Angela Gabrielle Bacang

Trans Love, a Global Trend   Understanding Transgender, Trans Couple and Relationships   Table of Contents INTRODUCTION   CHAPTER  1:  TRANSGENDER:  THE  NEW  NORM   TRANSGENDER  DEFINED   UNDERSTANDING  BEING  TRANSGENDER   CHAPTER  2:  TRANSGENDER  LOVE  IN  TEENS   LOVE  IS  LOVE   THE  STORY  OF  KATIE  AND  ARIN   RELATIONSHIP  OUTSIDE  THE  BOX   PARENTS’  LOVE  HEALS  WOUNDS.           CHAPTER  3:  ENJOYING  TRANS’  LIFE  AND  OVERCOMING  CHALLENGES   CHALLENGES  OF  BEING  TRANSGENDER   FIGHTING  FOR  YOUR  WORTH       CHAPTER  4:  RELATIONSHIP  TIPS  FOR  TRANS  COUPLES   COMMUNICATION  IS  THE  KEY.   TEACH  YOURSELF  TO  BE  PATIENT,  STRONG  AND  KIND.   BE  MINDFUL  WITH  YOUR  WORDS  AND  ACTIONS.   HONESTY  IS  STILL  THE  BEST  POLICY.   KEEP  ASSESSING  YOURSELF.   CONCLUSION                   Introduction Transgender or “trans” is no doubt one of the hottest topics talked about these days, more even so since many states and countries around the world already legalize transgender relationships and marriages. Many have rejoiced while others also have shown negative protests. Indeed, a trans couple is becoming today’s new fad. Religious standards impose that we humans were created in this world to only have two definite genders—the male (masculine) gender and a female (feminine) gender. Religion and the conservative norms of society have taught us the sanctity of being in a romantic relationship only with the opposite sex. Thus, it is quite clear that transgender stereotypes have been existent since time immemorial. It has been clearly categorized that a woman must only have an affair with a man and vice versa. Otherwise, his or her relationship will be considered as immoral, unacceptable, and in some cases, illegal. Because of these long-established norms about a person’s sex, people having the so called nonconformist masculinity or femininity—now known as “transgender”—feel bottled-up and not free to express and be who they really are. The reason is obvious; they feel fearful of being judged and scrutinized by the ever-hypercritical public. Oftentimes, these unique individuals are discriminated, humiliated, and even harassed simply due to their sexuality. So the question arises: Is it fair? This book serves as enlightenment to both transgender and straight individuals. It talks about love and relationship as far as trans couples are concerned. It also provides significant information to those persons who in some ways are still not open-minded on this present day trend. In a way, the book is an eye opener to those who read it and an important tool for people who want to know more about trans love and situations commonly faced by teen nowadays. For trans couples, it will give a lot of insights about how to keep their relationship flourishing and what it takes to make it last. For nontrans, the book helps broaden their perspective on trans people and probably develop appreciation of the uniqueness of being transgender. The book provides a clear-to-understand definition of the word “transgender” as well as facts regarding its implications, issues and challenges encountered by trans couples. It focuses more on being “transgender”—how it is becoming a trend—and how trans people are, in terms of relationship. There are various speculations and misconceptions about being transgender. That is why this book aims to give light on many things related to trans and trans love so that people will get fair and nondiscriminatory interpretation as well as knowledge about the lives of many transgender youth. Chapter 1: Transgender: The New Norm     Many of us can attest to how the number of transgender people has grown at present. Yes, members of LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender) groups are continually rising every now and then. An increasing population of trans, either men or women, is coming out of their shells. They are basically everywhere—in school, in the news, neighborhood, and workplace. The truth is they have been there the whole time ever since the ancient days but have not gotten the courage to be themselves—not until today. It is happening to anyone regardless of age but is most prevalent among teens as these are the people who are in a stage of finding their true identity. Take it or leave it— being transgender is status quo. Transgender Defined So what does the word “transgender” really mean? The dictionary defines “transgender” as an adjective, as pertaining to a person whose own identity does not conform unambiguously to conventional notions of male or female gender. The American Psychological Association (APA) explains “transgender” as an   “umbrella   term   for   persons   whose   gender   identity,   gender   expression   or   behavior  does  not  conform  to  that  typically  associated  with  the  sex  to  which  they   were  assigned  at  birth.”  For example, if you are born with a male anatomy yet you feel and think differently as if you were born a female, you are considered as “transgender.” Based on these descriptions and what is happening at present, we can easily say that certainly individuals owning this particular sexuality are common nowadays. Or, we can use the term “mainstream” as even public figures, like celebrities, are joining the trans community. “Individuality,” a social group created for young people who are transgender or confused about their sexuality, also defines the word as “someone   whose   gender   differs   from   the   one   they   were   given   when   they   were   born.     It   further   says   that   “transgender   people   may   identify   as   male   or   female,   or   they   may   feel   that   neither   label   fits   them.”   In   other   words,   transgender   is   a   multifaceted   sexuality  that  can  be  acquired  inborn  and  out  of  the  person’s  volition.  This  fact   alone   gives   us   a   good   cause   to   instill   a   more   in-­‐depth   understanding   regarding   this   controversial   sexuality   so   that   the   society   at   large   will   finally   learn   to  fully   accept   this   new   norm   and   that   we   can   eliminate   the   long   due   issues   on   discrimination,  bullying,  assault  and  harassment  that  are  still  suffered  by  many   trans  people  today.       Understanding Being Transgender   If   we   develop   a   clear   understanding   about   the   nature   of   being   “transgender,”   perhaps  we  will  also  learn  to  acknowledge  and  respect  the  rights  of  trans  people,   as   they   are   also   human   beings.   As   far   as   relationship   is   concerned,   it   has   been   known   that   many   trans   people   have   never   had   luck   in   finding   someone   who   will   love   them   sincerely   for   who   they   are.   Often   times,   they   end   up   being   ditched   after  the  first  date.    Korean  adoptee  and  transgender  woman  Andy  Mara  shared   her   share   of   this   experience   through   his   “Gay   Voices”   article   published   in   Huffingtonpost.com.   Andy   confessed   that   she   had   had   unsuccessful   tryst   with   desirable  men  just  because  of  her  gender  identity.     It   is   definitely   true   that   being   transgender   is   not   that   easy   especially   most   “successful”   bachelors   feel   scared   to   go   any   further   with   someone   who   is   transgender  because  they  are  frightened  of  being  judged  by  peers  or  questioned   in   their   sexuality.   For   teens,   admitting   or   coming   out   as   a   trans   is   a   terrifying   thing.  Many  young  people  hide  their  true  colors  as  gay,  lesbian  or  trans  because   of   the   religious   and   conservative   tenets   upheld   by   their   parents.   This   fear   of   neglect  results  to  depression  and  suicide  attempts  among  trans  youth.  According   to  PFLAG  NYC,  “gay  teens  are  8.4  times  more  likely  to  report  having  attempted   suicide   and   5.9   times   more   likely   to   report   high   levels   of   depression   compared   with  peers  from  families  that  reported  no  or  low  levels  of  family  rejection.”     Being   transgender   is   a   challenging   situation   and   it   takes   a   great   amount   of   patience   and   time   for   one   to   really   find   the   right   people   who   have   no   qualms   about  their  gender  identity.  In  the  case  of  Andy,  she  did  found  the  love  she  had   been  looking  for  after  taking  one  last  leap  of  faith.  She  met  a  man  named  Drew   who   made   her   realize   that   a   transgender   woman   like   her   is   worthy   of   respect,   appreciation  and  most  of  all  love.     People also need to understand that some trans people dress up in a manner they are comfortable with while others decide to have a physical transition by undergoing surgeries. Doing or having this change in their clothing or in the physical aspects of their bodies also lead to people stereotyping that transgender individuals have a sort of mental illness. But the truth is, what trans people go through is not an illness that has to be treated with medication. That would be impossible. Rather, according to transequiality.org, “transgender   people   experience   a   persistent   and   authentic   difference  between  our  assigned  sex  and  our  understanding  of  our  own  gender.”   Chapter 2: Transgender Love in Teens Every time we look around now, we see trans couple. Whether in school, restaurant, groceries store, bus station, or even in church, we can easily spot several trans couples being together. Transgender love is not uncommon nowadays. It remains a sensitive issue, yet society is slowly trying to adapt to this norm, which is mainstream among young people, particularly teens. How do trans people love? What are the factors that could affect their relationship? Is it possible to fall for a transgender person? These are feew questions that this chapter will try to answer. Love is Love So they say that if you truly love someone, you will love him or her regardless of he or she is inside and out. Love is really love if you accept and love the other person and everything about him or her, and that includes his or her gender. This is why transgender love is seen as unconditional love—a strong bond between two people who are willing to take risks and face challenges of being a trans couple. This means that being in a relationship with a trans person requires a great amount of patience and tolerance for both partners in order to make their relationship survive. What would be your normal reaction when the person you have come to like confesses that he is, in reality, a trans? If your response is negative, meaning you get disappointed, disgusted maybe, then you do not really love him/her. But if your response is positive, meaning you compliment and encourage him/her for his/her identity and even become willing to know this person more, then that is love. The Story of Katie and Arin The love story of teens Katie and Arin has become a worldwide phenomenon and inspired many others around the world. Katie Hill and Arin Andrews are a transgender couple whose love story has captured the hearts of thousands of followers. Katie was born a boy named Luke and Arin was a girl named Emerald. Both suffered from bullying and ridicule during their younger years in school until their paths crossed when the two joined a trans support group. Katie and Arin then fell in love with each other and transitioned together. The two also underwent major physical surgeries with the full support of their families. Although—much to the public’s disappointment—the young couple broke up after three years of relationship, which was once considered as a match made in heaven, they decided to still remain as good friends and just enjoy being who they are. Relationship outside the box We are living in an orthodox world where a female is expected to wear skirts and a male must wear a pair of pants. Otherwise, you are considered as a transgender. But as we have witnessed recently, females are starting to be like males and vice versa. Even in finding our better half, many of us are deviating from the norm. Indeed, girl-to-girl, boy-to-boy, and trans-to-trans relationships are proliferating as a craze. Undeniably, being in transgender love is a manifestation that the new generation is doing something outside the box that society has created for us. Whether it is a cool or a bad thing, it depends on how broad-minded we are. One thing is for sure: teens engaging in a trans relationship must not be discriminated, shamed nor bullied. Humans as we are, trans teens also deserve the same amount of privilege and respect. No matter how much we resist against this movement, young people always find ways to bend the norms, or worse. Parents’ love heals wounds. The parents of Katie and Arin have been very supportive of their children’s decision, which is just what parents should do. The parents’ moral support plays a huge help in making the transgender teens realize their worth and recover from the abuse, embarrassment, ridicule, and scrutiny they will have gone through. Parents have a significant role in protecting their children from the injustice caused by trans-phobic societies. Otherwise, who would? If you are a parent and your child one day admits to you that he is not that someone you expect him to be, the best thing that you can do is accept, support and guide him in his journey. Chapter 3: Enjoying Trans’ Life and Overcoming Challenges     And so it is happening and there is nothing you can do but relish your days as a transgender. Take note: Being transgender does not make you any different from the rest. You are a human being just like everyone else. You fall in love just like humans normally do. In fact, you can be anything you want to be—an artist, an actress/actor, a doctor, an engineer, a manager, and a businessman, whatever your heart desires. Your knowledge, skills and talents are innate and something that no one can take away from you. So, what’s the point of grieving too much when you know that you are better than what society thinks of you? Famous celebrity Laverne Cox has recently conveyed a potent call to all trans communities using the hashtag #transneeds. This initiative was further heightened through the trans celebrity’s just as powerful line “Loving trans people is a revolutionary act.” It might be inevitable that being a trans can bring some moral difficulties and problems, but there are always ways for you to overcome them. You must be willing, first and foremost, to keep yourself strong despite the pessimisms of the world. After all, you are not alone. Challenges of Being Transgender Discrimination is number one on the list of the challenges of being transgender. GLSEN (Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network) conducted a national survey about the ill-fated situations of transgender youth and found out that 75% of transgenders suffered from discrimination in school. This results to the loss of interest to pursue their education. Others who endure and opt to stay, however, show a decline in their academic performance, as they do not feel secure being in school. Bullying and hostilities are also responsible factors why many transgender youth lose their self-worth. The sad thing is that it is not only their peers who pose a threat to their security. Even school administrators try to disrespect their gender identity and deny them equal opportunity to participate in school activities and programs. More so, these oftentimes lead to harassment and abuse. Fighting for Your Worth The better way forward for trans teens is to learn how to fight against these intimidations. The best moves one must undertake is to seek help from authorities whose cause is to promote anti-bullying policies and protect trans people. Remember that you are entitled to exercise your student rights, too. In US, for example, the school itself is mandated by the state to foster the civic Title IX law that particularly prohibits discrimination of transgender and gender non-conforming students. Other laws that help protect trans youth include The Equal Access Act, The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act and The First Amendment. Trans students experiencing gender injustices should therefore approach school officials and have their concerns addressed. Again, this is your right as authorized by your state's Department of Education and Office for Civil Rights. Groups like NCTE, GLSEN and PFLAG are also some of those that are ready to assist you in case you wish to file complaints related to gender discrimination. Most of all, you as a person must also be willing to share your story. If you wish to raise your concerns and file a complaint, do it as soon as possible. The bottom-line is that every transgender born into this world has every right to enjoy and live his life just like everybody else. If you are a trans and are unsure whether the world would accept or reject you, meeting and surrounding yourself with other trans people is a helpful way for you to have that sense of belongingness. There are a lot of trans movements out there whose doors will always be open for you. It is about time that you come out of your hiding place and be happy for who you are once and for all. Life is too short to be miserable all the time. Also, no body is ever perfect. So, why worry? Spend quality happy times with those who truly love you for your genuineness and stop feeling so low just because other people do not accept you for being you. At the end of the day, what truly matter are your own happiness and the life that God has given you. Chapter 4: Relationship Tips for Trans Couples     Still other people think that being in love with a transgender is a risk; the relationship might not last, at least not for long. However, there are many trans couples all over the world that have proved this wrong. All it takes is a great deal of patience and tolerance to make it work. It is, therefore, necessary for trans couples to know the ways on how to keep their bond stronger. Here are tips that trans couples should consider in order to have a happy and meaningful relationship. Communication is the key. Being open to your partner is always necessary in all human relationships. Communication plays a vital role in helping trans couple better understand each other’s needs. If both partners can freely express their feelings to each other, any problems and concerns are easily discussed and tackled. If you have a trans partner, you must be able to talk with him or her regarding things that bother you in your relationship. Communicating with one another will allow you to know your likes and dislikes, thus making it easier for you to adjust to each other’s differences. This will further result to nurturing a peaceful relationship grounded by trust. Betrayal is lethal and the best way to avoid it is to learn to communicate with your partner. Teach yourself to be patient, strong and kind. Patience is a virtue if you want to have a happy and lasting relationship with a transgender. You must both be patient with each other’s needs and understanding of your partner’s imperfections. Part of accepting the other person is being tolerant. Be kind to him or her by respecting his or her ways. To be in love with someone who is a transgender is again revolutionary. It is a risk, yes, but it will be worth it if you really love each other. Many relationships stay solid and that is because two people decide to withstand the challenges regardless of what people say or think. If you continue to cultivate and tighten your unique bond with nothing but love and kindness, you will feel contentment and happiness with your partner no matter what gender identity he or she has. Be mindful with your words and actions. If you are dating or in a relationship with a transgender, it is always best that you know the words or language that she is comfortable with and sensitive to. Know the right gender to address him or her whether he or she prefers to be called a “he” or a “she,” as well as be watchful with your gestures. This way, you can avoid offending your partner. It again boils down to communication. The more you communicate, the more you get to know your partner deeper. Thus, you will gain a comprehensive understanding of his personality. Honesty is still the best policy. The truth may hurt but it is better to hear the truth than prolong the agony of living in a lie. Be honest with your partner about your plans and intentions. Before even entering into a commitment with a trans partner, make sure he or she gets your preferences and needs clearly. Be always fair and honest with your feelings towards the other. If something he or she says hurt you, honestly tell him or her about what you think and feel. Also, if one of you is no longer happy and wants to get out of the relationship, have the decency and respect to tell the other person about your decision. Saying goodbye can be painful, but in time, you will be all right again. Pain is something one must learn to cope with especially in a trans love. Be open to the fact that sometimes people change and walk away no matter how hard we try to keep them. Life must go on, they say. What you need to do is to be always strong. Keep assessing yourself. The best way to know what you really want in a trans relationship is to check your own self every now and then. Ask yourself questions, such as: Am I really happy? Is this really the person I want to spend the rest of my life with? Is this trans love worth it? Am I heading to a positive direction? This helps you to be constantly aware of your feelings, your partner and your relationship. If you are having second thoughts whether or not to stay further with a trans partner, you must make an evaluation as early as possible. Correct your mistakes before it is too late. And of course, apologize. SORRY is always a powerful word especially when you say it sincerely. Lastly, forgive. It does take time but to forgive is the only means for you to achieve a peace of mind. Conclusion Being transgender is no doubt becoming today’s global trend particularly among young people. Indeed, wherever we go, trans couples exist. No one is stopping them, now, to express and become who they really are. Unlike in the past when people, young and old, hid their gender identities because of fear— fear of being ridiculed; fear of being negatively judged by the once conservative and orthodox society. Today, however, one can easily distinguish how people and society have evolved. People, especially teens, have been deviating from the norms. Society is itself slowly straying away from the old dogma of thinking and behaving only inside a box. But time proves that being bottled up is the reason why many young people commit suicides. The prevalence of transgender individuals is a sign that today’s generation of people is becoming fearless. The best manifestation of this fearless attitude is the development of LGBT communities and trans support groups worldwide. It is therefore clear that people are no longer that terrified to not follow what society tells them to, that they have come to make their own choice regardless of our social norms, and that they realize that to follow their happiness is the right thing to do. This is to say that if we continue hiding in our shell, we will never be happy. Trans love is also not uncommon nowadays. Everyone knows that being involved in a trans relationship brings risks. Patience and tolerance serve as the basic ingredients in order to succeed in the relationship. You must be uncomplaining of the other person, including his or her gender identity and his/her preferences. It certainly is not that easy to be in love with a transgender. That is why a trans love is a deeper kind of love. It allows two people to realize and embrace each other’s limitations and differences. Knowing the unpredictability of the affair, trans couples are advised to be patient, honest and kind to each other. Maintaining good communication is the key to a lasting bond. Transgender is a complex type of sexuality that requires our in depth understanding. It remains a highly controversial issue. Trans youth have suffered injustices such as bullying, discrimination, embarrassment and unequal opportunities due to their gender identity. Society, in general, still needs to be further educated about the human rights of transgenders. Parents, educational institutions and government officials must work harder together to continually uphold the laws that protect transgender teens. This is the only way to remove inequalities faced by many trans youth and couples. People must learn to accept transgenders as also members of society and as human beings. We must respect trans people, as they too deserve to live their life to the fullest. Whether we like it or not, being transgender is now the mainstream culture. If we learn to keep an open-mind to this new trend, the world would be a peaceful place to live—a place without hostilities where everyone treats each other as equal.