John Joseph Benares

How do I handle grief Nobody is saved from grief or loss or any kind of pain in life. That is what life is all about full of joys and pains, sorrows and hope, happiness and sadness. And we all need to develop coping mechanism to experience true healing. But, grief and pains are those that will particularly make us grow and become better persons. It is when we can overcome them that our hope in life becomes greater. At the onset let me remind you that nothing is permanent in this life. When we go through our joys as when a boyfriend comes around during moments aloneness and shows his deep love for you, you will treasure that moment and wish it would never go away. But a day or two after, the same person can disappoint you when you find out that he went out with another girl. Or, the joy a mother to see his high-school boy go up the stage to receive the highest honor, but somewhere along the line, the same son gets entangled with a group of boys doing drugs. Or, a dad who was always around when you need him, then one day, he was hit by a car. Such is life! Nothing, nothing is permanent, thank goodness! On the lighter side, this would be a boring world if everything that happens to us every single day is all about exciting things, wonderful and perfect. You will soon get bored. Just take a look at some of the celebrities that we adore and swoon over. They end up getting into drugs because they cannot have enough of the “joys” they experience. They just have to have more. In short, whatever grief or sadness you go through it is temporary. There is no point “grieving over your grief” longer than you should. But, what is grief? Let’s just go through a small definition about what it means. According to an article in WebMB, (http://www.webmd.com/balance/normal-grieving-and-stages-of-grief#1) “Grief is a natural response to losing someone or something that’s important to you. You may feel a variety of emotions, like sadness or loneliness. And you might experience it for a number of different reasons. Maybe a loved one died, a relationship ended, or you lost your job. Other life changes, like chronic illness or a move to a new home, can also lead to grief.” But the whole article does not tell how to handle grief, so let me suggest some practical points: First, as I said earlier, bear in mind that whatever grief you have, no matter how deep you think it is, it is temporary, not permanent at all. Second, remember that time is of the element here. Go through it as a phase. Feel what you need to feel at the moment because it is going to happen. Take the case of someone you love passed away and will be buried in a few hours. You will go through the whole process bearing the pain of someone who lost a loved one. So, you can embrace the moment, embrace it as it comes to you, as the coffin is being brought down. Your whole world may feel like it will fall apart. But when the coffin is down, and the earth has covered the ground, everyone will stop weeping and crying. It’s as if the earth has taken the tears down with the one you love. Third, brace yourself, get ready to move on sensibly. This is not to say that you will suddenly jump out of your seat and start texting about happy times or going to a party. But, truly dealing with your own inner emotions and responding sensibly to the situation. Note, of the word used here, “sensibly” and responding properly to the situation. This is not only about how to cope when you lose someone you love. It could about a loss of your job, or a loss of your home. Bracing yourself and responding sensibly to the situation will mark the difference between a childish person and a mature person. Our behavior after the grief also indicates what kind of a person you are have become as a result of the grief. Fourth, reflect and think through right questions to ask yourself. Ask, “Why, with everything that happened, you are glad they all happened?” This kind of question is important. Don’t ask, “Why did this happen to me” Or think, “maybe the world hates me”. Refrain from ill questions that will come your head. That is not coming from you, but it is a natural thing you will hear in your head. By doing so, you will learn lessons in life that are good and wholesome. Fifth and lastly, force yourself to think positively. Say, “I can beat this, I can overcome this gracefully.” Then, flow with the tide and let your emotions go astray. Be positive. Then, you will see the ray of hope, you will once more experience the joy in living and true healing will come to you.