Gulrukh Uralova

Well,it seemed as if I hadn't used my pen for many years. I can tell you a few excuses for why I didn't have any reason to write stories and diary events of mine.To tell you the truth, I lost my confidence on the life itself when I lost my grandfather. It seemed as if he took away with him all my passion to live ahead and passion for writing.Unfortunately, the most painful point was that I couldn't see him for the last time. I can easily remember that 2 months before I went to his and said goodbye to him and my granny.Because our university studies was about to began and I had to leave for a capital city for 6months. My poor grandad,he looked somehow sick at those times,breathing slowly and painfully,which made me cry. His lifestyle was too simple, he had no enough money to live on. I really really wanted to buy them what they were short of when I had enough money. Everytime I saw him I used to promise myself that when I took my first salary,I would definitely bring them what they liked. Unfortunately,I couldn't do. The last time when I saw him,he gave me some amounts of money to buy whatever I wanted with his hands shaking. Crying I kissed his hand and hugged him for a while. Although I couldn't look back because of tears in my eyes, I was totally sure that he was also crying from my back.But now he isn't with us,everytime I return home and go to his house, who'll meet me in a joyful manner and hug at once? Whom will I bring gifts and sweets then? When thinking about this,I couldn't keep crying. 2 days later, it was high time to return to my studies again. Again without my family,again thinking about the chair he always sat and looked at people coming.. A new message broke my thoughts,oops,Waseem had finished the contract. My sadness doubled more. I was so disturbed that I couldn't finish the last task on time.I was ashamed of myself.Yeah,he considered me a lazy writer,a true fact! Maybe he thought that I didn't take interest to his projects again! Maybe he has been angry with me also. Or my writing was eventually becoming poorer,so he became bored of my writings. A deep sadness embraced my mind. However,his words made me surprised suddenly! He would again hire me if I wanted! What a joy! It was kind of him to respect me and my writing. After some days we had messages on Gmail about the topic I would write . But I made him angry with my mixed thoughts.I became totally sure that he had been discouraged by me. After discovering the fault on me, I said sorry for him and waited for his reply. Yet,no answer up to 7days,meaning 168 hours,10080 minutes! I also got to know his character as he knew mine. He was deliberately not answering to my sentences,experiencing my thoughts and beliefs on this occasion.(Then he would ask me what I experienced in these periods. He looks like a person who desperately wants to get to know peoples' thoughts in risky situations. He is a psychologist let alone his own job! As he asks me some situations I suffer in my life,sometimes I think that he is writing a book about people's thoughts and take me as a sample). Actually,I wasn't about to make him sad,just my mind was tired with mixed feelings about my grandpa,my relatives, their feelings and a sense of not supporting them in such hard days. He kept on not writing,that's why l also made up my mind not to write him. Actually,the meaning of life isn't as having success and trying to be wealthy or famous! Whether you have a great fame or lots of money,your last house is towards a grave. You can't take your money or fashionable clothes there to save yourself. Your soft pillow and blanket won't make you sleep well in your grave. Only the grave is the place where both rich and poor people will eventually go. The most necessarily, to pray to Allah, to make your parents,your loved ones and children happy. I came to understand these ideas and I don't want people to become angry with me. I just want to see my lovely people happy and enchanted with their life. I do want to assist my mummy and daddy. I know that money isn't the only means towards a happy life,however, it's a source of being happy and fortunate. If you have enough money,you'll be thankful of God and try to help others,you'll give them material wealth to live ahead,you'll share them joy and happiness. I want myself to be a resourceful and supportive person. Waseem,if you have been angry with me, I feel sorry for that. Maybe I often behave myself as a 10-year-old child. Yet I hope to collaborate with you for my future job prospects. I know that you have much experience on everything and diligently desire to learn something useful for my job. Thanks beforehand.