Corazon Redolme

 ***** Please exercise caution when reading. No snowflakes, please. You collected junk, and now is not the time to be ultra-sensitive. Spread peace and love, not junk***** Debunking the Junk Myth Part II (or Taking Out The Shame In Junk) “Oh crap, there’s more? “ Yep, it looks like there’s more. It’s never really over. Just ask Freddie Kruger; the nightmare never ends until you wake up and deal with it once and for all. That’s the key right there – deal with it. Deal with piled up junk like the grown-up that you are supposed to be. Have that eyesore hauled away by the service that shamelessly promotes itself __________. Why us? Why not? We are Excellent at what we do, plus, you know it –we keep our mouths shut. We promise that we will take your secrets to the grave, not to the tabloids. We are not obligated to spill the beans on you, and however tempting that may be, we will not be tempted anyway. It’s not like your old cheese, dried leaves, and other junk will cause headlines anyway. We respect your privacy. Despite our humor, we are reliable and trustworthy. Rest easy, my dubious friend; we have an NDA for client protection and satisfaction- mutual protection at its best. Because duh, unlike your lousy partner, we believe in protection. We clean up after ourselves, like how cats clean up themselves. Or, more accurately, we clean up after you. How fancy-schmancy is that? We cannot wipe away your beautiful tears, but we, at ____________ will take the blot from your reputation by hauling away remnants of your mistakes. How good is that? “There’s a pandemic in the world, and you want me to spend on junk removal? “ Seriously now, we can think up of the many crappy things where you spend money. So don’t be a cheapskate, and clean up. Don’t be the dead guy that left a mountain of junk. Just don’t. You can’t take that money to the grave, might as well as spend that cash on useful things like your health and our staff compensation. They are terrific guys who won’t cringe at any junk that you collected. These uncertain times call for tangible action in revamping your life or just cleaning up. Tough times call for tough decisions. Stop holding on to the past and have us ___________ haul that junk so you can have a fresh start. You will feel better, and your immediate vicinity will probably smell better too. The world will thank you, the birds will sing once again, ala Cinderella, and the neighbors will stop low-key hating on you. And you know this to be true. You spend on all the wrong things anyway, so why not spend on the one thing that will make a difference? You pay us to work our magic and banish the remnants of your past. Sweet deal you can find at __________ “Will you come here to see the scope of the work?” Yes, we will, and the magic word here is free. If you can’t be bothered to meet us at the site, you can send a video along with lots of photos of the junk in question. We will then tell you how much and how long it will take us to remove your trash. And you tell us when. That’s how this works, and don’t worry, we never judge. Not that you can hear anyway. Just kidding. We Answer Silly Questions Before You Even Ask: When is the right time to call _________? If not now, then when? Call it in before you get overwhelmed. Or before you croak. The word ‘seriously’ is overused, so I have no choice here except to abuse it some more: Seriously, what were you thinking collecting all that? Now that you’ve done it, the logical thing to do would be to call the professionals. That’s us. You made the mess; we haul it. When you are done pitying yourself and feeling pathetic, please call us __________ “Why us? “We do more than shameless self-promotion; we do the best job of cleaning up your life, err, your yard, room, shed, storage, or crime scene…. Among our mortal limitations are: we cannot bring the dead back to life; we cannot magic you sober, and we are not qualified to give dating advice. But we will haul that junk that’s eating your heart. You better believe it. It’s not like we have a cure for cancer or all the troubles of your life., but we suspect that you will feel much better when all the eyesore is gone from your sight. Again, we have a crew who will do that for you, book your appointment with _________. To be clear, we accept this job because we love to help, we love you, and we love our jobs. We are a junk removal company, not your shrink. No, for the last time, we can’t haul away your living spouse. We move junk; we are not magicians. No, it’s not too late. If you are reading this, you’re still alive. Call, chat or DM us or chat us. Stop making excuses; we are on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. “Is there Instagrammable crap?” You know the answer to this one better than us. Probably yes, but most likely not yours. Let’s not dwell on that junk too much. Just let go already. We’ll come and rescue you from your mess. As a committed friend, we will keep mum about your secrets if we happen to see any. Promise. __________ “Are you any good?” Yep, no fake reviews. Our hauling job is as good as our humor (It is in existence, both the humor and the excellent service). Hook, line and sinker- ________ , we the real stuff. “Any discounts? Promo Codes?” Sure, we receive, and we give. That does not sound sadomasochistic at all. You can take it up with __________. We love to keep them coming. We love to give, ah, solutions. That’s right. Solutions to your junk problems, no matter how big or small. Size doesn’t matter. We can work on any issue, junk issue you have. Junk is our business. You have lots of it, so we are a perfect fit.