Katherene Lescano

From Debate Club to Dinner Table: A Parent's Survival Guide for Raising Argumentative Kid Your little chatterbox has morphed into a master debater, contesting every point from bedtime to broccoli. Navigating the sea of 'whys' and 'why nots' here's your survival guide! Jane, a hardworking mom, and her 7-year-old son, Max, lived in the busy center of Brooklyn. Max, an active and curious boy, had just taken over as the family lawyer and was questioning every rule and decision. On a normal evening, Jane said, "Max, you need to stop playing video games. It's time for dinner." "Max said, "But mom, I just moved up to the next level." Can't I first finish this round?" Jane replied, "I'm trying to keep my cool." "No, Max. We've discussed this. You can't play games during meals." "But why can't I do more than one thing at once? I can both play and eat!" Max argued, and his voice had a hint of anger in it. This wasn't a one-time thing. Max questioned everything every day, from how important it was to do his homework before he could play to how unfair it was that he had to go to bed at 7:30 pm on weekends. Jane found herself negotiating all the time. One day, while complaining to her friend Lisa over a cup of coffee, she said, "I feel like I'm in an endless argument with a mini-attorney." Lisa, who had already raised three children, laughed and said, "The "why" stage! I do remember it. It's like sharing a house with a small politician." When Lisa saw that Jane was tired, she said, "There's no doubt that it's hard. But don't forget that this is also a sign that Max is getting older. He is learning to say what he thinks, to question what other people think, and to learn about the world around him." With this new point of view, Jane found she had more patience. Yes, Max's fights could be tiring, but they also gave him a chance to learn and gave her a chance to teach him. Each debate and conversation Max had helped him become a more independent thinker. And she knew that was something to be happy about. Craft Clear Household Rules: Just like the 'no video games at dinner' rule that Jane put in place for Max, it's important to have certain non-negotiables. Matters of safety, like not talking to strangers or always holding hands while crossing the road, fall into this category. Consistency is key - stick to a routine for meals, reading, and bedtime. When Max insists on watching TV when it's bath time, avoid getting into a debate. Firmly restate the action ("Max, it's time for your bath"), and follow through with it. Introduce Rewards: Sometimes, a little incentive can go a long way. If everyone except Max wants to watch a particular movie on family night, let him choose the pizza toppings as a compromise. For ongoing challenges, like getting him out of bed for school, create a points system that rewards his compliance. This will teach him that cooperation has its benefits. Personal Touch: Just as Jane walked up to Max to gently but firmly tell him it's time to stop playing, use a calm, direct approach to communicate with your child. Use clear instructions ("Time for bed, Max"), not suggestions or questions. Choose Your Battles: If Max insists on not wearing socks one day, it might be easier to let it slide instead of engaging in a battle of wills. Conceding on smaller matters occasionally won't turn your child into a tyrant. Delay Discussions: A good strategy to defuse arguments is to postpone the discussion to a later time. If Max refuses to clean up his toys, agrees to talk about it the next day, but insists that the toys must be put away now. Arrange a family meeting when everyone is calm and he can voice his feelings respectfully. Model Good Behavior: Arguments often arise from frustration and anger. Show Max alternative ways to handle these emotions. If someone cuts the line in front of you, instead of confronting them, simply express your feelings and show how you're managing them. Demonstrating patience and control in front of Max will help him manage his own disagreements with you. Remember, parenting isn't a one-size-fits-all journey. Strategies that worked for Jane might work differently for you. It's about learning, adapting, and growing with your child. For more practical advice and shared experiences, join our community at this link - because, together, we navigate the joyous chaos of raising kids!