Isabella Wangari

LIVING AS ME I can’t say my life has been an easy road but with the strength I get from the people close to me has helped overcome all the challenges that I faced, there were moments I wanted to give up, but I couldn’t find the courage to do it. I had to live my life not being a nuisance to anyone not realizing that I was destroying my life, I would smile and laugh just to show I was okay ,but deep down I was aching I would wish that someone would just give me a hug and tell me everything was going to be okay without asking anything. But as I have grown up I have come to realize that if I continue to do that am going to lose the people close to me, so I took I step and decided to start saying whatever was on my mind and what was bothering me, but I felt like I was pushing them away instead of keeping them close, sometimes I wondered if I did the right thing or them knowing more about me was actually the worst thing I could ever do. Am actually an emotional person but sometimes it’s really hard for me to bear the struggles or challenges ahead of me that I find myself wanting to cry but for some reason I can’t. I keep telling myself that am strong and I don’t need to shed a tear in order to feel better, but when my mind and heart are not in sync at all I end up crying, though I feel better later on, I can’t but think if am weak when I cry or am just human and I have to accept that sometimes I have to release whatever is making me struggle. Ever since I was young, I didn’t share my struggles with anyone I’d find myself in the middle of conflicts without anyone helping me, and through those times is when I’d start talking to God and asking him to enlighten my way, I was never confident of myself that’s why I couldn’t trust anyone’s words when they would tell me they were on my side, trusted me or loved me. I guess I can say that I had low esteem and I didn’t realize that I had to apply those things first to myself before I could do to anyone.