Elton

Beyond Shyness: Understanding Social Anxiety For a Healthier Relationship You look at people and they look back to you. You feel distressed and embarrassed and walk away. The next day, you saw your friends walking towards you, but even before they get to greet you, the uneasiness comes. You try to stay calm and just smile. Slowly, the air feels like getting thinner and thinner until you are suffocated, not by the air but by the presence of other people... so you walk away, again. And the cycle repeat. People would usually label them as a sensitive or shy person but little did they know that turning down ahead, continuous avoidance of people, and a feeling of pressure, whenever one is in the crowd, might be more than just shyness—social anxiety. Isn’t it amazing that there are people who are good at presenting themselves in front of a crowd? Like literally owning the stage with an overwhelming presence. They could laugh aloud and mingle with the rest of the group without hassle. For this type of people, expressing themselves and jiving with others are simple. But for people with social anxiety, even the attempt of talking to other people is a nightmare. It takes them a million times trying before having that courage to speak. And when they do, the fear of rejection and judgment hinders the way of communication. Social anxiety is defined as a disorder characterized by the feeling of anxiousness as a person engages himself in a social situation. Psychology may have an exact definition of this disorder, but for some, it could be just being uncomfortable to go to a gathering or “melting” whenever their teachers ask them to read in the class. And if not handled properly, this condition may prevent a person from living his life so we must understand what social anxiety is and how it affects an individual. For example, a child might get bullied at school because he is uncomfortable playing with the other kids. He might just want to eat alone in the cafeteria rather than joining his classmates—and that’s isolation. Isolating oneself becomes one of the major mechanisms that a person with this condition is unwillingly doing. It’s a self-initiated act to avoid the stress brought by socializing. Certainly, he doesn’t want to be alone but he just can’t help it. People with this disorder have a high level of self-consciousness which brings an extreme feeling of being judged. They constantly worry about themselves, their looks, actions, and the impression they have with others. They fear embarrassing themselves in the crowd. A person can feel shyness as they meet new people or when being introduced to a new person, but for them with social anxiety, the fear of distress never gets away. It’s a rational and unwanted feeling that even simple eye contact or just riding a bus with other people causes them to panic. It's like a shadow that never leaves them even in the broad daylight. Having a constant fear of being evaluated negatively, people suffering from this condition tend to have lower self-esteem and lower performance. They fear performing well to avoid drawing attention. They avoid raising their hands in the class, joining meetings, or participating in any clubs because of the too much anxiety that it creates. Above these things, social anxiety affects greatly a person’s relationship with others. For a shy person, taking the initiative to break the ice and awkwardness is the way to overcome it, but for people diagnosed with this disorder, it's a more complicated situation. They feel uneasy with people regardless of how close or how long they know them. The worse part is that it never gets away by just being with the same group of people for over a long period. Shyness is normal especially at the beginning of new relationships. But as you know to get each other, the wall of awkwardness and tension start to subside. This isn’t the case for people with social anxiety. They are experiencing a constant and continuous fear of embarrassment whenever they are surrounded by many people regardless of whether it's a family member, a close friend, or even their partners. Having someone with this condition is challenging as it requires sincere understanding to avoid creating an environment that is suffocating on their end. Therefore, dealing with them is another difficult task to handle as they need a more careful approach to socializing. The best thing we can do is to be a support system for these people. Observing, on the utmost part, is the first way that we can do to keep our relationship healthy. You can tell whether the person is having an attack through physical manifestations of anxiety-like sweating of hands, continuous movement of the eyes, and shaking of the voice. Being able to sense their panic attack would help us to do certain techniques to lessen the tension of the person at the moment. Your patience is what they need. Helping them to get used to people under the same roof won’t happen overnight. Try not to lose your temper as they tend to isolate themselves avoiding any social engagement. Showing frustration might give them the impression of rejection—which they feared most. Also, they are an overthinker. They tend to overanalyze anything. For example, you’re unable to notice them because you’re busy doing your work or you just don’t hear them talking because you have your earphones as you walk, these little gestures could have a negative interpretation on their part. So remaining positive is essential to help them realize that people could have done things unintentionally like not being able to notice them, and that’s normal. It doesn’t have any meaning at all such rejection. Lastly, try to engage them in small gatherings like a simple conversation with you or encourage them to participate in group discussion. It may be the critical part of a support system, but giving them the courage to face things that triggers their anxiety is what will help them most. The bottom line, social anxiety is not shyness nor sensitiveness. It is a clinical condition that needs to be addressed carefully. With proper support, we can establish a healthy relationship with people having this kind of disorder. Letting them that they belong, accepted, and their thoughts are validated, it boosts their determination to challenge the negative thoughts that run through their mind...so they won’t need to walk away again, out of fear of rejection.