(Humor Ghostwritten for Cracked) Gross Foods
Healthy Delicacies you won’t want to try
Akutaq (Eskimo ice cream) – Eskimo Country
You scream, I scream and we all scream at this cream.
Believe it or not, Eskimos really do make ice cream; it’s just not the kind that you would probably ever consider putting in your mouth. Specifically, this wonderful creation hails from the peoples of Alaska and translates from Yupik to “something mixed” (clearly no one was boarding the imagination express in Western Alaska when this stuff was named).
Akutaq is essentially seal oil, fresh snow, berries, fish and reindeer fat (the prime ingredient) mixed to the point of becoming a frothy, semi-sweet mess of flavor (emphasis on MESS) in a sort of traditional bowl known as a Tumnaq. If it turns out sweet when it’s created, you got lucky since sugar is not traditionally utilized. Basically, this was the Eskimos’ answer to the question “what do rainbows taste like?”
Akutaq has been a traditional Eskimo staple for years and is actually still prepared and “enjoyed” by many. Initially it was seen as the perfect food for Eskimo hunters and was for them what beef jerky was for cowboys. In fact, it could actually sustain said hunters for the entire duration of their expedition. Now it is seen for what it truly is; the culinary equivalent of cold polar bear vomit.
Mongolian BooDog - Mongolia
Although this dish looks pretty tasty once it’s finished and actually on your plate, the process for making it is enough to put any unaccustomed man (or woman for that matter) on his (or her) hands and knees in the nearest bathroom.
Mongolian Boodog is a form of meat roasting that involves actually cooking said meat within the hot stone-filled abdominal cavity of a deboned goat. The goat is first killed and cleaned out of course, then “prepared” (some call it “preparation” others call it gang-rape ) for its horrid fate. The rest of Monsieur Goat’s outer hairiness is seared off with a blowtorch (not a particularly primitive tool, but effective nonetheless).
As you contemplate that, really try to picture in your mind’s eye for a moment precisely what it’s like to stuff a goat body full of searing rocks. Leave no crevice unfilled or orifice un-stuffed. Legs, head, torso, anus… no space is too sacred or too disgusting for a nice hot rock to be wedged into it. The gruesome aspects of such a form of cooking are enough to keep most people in more “civilized” parts of the world from making this bizarre dish but, of course, in Mongolia, nothing really matters anymore.
Jellied Moose Nose – Alaska
Alaska can be a very cold, depressing place when the foods you have to look forward to there can hardly be described as “edible.” Take jellied moose nose as an example; what, say ye, could a food with such a name really be? Maybe it’s something simple that was given a strange name, like lady’s fingers or something… Or maybe it’s exactly what its name implies (oh the horror).
Jellied moose nose is unfortunately everything its name makes it out to be. It’s a fairly disgusting looking dish made from a moose snout that has been reduced to a jelly-like form. It is by far the worst conceivable form of jelly ever concocted and actually consumed by man.
Not only is it absolutely revolting to behold, the process for creating it is somewhat difficult as well. The “cook” (“cook” being a relative term in this instance) must first boil the upper jaw of our friend, Mr. Moose until its hairs can be removed. Next, it is boiled in a broth until it is tender and left to cool in the same broth overnight. Once this has been done, the meat of Mr. Moose’s face is thinly sliced and set in a loaf pan which is filled with boiling broth and left to cool so that the jelly can set.
Thus, through a series of boiling and cooling sessions, this monster-food is slowly spawned… like a baby demon. Worst of all, the final meat-jelly product is served cold.
Tongzi Dan - China
Welcome to Dongyang; home of the delightful dish known as Tongzi Dan. That translates loosely to “Boy Eggs” (let that marinate for a bit). If you are one of the few (extremely few) people who love boiled eggs to the point of it becoming a clinically diagnosable obsession, then you might want to consider visiting the land of dragons in the spring to try some Tong Zi Dan or “Boy Eggs”.
Boy Eggs are a special little treat that involve both eggs and boys in the weirdest of ways. Average, everyday chicken eggs are boiled to perfection, de-shelled and then boiled some more so they can fully soak in the “flavah” of their broth. What is their broth, you ask? Why it’s the freshly harvested urine of young, elementary-school-level boys. That, friends; is the beautiful brain-child of the village pedo-bear. Ah, it’s spring again! Time to cook us up some pee food!
These eggs are supposed to increase blood flow in certain parts of the body (a little blatant perversion there) and lower your internal temperature (don’t stop in Dongyang for fever treatment). Of course, if you really want to see effects like that take place in your body then you might be better off skinny dipping in Antarctica.
Akutaq (Eskimo Ice Cream)
Akutaq (pronounced ah-goo-duk) is a type of food eaten primarily by eskimos. Basically, it’s seal oil, snow, berries, fish and (the prime ingredient) reindeer fat mixed up until it acquires the right consistency (a cream of sorts).
Quote
The native people of Alaska have a distinct version of ice cream. It's not creamy ice cream as we know it, but a concoction made from reindeer fat or tallow, seal oil, freshly fallen snow or water, fresh berries, and sometimes ground fish. Air is whipped in by hand so that it slowly cools into foam. They call this Arctic treat akutaq (ah-goo-duck), aqutuk, ackutuk, or Eskimo ice cream. Akutaq is a Yupik word that means mix them together.
http://whatscookingamerica.net/History/Akutaq_EskimoIceCream.htm
Mongolian Boodog
Mongolian Boodog is a form of meat cooking that involves roasting the meat of an animal (usually a goat) with hot stones placed inside said animal’s body. The legs of the animal and all of its internal organs are removed and replaced with the heated stones then the animals skin is burnt with a hand torch.
Quote
Next to Khorkhog, the cuisine of Mongolia knows a second recipe that uses hot stones for cooking. Boodog uses a similar cooking method, except that the meat isn't cut into pieces. The stones are instead filled into the stomach of the animal, which gets cooked within its own skin.
http://www.mongolfood.info/en/recipes/boodog.html
Jellied Moose Nose in Alaska
Jellied moose nose is essentially what its name implies; a hunk of moose meat (the snout) boiled over and over until it has become a jelly. The final product is then refrigerated to be served cool.
Quote
Cut the upper jaw bone of the moose just below the eyes. Place in a large kettle of scalding water and boil for 45 minutes. Remove and chill in cold water. Pull out all the hairs - these will have been loosened by the boiling and should come out easily (like plucking a duck). Wash thoroughly until no hairs remain. Place the nose in a kettle and cover with fresh water. Add onion, garlic, spices and vinegar Bring to a boil, then reduce heat and simmer until the meat is tender. Let cool overnight in the liquid. When cool, take the meat out of the broth, and remove and discard the bones and the cartilage. You will have two kinds of meat, white meat from the bulb of the nose, and thin strips of dark meat from along the bones and jowls. Slice the meat thinly and alternate layers of white and dark meat in a loaf pan. Reheat the broth to boiling, then pour the broth over the meat in the loaf pan. Let cool until jelly has set. Slice and serve cold.
http://www.recipelion.com/Misc-Meats/Jellied-Moose-Nose#0VP1jwb5H7cGTSc3.99
Bat Paste in Thailand
Bat Paste is a dish eaten in Thailand that is exactly what the name implies, a paste made from bats. Bats are boiled alive and then mashed into a spicy paste for diners to enjoy.
Quote
Capture a bat, chuck it live into a vat of boiling water, season it with spices, and mash it into paste to create this potentially harmful dish (bats often carry many diseases). Andrew Zimmern of Travel Channel's Bizarre Food America tried the hard-to-locate treat in the hills outside Chang Mai in the heart of the golden triangle in Thailand.
http://xfinity.comcast.net/slideshow/news-grossorgreat/
Tong Zi Dan in china
Tongzi Dan is a Chinese delicacy of eggs boiled in the urine of pre-adolescent boys. Elementary level school boys have their urine collected in the spring time of each year to serve as the broth for boiling eggs which are then sold at twice the price of normal boiled eggs.
Quote
The process for making Tongzi Dan is similar to making other types of boiled eggs, such as tea eggs. Just instead of tea or water, the eggs are soaked in urine. After being brought to a boil in the steaming urine, the eggs are removed, their shells are cracked and they are placed back into the boiling urine to soak up flavor. Residents of Dongyang have described the powerful smell of the process as both rejuvenating and completely disgusting.
http://www.atlasobscura.com/places/bizarre-boiled-eggs-tong-zi-niao-jidan#sthash.srLFiJHs.dpuf
Dinuguan (blood stew) in Philippines
Dinuguan is known by many as “blood stew”. It is made up mostly of pig blood as well as chilis, vinegar, meat and garlic.
Quote
Dinuguan or pork blood stew is a Filipino, savory stew of blood and meat simmered in a rich, spicy gravy of pig blood, garlic, chili’s, and vinegar. The term Dinuguan come from the word dugo which means blood. It is similar to a Singapore dish, pig’s organ soup. The only difference is it does not have vegetables in it. For western cultures this dish is considered as unusual or maybe an alarming dish even though it is similar to European-style blood sausage or British black pudding, but in a saucy, stew form.
http://www.filipino-food-lovers.com/dinuguan
Black Pudding in various cultures
Black pudding is a type of sausage made from congealed blood and various fillers. Fillers can be anything from potatoes to oatmeal.
Quote
Black pudding is a blend of onions, pork fat, oatmeal, flavourings - and blood (usually from a pig). As long as animals have been slaughtered to provide food, blood sausages like black pudding have been in existence.
http://www.bbc.co.uk/food/black_pudding
Tong Zi Dan in china (full draft)
Welcome to Dongyang; home of the delightful dish known as Tongzi Dan. That translates loosely to “Boy Eggs” (let that marinate in your noggin for a sec). Intrigued? Of course you are. Anyone who isn’t intrigued by such an obviously intriguing name has something seriously defective rattling around in their skull.
Boy Eggs are a special little treat that involve both eggs and boys in the weirdest of ways. Average, everyday chicken eggs are boiled to perfection, de-shelled and then boiled some more so they can fully soak in the “flavah” of their broth. What is their broth, you ask? Why it’s the freshly harvested urine of young, elementary school-level boys. That, friends; is the beautiful brain-child of the village pedo-bear. Ah, it’s spring again! Time to cook us up some pee food!
There is really very little that needs to be said here about this particular delicacy; it’s pretty much as advertised. Come for the eggs, stay for the boys (piss)! Now, maybe you think you could stomach a few of these if the opportunity presented itself. If that’s the case, then you should first picture the following scene: A big steaming pot of freshly collected kid piss is on the fire in an ancient Chinese cooking shanty; within it float the various eggs that villagers have collected throughout the day for this sole purpose. A pungent “aroma” wafts about the room and gathers in the corners, staining the once white walls with a distinct yellow film whilst an old lady with a shawl slowly stirs… forever.
Is that really something you’d look forward to?
Health Benefits:
These eggs are supposed to increase blood flow in certain parts of the body (a little blatant perversion there) and lower your internal temperature (don’t stop in Dongyang for fever treatment). Of course, if you really want to see effects like that take place in your body then you might be better off skinny dipping in Antarctica. At least then you won’t have to eat piss in a town that seems to be named after its own obsession.
Read more: http://www.cracked.com/forums/topic/131385/recipes-considered-healthy-around-world-due_5_18_13/0#ixzz2SgTznRs3