Lauren K Forte

Breaking Up is Hard to do. Why It Is Impera ve to Cut Ties with a One-Sided Friendship It is never easy to end a rela onship. Losing someone in any shape or form is difficult. Some mes, you must reevaluate the friendships in your life to see them for what they are. Fear and anxiety get in the way, and they are o en why we spare another person’s feelings. There is a well-known saying, one that’s cliché, but one that must be a constant reminder: rela onships are two-way streets. If only one is pu ng forth the effort, then what is the sense in maintaining the friendship? As harsh as it may sound, you must keep in mind that life is not always sugary sweet. The truth hurts. However, once that truth is accepted, it is freeing. How do I know if this friendship is truly one-sided? What if I am overreac ng? What if I’m not seeing the full picture? What if I’m expec ng too much? Again, how do I know? This is how you know: The All-Consuming Person This is the person who rushes to the microphone, the one who has sole control of focus. The one who craves the a en on. They either flat out just don’t listen, or they catch every other word to look like they are paying a en on, so that their turn speeds up. They are dying to get their words out on the table, even if the story has been repeated numerous mes before. Their story is the story of all stories, which o en leaves you wondering if the need to one-up is something done on purpose or if they cannot contain themselves. This is the person who has it best, and at the same me, nobody has it worse. This is also the person who picks up their cellphone to a end to a text message from their significant other who they heard from seventeen seconds ago or to a end to some pointless game that can be a ended to at home when they are bored, or they check whatever social media account they may have missed out on twenty seconds ago, all while you are talking. Or maybe this person does this: Do they blatantly watch the scenery from over your shoulder or do their eyes roam everywhere else, but they never once landed on you? This is all habitual, something you expect, but you must ask if is this something you should expect? This person is smart. Pu ng together your first three, four or maybe five sentences, and then come back whenever they decide, which is what they believe to be the end, is enough informa on gathered to throw out their experience without an explana on as to why it pertains to your situa on. There is no advice given, no words of wisdom, it is now your turn to listen with ears wide open and eyes on them. You are the one who displays concern, for your goal is to make sure their head is at least somewhat clearer than it was before. You’re the one pu ng their feelings first. You’re the one who cares. How o en do they do the same? Distancing Yourself is Impera ve to your Well-Being In any rela onship, if one person dictates and we allow them to, we will eventually lose ourselves. Friendships do no subtract, they add. We flourish because of them. We want to help our friends as much as we want to have a grand ol’ me with them. We are partners as much as we are support systems, unfortunately, they do not always go hand in hand. It may take some me to realize you are the only one working in this rela onship. And when the reality hits, it may be crushing. These one-sided friendships produce confusion that will eventually turn into a tug-of-war with yourself, which then will eventually leave you to be weighed down and underes mated. Some mes, you must put yourself first. This is not considered selfish, it is considered doing what is best for you. This person has lowered your self-confidence. They have made you their follower. In the end, they are hur ng you. Once you step away—and this means stepping away for good—it is guaranteed that your vision will be clearer. You will see the ones who have always cared, and you will meet others who will acknowledge your worth, and they will show it. You will understand not only how fabulous of a friend you are, but how fabulous of a person you have always been.