Frenzee Pammit

Out of the Window Early morning, half asleep, the mild and relieving light that passes through the colored glasses of my bedroom window stimulates my weary eyes. I scratch my eyes as I combat my dizziness. While unsteadily opening my eyes, glimmering colors oscillated as my thin woven curtains block the passage of light coming from the outside. Smirking, I thought, we all have this varied hues that we sometimes display or hide. Certainty. Trusting easily in this big bad world we live in is either too risky or too fool. I rely on the security borrowed from the walls that I fabricated for myself. Sometimes I ask myself, will someone ever come to willingly tear the walls and pull me through? Maybe, one day, someone will understand why I kept being invulnerable. Until then, I will keep my unwavering hope that I will encounter someone I can open up to. I will keep on muttering at the back of this deceitful smile that someone will get to know me despite the difficulty. Caution. No, I am not someone lost in the books. Talking is just something I carefully contemplate about. Listening, however, happens naturally. Whether someone is talking in the telephone, hall, or in brawl, I try to deeply understand the content of every words they utter. Just please understand, however, that I listen to many, but talk to few for I choose to stay quiet if no meaningful words should be spoken. Ignorance. I keep on going to this place where I can be alone, but blue. Somewhere I can take a deep breath as I try to convince myself that it is normal to be alone. My disappointment once send me to sleep in an uncomfortable position. I dreamed of a tattooed hand that delicately brushed my head while saying “Why crave for the depth of mutual human understanding if you tire easily in social situations?” I woke up and wiped off my pensive face as I bid farewell to the place I used to find comfort. Amnesia. Everything is temporary and meaningless. I do not put importance to where I am going, but I know where I truly belong. Why devote myself to searching and finding places? I am only a man who knows nothing about my future. Only death is certain in this kaleidoscope world. Yet, life is not life without death. Refusing death means denying life. I stood up to appreciate the fleeting beauty of the swaying colored reflection of lights through the old-fashioned window. I stopped abruptly as I realized that the window I see is a mere passage of the greater light – true identity. I wanted to see what is out of the window for humans do not want to understand what they already know. We all just want to pull aside the curtains and open the window to see what is on the other side.