? Was it me who was the reason why Yvonne suddenly decided to end things up with Lance? But she did not show any anger at me nor did even give a hint of envy when we last saw each other before she left for Saudi. Why did Lance kiss me? Was it because he likes me or was it because he finally got free from Yvonne at last? Oh, my head was throbbing of too much overthinking and from last night’s alcohol and karaoke spree with my best friend. I reached for my phone at my bedside table, wishing to get a text message from Lance. But there was none. I was disheartened upon getting that reality check of him being not that into me. To stop my mind ruining my day, I got up and showered for work. I didn’t have any appetite for breakfast; much more for my mother’s cooking so I hurriedly stormed out from the house. That was also to do away with her scrutiny once she notices my eye bugs. “Drive safely!” my mom called out from the kitchen. 59 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “I will. Love yah!” I answered before shutting our main door behind me. The moment I arrived at our wedding shop, my best friend’s mom was already there sitting on the customer’s chair at my table. “Good morning, Tita” I pecked a kiss on her cheek as I approached her. “Good morning, dear! I’m here to tell you that your best friend couldn’t come to work today and ask you why she came home drunk last night,” my best friend’s mother inquired. “Oh, my apologies for that, Tita. It was me whom to blame. I tagged her along for karaoke and we had some drinks,” I explained while ignoring the sudden prick on my forehead. I gingerly sat down on my seat, putting my bag on top of my table. “Alcohol doesn’t do me any good,” I thought. “Are you OK?” my best friend’s mother asked with a concerned look. “Yes, Tita. It must be alcohol,” I answered. “Yeah, I know. Let me get you coffee,” she offered. “Thanks but I’m really not into coffee. I’m fine, Tita,” I assured her. “If something’s bothering you, you can tell me my dear,” she must’ve sensed my uneasiness. “Promise I won’t tell anyone,” she swore with her right hand on her chest. “Tita, there’s this boy whom I really like and he does things that could make me conclude that he likes me too but I’m not that convinced,” I blurted out hastily to release the heaviness I’m feeling inside. “Just as I’ve thought. It’s a boy thing. I could see that he’s giving you mixed signals. Let me guess. One moment he’s sweet, the next moment he ignores. He shows you he cares for you but he never tells you he does. Oh, most boys are like that! Here’s the catch. If you’re not that too convinced of him also having feelings for you, then you must listen to your intuition. However, you must also open up your heart to give him a chance. Who knows he’s still trying the waters before taking a plunge?” my best friend’s mom confused me even more. “I don’t understand, Tita,” I sighed. “You will. Someday, my dear,” she got up from her chair and pecked a kiss on my forehead. It was so motherly I remembered getting away from 60 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs my mother early that morning at home. Why do I find it hard opening up to her? “Thank you, Tita,” I gave a smile to my best friend’s mom. “OK, then. I have to go,” she said as she motioned to the door of our shop. “Come back, baby, please. ‘Cause we belong together…..” the ringtone of my phone was singing that song. “Oh, it must be Lance!” I cheered myself up as I excitedly looked for my phone inside my bag. Chapter 32 If that song had been out by the time our fondness and infatuation to each other was about to end, I would not have shed buckets of tears! If only I had listened to my other “conscience”, I would not have gone deeper. If only I ignored, I would not have been so affected. Because the love story ended. Love stories that seldom happen to me. It was just so bad because we were left without a choice. I pitied him, I pitied me, I pitied us! It was so hard accepting the truth of us parting. “I love you. More than a friend,” Tom quickly got in my way as I was entering Mr. Angelio’s shoe shop one fine afternoon. A week had passed since his grandparents’ renewal of vows when I never answered his calls and texts. He went to Legally Hitched Weddings and Events a couple of times to see me but I made sure not to come to our wedding shop in the usual hours of him coming over so I couldn’t catch up with him. In short, I was avoiding him the entire week but he cornered me in one of our little town’s street as I tried to divert my attention by shopping for shoes in order to forget this boy who’s tailing behind me. “What do you want?” I uttered controlling myself not to believe him. “What happened to us?” he got perplexed at my behavior towards him. “Let’s stop seeing and talking to each other,” I flatly said. “But I said I love you,” he appealed. “That’ll pass, Tom,” I said dryly while opening the door at Mr. Angelio’s shop. 61 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Tell me you don’t love me and I won’t bother you anymore,” he got into my way through the door. “Well then, I don’t,” I said with the entire sincere look I could muster to cover up my lie. “In denial,” he as he walked away. Sad to say, my reason to smile had become my reason to myself for allowing him to let me fall for him! I was so so so sour-gripping! I was stupid! I didn’t have any outlet to shout madness at that instant. My only friends were Snickers, tequila. cry. I hated bitter! I was out loud my siomai, and Acceptance, letting go, and moving on – 3 difficult phases that I had to undergo all by myself. It pained me a lot because it was so unfair! That for the first time in my life, I had loved somebody who loved me but it just couldn’t be. “Here are our new arrivals, dear,” Mr. Angelio proudly presented his latest secret collection to me. I only stared blankly at the myriad of pairs of shoes in front of me. “Is everything OK with you, dear?” he added. “Oh, I’m sorry. Do you mind if I’ll take a look at those Louboutins?” I requested pointing at the pair of red piou pious in the showcase. “My apologies but that’s a size seven, my dear,” he said regrettably. “How about those Manolos?” I inquired pointing at Carrie Bradshaw’s hangisi jewel-buckle pumps as Mr. Big’s wedding proposal to her. “That’s also a size seven, dear,” he again apologetically said. “So what are size six of these?” I was starting to get irritated at him. “These Valentinos and Choos,” he offered. “Oh, not my bet,” I declined. “These Lei Sees then?” he was brandishing a pair of red d’orsays on my face as if he already won the battle. “Yes, those are pretty but still no,” I still refused. 62 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “OK, then. Maybe this is not the time for shoe shopping for you,” he surmised. “Oh, even for shoe shopping is not my time. Just when will my time be?” I complained. “Whatever it is, dear. consolingly. It will surely come at the right time,” he said Then again, I came to ask. What if he turned out to be a totally different person while I also turned out to be another totally different person in a different lifetime, would our fate have changed? But we cannot choose the person we fall in love with ‘coz it just happens! However, I didn’t have any regrets because falling for him was still something beautiful. “Hello, Mr. Angelio!” Criselda suddenly came to the scene with a singsong greeting to the old man. “Oh, hi Anj! It’s great to see you here! But, I’m quiet resentful of you for not telling me about this haven beforehand,” she added as she came to me giving me kisses on both cheeks. “Oh, it didn’t cross my mind, Criselda,” I said unapologetically. “So I’ll just see you some other time, Mr. Angelio. You have a new client to attend to,” I turned to Mr. Angelio who was clearly delighted to see Criselda. “Yeah, and in that time, something beautiful will be waiting her for you,” he promised me. Something beautiful happened to me! I fell in love! Though it left me, it’s still beautiful. Yes, I’ve cried. And though I’ve cried, it’s still beautiful. It made me feel human! It made me feel alive! It was unexpected and made me realize not to be afraid to fall. So now, I’m excited for the “next please…”. Maybe this time, it will stay not for a while but for a long time… But I’m not wishing for forever since I’m not yet ready for the real thing. Love love love! Come love! Come magic! Come beauty! Come and make your surprises! His mission in my life had been accomplished! Next in line please… Chapter 33 I was lining up table napkins when my best friend shrieked over the phone. 63 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “You should’ve told me right away!” my best friend shouted before slamming down her cellphone. We were at the reception venue for our wedding event that afternoon. We were giving the final touches to the decorations and table setting. Everything was already perfect in my sight but I was not that happy about it. It’s been a week since I last saw Lance, already a week of my life’s first kiss. It’s been a week since I last talked to him, already a week of him not returning my calls nor replying to my texts. Where is he? “This florist is messing up with us this time!” she announced as she got up from her seat. I didn’t say anything and only continued lining up table napkins. “Anj, are you listening?!” she demanded. “Oh, yeah. Whatever it is, we’ll definitely figure that out,” I said without even looking at her. “That’s just it? The bride’s bouquet is not yet done! The florist forgot to order the Holland roses!” she asserted. “The wedding’s already this afternoon so we cannot find any Holland rose here in our city anymore. Better inform the bride about it,” I suggested. “And whose fault will that be? Ours? I already instructed the florist of the bride’s specifications. I reminded her but this happened. We didn’t lack follow-up about it,” she pointed out. “Just let the florist talk to the bride now,” I said as I finished my table napkins task and retrieved my bag. “What’s wrong with you, Anj? Before, you were always the one who fixes things like this. Now, you are leaving me into this?” my best friend followed me to the door. “It’s about time for you to learn to troubleshoot problems like this,” I said walking out the door. I went back straight to let out my tears there. me? Was I not a good getting what he wanted was he thinking at that our wedding shop and gladly nobody’s there so I Where the hell was Lance? What is wrong with kisser? Why did he not show up anymore after from me? Or did he even want to kiss me? What time? What must he be thinking now? 64 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs Chapter 34 Months had passed and I’m still thinking of him. I missed him yesterday, I miss him today, and maybe I will also miss him tomorrow. Just until when will I miss him?! Months had passed and there’s still no “next please”. Nobody had ever approached aside from him. Just how long will I sit here waiting? This current state is just so pathetic! I super missed him! I missed our talks, our laughs, our nonsense! And now, I don’t have a textmate and a phonepal anymore. I don’t have somebody to occupy my mind. Worst, I don’t have somebody who has the power to make me smile anymore… “Anj, that really is my problem. Lance. I could not fathom him. I could not get into his heart,” Criselda surprisingly invited me for coffee one rainy afternoon. I said yes to her just to get my mind off Tom but there she was who was the one who had the right to have some drama. “I’m sorry to hear that, Criselda,” I tried to console her. “This is why I really wanted to talk with you, Anj. The first time I met with Lance was on a plane trip to Hongkong in 2006. He was really fond of talking about a certain Angelie, I presumed to be his childhood friend,” she confessed. “It was a whirlwind romance that we had so it was only later when I found out that he was about to get married in 2005. He chose not to talk about it and maybe you know the reason why?” she inquired. “Oh, yeah. We were hired for their supposed wedding but Yvonne left without giving us any reason why they called off their wedding,” I recalled. “Well, maybe you know Lance’s reason?” she further asked. I was taken by surprise. Will I say that I was the reason? But it was not surely me. He suddenly went missing in action after kissing me when they called off their wedding. “He said nothing at all,” I tried to sound factual though I felt a little guilty for not telling her of the kiss. Should I? I didn’t even know the meaning of that kiss. Then I was reminded of the boy whom I lost without even having the chance to kiss him. 65 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs Twice of seeing and talking with him after we parted ways showed no spark in his eyes at all. It was so unlike before that it was only me he was seeing and it was only him I was seeing. Unlike the times when we got to ignore the people around us. As I looked into his eyes during those two brief and stolen moments, I asked myself “What happened to us?” But I quickly shook the thought off from my head and acted normally casual. Anyway, I’m just glad that he still comes to see me. Then I knew it! Eventhough without words, I felt it. It must had been love! Love was there. Love not the boyfriend-girlfriend type. Love not just a friend but more than a friend. Love not to a sister from a brother or vice versa. But love unexplainable! A very special kind of love, a rare love, a precious one! I don’t have a heavy heart anymore. I’m glad that we had managed to save what we had. I’m still special to him and will always be as what he is to me. I just lift everything to the Lord God Almighty who created this special bond between us. Then there was once this Chinese song about the moon that says “the moon represents my heart”. Like the moon, he will always be there. Like the moon, he’s still watching me. A certain movie also says that time is meaningless when you are in love. But there ain’t no guarantee that I can wait. So as February ends, allow me to also end this love story for the meantime. There were already plenty of blah blah blahs and my message to him is just so simple: “This I promise you – if in another lifetime we’ll meet again, I’ll never let you go…..” Chapter 35 Me and my best friend met with our latest client to review Ryan Agoncillo and Judy Ann Santos’ runaway wedding six years ago. Imagine that, they’ve managed to keep everything away from public eyes during the preparations. The whole nation was shocked after the wedding was out in the open! Well at least, the couple was not that selfish. They still managed to have a special coverage on it on national TV with behind the scenes. Today when flash mob wedding proposals are a hit, we got hired to do the very first one here in our small city. The big challenge was how to do things discretely as Ryan and Judy Ann did. So there we were, two 32year-not-so-young ladies anymore whose number of years already 66 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs exceeded that of the number of days in the calendar at the prime of our careers and still single. “Hello,” my best friend got up from her chair as she answered her smartphone. “Hey, there. Long time no hear, missy! Or is it already a missus?” James was teasing my best friend at the other end of the line. “So what’s up with you, big boy?” my best friend answered with a question. “I called to deliver sad news. You went to the same high school as mine, right?” he counterchecked. “Yeah, yeah. Just don’t mention our years in between,” my best friend said rolling her eyes. “So I just got a confirmation that our Biology teacher from way, way back, Mrs. Gonzaga just passed away,” he announced. “Oh, that’s sad to hear,” my best friend said crestfallen. “Wanna come with me to the wake?” he offered. “Alright. I’ll tell Anj about this. I’ll text you what time you’re gonna pick us up,” my best friend replied. “OK, I’ll see you both then. Get excited to see me. Chow!” he teasingly said. “Bye,” my best friend ended the call. Chapter 36 “Now that’s settled. Thank you, Yvonne. I’ll just call you back once I talked with Mrs. Gonzaga’s daughter,” my best friend put down her smartphone after a long distance call and she turned to face me. “Hey, have you heard that?” my best friend asked me. “Heard what?” I questioned her back. “What Yvonne told me,” she said. “About her contribution for Mrs. Gonzaga’s wake? Well, yes,” I said. 67 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Here we go again, Anj. You’re playing not interested again,” she implied. “Shh… Girls, your voices….” James silenced us. We were at the wake of Mrs. Gonzaga and we were seated with James who picked us up at our shop on our closing time. It had been weird seeing James after seven years. It’s even weirder seeing him without Tom tagging along. I’ve heard these two musketeers are now beginning a career in the big city. James just got back to our little town for vacation, just in time for our high school teacher’s passing away. My best friend still has quiet that fascination of him and they still communicate with each other all through these years. “Anj, I know you were listening,” my best friend whispered. “Whatever,” I said rolling my eyes. “Angie! You’ve heard it! announced. Lance and Criselda got separated!” she “Oh, that must be sad,” I complied to reply. “What could be wrong with him? Criselda was already the most perfect catch!” she exclaimed. “I also wonder,” I agreed with her and remembered the beauty queenish Criselda with her sad eyes the last time I talked with her seven years ago. What was Lance doing? He ditched the-also-perfect Yvonne ten years ago and now, his wife! With Yvonne it was considerable because they were not married yet. But his wife? That is already beyond considerable! Whatever that is bound on earth shall be bound in heaven! Why is it so easy for married couples to break their marriages when me and my best friend were dying to be married? Some world it is, huh?! “Didn’t your moms tell you that it’s rude to talk about people?” James reprimanded us. “Yes, I agree,” another voice came from our back. It was a male and he must’ve overheard our conversation. I jolted on my seat and my heart started to thump because maybe it was Lance! But as I turned my head slowly, it was our high school campus figure, the singer heartthrob, Mark Carlo Gualberto! Boy, he had my heart leaped with his more manly built and suave demeanor! “Oh, hi Mark! It’s been a long long time,” my best friend greeted him first. 68 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Hello, you two! Long time indeed,” Mark gave each of us a peck on the cheek. “Hi, I’m James!” James interjected offering a handshake to Mark. “James, what?” Mark took his hand for a brief handshake. “James Watt! You know, power?” James sarcastically said. “Cut it off, James,” my best friend interjected. “Well, it’s nice to meet you, the great James Watt!” Mark Carlo said winking at James. “It’s also great to meet you, Anj,” he added turning to me. I only gave him a wry smile. From a distance, I saw a familiar-looking woman watching us. She nodded a smile at Mark and he nodded in return. She whispered to the man beside her and that was only when I realized that she was my best friend’s ex-boyfriend’s wife, the bride whom I believed we had somewhat wronged before. She got up from her seat and motioned to approach us. “Hey, Mark. It’s been years!” she greeted Mark with a kiss. “Hi, sis!” James greeted her in turn. “Hi! It’s nice to see you all here,” she greeted my best friend and me. “Hey, hey, hey! Small world it is,” my best friend’s ex followed behind his wife. “Hi!” my best friend greeted her ex and her ex’s wife in return. “Small world indeed!” Mark Carlo concluded. Chapter 37 In my world, I barely meet eligible men. There were the stable ones but were already older than me, there were of my age but still unstable in their careers. There were of my age but were snobbish to me, there were the friendly ones but were younger than me. Of course, there were of my age, stable, and friendly ones but were already taken - taken in a relationship and in marriage. In contrast to popular belief, never was I picky. There were just no options to choice from. Where on earth were all these boys?!!! 69 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs I woke up the next day feeling doleful. After hearing Lance’s marriage separation last night, my best friend and I stalked him on social media as we left Mrs. Gonzaga’s wake. James was teasing us for prying but we ignored him. I should’ve heeded him because our stalking did not do me any good. I only realized now that it only triggered my insecurities. There Lance was, still looking good from heartbreak to heartbreak with another gorgeous girl in his profile picture. Why it isn’t still me in his profile picture? What must be wrong with me when he just left me hanging seven years ago? Oh, why do I still bother thinking about him when he never thought of me? Off he went from girl to girl and a damselin-distress-me was still wishing to be his girl. What is the matter with me?! “Hey, Anj! I wanna introduce you to someone for a date,” a text message suddenly displayed on my smartphone. Without any interest, I grabbed my phone to see who that nosy texter was. I was still not accustomed to people acting cupids to my love life, much more offer unsolicited advises to my single-dom. Upon seeing my phone, I was greatly surprised because it was my best friend’s exboyfriend’s wife. Just why was she so friendly to us despite ruining her wedding day from way, way back? “Oh, hi. I’m afraid I’ve never been to a date and I don’t know how to behave if ever I’m with a man,” I typed and sent without thinking. “So this will be exciting for your first time!” she replied. “I’m a bit busy nowadays,” I hastily texted to cut her off. “Come on, take a break sometimes. I’ll create a group chat for us three,” she replied. “Hi, Mark Carlo, meet Angelie. Angelie, meet Mark Carlo,” my messenger popped that message out. Oh, my! It was Mark Carlo she was referring to! “Hello, Anj! Got a good night rest?” Mark Carlo replied. “Hi! We already know each other,” was all I could think of to chat. “Alright, I’ll leave you two now. Have fun! Goodbye!” my best friend’s exboyfriend’s wife left the group chat. 70 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “So, how was your sleep?” Mark Carlo tried to open up a conversation. “It was good,” I replied. “Have you not haunted by Mrs. Gonzaga in your dream?” he kidded. And from that one joke, the others followed. Mark Carlo Gualberto was such a natural. He sparked great conversations with me which made me hooked chatting with him. He was hilarious with a great sense of humor. I couldn’t believe that someone had taken notice of me after a very long time. Well, after that boy Tom per say. Much more it was our high school heartthrob! Before, they never saw me. I was invisible to their eyes. Oh, I was beyond flattered! “Let’s see each other for a date this time!” Mark Carlo typed on the wee hour of the evening when we had our all-night chatting. “I’m afraid I can’t,” I replied. different. With him I knew it will be something “Let’s just hang around here in my place and watch movies,” he enticed. “I’m afraid of you,” I frankly replied. My heart was thumping so loud of his invitation. He was quick I couldn’t resist. He was engaging I became weak. He had some air of a bad boy which I liked most about him for taking advantage of me. Chapter 38 “Hey, Anj. James is taking me out for a date tonight!” my best friend happily announced as she walked in late to our shop one mid-morning. “And guess who is here,” she continually chirped. Behind her was a shadow of a man I was hoping to be Lance not until I heard somebody else’s arrogant voice. Arrogant? Well, not really. He was just full of confidence, that’s it. “Hey, you two sexy ladies. How’s the biz doin’?” Mark Carlo gave each of us kisses on both cheeks. “We’re doin’ just great. What brought you here?” my best friend asked interestingly. “Oh, just wanna see how your friend reacts if I actually show up here,” he said teasingly. 71 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Point taken but before I’ll leave you two here, Anj I have things to remind you for the next day’s wedding. Come, I’ll show you some things in the workshop that need to be taken care of,” my best friend dragged me to our work room. “Anj, why is Mark Carlo here?” my best friend suspiciously asked. “I’ve been chatting with him these past days since we saw him at Mrs. Gonzaga’s wake,” I honestly answered her. “Did he initiate it?” she followed through. “Mmmm… Your ex-boyfriend’s wife did. But we’re only chatting. That’s just it,” I said as a matter of fact. “I heard things about him,” my best friend warned. “I know. I already did some research about him and it’s not his fault,” I suddenly covered up for Mark Carlo. “But he’s never in a way available,” she continued to warn me. “I know. I know. Just don’t think silly about this, OK. happening,” I explained. Nothing is But then, Mark Carlo became the bad boy in my wild dream. The only one I got to see with intention. The forbidden fruit from the tree that when I ate of it, I got exposed! He could read me and see right through me like an X-ray! He was my rebellion for all the unanswered/ungiven boys I prayed for. Shame and guilt, I knew he was unavailable. Mental torture, I knew I was illegal. Condemnation, I couldn’t forgive myself. He was north, I was south. I was positive, he was negative. Truly, opposites attract and the jolts were real! If only he was available. It was never what I wanted but I have no regrets. With him I had my life’s craziest adventure! Chapter 39 “Oh, come on! It will be a great adventure!” my best friend was trying to convince me to join Kitchie Ng’s Search for the Next Top Wedding Designer. “I’m not interested. Why won’t you do it instead?” I rejected. “James and I already have plans,” she said hesitantly. 72 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Plans of what?” I asked dumbfounded. “Of a future together,” she continued. “Gosh, is this now serious?” I was scared to hear her yes. “I’m afraid, yes,” she said closing her eyes. “Since when?!” I demanded. “Since I dunno. conversation. It just happened,” she tried to walk out from the “Are you sure about him?” I asked remembering the two pesky boys from years before. “Anj, we’re not getting any younger,” my best friend got back to me holding my hands in both her hands. “I’m sorry. I was just surprised,” I said releasing her hands and walking out from her. “Anj, wait,” my best friend tried to catch up. “Just let me process things,” I said and turned my back from her. It has been a week since my break-up with Mark Carlo. I finally called it quits after a year of unlabeled and unofficial relationship with him. It was never what I desired but I held on. It was never what I wanted but I guess this was what I need to grow. From naive and innocent, he actually had me grown up. So still thanks to him for the many splendored things! Once my reality, he is now a fantasy. EPILOGUE “Sweet, sweet fantasy baby when I close, my eyes you come and you take me,” this song from the 90’s was playing on my AirPods as I was walking down Orchard Road in Singapore. Kitchie Ng’s contest had brought me here. After hibernating in my hometown for almost two decades, I am back in the big city again. I am now back to the real world. As I was crossing for ION Orchard, I saw a billboard of Lei See with Criselda on it. Gosh, she looked spectacular! I never heard what happened to her since their marriage separation with Lance and this was great news so I dialed WhatsApp for my best friend! 73 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs “Anj, please don’t give me news of your fabulous life again,” my best friend pleaded as she was holding her one-year old child on her hands. “No, my life isn’t that fabulous at all until now. Look what I found here!” I exclaimed showing her the billboard of the very stunning Criselda. “What?!” my best friend gasped in surprise. “Yes! Isn’t she divine?” I said admiringly at the once-broken lady I talked with whom I felt guilty for mis-thinking that I was the cause of her misery. “Now look at all the girls Lance took for granted,” my best friend concluded. The last time we heard of Lance was he was with yet again another girl. Some people really don’t have the care to change at all. “James and I bumped into Mr. & Mrs. Gutierrez at the grocery store the other day,” she changed the topic. “So how were they doing?” I politely asked. “As usual, they were always proud of their grandson who’s running his own business now. The boy had a lot of growing up done after James left him for me. Haha,” my best friend proudly said. “That’s great to hear,” I said looking at the newly-released bag of Prada from the store’s window. Well, I made the right decision for Tom. If I’ve had him for me back then, he would not be what he is today. “Alright, that’s just all for today. I have to go now,” I excused myself to take a closer look at the fabulous find in front of me. I have to get inside the store ASAP. In a fraction of a second, my smartphone beeped a screenshot from my best friend. It was Mark Carlo and Yvonne in a relationship. “Good for them,” I shrugged on my mind. So in less than half an hour, I got to be reminded of my first love, my puppy love, and my stupid love. Oh, boys! Is it just me only hoping or are you the ones making me hope? That’s supposed to be my whining! However, I came to a realization. Because I wanted to be a lot of things, I missed wanting to be the most important thing – being a girlfriend/wife/mother. So I was not attracting a relationship! In my mind I only desired to find and be with the one but deep down, I was more busily doing all sorts of things to experience what I haven’t experienced in my teenage years, expand my career and have that fat bank account! So now, it’s not them to blame. Although all of my love 74 Her and Her Unofficial Love Affairs stories were a flop, I can console myself that it’s OK because they are Adams of other Eves. And in due time, I will have my own Adam, too. The one who will not give me a flopped ending but an ordained beginning. In His time, I’m gonna have that relationship that honors Him. And for you who happen to have the same love story as mine, yes, you too have an Adam to be your very own! And this seals another chapter of my love life. Not really a life ‘coz I haven’t had that something official just yet. Three boys had come my way but I really did not have any one of them. It was only “just so I thought”, “just so I felt”, “just so I experienced”! Poor, unfortunate me? Nah! Just as I’ve said, this is another THE END of the past I have to leave behind for that one true love to come my way! Until my Adam finds me! And on that note, after buying this Prada bag, I’m gonna head to Gucci Ace Bee sneakers for my mom, Tita and my best friend. Gotta also get some insider finds for Mr. Angelio! 75