Jessica Hughes

Chapter One Leroy Miller sighed and wiped the line of sweat from his brow with the back of his hand as he surveyed the fields before him. His horse, Fletcher, nickered softly beside him. He patted her neck, the soft hair of her mane sifting over his fingers. “Okay, girl, let’s keep going.” Leroy tapped Fletcher gently on her smooth rear, and she began to move. The steady, rhythmic sounds of her plodding over the ground and the merry, soothing jingle of her harness filled the air. Leroy kept his eyes straight ahead, guiding the plow behind the big horse. Soon the rich, earthy scent of freshly tilled dirt pleasantly tickled Leroy’s nostrils. It didn’t take long before the reassuring feel of the warm leather reins in Leroy’s grip and the familiar tediousness of the task at hand caused his mind to drift to a conversation he’d had that morning with his mother over a delicious breakfast. The oatmeal had been cooked to creamy perfection. The balance between salty and sweet was just right, and the texture was just how Leroy liked it: soft and not overly chewy. Opposite him, his mother hadn’t yet touched her own oatmeal. She stared at him, her brow furrowed, until Leroy couldn’t help laughing. “What is it, maam?” Emma Miller sighed. “Ach, my sohn, I just worry about you sometimes. You know, it’s really time for you to look for a fraa.” Leroy nearly choked on the oatmeal he had in his mouth. “Maam—” “You don’t need me to tell you that you should have found someone already if possible,” his mother replied as her brow creased into a worried line. “I know the farm takes top priority, but your future is much more important, for sure and for certain.” Leroy didn’t answer. Instead, he continued to eat his breakfast in sullen silence. “I know you want a big family with lots of kinner, and I would certainly like more kinskinder.” Leroy nodded. His mother knew him too well. “I do, maam, you’re right, but…” “Morning maam,” Levi, Leroy’s older brother, interrupted as he walked confidently into the kitchen to kiss his mother on the cheek. His wife, in a dark blue dress and black kapp followed closely behind him, clutching her toddler’s hand tightly, with another little one perched on her hip. “Levi!” Emma greeted happily as she turned to her son with her arms outstretched. “What are you doing here, sohn?” “Dat and Leroy said they needed some help. I have everything under control at my farm, so I can help out here for some time.” “Morning, Leroy,” Eva, Levi’s wife, greeted quietly as she sat at the table, smoothing her dress over the small bump protruding from her stomach. Her two children clung to her skirts and stared at Leroy with big blue eyes before she put a few wooden toys down on the floor for them to play with. “Morning, Eva,” Leroy replied with an unhappy sigh as he got up to wash out his empty breakfast bowl. “Morning, Leroy,” Eva replied quietly. Before he could stop himself, Leroy caught Eva’s gaze, and his stomach twisted itself into the familiar knot he always felt when he was around her. He’d felt the same thing when he first met her at the evening sing five years ago. “Leroy,” Levi said as he clapped his younger brother on the shoulder, “how are you this fine morning? Ready for some hard work?” “Always,” Leroy replied, but he couldn’t stop his gaze from lingering on Eva. Leroy watched as she knelt down to show her younger child how to play with one of the toys she’d given them. Pain shot through his heart, intense enough to make him almost double over when he realized those could have been his children. If only she’d chosen him…. Leroy shook his head vehemently, snapping himself back into the present just as the plow clattered over a rock. He bent down and picked up the offending stone before putting it to the side, where it wouldn’t get in the way of the seeding. Before Leroy had followed his brother out of the kitchen door, Emma had stopped him with a hand on his elbow. “It’s time for you to move on,” she’d said, before looking firmly at Leroy and then at Eva. Emma was right. Leroy knew she was. He wanted to but didn’t know how to break the old, comfortable, familiar feeling of wanting Eva. Loneliness made his heart ache on a daily basis. He wanted a wife and children more than he could put into words. He just needed to figure out where or how he would start. *~*~*~*~* Amity Wittmer tapped her foot impatiently while waiting for the kettle to start whistling. It had been on top of the stove for ten minutes, but the sides weren’t warming up. She lifted the kettle to ensure the gas hadn’t gone out. It hadn’t; the blue-tipped flames flickered around the kettle's base when she replaced it on the hob. “What is wrong with you?” she asked the kettle with frustration as if it would answer her. “Amity,” a weak voice called from the bedroom, “my daughter, where are you?” “Coming, father,” Amity replied. “I’ll be back for you,” she muttered at the kettle before lifting her skirts and getting to her feet. “Ah, there you are,” her father said, turning his head as he heard the floorboards creak imperceptibly when Amity arrived at the door to his bedroom. His milky eyes looked around the room, unseeing before they settled at a spot above Amity’s shoulder. He beckoned her forward with thick fingers she knew were still rough and calloused from years of laborious work and patted a spot on the bed beside him. “I’m here, daddi,” Amity replied gently as she sat on the bed. She froze as a bird landed on the windowsill, and its sweet song drifted through the room for a few seconds before it fluttered away. “I miss the farm,” Henry murmured as he turned his head away from the windowsill. “I miss seeing the beautiful bright green of the trees and the rainbow colors of the birds. I miss watching my crops grow. I even miss the muddy, dull, earthy brown of the soil I used to sift through my fingers,” he said with a rueful chuckle. “I know, daadi.” Amity replied. “But you are an inspiration to me when you face every day knowing that you can no longer see.” “Thank you,” Henry replied before he paused for a few seconds. In the silence, they could hear the bird singing in the distance. “I love you, Amity, but sometimes I worry about you,” Henry said eventually as he reached out blindly and hunted for his daughter’s face. Amity gently reached forward and guided his hands to their destination. “It’s time for you to find a husband, settle down and start your own family. You cannot look after me forever.” He gently traced his fingertips over his daughter’s eyes, nose and lips with eyes closed as if he were mapping her features out in his mind. Amity blinked rapidly, and she could feel tears burning her eyes as they blurred her vision. “But daddi, I want to help you.” “You can’t look after me forever,” Henry repeated emphatically as Amity’s warm tear dripped onto his finger. “You need to start your life.” Amity nodded. The loneliness she’d felt for the past few years had been like a persistent ache in her bones. She couldn’t get rid of it, no matter how hard she tried to keep herself busy. “But then who will look after you, daddi?” “I’m sure there’s someone who will help me, liebchen,” Henry said reassuringly as he gently wiped the pads of his thumbs under his daughter’s eyes. “I will ask at the next gathering for church. If I have to pay someone to look after me, I will.” “But if you have me, you won’t have to pay anyone,” Amity reasoned wetly as she sniffled. Henry’s brow furrowed over his milky gaze. “Sometimes I wonder if I did right by you after your mother died,” he continued. “I tried my hardest with raising you, liebchen; I really did, but I know I fell short with some things. While it is a good thing that you’re so devoted to caring for me, you also need to start your life now. I don’t want you to end up without a husband or children because you were too busy with me when you were of marrying age.” Amity reached towards her face for her father’s hands and squeezed them gently. “I understand, daadi. But I don’t want to leave you with someone who doesn’t know how to take care of you properly.” “I promise you will be able to tell them everything they need to know. And I’m sure whoever ends up being my carer will take note and understand.” They sat in silence for a short time, while Amity’s stomach wound itself into uncomfortable knots. “Looking after me isn’t the only reason why you don’t want to go out and meet boys, is it?” Henry cocked his head to the side, looking very reminiscent of a blind crow finding something interesting. Amity shook her head. “I’m scared, daadi. I don’t even know where to start.” And it was true. For the past three years, since he’d gone blind, all her life had become was looking after her father. After her mother died when Amity was three, a family member had run the house until she was fourteen and had finished school. After that, it was just her and her father. Admittedly, the work hadn’t been as hard when he was younger and more able-bodied, but she didn’t mind taking care of him now in his dotage. “Why don’t you start where every youngster begins. Meeting some handsome young man at the evening sing!” Henry punctuated his last two words with an extravagant hand gesture that nearly tumbled him out of bed. “Daadi!” Amity admonished, but she couldn’t hold back a giggle at how ridiculous he’d looked. “How I wish I could see your smile one last time, liebchen,” Henry said as he reached out to feel Amity’s face again. “I know, daadi. I’m sorry that you lost your eyesight with every passing day.” Henry shook his head. “Don’t feel pity for me, Amity. I never appreciated how things felt or smelt when I could see something. I’m grateful that I lost my eyesight because it’s helping me learn new things. For example, I can tell you that the kettle is ready,” he said matter-of-factly, seconds before the appliance in question started whistling shrilly. “That’s my cue,” Amity said as she got to her feet and dusted off her skirt. “Could I interest you in something warm to drink, daadi?” “Yes, please, liebchen.” Henry replied gratefully. “Winter might be over, but there is still a chill in the air.” Amity nodded before padding out of the bedroom and into the kitchen. What was she going to do? Should she go to the sing and find a beau? Or should she insist that she could wait and look after her father until he passed away? He was still quite young, so it would take a long time before that happened. Without warning, pain shot through her at the thought of never having a family. She gripped the kitchen counter with a gasp and focused on her breathing until it passed. Since Amity could remember, she’d wanted to experience married life, and have her children experience what she never did – having siblings. After a few moments, Amity managed to straighten up and lifted the whistling kettle from the stove. She felt her stomach lurch uncomfortably with confusion and the intensity of the pain she’d felt. What was she going to do? *~*~*~*~* “How will you get to the sing tomorrow, Leroy?” Levi asked during their lunch break. They were leaning against one of the gates surrounding the fields and enjoying a delicious lunch of sandwiches made with friendship bread and ham. Leroy swallowed his mouthful and took a swig of cool water before shrugging. “I haven’t really thought that far. I don't think I have enough time to go with all the work that needs to be done on the farm in preparation for the planting.” “There isn’t much to do, as we’ve done most of it today.” Levi went quiet for a few seconds, clearly thinking something through before nudging Leroy playfully with his shoulder. “Tell you what. I’m going into town tomorrow, I can easily pick you up at five thirty and drop you off at the Yoders’ barn if you’d like.” Leroy’s stomach lurched as he envisioned himself walking into the evening sing and seeing the same girls he always did. Anna would talk endlessly about the latest book she’d read; Mildred and Bertha would stand in the corner giggling. “That’s okay, Levi. Thank you for the offer, but I’ll take the buggy from here and drive myself through,” Leroy replied with a barely repressed shudder. Levi looked at his brother sharply out of the corner of his eye. “I insist. It really won’t be any trouble.” “What are you two busy talking about so intently?” Emma asked as she approached while wiping hands that were covered in dirt on her apron, leaving brown smears on the perfect white. “Hi, maam. I was just offering to take Leroy to the Yoders’ tomorrow evening for the sing while I go into town, but he’s refused my offer.” “Leroy,” Emma admonished as she turned on her son. “Why would you turn down such a nice offer from your brother?” “Because I can use the horse and buggy we have here?” Leroy replied, feeling uncomfortable. “No, you can’t,” Emma replied matter-of-factly as she folded her arms over her chest. “Your father is taking the buggy to get some supplies for the farm. He’ll only be back late tomorrow evening.” “Well then, I guess that settles it,” Levi said as he put his hand on Leroy’s shoulder and squeezed gently. “I’m taking you to the sing tomorrow.” “Gut,” Leroy replied with a sigh. “I can’t wait.” *~*~*~*~* “Gut dag, Hannah,” Amity greeted her neighbor the following day as she was tending the garden. Her vegetables had grown beautifully, and her flowers were covered in bees from Abel’s nearby hives. There would be some delicious honey available from him soon, which she was very much looking forward to. “How are you today?” “Hello, Amity,” the older lady replied with a wave as she walked up the garden path to Amity’s front gate, her basket tucked tightly under her arm. “Excited for this evening’s sing?” “Well…” Amity began before she hesitated for a few seconds. Her father’s words from the day before rang clearly in her mind. “Yes, dear?” Hannah prompted gently, blinking down at Amity in confusion. A million things ran through Amity’s head. She didn’t want to leave her father alone for the few hours the sing would take. Trepidation trickled coldly into Amity’s stomach, as it had been a long time since the last sing she’d attended. She’d gone to a few before her father had lost his sight, but had been too busy looking after him to go to any recently. “I don’t really have any way to get there,” Amity eventually conceded, even though it wasn’t what she wanted to say. “Oh, my dear,” Hannah said with a soft laugh and a light hand wave. “All you had to do was ask. My son takes my three daughters to the sing every week. There’s more than enough space for one more in the buggy. You’re welcome to join.” Amity sat back on her heels and pushed her small shovel into the dirt at her feet. “I’ll think about it.” Hannah nodded and leaned down to place her hand gently on Amity’s shoulder. “You’re a fearless young woman, Amity. Not many could single-handedly take care of their father from such a young age, especially after losing their mother in such an awful accident. That Englischer purposefully spooking the horse…” Hannah looked away for a few seconds as she caught her breath. “Anyway, please know that if you need any help, anything at all… don’t hesitate to ask. We’re right next door.” Amity felt tears prickling the back of her eyes, and she had to duck her head so the older lady wouldn’t see how touched she was at the kind gesture. “Thank you,” Amity eventually managed to say. “You’re welcome.” There was a brief moment of silence before Hannah squeezed Amity’s shoulder one last time. “Anyway, I should be going. There’s a lot the kinners and I have to do before they run off to the sing tonight.” Hannah headed off down the garden path with a friendly wave. “I hope we’ll see you this evening,” she called over her shoulder. “I hope so, too,” Amity muttered to herself before she heard her father calling for her inside the house. “I’m coming, daddi,” she replied as she got to her feet, dusted off the front of her apron, and bustled into the house. Chapter Two Leroy pushed aside the rough lace curtains and peeked out the window to see if Levi had arrived yet. When he saw that the road was empty, Leroy looked up and the view took his breath away. Although he’d seen it many times, the sunset still surprised Leroy on many occasions. The sky was dripping with gold, while streaks of rosy pink and the deepest purples played among the clouds. His favorite thing about sunsets was that no two were ever the same. “Shouldn’t you go outside and wait for Levi?” Emma asked as she stood at the kitchen counter, peeling potatoes faster than anyone Leroy knew. “Jah, I suppose so.” Leroy sighed and put his hat on his head. “You don’t seem very excited, Leroy, for sure and for certain,” Emma said sharply as she regarded her son with a raised eyebrow. “Sorry maam, I’m just tired after all the work we did today.” Emma nodded. “Understandable.” There was a brief moment of silence between the mother and son before Emma spoke again. “The farm isn’t the only reason you don’t want to go to the sings anymore, is it?” Leroy opened his mouth to disagree before he slumped his shoulders and shook his head. “You’re right, maam.” Emma wiped her hands on her apron and walked around the kitchen counter to place her hands on Leroy’s shoulders. Her son was taller than her, so she had to tilt her head back to look him in the eye. “You haven’t been right since Levi and Eva got married. Don’t think I haven’t noticed..” Leroy sighed and debated whether he should tell his mother about how he felt about Eva, but stopped in his tracks when he heard the familiar clipclop of a horse and buggy coming up the driveway. “Levi’s here, maam,” Leroy said before dipping his head down to kiss his mother on the cheek. “I’ll see you later.” “Have fun,” Emma replied before bustling back to the kitchen counter where she was preparing the next day’s breakfast. “Thank you, maam. Don’t wait up for me, the sings always go on very late.” “I remember,” Emma replied with a chuckle. “I went to them too at one point. Now move along; Levi doesn’t have all evening.” Leroy nodded before repositioning his hat on his head. Then he ducked out the front door and joined his brother in his buggy. “Evening Leroy, how’re you this fine evening?” Levi asked enthusiastically as he maneuvered his horse before encouraging her onto the main road. “Looking forward to the sing?” “Gut, and you, Levi?” Leroy asked with a nod as he settled in beside his brother for the journey. “I’m gut too. Had a lovely dinner with Eva and the kids.” “That’s good to hear.” A brief moment of comfortable silence passed between them, during which Leroy watched the trees go by, dripping with the sepia light of the sunset. “What more do we have to do on the farm before we can start planting?” Levi asked when they were a few minutes away from their destination. “We have one more field to plow and a few repairs to be done on the irrigation system,” Leroy replied immediately, as he’d been thinking about the same thing. “Sounds like we’ll get it all done by tomorrow. If all goes well, we’ll be planting by next week.” Levi grinned, before turning the buggy into the Yoders’ driveway. “I guess time flies when you’re having fun.” He pulled his horse gently to a stop. The Yoders’ giant barn, resplendent in deep red, with an emerald green roof, stood before them, where groups of young people were milling around inside and out, waiting for the sing to start. “Denki for the lift, Levi,” Leroy said as he climbed out of the buggy. “Good luck with your business in town.” “You’re welcome and thank you, Leroy. I’ll see you later once I’m done and the sing is over.” With a nod and the doff of his hat, Levi whistled and gently flicked the reins at his horse to get her moving. Leroy turned to face the entrance to the barn, breathed deeply, and started walking towards the door. The sooner the whole thing started, the sooner it would be over. Or at least that’s what he hoped. *~*~*~*~*