Auz Burger

The Shattered Heart Chapter 3 Tilly walked into the galley and cautiously looked around. Kai hadn’t arrived yet, and her brother was nowhere to be seen. Kai had taken it upon herself to assign Tilly with galley duty. This was the priestess’s way of forcing Tilly to be a part of the crew. Kai still did all the cooking and meal preparations. Tilly was there to assist her, that way Ospen could focus on his bridge duties. Tilly didn’t really have a choice. If she shirked her duty of helping Kai, then she also had to skip whatever meal she hadn’t helped prepare. Ospen had burst out laughing when Kai had stated very matter of factly that Tilly would now help in the galley. Tilly was a horrible cook. She could sour water and spoil salt if she tried. Every time she had had to cook something when she was younger, Malcon would secretly help her. All the Ironheart cousins knew that if stranded in space and you only had enough rations to feed one meal for everyone, Tilly was the last person you trust with the rations. Everyone, including her, would go hungry. She’ had had to hold her cool and resist the urge of throwing one of Kai’s fans at her brother as he had walked out of the galley; still laughing at her. It was getting harder and harder to ignore Peshta and Ospen. Everywhere she turned, there they seemed to be. She had forgotten how aggravating they could be when they put their mind to it. Tilly was also certain that Ospen had traded meals for practical jokes. Tilly had accidentally stumbled her way into a few traps in the past week. She knew her brother’s style, and while he was extremely clever when it came to familial jokes, she The Shattered Heart hadn’t been able to predict these. Tilly couldn’t tell him to stop without acknowledging him. Nor could she get him back. Reciprocating a joke was a sign of love. No matter how much Tilly wanted to give Ospen a taste of his own medicine, she couldn’t without disgracing Malcon’s memory. Peshta was actually harder at times to deal with than Ospen. It was hard to look at him and not see Malcon. Kesha had favored a great aunt in looks. Malcon had always looked like a smaller version of Peshta. He wasn’t nearly as tall or muscular. But the two brothers had shared the same jawline, nose, even the same eyes that made you feel like you were staring into a sea storm. Everything, from even their scowl, smile, laughtemperament, had been identical. Malcon had wanted to fly fighter crafts specifically because Peshta had beenwas ground combat. He’ had gotten tired of always being compared to the older brother that he was practically a walking shadow too. Tilly worried that if she was around when Peshta smiled, her heart would break from missing Malcon’s smile. Tilly’s eyes began to water, and she shook her head to clear her thoughts. She had other things she needed to focus on. Kai would be there soon, and Tilly still had to set up the prep counter and table. It was then that Tilly noticed one of the glass sculptures sitting on the galley table. That was unusual as they normally hung from the ceiling. If it had fallen, then there should have been shattered pieces of glass everywhere. Yet it sat in the middle of the galley table like someone had deliberately placed it. The Shattered Heart The priestess walked into the galley and gave Tilly a smile. Tilly grabbed the sculpture off the table and took it over to Kai. “This was on the table. Did someone take it down?” she held the sculpture up for Kai to see. Kai looked at the sculpture, and instantly her eyes widened, and she bit the corner of her lip. “Hmm, well this will be an interesting dinner,” Kai said as she carefully took the glass sculpture from Tilly’s hands and placed it back in the middle of the table. Staring at it for a moment, she shook her head and then went to the storage bins to pull out supplies. Tilly looked over at the sculpture that was now back in the center of the galley table. Obviously, it being there meant something to Kai, but Tilly had no clue what that was. She walked over to the prep counter and began helping Kai peel vegetables. The priestess didn’t elaborate or give any explanation to her comment. Instead, she focused on preparing the meal at hand. Almost thirty minutes passed in silence before the rest of the crew began to find their way down to the galley for dinner. Tisha and Caspen were the first to the table. Tilly watched both of their reactions as they saw the glass sculpture in the middle of the galley table. Tisha’s jaw dropped. She pointed one of her webbed fingers out at the sculpture looking across the table at Caspen in shock. “Is that?” she didn’t finish her question. Apparently, Tisha didn’t have to, Caspen looked at it with a heavy sigh and nodded back at Tisha. “Yah, that is. Personally, I doubt it will change anything. But someone finally pulled it down, so we’ll see.” The Shattered Heart Both Esthians sat down at the table, they alternated their gaze between the sculpture and each other. Communicating in silent expressions of worry and frustration. The small bit of observation Tilly was able to glean in between helping Kai was that Tisha was more worried and Caspen was more frustrated. It was becoming apparent that each member of the crew most likely knew what the sculpture meant and was preparing for something. They weren’t sharing enough information though for Tilly to be able to figure out what they were preparing for. Fascinated now by the mystery at hand, Tilly slowly watched as more and more crew members came to the galley and found the sculpture on the table. Each had a different reaction. Corrigan’s shock mildly mirrored Kai’s. J’anla seemed to be as clueless as Tilly was because she appeared confused at Corrigan’s reaction to the sculpture. It was Peshta and Shevan’s reactions that gave the most explanation. Her older cousin had walked into the galley with a bouncing Shevan on his shoulders. Ospen not far behind them. The hatchling had takentook one look at the table, squawked in shock before quickly scrambling down, flapping its remiges nervously. Peshta, looking over to see what had agitated Shevan, suddenly appeared mad and stormed over to the table. Grabbing up the sculpture in his hand, he had thrust it up for the whole crew to see. “Why did someone take this down? I know a lot of us are unhappy, but this is going too far. Who called the meeting?” he looked around the galley at the crew one by one. Each shook their head, they had not been the ones to take the sculpture down. The Shattered Heart “Peshta, sit down, I took my own sculpture down.” The Dnanleri’s captain walked into the galley and held out her hand for Peshta to give her the sculpture. “I’m the one that called a family meeting, to discuss my own behavior.” Tilly stared at the sculpture now in the captain’s hand. She vaguely remembered that each of the glass sculptures on the galley ceiling represented different crew members. Even Tilly and J’anla had been given their own sculptures. She had assumed that they were solely for decorative purposes, but the crew seemed to have other uses and meanings to them as well. The captain sat down at the table, each of the crew stared at her in silence. They seemed uncertain about something; Tilly realized they had all known a meeting was taken place but were surprised by something to do with it now that L’nia had come in. Once the entire table had been laid out, and Tilly and Kai had sat down with the others, the captain turned to address J’anla and herself. “I know neither of you know what’s going on. The Dnanleri is more than a trading vessel, it’s a family. As a family, we have rules on how we handle various things. The sculptures you see on the ceiling,”’ she looked up drawing Tilly’s attention to the remaining sculptures. “‘signal the need to address the behavior of a family member. When a family member is doing something of a destructive nature or an action that hurts the family or themselves, they can be called out by their sculpture being pulled down. Placing it in the center of the galley table means that one or more members of the family have already tried intervening, but it requires the entire family now to intervene.” The Shattered Heart L’nia slowly looked around the table now gauging the reactions of the crew. Tilly now understood the crew’s confusion. Someone had called a family meeting to discuss the captain’s behavior. The crew just hadn’t expected that someone to be the captain herself. This was not how the Catari ran their vessels. Tilly wasn’t sure if it was appropriate to speak or question if she should be involved in this, so she sat their quietly. No one at the table touched their food. It sat on their plates slowly cooling as the crew tentatively waited to see what the captain would do next. Tilly saw the longer she said nothing, the more nervous Shevan acted, and the more agitated Caspen became. Finally, she L’nia pushed her plate away and began speaking. “I know that many of the crew are unhappy with me. Many of you do not agree with my recent choices and actions. More so, you don’t agree with my past choices and actions. This meeting isn’t for you to forgive or accept my actions. If my actions are to change, all of you must first understand them. That is why I called this meeting.” Tilly felt slightly uncomfortable now. Since she had comeing aboard the Dnanleri, there had been a lot that had not been explained to her. It had beenwas as if the crew had kept a veiled wall up between herself and the inner workings of the Dnanleri’s secrets. No one looked at her or asked her to leave. If she remained where she was at the galley table, she would be accepting whatever inner knowledge that had eluded her until now. As well as cosigning her fate as a permanent member of the Dnanleri’s crew. Secrets and all. Tilly didn’t have a choice though about staying on the Dnanleri. Which meant she didn’t have a choice in The Shattered Heart learning its secrets either if she was to survive aboard the vessel. L’nia continued on, “I have been each of you before. I lived parts of all of your lives. In each of you, I accepted and loved those parts, but in return, I did not trust you to love and accept the same in me.” Tilly watched as L’nia stared at each crew member in turn. “I have been the orphan.” ,” Looking looking at Shevan. “And I have been the lesser.” ,” She she slowly turned to face Caspen and Tisha. Tilly watched as L’nia gripped her hands together before turning to Kai, Corrigan, and J’anla. “I have also been the unwanted, the mistreated, and the mistrusted. So much so, that I have also felt the anger of others wishing upon me that I had never been born, or that everything would be better if my life was taken from me.” Tilly noticed Peshta’s eyes connect with the Captaincaptain. An understanding seemed to pass between them. Her cousin’s jaw was slightly set in a firm anger, but over what only L’nia seemed to be able to read from his expression. Breaking her gaze, away L’nia went on. “When I brought each of you aboard, I gave you the one thing I was never given as an undesired one or forbidden to have as a weaver; : a family. As much as you all think I saved each one of you, you have all saved me as well.”’ L’nia’s voice became small as she neared the end. The longer Tilly listened, the more uncomfortable she felt, but she couldn’t pull herself away. The Shattered Heart L’nia reached out toward a carafe of tea that sat on the table, before shaking her head and pulling her hand back. “I know that many of you may wonder now whether you can even trust me. I have kept secrets from all of you. If any of you were scared of me, I would be deserving of that too. You saw me, without remorse, destroy a sun to wipe out a Dakunas fleet, for the sole purpose of avenging Kesha and her crew.” What did the captain mean she had destroyed a sun? L’nia had clearly told her uncle that Kesha’s ship had beenwas responsible for destroying the sun that had wiped out the Dakunas fleet. Tilly didn’t have time to process the last part before the galley table seemed to erupt. “What do you mean you destroyed a sun?” Tisha called out, from her seat looking shocked and scared. Shevan and Kai also seemed just as alarmed by the news. Tilly noticed the only ones that hadn’t reacted to the news were Peshta, Ospen, and Caspen. The captain also seemed clearly confused by the reactions of her crew. She turned to Peshta and asked him point-blank, “You never told the others I destroyed a sun? What did they think happened?” She was clearly hesitant now, uncertain as to what she should say next. Peshta seemed to realize this and came to her rescue. Tilly watched as he addressed the crew. “Not telling the crew was a decision that Ospen and I made, and Caspen enforced.” At this, the priestessKai seemed to have an outburst of indignation. She pulled her fan out and began swatting Tilly’s brother with it. “The captain destroyed a sun, and you didn’t think that was something important to tell everyone?” The Shattered Heart While everyone at the table began arguing over the fact of the captain’s action and the bridge crew’s secrecy of that action, Tilly instead focused her attention on their captain. To Tilly’s surprise, L’nia appeared both mortified and scared in the same moment. She shrank into her chair and watched as her crew argued. It was at that moment that Tilly realized that whether you were a captain or a commander, they were still real people. Real people with their own fears and insecurities that many times they had to hide for the sake of their crew. Only now, hiding was the opposite of what L’nia was doing. She sat there terrified at the reactions of her crew. Really, at how trusting them enough to see the real her, might change how they viewed her. Tilly felt for her, she wondered for a moment if Kesha was still alive and faced with a moment like this if she would fare any better. That was the moment when Tilly finally decided to join the conversation. “Does any of what you’re arguing over matter at the moment? Look at your captain. She is trying to reach out to you even though she’s scared at how all of you will react. Before you all start arguing over things, maybe you should just let her finish.” Tilly’s normal lack of interaction with the crew was enough that they took notice when she spoke up. Tilly suddenly felt a little put on the spot, but she would have done the same for Kesha. “Captain, I don’t know as much about what’s going on as the rest of the crew. But I’ll listen if you explain.” ,” Tilly encouragingly encouraged told her. This comment seemed to earned her a thank you smile from Peshta that instantly made Tilly’s stomach plummet. The Shattered Heart Turning her attention back to the captain, L’nia’s eyes locked with Tilly’s for a moment. Tilly could see and feel the gratitude from them. “As I was trying to explain before, all of you are my family,” L’nia continued.. “I know right now that many of you may not trust me or may be scared of me. I called this family meeting to explain, so that you could understand. If after you understand you wish to hate me, I won’t be able to change that. But as family, you all deserve an explanation.” She paused for a moment before continuing. “Much of this won’t make sense if you interrupt me, so please I ask that you just listen for now. The first thing you must all understand is that I am one of the undesired, without a name, born without a family. On my world, that makes my value much less than a lesser on Esthia. The name that you all know me by and call me, ‘L’nia,’ is not in fact a name as it is an honorific. In my tongue, it means big sister. As a child, I saved a dying infant, a discarded one. The discarded are also nameless on my world. Together we were raised in the same temple, both worthless, both without names. Our habit of calling each other big sister and little sister over time became our names. “ Tilly looked at the Dnanleri’s captain, trying to imagine the child version of her without a family or value, living in a temple. Tilly and Ospen had always thought that their cousin’s household was slightly unloving with issues at times. But to grow up as the captain was describing was something far worse. “What made my childhood even more complicated was that I was special. I had beenwas born as one of the least valued beings on my world and also one of the most powerful beings on my world. I was a The Shattered Heart weaver, and not just any weaver, an energy weaver. Something rare amongst my people. My people believe in something called the heart and the song. Powers that wield themselves throughout the fabric of the universe, breathing life into it, keeping it alive with consciousness. As many of the crew witnessed firsthand, this is not a myth or simple belief. The heart and song are real. Weavers are rare occurrences amongst my people, of those born with threads of the song woven through their hearts. Giving them access to the power of the song. What I am is rarer, I was born an energy weaver, in olden times, called a fire weaver. I don’t just have parts of the song woven through me. I am a living extension of the heart, giving me, not only more access to the power of the song than other weavers would have; , but sole access to the heart.” At this point, Tilly noticed that L’nia hesitated for a second before continuing. “This means that through sheer will, I can pull threads out of the song or myself to heal others.” Tilly watched in awe as the skin of the Dnanleri’s captain began to glow with patterns of energy. The air around the galley table began to fill with an electric mist that responded to the captain. It began to dissipate as the captain continued. “In the past, I am ashamed to say, that I have been the cause of earthquakes. Or even more recently, using a small shard of the heart, I destroyed an entire sun with my will.” Unlike before, no one spoke or interrupted. Instead, they all continued to let the captain speak. “My world was destroyed by a prophecy. A prophecy that spoke of the death of the heart. A prophecy timed by the birth of a child, a weaver; my The Shattered Heart birth. From the time I was small I was known to be ‘the child of prophecy, the child of destruction.’ Feared and hated amongst the weavers at the temple that knew what I really was, and disregarded by everyone else on my world for being born one of the undesired. “Then my world was destroyed, and instead of dying with the rest of my kind, I was marooned alone on the Dnanleri. A science vessel in orbit at the time of the heart’s destruction. The resulting damage cascading through the song, tearing it apart, killed the crew and my mentor, leaving me alone. At a young age, I was alone, on a strange vessel, flung across space and maybe through time. I stayed alone and survived by myself until taking Peshta, Ospen, and Junkai aboard. By that point, I had been alone on the Dnanleri for over three hundred and seventy solar turns.” Tilly wasn’t sure she had heard the captain correctly. Up until now, most of what the captain had explained had beenwas making small bits of sense. Enough that Tilly was able to follow. But she was certain that the captain of the Dnanleri, a woman that looked no older than Peshta and Ospen, had just claimed to be almost four hundred solar turns. It was Corrigan who stood up from his seat and objected out loud to this. “Captain, that can’t be right. That would mean you would be centuries old. That the Dnanleri would be centuries old.” L’nia only smiled a soft, tired smile. “Weavers don’t age the same as normal people. Our emotional maturity is tied to the physical age of our bodies, not our chronological age. I can understand your confusion. To all of you, I appear no older than thirtyfour, maybe thirty-seven, solar turns. I am in fact though The Shattered Heart almost I believe three hundred and ninety-seven solar turns, I think. I have never kept an exact count. As small children, we age the same as others but when we reach five or six our aging rapidly slows. Without intervention, it could take decades or centuries to reach adulthood, depending on what type of weaver a child is. As an energy weaver, my own lifespan uninterrupted is-, well we’ll say it’s a very long time. Because weavers have access to great power, it is not prudent for that power to be long term in the hands of someone emotionally immature. “ The captain reached forward pulling a box from the middle of the galley table toward her and opening it. Tilly saw inside lay a dark ordinary stone. It wasn’t shiny or ornate. It looked quite common. “This is why weavers wear death stones. They hinder or cut off our access to the song. The song and heart control the flow of our aging. The aid of a death stone helps weavers age normally as children until they reach adulthood and they can age with the song. Normally, only a few grains of the death stone need be worn inside of a locket or in an amulet to assist in normal aging. As an energy weaver, the stone I needed to wear as a child required a much bigger impact to hinder my access. When I was left alone on the ship, I took my stone off. It was only when all of you came aboard that I put it back on to hide the fact I aged differently.” The captain continued to explain other things to the crew about her past. Tilly instead tuned her out to focus on her own thoughts. Everything that the captain had told them so far was unbelievable. If the captain had as much power as she claimed to have, then she was someone to be feared. Except Tilly didn’t fear her, she had seensaw a woman who could The Shattered Heart destroy a sun shirk back in her seat in fear at the thought of losing the love of her family. All the stories that Tilly had heard before about the Dnanleri’s captain and her crew no longer seemed to ring true. Everyone sitting around Tilly was someone who had been lost, hurt, or thrown away. The captain had given each of them a home on the Dnanleri, understanding more so than anyone else the pain and feelings of her crew. What did that say about Peshta and Ospen though? If everyone aboard was lost, hurt, or thrown away, then that meant them too, right? Only Tilly had never thought of them as lost or hurt, thrown away. No, that wasn’t true. Before Malcon had died, Tilly had been angry with them, sure, but she had also felt concern over their status as unborn. Never would they be able to return to Leta. Never would they be able to interact with other Catari even off-world. Malcon had always spewed that they had made the choice to throw away their Catari pride. Maybe though it was the Catari Coalition itself that had thrown them away with traditions of the unborn. No one chooses to become unborn. Yet they had chosen it. What could they have possibly been faced with that the only answer available to them was to choose to be rejected for eternity by their own people? Tilly had been wrong about the Dnanleri and its captain. That meant that she may have also been wrong about its crew. But, even if she was wrong about Peshta and Ospen, hadn’t they still caused Malcon’s death? Weren’t they still responsible? Were they? Tilly suddenly felt very confused. It had beenwas easy to blame Peshta and Ospen when she had anger to shield her. But it was hard to be angry at them looking at The Shattered Heart their situation as an unborn differently; from the Dnanleri’s perspective. Tilly began to feel nausea swell up from her stomach. She pushed her chair away from the table, violently, startling those around her. Everyone turned toward her, gazing at her with concern. That concern only made the nausea feel worse in her chest, slowly rising, choking her airway. Tears began to spill down her cheeks. She turned as quickly as she could and ran out of the galley, toward the maglift and back to the safety of her quarters. “Shevan, have you seen my text of scriptures?” Ospen asked the hatchling while rummaging through a pile on his reading desk. Shevan looked down at Ospen from where the hatchling sat on top of Kai’s bookshelf. The hatchling had been observing Ospen for the past thirty minutes rummage around the room looking for something. He had spent the entire time muttering to himself, so the hatchling had hopped up onto the bookcase and just watched. “That’s what you’ve been looking for?” the hatchling replied. “J’anla borrowed that from your quarters last turn. Kai said she could.” The hatchling glided gently down from the bookshelf. Shevan had also come to Kai’s room to borrow books. The hatchling was still working on a secret project with Peshta. After the captain had fallen into the song a second time, Kai had gone around to all the empty quarters in the restricted sections using Shevan’s help. The priestess had scoured the empty scientist quarters The Shattered Heart for texts and reading materials that were in fact bookbound instead of digital. Shevan had helped Kai bring everything they had found back to the priestess’s quarters. The priestess couldn’t read any of it without Shevan’s help. The captain had taught Shevan how to read, but it wasn’t as easy to teach Kai how to read. Kai had said it was something to do with age differences. It was easier for children to learn second languages than adults. Their brain patterns being more open not fixed yet. Shevan wasn’t sure what that meant. Whatever it meant it just made it tougher for Kai to learn Alarian. Ospen looked crestfallen at Shevan’s answer. Shevan wasn’t sure why Ospen needed the book anyway. “Don’t you have all the scriptures memorized? So why does it matter if you have the book or not?” The hatchling climbed up into a chair near the reading table. Ospen looked over at Shevan with a smile and ruffled the hatchlings head feathers. “Because adults are old with bad memories. Even if we know something, we can lose small details. They slip out of our brains the same way the mashta falls from the trees in the groves. One moment it’s there, the next it’s gone. Like the tree, we don’t even know we’ve lost it we have so many other memories left.” Shevan’s beak went slack. Growing old meant knowledge fell from your brain like lost fruit? “How did Junkai know everything then? He was old-old. Did memories fall out of him like fruit?” Ospen chuckled, picking the hatchling up and setting Shevan on the reading table to look the hatchling in the eye. “You don’t lose memories, you lose details. You remember that you did something, but maybe what The Shattered Heart color or what time of day you did it disappears from your thoughts. Even Junkai lost details, but he remembered the most important things. Those are the things you never forget and keep with you.” Shevan thought about this for a moment. Corrigan had been teaching the hatchling about logic. What Ospen had just said seemed to ‘contradict’ itself. That was a word Corrigan had taught the hatchling last turn. The idea being facts that contradict themselves were no good. That meant they were opposite truths. Making them false facts. “That’s a contradiction.” ,” The the hatchling replied matter-of-factly. Ospen’s eyes opened widened in surprise. “Where did you learn a word like that? Do you know what it means?” he asked the hatchling. Shevan nodded its head, opening and closing its beak for a second while it thought. “I learned it from Corrigan. It means two things that make each other wrong. If they are wrong, then they can’t be true.” Ospen sat down in his reading chair and laughed. Shevan stood up on the table and glided over to Kai and Ospen’s bed. The hatchling had been practicing its gliding whenever it could lately. “You said that you need the book of scriptures because adults lose small details when they get older. But then you said you still remember the most important pieces. So, if you remember the most important pieces, why would you need the small details?” The hatchling distractedly practiced gliding back and forth between the bookcase, bed, and tabletop. Ospen nodded his head. The Shattered Heart “You’re right, that does sound like a contradiction. Usually, the small details are unimportant. But on occasion, they can make all the difference, even if you do remember the most important parts. Kai challenged me to figure something out using a Seshte scripture. I remember the story, but I’m wondering if I’m missing the answer in small details I forgot over time. That’s why I was looking for my copy.” The hatchling glided onto the bed and stood still for a moment while it thought to itself. “That makes sense I guess,” Shevan replied, the hatchling’s head tilted while clicking its beak open and closed in thought. “Watch this.” ,” Shevan excitedly told Ospen. The hatchling climbed to the top of Kai’s bookcase and then spread out its remiges. Bending its knees, it took off and successfully glided across the quarters to the opposite side landing gracefully in front of the door. Ospen for his part looked extremely impressed. “Where did you learn to do that?” “Caspen!” The hatchling replied. Ospen stared back at Shevan with a look of bewildered confusion. “Caspen, the same Caspen who has gills, your older brother Caspen, taught you to glide?” The hatchling eagerly nodded. Shevan had in fact gotten into quite a lot of trouble with Caspen more than once, getting caught trying to practice flying on and off the ship. The two of them had struck a deal that Caspen felt okay with. “Caspen strung nets up between the trees in the grove hortbay. That way I could practice gliding between the treetops without risking falling and getting hurt. I can practice as much as I want as long as Caspen is in the The Shattered Heart grove working, to make sure I’m okay. Once I got good at going from one tree to the next, he changed the air circulators to put out a stronger air pressure when I practice. As I got better, he kept increasing it till it was like wind.” “Does Shen’la know you can do that?” Ospen asked. Shevan shook its head. “No, I wanted to see first if I could learn how to really fly. I know Corrigan said my remiges aren’t full enough or long enough. But I can glide now. So maybe with some work, I can learn how to fly too.” Ospen gave the hatchling a sympathetic smile. “Maybe you can and maybe you can’t. No matter what though, she’ll be proud of you trying. Just do it safely.” Shevan puffed its chest out for a moment holding in a deep breath. Then let it out. “I will.” “What did you come in here looking for or was it just to spend time with me?” Ospen asked. That’s right. Shevan had come to their quarters looking for something specific. The hatchling had completely forgotten talking with Ospen. “I wanted to look through the books Kai found in the Alarian quarters. Not the sciencey ones. But the fun ones.” The hatchling knew that Ospen wouldn’t be able to read anything it grabbed. So, unless the pictures in a book gave away what its subject was, he would have no clue what Shevan took. Ospen nodded and stood up, walking over to another bookcase opposite where the sitting couch was. It had closed cabinets on its tallest shelf. The Shattered Heart “I think Kai put those in here,” Ospen replied as he opened up the cabinet. Shevan quickly scrambled up onto Ospen’s back so it could see the titles. Long sciencey name. Long sciencey name. Longer sciencey name. A History before and after the time of Endecor. Alarian Laws and Society. Fungelios Collection of Battles through time. Morals of Science. Observations on Weavers through Documented History. Documentation of Structural and Particle experiments of the Heart and Song. Long sciencey name. Scientific Fact and Fictions of the Death Moon. Science name the hatchling couldn’t even translate and even longer sciencey name. “There are more in the next cabinet,” Ospen spoke, interrupting Shevan’s thoughts and startling the hatchlingit. “That’s okay, I just want these two.” The hatchling pulled the two titles: Alarian Laws and Society, and Observations on Weavers through Documented History from the cabinet. Ospen took the books from Shevan’s talons for a moment and casually flipped through them. “What are they?” He asked. Shevan saw that there were maps in both books scattered throughout with other drawings. The hatchling opened its beak and lied to Ospen point-blank. “They are books on lands. The different places on the captain’s world. Maps and geo-paf-ee.” Ospen chuckled. “Shevan, you mean geography. Not geopafee.” Shevan climbed down from Ospen’s shoulders and took the books back into its talons. The Shattered Heart “That one. I thought if I learned more about the lands on the captain’s world that I could help Caspen with the plants more in the hort bays.” Ospen looked impressed. The hatchling cringed inwardly. Shevan hated lying to Ospen, but Peshta didn’t want anyone knowing what they were doing at the moment. The captain had been so secretive about her past and her people. Peshta wanted to gauge how many of those secrets could hurt the captain or the crew in the future before letting everyone know what he and Shevan had been up to. The captain was still not at her best, so Peshta wanted to snoop without tiring her out. That was why Shevan had promised to help. “Shevan, Shen’la and Peshta would be very proud of your initiative in finding a way to help your older brother with the bays. In fact-.” Ospen opened a drawer inside his nightstand and pulled out something. “This is a small bag of soncha I’ve been saving. I’m proud of you for being so helpful without being asked. I know how much you and Tisha love these, so take the bag.” Ospen handed the bag of soncha to the hatchling. Shevan’s stomach felt ill instead of excited as the hatchlingit took the candies from Ospen. The hatchling had lied to Ospen and was getting treated for its lie. Shevan nervously took the bag of candies and quickly sputtered out, “I have work I just remembered I forgot to do. I’ll see you at lunch!” The hatchling quickly dashed out of Ospen and Kai’s quarters, the books and bag of candy held fast in its talons. When the hatchling got to the maglift, it looked down at the bag in guilt. It would put the candies in a The Shattered Heart safe place in its quarters until it had done something to actually earn it. Something honest that would make Ospen proud. Shevan nodded its head but still felt lingering regret, the bag weighing heavy in the hatchling’s small talons. Corrigan glanced down at the pot of tea on the tray next to the sweetener and bitters. He had come sufficiently prepared. The pot was in the middle of the tray. On either side lay a cup a sweetening cubes and a cup of bitter cubes. The cubes closest to the pot he had given a light, quick soak of judai root. The cubes on the outer side of each cup were unsoaked. The root water was colorless and tasteless, making the difference in the cubes virtually indistinguishable to the eye. On the captain’s planet, judai root was taken like a vitamin to boost one’s immune system. During testing, to gauge whether the effects could cross species, Corrigan had discovered that they had a strange effect on the diaphragm muscles in Seshte and Catari physiology. Even a small amount ingested caused uncontrollable spasming when absorbed through the stomach lining. This left whomeverwhoever ate them with a nasty case of the hiccups. Satisfied he had planned every last detail of his prank, Corrigan knocked on the door in front of him. It took a few moments, but Corrigan could hear movement and grumbling from the other side of the door before it opened. Tilly stared at him and then looked down at the tray confused. “What’s that for?” She asked looking at the pot. Commented [AB4]: I’m kinda proud of him. The Shattered Heart Corrigan held the tray up higher and gestured for her to move aside. “I thought you and I could have a cup of tea before your shift in the galley. Things onboard have been a little tense for you lately. I made a pot of plinka tea, it’s a specialty of the region Kai and I are from.” Corrigan gently pushed his way in Tilly’s quarters and set the tray down on the table. Corrigan noticed in the ten turns that Tilly had been aboard she had yet to do anything to her quarters. With respect to the amount of time she had spent holed up in her room at first, he would have expected it to feel more lived in. Instead, it had the feel of a temporary guest who might leave at a moment’s notice. Kai had made a point of asking Tilly if she wanted or needed anything at their market stops. Tilly though had continually refused the gesture. Tilly’s quarters had two small cushioned chairs in them. Corrigan sat down in one and began pouring out the tea without waiting for Tilly’s permission. “Do you take your tea with sweets or bitters?” He asked her. Tilly seemed to realize he wasn’t leaving anytime soon. Corrigan had noticed she had balled her hands together for a moment before she sighed in the same gesture of exhausted defeat that, he saw on her brother’s face at times when he knew he couldn’t do anything but to accept a situation. Sitting down in the other chair, she haphazardly gestured at the pot with her hand. “Is plinka a floral or a sour?” Tilly asked as she took her cup off the table and gave it a slight whiff. “Plinka is a bridge tea with hints of both floral and sour notes. So, it is well received as drinkers have the The Shattered Heart choice of flavoring it with either sweets or bitters.” ,” He he replied. Corrigan waited to see what her answer was. Part of the prank required him to match her choice so she would not suspect the cubes. Silently though he hoped she chose bitters, he was not someone who particularly liked sweets. “I prefer bitters, if I’m being honest,” Tilly said as she looked down at the tray. Corrigan secretly sighed in relief. Taking two cubes out of the side of the cup facing the outside of the tray to start with he placed one in both of their cups. “I also prefer bitters. My sister prefers sweets in her tea. Plinka is the only tea from our region that we can agree to drink together as we can each flavor it to our own choice.” He took a sip of his tea and gestured for Tilly to try her own. Tilly took a sip and nodded her head. “This is good, you grow them on the ship?” Corrigan leaned back in his chair before replying, “We have to. Since the expulsion, those from the Seshte Coalition have little to practically no access to the indigenous vegetation that grows on Leta. As priestesses, both Kai and J’anla are trained to carry a small grow pouch filled with a few essential seed packets of various medicines to grow in their assigned villages. But even they were not able to bring items like that with them on the outer orbit transport ships. Every Seshte herb, cooking spice, or medicinal we have onboard came from three solar turns of trading and bartering on part of the captain to help Kai build up her herb bay.” Corrigan saw Tilly shift nervously in her seat. As someone who was half-Seshte and living on Leta at the The Shattered Heart time of the expulsion, it would have affected her as well, even if not in the same way as him and his sister. “I remember the expulsion. My mom cried for turns and turns. In the beginning, she and my father trusted the re-zoning. We were told that it was to make Leta safer for everyone.” Corrigan noticed Tilly suddenly lowered her head, locking her eyes onto her cup. Her hands slightly shivered for a moment before she continued. “But later, one night, soldiers came to our home and said that my mother and I also had to be re-zoned. We lived in a Catari sector though, and none of our neighbors were asked to be re-zoned. We didn’t question it until they informed us my dad would be staying. I’ve never seen my dad so mad. He used his rank to force them out of our home. As soon as they left, he locked himself in his study and sent a comm wave to my uncle. I could hear them arguing through the door for what seemed like forever.” She pulled the cup up to her lips and gave it a quiet sip. Corrigan didn’t interrupt her or attempt to comfort her. Right now, it was more important that he just listen. “I remember sitting at the table with my mother. She didn’t say anything. I could tell though that she was unhappy. Her eyes kept darting over to pictures of my aunts and grandparents that were on the wall in our kitchen. It was the first time any of us realized that things were changing, and not for the better. I was only fourteen solar turns. A little while later, Malcon came over with my uncle. My father packed my things in a bag and told me I would be staying with Malcon until everything with the re-zoning was over. I was so excited to be able to spend more time with Malcon I didn’t The Shattered Heart realize how nervous my parents were.” Tilly frumpled her face and shook her head side to side. “I was too young to understand but going to my uncles wasn’t just so Malcon and I could spend more time together. It was to protect me from the re-zoning in case the Core pushed the issue and came back. No one would dare remove the Rear Admiral’s niece from his own home.” Corrigan thought about his own family for a moment. They hadn’t had the luxury of high ranking military connections to save their family from being rezoned. Soldiers had poured into the regions telling the Seshte they had a week to pack whatever was vital, one bag a person. Corrigan heard stories in the re-zoning area of soldiers rushing Seshte out of their homes before the week was over, sometimes without a chance to take with them their one designated bag. How different would it have been for his sister if somehow, she had met Ospen earlier, and he had never become unborn? She may have been protected from the pain of the expulsion with the Ironheart name behind her as Tilly had been. Corrigan cleared his throat and spoke, “The expulsion was tough for everyone. It caused a lot of pain in many people for a long time. It’s no surprise your mother cried for turns after. Kai had trouble sleeping for solar turns before we came aboard the Dnanleri. We were both only twenty solar turns when the expulsion occurred. Even now, I still struggle with its after-effects.” Corrigan waited for Tilly’s response. He had a direction he wanted the conversation to flow in, but he wanted it to seem and feel natural to Tilly. If she felt coerced into discussing what he wanted, then she would close down on him as she had other crew members. So The Shattered Heart far, the conversation was heading the right way without a lot of re-direction on his own part. Hearing her experience with the expulsion, he had a suspicionected that things in her house had changed greatly after. It had probably been impressed upon her, even more, the importance of hiding her Seshte side and appear fully Catari. After her cousin’s death, it’s possible she may have had no more reason to secretly hold onto the joy her Seshte side had brought her. The Catari view of the unborn though were not the eyes he needed Tilly to have. If he was going to try and talk with her about her brother and older cousin, he needed to try to reconnect with her Seshte side. Tilly bit her lip for a moment. She seemed to be thinking about something. Corrigan wondered if she had something she wanted to ask but was literally biting back her curiosity. Curiosity was a Seshte trait though, no matter how sensitive a subject might be, the urge to know was powerful. “Whatever it is, you can ask.” He told her with an amused look on his face as he drank another sip of his tea. Tilly scrunched her face for a second. “My father would take me to the command with him sometimes when I was small. Everything was always so interesting and new. I would try to walk as quietly as possible and hold all my questions inside till I felt like I was going to burst. When we reached my father’s office, he would always say something similar to what you just did. ‘Whatever it is Tils, let it out, you can ask.’” “ Corrigan chuckled to himself. He couldn’t imagine growing up a Seshte child in a Catari world. Always having to appear obedient and quiet, disciplined and controlled. The Shattered Heart Tilly put her cup on the table, now empty. A slight Seshte gesture of her hand let Corrigan know she was requesting more. He filled her cup again with plinka. This time, when getting a cube of bitter from the cup, he took one from the inner side instead of the outer side. Tilly smiled at him in thank yous and took a sip before continuing. “What I’m wondering, I guess, is how did you end up on the Dnanleri after the expulsion?” she hesitantly asked. Corrigan took note of his emotions for a moment. He needed to be careful how he explained his past to Tilly so that he could create an opening in the conversation. “Kai and I were offloaded onto a port planet. We had no home, no way to survive. No one wanted our skills as healers, so we took work on a passenger ship. The passenger ship turned out to be worse than the port planet. We became indentured labor. It was our job to treat the crew and any ill passengers. What we made though barely covered our passage. We lived in a small room that also doubled as the treatment area. Many times, we would get shorted for the work we did. Unless our bill was paid in full though to its captain, we couldn’t leave the transporter. Solar turns began to slip by, instead of our bill getting smaller it only seemed to get bigger. It wasn’t a luxury carrier, people would be crammed together to the point they could barely sit. Occasionally, because of the conditions aboard, a passenger died before making it to their destination. It was mine and Kai’s job to properly take care of any deceased passengers so that illness wouldn’t spread to anyone else.” The Shattered Heart Corrigan watched as Tilly held her cup just barely touching her lips. Before the expulsion, neither the Seshte or the Catari would have been exposed to conditions such as what he and Kai had lived through on the passenger vessel. They would have been deemed inhumane. He wouldn’t be surprised if his tale was the first time it had occurred to Tilly that this was the daily life of others out in the sectors. Leta had never been a xenophobic planet, but neither was it one that many other species had visited. The Catari military and their rules seemed daunting to other species. Keeping visitors to Leta at a distance. He gave a kind look in Tilly’s direction motioning his eyes at her teacup. Tilly blushed realizing she had practically been frozen in mid-motion listening to his story. She put the teacup down on the table. “How did you get off the ship then? Did L’nia pay your debt?” Tilly asked her hands now gripped against the edge of her seat. Corrigan shook his head with a deep sigh, “No, the passenger vessel we were on was destroyed by a Dakunas scout convoy. Our captain also dealt in black market trade and had ventured off course to pick up a delivery. It isn’t uncommon for black market traders to do business in areas designated as Dakunas heavy space. Less chance for anyone to stumble over them.” “I’ve heard of that.’,” Tilly replied. ‘“No one knows exactly how big the Dakunas fleet is or where they are stationed at. But the areas of the sectors they do control aren’t all heavily patrolled. Making them a playground for smugglers willing to take their chances.” Corrigan nodded, placing his own cup down on the table as well. The Shattered Heart “I had prepared a live cargo drop crate with supplies for Kai and myself, in secret, in case our vessel was ever attacked. Kai and I barely made it to the crate before the passenger ship was destroyed. I don’t know how long we were floating out in open space before the Dnanleri found us. Peshta and Ospen spent what must have been hours trying to open the crate from the outside. They are meant to only open for the intended recipient of the smuggled goods with a code. Finally, your brother and cousin got it open. Kai and I were half-dead inside. If it wasn’t for the captain having the ability to heal, we wouldn’t have made it.” Tilly folded her hands tightly in her lap. “We were told that the Seshte off-world would be fine. That with their skills as artisans, they would be eagerly welcomed by other worlds. That the expulsion was only temporary until the Dakunas threat was in hand.” “Yet, your father fought for you and your mother to stay on Leta. He used his rank to save you. If it was ‘fine,’ you wouldn’t have needed saving. You wouldn’t have felt scared when they came to take you away. Your uncle wouldn’t have needed to have shielded you at his home. ,” Corrigan said gently. “Nothing about the expulsion was fine. The psychological issues alone that it created in the Seshte population are bad enough. But the treatment we received by other species was worse.” Corrigan noticed that Tilly’s throat was occasionally convulsing up and down. She was trying to hide her hiccups, given the seriousness of the conversation. It wasn’t uncommon for Seshte adults to play familial jokes on their children during important events where their children were meant to be serious. It pushed the limits of their children, trying to secretly The Shattered Heart control the reaction of the prank while honoring the moment they were in. It also brought levity to things that may have been too hard for their children at the time to process. Tilly was doing a good job at the moment controlling the reaction of the judai root but the more sips she took, the harder it would be to control. He hid a chuckle. She screwed her face together for a quick moment, most likely swallowing a hiccup down. Then opened her mouth to speak. “The Seshte population doesn’t suffer from psychological issues, they never have. That’s something found in the Catari coalition only.” Corrigan poured more tea into Tilly’s cup with another cube, topping it to just short of the brim. “Traditionally, that is both accurate and inaccurate. Both coalitions have always been very different from each other. Everything from our occupations to our support structures. As a whole though, both coalitions balance each other out as a people. Catari see more things that psychologically scar the mind. That, combined with the vast difference in their emotional support structures, does make you right in thinking that psychological issues are more prevalent in the Catari coalition. As Seshte are more artisans, the medical conditions acquired from our work environments are more related to heart conditions and joint fatigues. There is though a very small portion of the Seshte population that are born with conditions that cause psychological distress. But psychological disorders are not stigmatized by either coalition. This means, in either case, they are willingly treated. So, in the Seshte population, these persons are immediately identified The Shattered Heart and given support by their clans in dealing with their conditions. This is why it feels like the Seshte population never suffers from psychological issues.” Corrigan watched as the convulsing in Tilly’s throat was becoming more apparent. He tried though to keep a straight face so that Tilly wouldn’t suspect his prank yet. Small hiccups began escaping Tilly’s throat. She quickly tried to drink more tea to push them down not knowing the tea would only make them worse. “If, *hiccup* the Seshte population deals with it better because of their clans, why then *hiccup* are the problems so bad now?” Corrigan could see the embarrassed frustration on her face. But, instead, gave her a chiding raise of his eyebrow. Pretending to outwardly scold her for her hiccups. “When the Seshte were expulsed off of Leta, our homes were taken from us, families and clans were ripped apart. Seshte who had only ever known what it was like to go through difficult times with a built-in support system now dealt with their pain in isolation. This created many psychological issues amongst the Seshte coalition. Shinar and Jiakon being two of the most popular common conditions, according to J’anla. I suffer from Shinar, it is a reactive anger disorder. I can’t process my emotions and pain correctly from what has happened to me, so I internalize them and then outwardly react in a generalized way when I feel triggered.” “*Hiccup* The other one, Jiakon, what is that one?” Tilly asked, holding her hiccups at bay. Her hands now gripping the edges of her chair so hard in frustration her fingers were white instead of their normal beige. The Shattered Heart “J’anla has seen and treated it more than I have. It’s a depressive anxiety disorder, characterized by nightmares and feelings of deep isolation. According to her, almost a quarter of the Seshte population suffers from it at present. Of that number, a smaller third become suicidal. Only the lucky ones, like your brother, are discovered in time to reverse the damage of their actions.” Corrigan had watched Tilly’s face very carefully when he had alluded to Ospen’s suicide attempt. He had donedid it on purpose to truly gauge her feelings for her brother. Tilly wasn’t that different from Corrigan. She also suffered from her own reactive anger disorder. Instead of generalizing it to all Catari like Corrigan had, the circumstances surrounding her pain from her cousin’s death had caused her to specify her pain to her brother and her older cousin as a way of processing and explaining the tragedy. Underneath that pain, though he was certain she still loved both men. Her reaction told him he was right. She had turned pale at the sudden knowledge of Ospen’s failed actions. It was one thing to wish her brother had never been born. But she had most likely never processed the thought that one day he may actually be gone forever. “What do you mean lucky like Ospen?” Tilly replied her voice a whisper. She silently hiccupped, not even noticing anymore. The statement had caught her so off guard she had forgotten about her hiccups. Instead of pointing out to her that she had recognized her brother by speaking his name out loud, he chose to answer her question. “A few solar turns after Ospen came aboard the Dnanleri, the isolation and depression became too much for him. He took a galley knife and slit his wrists. The Commented [AB5]: Nice delivery! The Shattered Heart captain found him, pools of blood surrounding him. She was able to heal his wounds. Afterward, the family structure on the Dnanleri was altered to be more like a Seshte clan to act as a support system for Ospen’s Jiakon.” Tilly was too shocked to answer at first. She finally stuttered an answer together. “But, he, *hiccup*, Ospen wasn’t part of the expulsion. Why would he *hiccup* have Jiakon?.” Corrigan gave Tilly a sympathetic look. “Because, for a Seshte raised as a Catari, the life of being unborn is no different than being expulsed. Like Kai and I, he was forced to leave Leta, never to be able to return. Ripped apart from his family, his support network. Left with the pain that he would never see you or your parents again. As loving as Peshta is as a cousin, I doubt it’s the same as a Seshte support system. Your childhoods were very different from your cousins. The eventual depression and isolation from what he wanted, you and your family, caused him to attempt suicide. If not for the captain, he would have succeeded.” Tilly shook her head, tears mingled with her hiccups. “He’s too strong to have done something like that.” Corrigan leaned forward, taking hold of both of Tilly’s hands in his own. “I know you and Malcon probably always looked up to Ospen and Peshta in awe, right? They were your heroes. Which made them strong, invincible, something solid you could place your faith in. But even they have weaknesses. I think in your heart, it’s easier to blame them for Malcon’s death because your feelings can’t hurt them. You see them as invincible. But you’re wrong, Tilly. The Shattered Heart That hatred and pain you can’t process, that you redirect at your brother and Peshta. Can and does hurt them.” “I, *hiccup*, I*hiccup hiccup*-.” Tilly screwed her face together again in frustration. Her hands let go of Corrigan’s and flew into the air. “Ugh! I *hiccup* can’t *hiccup* think straight *hiccup*, what is wr-*hiccup* -ong with me?” Corrigan tried to keep a straight face but found himself bursting into laughter. He leaned back in his chair holding his sides. He laughed so hard tears began to spill down his cheeks. Tilly looked at him confused for a moment, then a dawning realization seemed to cross her face. She looked down at the teacup and then back at Corrigan. “My br *hiccup* other, did this, *hiccup* didn’t he. He spiked *hiccup* the tea with something.” Corrigan still leaned back in his seat laughing shook his head. “No, Ospen hasn’t played a single familial prank on you since coming aboard. I have been the one pranking you.” He spilled out in between peals of laughter. “You?! *hiccup*” Tilly replied confused. Corrigan nodded his head and dried his tears. Once he calmed his laughter a bit, he explained. “You have been a Seshte hiding as a Catari for so long, you forgot what it means to also be Seshte. I knew know Ospen has been struggling with you being on onboard so much that he wouldn’t be thinking about familial pranks. So, I started pranking you. I thought if I could remind you of your childhood, remind you what it means to be Seshte, maybe you would stop and look at The Shattered Heart your brother and cousin’s pain with a Seshte heart. Not a Catari one.” Tilly stared back at him shocked. “The *hiccup* tea?” Corrigan shook his head. “We both drank the tea, which is why you didn’t suspect at first. Half of the bitters are laced with an Alarian herb that causes uncontrolled hiccups with Letans. The other half are normal bitters, which I’ve been putting in my own tea.” Tilly still sat there confused. “Why didn’t Kai *hiccup* warn me about the *hiccup* herb?” “Because she and the rest of the crew don’t know. I’ve kept it to myself, in case I felt like playing a prank on my sister one day.” Tilly sat there silent. Corrigan could see her expression as she processed what he had just told her. Slowly she began to smile, that smile quickly spilled out laughter. Soon she was also leaning back in her chair, laughing and hiccupping. Each time she hiccupped, she ended up laughing more. Finally, she got control of the laughter and looked at Corrigan. “This *hiccup* was a good prank. I *hiccup hiccup* might steal it and use it on my brother and cousin.” Corrigan’s heart swelled. Tilly was not only still acknowledging the boys but was possibly considering interacting with them. “You know Tilly, that might be hard. You can’t prank the unborn… Unless you now see them as born again?” Tilly paused for a moment, as Corrigan’s words sunk in. realizing what Corrigan was saying to her. The Shattered Heart Corrigan expected the confusion he now saw on her face. Her anger and pain over Malcon’s death would not make this an easy transition for her. “How about this, every time you feel angry with them, or frustrated. Every time the pain becomes too much, come find me. We’ll plan a familial prank, together. I’ll help you. ,” Corrigan proposed. “If you want, I’ll even take full credit until you're ready to deal with them and your emotions. That way, they don’t suspect or make you accidentally feel pressured.” Tilly sat for a long moment, her hiccups spilling out now as she had stopped trying to control them. FinallyFinally, though, she nodded her head with a shy smile.