Carole A. Parker

EXT. NEW JERSEY - CITY STREET - NIGHT Across the river, what once was a bustling berg is now a burned-out shell. In ruins. A deserted slum. GAGA comes RUNNING down the street. Pursued by a trio of RABID, SLOBBERING ZOMBIES. They start GAINING on her. She turns, DUCKS down an alley. Huffing and panting. EXT. ALLEY - NIGHT Gaga RUNS down the alley, the zombies in hot pursuit. She sees a door. YANKS it open. RUNS inside. The zombies follow. INT. ABANDONED RESTAURANT - KITCHEN - NIGHT Gaga TEARS ASS through the kitchen, GRABBING pots and pans and HURLING them at the zombies. But they BOUNCE off them and CLANG onto the floor. She RUNS into -INT. ABANDONED RESTAURANT - MAIN ROOM - NIGHT Dark. Eerie. Chairs up on tables. Cobwebs. Rats SCURRY about. Gaga DASHES through the room. JUMPS under a table and hides. The zombies RACE into the room. Stop. Look around. Sniffing. The front door FLIES OPEN. A tall, rugged GUY (40’s) walks in. Dead ringer for Bruce Campbell. He holds a giant ‘supersoaker’ squirt gun. Meet BRICK COSMO, revolutionary warrior. BRICK Eat shit and MELT, mother-undead-FUCKERS. He SPRAYS them with a brown liquid. The zombies fall back, SCREAMING. Their skin BUBBLES in a WHITE MIST. They HIT the ground and DISSOLVE into a gooey puddle of pulp and bones. BRICK (CONT’D) Disgusting. Brick puts his weapon down. Steps around it. BRICK (CONT’D) You can come out now. The coast is clear. GAGA (O.C.) Who-who are you? BRICK Brick Cosmo, soldier in the infected revolutionary army. C’mon out. I won’t hurt you. (sings) Buffalo soldier, dreadlock rasta -Gaga comes out from under the table. Sees the zombie puddle. (CONTINUED) 2. CONTINUED: GAGA Thanks -(gulps) How did you do that? BRICK (holds up the gun) Believe it or not, gasoline. Takes ‘em out faster than you can say pay at the pump. GAGA Why not just shoot them? BRICK We’re kinda low on bullets these days. GAGA You said -- infected revolutionary army? BRICK Yes, ma’am. The revolution WON’T be televised -- but we’re still gonna kick ass. (looks her over) You must be a newbie. Wanna enlist? We offer room, board and zombie protection. GAGA Yeah, sure. What do I need to do? BRICK Just follow me to our secret headquarters, and we’ll fill you in. EXT. ABANDONED CITY STREET - NIGHT Brick leads Gaga down the ruined avenue. BRICK Keep your eyes peeled. These mofos can MOVE. GAGA So how many are there in your revolutionary army? BRICK Now that you’re on board, six. But that’s just our cell. There’s TONS of us out here, and we’re getting ready to rock the fucking Casbah. GAGA What’s your plan? BRICK Ever seen Escape From New York? (CONTINUED) 3. CONTINUED: GAGA Yeah, sure. I love old movies. BRICK Well, it’s kinda the reverse -*** INT. ABANDONED CONVENIENCE STORE - NIGHT Something SLAMS against the front door. BANG. BANG. BANG. GAGA What’s THAT? MONSTER INFECTED ATTACK -The BANGING increases. Every wall in the room starts SHAKING. Everybody LEAPS up. Races around. Grabs their squirt guns. Brick grabs a pair of super-soakers. Hands one to Gaga. GAGA How did they find us? BRICK Smell. In the last six months of infection, they’re like bloodhounds. And you’re fresh meat. Monster RACES over to the wall. Opens a peep-hole. Looks out. BRICK (CONT’D) How many? MONSTER About a hundred -GAGA A HUNDRED? MONSTER Hell, we escaped from over a thousand on the Jersey Shore -GAGA A THOUSAND? MONSTER Well, you know the Jersey Shore -BRICK Quick, everybody -- up to the ROOF. The BANGING gets louder. Red-clawed mutant hands start punching HOLES in the walls. Everybody RACES to the stairs on the other side of the room. Start RUNNING up the steps. 4. EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE ROOF - NIGHT Brick, Gaga, Reno, Monster, Hammer and the rest FLY out onto the roof. Go to the sides. Look down. AERIAL POV -The building is surrounded by A HOARD OF INFECTED ZOMBIES. Ravenous, bug-eyed, screeching mutants covered in lesions, dripping goo, now scrabbling up the walls like spiders. JAG, former military (30’s), big and bulky scans the crowd. JAG Semper FUCK -Brick raises his squirt gun. SCREAMS. BRICK Get in FORMATION, soldiers. Three to a side, LET’S GO -Four groups of three go to each side. Start SPRAYING gasoline down on the attackers. A pair of SCREAMING INFECTEDS come over the wall. Jag SPRAYS them. They EXPLODE in a RED MIST -- POP. JAG Be all you CAN be -Another ZOMBIE climbs over the wall. Reaches for Reno. She NAILS him. He EXPLODES, drenching her with goo. RENO Goddammit, I just did my HAIR -A SLOBBERING ZOMBIE flies up over the side. Gaga NAILS him with a stream of gas in the chest. A giant HOLE opens up, his GUTS slide out -- and he POPS. GAGA It’s like a videogame -MONSTER I’m getting low on gas -RENO So am I -BRICK (to Hammer) Ready for a little FIRE, scarecrow? Hammer looks at Brick, strapped into a flamethrower. HAMMER It’s Hammer-time -(CONTINUED) 5. CONTINUED: He FLICKS IT ON and a SPRAY OF FIRE SHOOTS OUT. He SWEEPS it down across the side of the building. It HITS them -- and they EXPLODE in SCREAMING FIREBALLS OF BLACK SMOKE. Hammer RACES around the roof, SPRAYING fire down the walls, killing the rest, the air now thick with smoke. BRICK Everybody DOWN. Cover your MOUTHS -They all get down, pull bandannas up over their noses. GAGA It smells like -- shit. BRICK No shit. And breathing it will kill you. It’s the virus, in a gaseous state. HAMMER That’s why we only use fire as a last resort. BRICK (to Gaga) About that vaccine. Where does your brother live? GAGA Like I said, we’re Monts. Downtown. In the Village. BRICK Perfect. That’s where we’re gonna enter the republic. GAGA Are we going over the wall? BRICK Don’t be silly. Too many armed guards. (beat) We’re going in through the Holland Tunnel. GAGA That’s GENIUS -BRICK Hey. How do you think I got to be the leader? My good looks? *** EXT. HUNTER COLLEGE SCHOOL OF MEDICINE - ROOF - NIGHT Rommy SLAMS the door shut. Sees a bunch of construction equipment and lumber. Abandoned during the apocalypse. (CONTINUED) 6. CONTINUED: He walks over. Picks up a nail gun. Looks at Jool. ROMMY Go find the fire escape. I’ll nail the door shut. They’ll be up here any SECOND. She nods. Races off across the roof. He grabs a board. Starts NAILING it across the door with the gun. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. Grabs another board. Starts nailing it. Suddenly there’s BANGING and SCREAMING on the other side. ROMMY (CONT'D) SHIT. A mutant head CRASHES through the door above the board. He SHOOTS it between the eyes with the nail gun. It SCREAMS and POPS, drenching him with goo. ROMMY (CONT’D) FUCK. He grabs another board. Starts nailing it over where the head crashed through. BANG, BANG, BANG. A pair of mutant arms BURSTS through above that. Then ANOTHER. And ANOTHER. ROMMY (CONT’D) NO, NO, NO -He WHIRLS around. Sees a CHAINSAW. GRABS it. YANKS the cord. The motor ROARS. He SAWS through the arms -- CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH, CRUNCH. Gets SPRAYED with blood. JOOL Walks around the perimeter, searching. JOOL They don’t have a fire escape? She makes it all the way around. No dice. Then realizes. JOOL (CONT’D) That’s what they were BUILDING. ROMMY Stands in a bloody mess of zombie arms and limbs. NAILING a giant piece of plywood over the door. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. BANG. He finishes. Takes off his sweater. Wipes his face. Jool RACES over. Puts her arms around him. JOOL (CONT’D) Rommy. ROMMY God, you feel so GOOD. (CONTINUED) 7. CONTINUED: (2) JOOL So do you. ROMMY I missed you so much. JOOL I missed you MORE. They hold each other. Suddenly more BANGING on the door. ROMMY That’s not going to hold very long. You find the fire escape? JOOL There ISN’T ONE. We’re TRAPPED. ROMMY Then we’re fucked. JOOL I don’t mind dying, now that I’ve got you back. (beat) At least we had these -- last few moments together. (eyes fill with tears) My whole life I’ve forced myself to be strong -- and -- and -(GASPS) I can’t do it anymore. She starts CRYING. Rommy strokes her hair. Comforts her. ROMMY Shhh. It’s gonna be okay. You’re with me now. We’re not gonna die. You hear me? We’re NOT gonna die. The plywood starts to BUCKLE. A hand PUNCHES through. Jool SCREAMS. Another hand PUNCHES through. And ANOTHER. ROMMY (CONT’D) Oh, NO you don’t -He GRABS the chainsaw. RIPS the cord. It ROARS to life. ROMMY (CONT'D) Stand BACK. Jool RACES out of the way. The board FLIES off the doorway -And a pack of zombies CHARGES at Rommy. He SWINGS the chainsaw back and forth, RIPPING THEM TO SHREDS -DRENCHING him in blood, brains, skull, guts and goo. (CONTINUED) 8. CONTINUED: (3) ROMMY (CONT’D) Got you NOW, Night of the Living ASSHOLES. JOOL Watches. Horrified. Amazed. Suddenly the ROAR of a helicopter up above. They both look. Jool starts jumping up and down. Waving her arms. YELLS. JOOL Over HERE, over HERE. Rommy smiles. Starts to put the chainsaw down, just as ANOTHER WAVE of zombies comes PILING THROUGH THE DOOR. He RIPS the cord. Brandishes it over his head. ROMMY Oh, YEAH? You want some more of THIS? And he RIPS INTO THEM, SPRAYING a FOUNTAIN OF BLOOD AND GUTS. IN THE AIR ABOVE Is a News Four chopper. It starts slowly descending. A rope ladder comes down. Jool races over to it. GRABS it. Starts to climb up, but it SNAPS -- and she HITS the roof. THWUNK. ROMMY Finishes ripping them apart. Races over to Jool, chainsaw in hand, nail gun tucked in his belt. THE CHOPPER Hovers above them. The PILOT comes over the loudspeaker. PILOT (V.O.) (electronic) Grab onto the undercarriage. I’m afraid if I land, more will come and get on. Rommy nods. Drops the chainsaw. Puts his hands together in front of his knees. Jool looks at him. Scared. ROMMY Climb up. HURRY -(off her look) C’mon, GO -She nods. Puts one foot onto his hands, reaches up, and he BOOSTS her up to the undercarriage. She starts climbing up to the cockpit, just as -ANOTHER LATE-STAGE INFECTED PROFESSOR Comes out onto the roof. Starts coming toward Rommy. He GRABS the chainsaw. Snarls -(CONTINUED) 9. CONTINUED: (4) ROMMY (CONT’D) I’m getting REALLY fucking sick of you guys. He YANKS the cord. Nothing. YANKS it again. Nothing. Yanks it AGAIN. It ROARS to life. Then SPUTTERS OUT. He DROPS it. Infected Professor starts getting closer. Rommy pulls out the nail gun. CHARGES at him. JAMS it against his forehead. Tries to NAIL him. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. Nothing. ROMMY (CONT’D) God-DAMMIT. He GRABS Professor’s head. TWISTS his neck. CRACK. Professor weaves a little, then falls over. THWUMP. Rommy JAMS the gun in his belt. RACES over to the chopper. Tries to JUMP UP and GRAB the undercarriage -- but it’s too high. He JUMPS again. GRABS IT. His hand SLIPS, and he FALLS. THWUMP. He gets back up. JUMPS again. Misses -JOOL Comes out the door of the cockpit. Starts climbing back down. THE PILOT Watches her. Shakes his head in amazement. PILOT Now THAT’S true love. ON THE CHOPPER Jool hugs the bars of the landing gear. Reaches down. Rommy JUMPS UP. GRABS her hand. Starts climbing up, just as -ANOTHER WAVE OF ZOMBIES Flies out onto the roof. CHATTERING. SCREAMING. They RACE over toward Rommy just as he works his legs up over the bar. Rommy YANKS out the nail gun and starts SMASHING them on the head with it -- as the helicopter starts slowly rising. IN THE HELICOPTER The pilot, a grizzled, old news pro looks at Rommy and Jool climbing in. Tips his baseball cap. GRIZZLED PILOT Bet you kids were shore glad to see ME. They nod, staring down below at the zombies filling the roof. Relieved. Hugging each other tightly. (CONTINUED) 10. CONTINUED: (5) ROMMY You could say that. JOOL Thanks, mister. GRIZZLED PILOT Funny thing. First I was trying to cover the story, then I had to start saving people like you trapped on top of the buildings. Life sure is funny sometimes, huh? Rommy gazes at Jool. A glimmer of a smile. She wipes his face with her sleeve. Nuzzles him with her nose. ROMMY (softly) Hilarious. Jool sighs. Runs her fingers through Rommy’s hair. GRIZZLED PILOT So where do you want me to drop you two lovebirds off? ROMMY (looks at Jool) Where do you want to go? She smiles faintly. Shakes her head. Exhausted. JOOL You decide. He thinks a moment. Then brightens. ROMMY I hear Staten Island is really nice this time of year -She nods. Leans in. And they kiss. FADE TO BLACK