Corazon Redolme

 ***Be warned of adult content, not for the easily offended. Maybe a long and irritating read at 1,000 words. *** Debunking the Junk Myth “I can do it myself.” Yes, you can DIY your way in junk removal. You may enlist the help of a friend or, if you’re desperate, maybe even the suspect. This attempt may work either way. Do you have the time and energy, do pick up the debris of your broken life? Then load those boxes in your truck, the same way they came into your life. Finally, drop this truckload of ruins at the designated landfill, donation center, recycling facilities, and junkyard. If you can face your past and have the time to deal with it, then yes, you may have a handle on junk removal. If you have nowhere else to be, have nothing else to do, and no one to be with, you may just as well dispose of the garbage yourself. But if you have better things to do (like you have a life) or don’t want to touch the issue yourself, we can do it for you. Simple as that. Do not overcomplicate things. If you can stare your mistakes in the eye and get in and get dirty again, our rule is to go ahead and do it soon before fragile resolve is gone If you are the type who can’t stand seeing the mementos of regrettable decisions, consider asking for help. Forgive yourself and resolve to get rid of the relics of a dead relationsh**, please seek help. If you do not have the fortitude or stomach to do so, you can call for reliable service. Ask, and you shall receive. You do have options in life. One of them is not having to deal with the cumbersome, moldy, stinky, broken stuff yourself. Do your family or your mental health a favor and call it in at __________. “It’s hard to get help, and I don’t know whom to call. There are so many who offer this service.” Finding the right junk removal service may seem overwhelming but take your time to check a few, and you are bound to find the best fit for you. Consider your needs, and then ask us for everything else. Really, ask us anything junk removal _____________ Ask yourself how you want this done, and we will do just that for you. Anything goes, except for radioactive material. As much as we love you and will do pretty much anything to please you, we are not willing to go to jail nor die a slow, painful death for you. Yes, we can haul junk even if you are not there. We can take a documentary video at your request. But really, haven’t you had enough? Or you are that type that wants more? Don’t let that junk become an even bigger issue than what it already is. It won’t kill you to avoid complications. Just call __________, unless you are itching for a do-over. “But junk removal services are expensive.” What about your time? And what premium do you put on your health? Factor in the expenses for gas, collection, or acceptance fees of some recycling facilities, your mental and physical efforts. We offer a range of reasonable and secure payment options for you, card cash, cryptocurrency, or in kind. We were kidding about the last two. We accept most credit/debit cards or cash. Or your soul. Now, what’s holding you back? OCD? Oh, are you going to miss having a reason to pity yourself? Please, enough already. You spent enough time collecting all that junk; now let ______ take it away. “I’m afraid my junk won’t fit into any category. It’s a mix between good memories and awful reminders of how I came to this point.” We don’t judge, darling. We will clean a shed, a barn, residential house, condo, beach house, building, a season’s worth of leaves, or a lifetime’s worth of regret. It’s all the same to us. And just like your mommy, we’ll still love you after seeing what lurks in your garage or storage. “I’m procrastinating coz I’m kinda embarrassed at what the staff will see here…” Please think of us as doctors; we’ve seen everything. I’m willing to bet that nothing you have can surprise us. As doctors stitch you back up after they operate, we also clean up your place, ready in time for your next shenanigans, err, project. Seriously though, we are professionals, and we will keep our mouths shut. We promise to not commit to memory whatever sliver of your life we see at your property—Scout’s honor. We will turn a blind eye to your ahem, “collection,” you can count on us to never speak of it again. That is how much we love you, yes, even with peculiarities. Remember us when you have decided that you need saving from your self inflicted junk. Your attempts at Mari Kon-Junk is sure to leave a trail of casualties behind. You gave your best efforts, now stay aside, and leave the adult work to the professionals. Benefits of having your junk hauled away: Your parents will know that you’re a grown-up. Gone are the days of your filthy bedroom. They will think that you clean up after yourself, on occasion. Self-respect? Oh, yeah, self-respect is worth calling _________, let us rescue you from self-doubt by hauling away your magic pile. Save yourself from the wrath of the Homeowners’ Association or municipality fines? Save yourself from the hatred of your neighbors and your other half. Plus, the kids will respect you, might respect you. If you don’t have kids, then the neighbors’ kids. If keeping respect is too much, then think of the insects. Save yourself from the spiders, slugs, and all other creepy crawlies that take residence in your junk. Who knows, a snake might even find your junk pile homely, homie. Impress the poor sap that you’ve trapped with your lies, fake calm, and confidence- have _________ haul away that junk before jumping into yet another rollercoaster of a relationship. “To be dirty is human. To clean up is divine.” Said the god of clean up, to whom only obsessive-compulsive people pay attention. Offer up your sacrifices to cleanse your way into your next life. Please clean up your chakras, dirty people, and mop up that trail of gunk while you’re at it. If you know that you are too lame to do it, _____________ will do it for you. At no extra cost, only the actual price unless you avail of additional services. Grow a pair and call it in ______________ your neighbors and your future self will thank you. You deal with you. We deal with your junk. We aim to be drama and clutter-free here. At the very least, you may learn a thing or two from us. Oh, we were kidding. Again, we, at __________ are professionals - we keep up, and we put up.