Ivy Boudreau

Ivy Boudreau May 2019 If you knew me when was in middle school, or high school, or college, you probably remember me as quiet, not very confident, a people-pleaser, and a little bit awkward. You wouldn’t be wrong. For years, I was terrified of the sound of my own voice, both literally and figuratively. I was afraid to admit my true opinions and desires to anybody, and that included myself. Do you know how starved that leaves a person? Not valuing yourself enough to listen to what you really need? Not valuing your own opinion enough to take the time to figure out what you truly believe? Actually, maybe you do know. I think a lot of people have struggled with this exact thing to various degrees, and for various reasons. I know that for me, I truly didn’t think I had enough to offer the world to take up any time or space that could have been used by someone else, and I didn’t value myself enough to try to explore any other possibilities. That’s also why I cut off so many friends – I honestly thought I was doing them a favor by removing myself from their life. It’s taken a lot of time and hard work learning to know and trust myself enough to let go of the defense mechanism of silence. I still struggle with it, and I’m still figuring out how to differentiate between the thoughts that are my true beliefs and the thoughts that were placed into my mind by society, or another person, or a traumatic event. But, slowly but surely, the picture of who I am is becoming more clear. I wish I could go back in time and tell that sad, stressed out, sometimes suicidal girl who was convinced that she had absolutely no right to take up any space that she has so much value and so much to offer the world, and herself. I wish I could tell her that others’ opinions are pretty worthless when it comes to realizing your own self-worth. I wish I could tell her that she should trust her intuition, even when it would lead her down a challenging and lonely path. I wish I could tell her that there are actually worse things than loneliness and feeling like an outsider – it’s much worse to lose yourself. And now here I am, still quiet, still developing my confidence, probably (definitely) still a bit awkward, but no longer caring what other people think of the truths I speak and the way I choose to live my life. I’ve fought to rediscover the person I am, and it was worth every tear and sleepless night. So if you are having a hard time remembering your value and finding your voice, know that you are not alone! Even if it’s hard to believe sometimes, you have value. There are people out there who will welcome you with open arms someday, and until you meet them, you are more than capable of being that person for yourself. Figure out your truth and speak your mind, because someone might badly need to hear what you have to say, and that someone might even be you. You are allowed to think and believe things differently from the people around you. You are allowed to live your life the way ​you​ want to live it. Why would you pay attention to the rules of someone who is living a life you don’t want? You are just as capable of figuring out a way to navigate this world as anyone else, and you are also 100% capable of creating the changes you want to see, both in yourself and in the world around you. The world right now is hurting in so many ways, and it needs your voice to support it.