James Ardis

Never Sacrifice Your Happiness for Writing Take Care of Yourself and Let the Rest Come Later James Ardis​ Aug 6, 2018 Photo by ​Marc-Anthony Macon Since I joined Medium in late January 2017, I’ve noticed plenty of articles about the dedication it takes to become a successful writer. Some of these articles (​including this one​) properly articulate the sustained dedication it takes to get anywhere in the field. But if I could talk to 21-year-old me or even 25-year-old me, I would want to make the opposite point: never let writing take over your life, because it cannot completely sustain you, either emotionally or financially, and it was never meant to. In 2010, I decided to pursue my undergraduate degree at a university with a highly-ranked creative writing program, despite the fact that I could not afford the tuition. I took out $20,000 in student loans and worked for several years as an overnight security guard. I was putting my happiness and my well-being on hold for writing. Recently, I looked back on my W-2s from those years and realized I was living off $7,000 or less a year, an amount that was supposed to pay for rent, food, incidentals, and some tuition. For the first two years that my future wife knew me, I was working until four in the morning and then going to class at noon. After class, I would either sleep or shut myself off from the world to write. I lived off $7,000 or less a year, an amount that was supposed to pay for rent, food, incidentals, and some tuition. I was exhausted after finishing my bachelors, but I knew the next step was to enter an MFA (master of fine arts) program. I assumed I needed to take this next step immediately. I was accepted into a top-ranked MFA program. The fact that I was not thrilled to live in this particular college town did not matter.Once again, I risked my happiness to develop my writing. After just one year in my MFA program, I considered dropping out. I was becoming extremely irritable on top of my usual depression and anxiety. I would occasionally blindside my closest friends with my pent-up emotions. ​It wasn’t until my feelings affected the well-being of the people I respected the most that I understood I had pushed myself too far. Despite my deep depression and my sometimes embarrassing behavior, I managed to stick it out and graduate from my MFA program. I published a​chapbook ​the next year, and my work is represented ​in many journals that I respect​. I am certainly not a well-known poet, but I am producing more work and better quality work than I ever thought possible. Now that I am finally on the other side, I can tell you with the utmost confidence that putting my life and well-being on hold for my writing was not worth it. I did not accomplish my goals in a healthy manner and I will be repaying student loans, unpacking emotional baggage, and repairing friendships for years to come. It is easy to romanticize a struggling artist, our cultural lexicon is littered with them, from Plath to Vincent van Gogh. In many cases, we appreciate an artist’s suffering more than the work they produce. But the truth of the matter is: you can create amazing work and protect your emotional well-being at the same time. Take care of your physical and mental health, secure your finances, spend quality time with the people you love, and then go write some poems. I look forward to reading them.