Jennifer Hendricks

Hey, It’s That Guy: Every Character in Every Movie that has Ever Been Made There was a period in my life when I parked myself in front of the TV and stayed there. No, I’m not proud to admit it. Before this, I used to pride myself on being a reading intellectual. TV held no real pleasure for me. I’d sometimes tune in for a documentary, but that was about it. I soon was fascinated by the stock character whose face I knew but name I did not. The characters they played, however, were even more recognizable. They’d surface again and again. It didn’t matter if I was watching a comedy or drama, a chick flick or an award-winning film. I saw them everywhere, in movie after movie. I bet you’ll recognize them too. I’ve compiled the list below as an excuse to look back upon that life episode with little regret. “Sure”, I can tell myself, “I got something of value out of watching TV solidly for that year and some odd months.” Sandwich-eating coroner Fat, racist, redneck sheriff Character that hasn’t spoken since a certain pivotal, tragic event and will inevitably speak within the last 15 minutes of the movie Brassy, streetwise (and a little too smart to be a) hooker with a heart of gold Obnoxious jock that is dating the girl our nerdy hero has a crush on The “we’re-not-gonna-make-it!” guy (see a submarine film) Lovable, charming drunk (in black & white films only) Spunky, too cute orphan that dresses like Cyndi Lauper’s nightmare Police chief who takes the loose-cannon, renegade, rookie cop off the case Loose-cannon, rookie, renegade cop who is in too deep and/or who is taking things personally His partner that gets killed two days before his retirement Guy who used to be good at something (like boxing or gunfighting) but has been an alcoholic ever since he accidentally killed someone Preacher who has lost his faith but will have it restored by the film’s end Intimidating, redneck thug in biker bar that starts a fight and inevitably loses to the underdog Bat-out-of-hell cab driver who knows a shortcut to “follow that car!” Sassy, bitchy homosexual male Brassy, gum chewing, tough as nails waitress who gives sage advice World-weary, disaffected bartender who has heard it all before Gypsy who becomes horrified while fortune telling and refuses to share aforementioned fortune Misunderstood monster who only the audience will ever understand Older, ethic character who possesses supernatural abilities Single mother on a first date who sets man to chopping vegetables while drinking wine Lady in the street with a paper bag with 1) French bread, 2) rolled up newspaper, and 3) a green, leafy vegetable sticking out of its top Main female character’s slutty friend Grandma who doesn’t give a damn and tells it like it is The stoner, hippie friend of the person who has grown out of that lifestyle You get the picture, having seen it a dozen times over, I’m sure. Every time I think I’ve finished writing this piece, I remember another to write down. Go ahead! Please school me in your responses!