Malcolm Tutt

As a former submariner I thought I would share my memories of life under the sea, what happens when the toilets get backed up, and three submariners - two beds - yes three bodies and two beds. I joined the Navy in January 1983, as a National Serviceman initally, but with every intention of going PF (Permanent Force) after all I had wanted to be in the Navy sonce the age of 8. 1983 and the beginning of 1984 was dedicated to basics, seamanship school, and GSK1 (General Submariners Knowledge). My career on the boats started as a PLOSH (Planes, Lookout, Sonar and Helm). After sometime I changed to Mechanical and began life as an auxillary machinery watchkeeper - bilge pumps, compressors, hydraulic systems and the dreaded 'heads' (for you lanlubbers that means toilets). Going to sea was an adventure, growing into a new family called the 'crew' But it was not all roses .. every day at sea and aboard ship brings with it a certain level of risk, where disaster is narrowly averted by the smallest of margins, due in large part to the hours and hours of training and drills. It is said that the only job more dangerous than being a submariner is an astronaught - it is a dangerous job in an unforgiving environment. At 300m the outside pressure is a whopping 31 bars, that is better than 15 times the pressure in your car tires. Here are some the things 'Hunt for Red October' and 'Crimson Tide' don't tell you about boats. It's incredibly cramped I guess this isn't that difficult to figure out but the big eye-opener was being introduced the the concept of "hot-bunking." Three guys share two 'pits', so one person is always getting in as another person gets out. You know that super gross feeling you get sitting on a public toilet seat warmed by someone else's butt? It's that, in a bed. Those of you who know me know I am not the shortest fella in town I am, in fact, 1,98 metres tall. The auxillary machine space (Auxies) is about 1,6m high,I had to find somewhere to fold nearly 40cm of me away! I spent many many hours on my knees - I couldn't wait to get to Diesels and be able to stand up straight. But alas that too came with a 'cramping option' the space around the engines made me wish many times that I had two more elbows and knees on each limb. Everything stinks The whole thing is a machine, an big oily, sometimes dirty (in the Navy you MUST keep things clean - thats where ship-shape comes from after all), sweaty machine. Everything stinks. It's not just the farting (didn't think of that, did you?). Imagine being in a windlowless room, with 25 okes in there as well. It didn't help that at that time osmosis machines were in their infancy - so water was stricly controlled - not enough to bath for sure. If memory serves correctly 13 000l for 60 men for 30 days. Then there are the heads, these are essentially two big tanks that store all the poop and pee. When the the tanks are full, the throne is isolated with a valve, the tanks are pressureised and the contents blown out. Get the valve sequence wrong and the contents are blown in - that is the shittiest job you will ever give yourself. Oh and did I forget to mention the heads are directly opposite the gally - say not more! My wife will tell you that even on getting back from a long trip, it would take a day or two for the lingering pong to start to fade! OMG, did it and us stink! And the surface sucks too When the sub is submerged, everything is level, and calm - unless there is a massive sea state up top, eben then past 50m down you don't feel it Submarines are meant to be submerged. Now take that brilliantly engineered steel tube and put it on the surface. The damn thing wallows like a pig in mud. And since you're inside, you have no frame of reference. You don't realize how much easier it is to deal with a rocking boat when you can see the waves, or at least the horizon. Inside the sub, it's basically a carnival fun house, with everything liable to tilt wildly at complete random and with no warning. But I am grateful for the opportunity to have had such an adventure. Swimming a 100km's offshore, going on run-ashores, meeting the Reccies, eating freshly baked break in the middle watch, seeing a school of dolphins more than 2 km's wide, seeing some incredible sunrises and sunsets, making lifelong friends and generally having a great time. Submarines gave a me a perspective of leadership, different ways to manage and accept stress and a deep appreciation of engineering, all of which I apply in my workplace today. I am proud to say I am submariner no 591 of a elite group of people who, as far as I understand, now count a little over 100. I recommend you rent or download these movies if you want a truer picture of life aboard a ship that gets 'sunk' deliberately. Das Boot and U-571 are really good movies that accurately portray life onboard a conventional (Diesel / Electric) submarine.