Andy

Potter’s Child 10 Habits to Shape and Mold Outstanding Children STEPHANIE MATHEWS DEDICATION Mom, thank you for instilling valuable life skills in me through your role as a mother; I can now pass them on to my children and share them with the rest of the world. I love you more than you know and will forever be grateful. Sophia and Jude, my darling twins, I pray you will be both blessed and a blessing to those who surround you. Always remember whose child you are. You are a Potter’s Child. You are mummy’s/mama’s precious miracles, and I love you both with all my heart. ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS The team who worked with me to complete Potter’s Child are special people in my journey who made it possible to turn thoughts, ideas and research into valuable personal development material. I am grateful and honored to have such talents who were willing to contribute their precious time to impact the readers of Potter’s Child. The resources and stories from generous contributors allowed me to put together this book to best serve you. From the brain dump process, through journeying with a writing coach, meeting virtually with the publisher and working with the editorial team, it took weeks and months for completion. It truly takes a village to raise children and a great team to get something worthy created. If you read a little of each person who crossed paths with me and became part of my journey, you will be amazed how God works. This team allowed me to execute my work and establish my dreams. “ Teamwork Makes The Dream Work.” Here are the powerhouses who molded this book to existence alongside with me: I cannot thank Barbara Hemphill enough. We met at an event months before this book came to fruition. I was close to making a u-turn to go home because it looked as if a storm was approaching and I had many thoughts racing in my head about work and my children. “I am sure nobody will mind my absence” I thought. Then again, it was not polite to RSVP and not show up especially for a friend who was willing to give me advice freely when I first ventured into small business, I kept talking to myself. Somehow, my good habits made way for me to take one closer step to achieving my dreams. Matthew Thomas prophesied in his speech that day at his event, he said “This room is filled with visionaries…….. your life is about to change.” Barbara took me under her wings for months, patiently reading my brain dumps and guiding me to completion. Oh! What a journey of life changing events. “Dress up and show up”, I have heard that many times, on that day it proved that showing up matters whether you are excited to attend or not. When I talked to Kevin White of Spirit Media, I knew right away that he was going to publish my book. This book is for His glory and Kevin’s vision aligns with mine. We are just clay in the Potter’s Hands. I want God to take over and “steal my show” and Kevin believed the same. With his team: Carleen Bryon, Marj, Carol and Jay, I am able to hold a book I can be proud of… for his glory! God made a way, just like he always does, and I am grateful and thankful for this team. Thank you dear Professors from UTD: Professors who guided me to share my ideas where it would flourish to become a reality. Professor Bryan Chambers who believed in me and gave me the green light to present my elevator pitch for the Start-Up Launch Project. Professor Robert Wright who gave me an opportunity to be part of his StartUp Launch Program. When Professor Wright told me to read “Goodnight Story for Rebel Girls” and asked me to turn to the blank pages at the back of that book to write my story, he led me to think bigger than what I had in mind. The stories of women who created history broadened my vision and possibilities.Teachers are significant people in our lives and I was blessed to be his mentee. I am extremely grateful to Jessica! Jessica Arriaga who contributed the research work for this book. She is not an ordinary friend; she is a special individual whom I have worked with since college. I have a beautiful mural on the wall of my event space in Rockwall, Texas that Jessica painted. I value her love and friendship. She is the kind of friend who would go the extra mile for a friend even literally; she drove me to the hospital during a medical emergency. I was able to deliver my twins safely because she was willing to drive back all the way for me although she was close to forty-five minutes away from where I lived. I am honored to have worked alongside her for this book. She is currently preparing to INTRODUCTION: HABITS AND HOW THEY HELP US Who wants to think of habits? If a practice is a good one, it hardly ever crosses your mind. You benefit from it every day. Maybe you have a good habit of brushing your teeth twice a day or playing outdoors with your kids to get fun exercise, and you don’t even notice. Maybe your good habits include pausing before responding when someone’s words have made you angry or resentful. If a habit is bad, we might see how it causes problems and be overwhelmed by how much work it would be to change. Those could include practices like, “If it’s chocolate, I’ll take two!” or hours-long screen scrolls, ignoring everyone in our natural world. Good habits represent the world where we come from and whose Children we are. You’ve heard the saying, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” For our children to have the opportunity to imitate good habits, we have to develop good habits for them to emulate. Instead of giving children what we never had, it’s better to model and teach life lessons to help them in their daily lives. Every lesson we have learned is valuable to someone who never did. With all this in mind, I want to share Potter’s Child with the world. My experiences may be a source of inspiration or lessons, or maybe just a gentle nudge and a reminder to help drop a bad habit and pick up a good one. But either way, children are surrounded by their families, peers, and a village of people modeling potential behaviors for them. Every person has good and bad habits. When we were young, we were sponges who imitated and followed our siblings or parents’ footsteps. As we grew older, we realized we had picked up some bad habits along the way. Potter’s Child reminds you that it’s never too late to know and do better. You can be ten or sixtyfive; this book will serve you in some way to understand how good habits can make a difference. We are molded and shaped by our parents and our environments. Those around them incredibly easily influence some people. Being “cool” or “mean” is a habit some learn that can be dropped. It’s never “cool” to bully a child or an adult with words or actions. I was appalled to discover a book that taught people how to insult others. Why would someone write that? Bullying and insults have caused young people to end their lives to escape the pain. People practicing healthy relationship habits like kindness, generosity, and encouragement will help prevent suicides, suicidal thoughts, and other mental health problems. We are the Potter’s Child, the clay, and when we allow God to be our guiding Parent, he will mold and shape us to be the best versions of ourselves – the people God designed us to be. We can surrender to Him at any age and hand over all our bad habits to pick up new ones. But please understand: You don’t have to be a Christian to read this book. It is a tool that can add value to anyone’s life. A few life experiences led me to create something of value to help kids and adults (myself included) build good habits. Creating something of value was also an idea from God when I prayed. In 2017, while studying business at college, I designed a board game to help teach good life habits and presented it in a “Mini Shark Tank” event to seven Dallas investors. One of the “sharks” challenged my credentials, and he wasn’t the first. “What do you know about kids?” he asked, as others have along the way. “You don’t have children!” In the mini shark tank, I gave an answer that silenced everyone in the room. I pointed out that my entrepreneurship professor had been lecturing about businesses for years, although he didn’t own one. You don’t always need direct experience when there are many other ways to learn. I kept hearing that challenge over the years, though. And since my miracle “ When we allow God to be our guiding Parent, He will mold and shape us to be the best versions of ourselves – the people God designed us to be. babies were born and I became a twin mom, I keep discovering that no matter how much I know about children, there’s so much more to learn, despite my real-world experience. Parents all learn as we go. Our children teach us lessons we might not have cared to pay attention to when we were kids. Plus, every child is different. Still, there are some basics we all need – every Child and every adult—Manners matter in every part of the world. Our behavior toward other people judges us. In many countries, children and parents focus on accolades and degrees. Those are important, indeed. I believe that education is our passport to a comfortable and secure life. But comfort and beauty have little value when they rest on a rotting foundation. What will become of that beauty and comfort if the foundation collapses? In various books and research studies, happiness and success are always defined in many ways. They don’t mean the same thing to everybody, although not everyone realizes that. Success to you might be graduating from the most prestigious school or it might be living a comfortable and happy life with family and friends who enrich it. It doesn’t matter how we perceive success and happiness, though. What matters is how our habits make or break us and nurture or destroy our relationships. A mouth full of rotten teeth will not give you the best smile. In the same way, a person who has the habit of making silly jokes or gossiping can be their worst enemy because people will get offended and begin to avoid them. Without discipline, we cannot achieve good grades or attain our goals in sports or almost anything we pursue. Building relationships and intentionally improving ourselves are essential for our emotional, spiritual and physical well-being. Why is Potter’s Child so important? This book reminds us that although we live in a world that focuses on beauty and appearances, exterior appearances don’t last. Beauty fades, and over the years, people will forget that you once were the quarterback of your high school team. So there’s no fame in your game. As you get older, people recognize instead your heart that is willing to serve and the people whose lives you have added value to. It doesn’t matter what you have gathered and collected. What matters most is who you are. Habits Are the Foundation of Our Lives When I handled an extensive home remodeling project, nearly every visit exposed new damage that needed to fix. The process wasn’t unlike how people experienced us: our image, personality, and character. An inexperienced observer of homes will see a beautiful beachfront house with appealing light fixtures, paint color, furnishings, and decorations. They will say, “Oh wow! It’s gorgeous!” But what that inexperienced eye sees and what I have seen are different. The seemingly beautiful house had not received the care it needed. It wasn’t too late to repair it, but it required a lot of work! The wood was rotting beneath each window panel, the electrical wiring was rusty at the connections, the plumbing tended to clog, and the oven smelled of fish. The casual observer fails to see the underlying issues that undermine the home. Doesn’t that sound like our relationships? Everything in life requires us to go back to the” foundation.” An excellent sturdy foundation in a home, association, or personality provides the base for something valuable. And just as we have to maintain our homes and possessions consistently, we need to work constantly on the foundational habits that form our relationships and personality, learning, growing, and allowing God to mold and shape us through books, life lessons, and experiences. One of the best ways to learn is from someone else’s experience. People hurrying to grow up don’t realize that every phase is essential and will come in handy at some future date. They find themselves later looking for resources to help them learn what they tried to skip. Potter’s Child is written to help you and the children you love build character. The contents are poured out from my heart, life experiences, generous contributors and with the help of God to remind us that overlooked fundamentals make a crumbling foundation. I remember when my cousin struggled to grasp certain subjects in medical school. My husband, who had completed his medical degree, kept reminding her to “Go back to basics! Go back to basics!” So, likewise, this book focuses on the basics of an extraordinary life! Our children and our well-lived days are the most important products we can give the world. So, I pray you will be blessed as you read and share this book. Books played a significant role in my life as I was growing up. Books are a way I’ve learned from other people’s experiences, even when I haven’t known anyone I can learn from directly. Books taught me, informed me, and transformed me. They became companions when I was alone working in different parts of the world. They gave me insights into the authors’ experiences and allowed me to travel to places I had never been. Books have widened my knowledge and expanded my desire to continue learning. They can renew and refresh my thoughts when I am down and confused. What I have learned from books has allowed me to view circumstances and life positively. My favorite book is the Bible. Unlike other books, it’s my compass to navigate life. My late aunt presented me with a Bible in which she wrote a beautiful message that included these words: “Many books will inform, but the Bible will transform you. Life without Christ is a hopeless end. Life with Christ is an endless hope. Make Pam [my family nickname] a blessing, Lord, make her a blessing to someone today, tomorrow, and every day.” Her messages are embedded in my heart, and I pray the same for you. I pray this book will bless you today, tomorrow, and every day. Potter’s Child is a product of my faith, my beliefs, and the lessons I have learned from my family, friends, peers, bosses, and people I have been surrounded by. I struggle with certain habits, but I constantly remind myself of the value that mastering good habits will add to my life. It’s a journey, and I invite you to join me to master good practices together. Special Thanks It has been a blessing to me to share and work alongside Barbara Hemphill. Her rich experiences in helping people to form habits that benefit everyone every day have helped develop me and continue to shape my growth. Through the years, this book was on the back burner, and Barbara urged me forward. She fanned the flame of my restless spirit in a way that amazes me. God was setting a stage and illuminating it with the best lighting. I’m grateful for the ray of hope that Barbara is in my life and for our God, who continues to amaze me. Chapter 1 THE POWER OF PRAYER POTTER’S CHILD 38 THE POWER OF PRAYER Softly you knock, unsure with an unuttered cry, and the doors shall open, Just as you are you fall into the arms of Love and your lips give way to amen, Love will find you there, Love will rise up for you, pursue powerfully for you! This is no more your story, so step aside dear friend, mercy is going to break through! Let the rain water the Earth, let the harvest begin, Let the fields of gold greet the gaze of the Sun in Perfect harmony! Let the power of prayer pave your way, Potter’s child, forlorn in the mist of sorrow, let Love make you stay In the power of Love! Let Love shape you today and every other day. You’re the clay, and you’re being skilled and blessed, each time you pray. Susan Ann Samuel 39 POTTER’S CHILD The Habit that Fuels a Lifetime Faith is the gift of having a relationship with God. A person of faith finds themselves praying in every circumstance. The habit of relying on God in prayer is the only thing that won’t change in a child’s life but will expand and strengthen them when they grow older. It’s a habit to ask God for help before reaching out to anyone else. Believing in the power of prayer is a habit. The help we can receive from people around us is not going to be the kind of help that comes from God. In many circumstances, God will use his children to provide for our needs, but in some circumstances, God comes through directly. We won’t always be able to hover around and protect our children the way we want to, but we can cover them with our prayers. No weapon is stronger than prayer. Our enemies can plan and scheme to destroy our lives, but prayer is more powerful than any of their agendas. We just have to believe! “ I have picked a few stories about answered prayer for this chapter to give The best gifts you you hope and encouragement. The best can give your gifts you can give your child are those child are those of faith of faith and the habit of prayer. There’s and the habit of power in it when you kneel, close your prayer. eyes and reach out to God, the creator who made you for a purpose. God has shown up too many times throughout my life for me to be able to understand a person who says that there 40 THE POWER OF PRAYER is no God. My heart aches and I am burdened when I encounter those who doubt God, who are angry with God or at God, but I understand them based on personal experiences. We cannot comprehend God: It is impossible to wrap our tiny heads around Him. We just overthink. We waste time doubting Him when He is busy designing a blueprint with the most incredible future for us. All we have to do is trust Him and trust the process. It is easier said than done, but that’s why it is important to make it a habit. If you are happy, pray. If you are sad, pray. If you are confused, pray. If you are sick, pray. If you are afraid, pray. Believe and pray sincerely. Take time to listen to God. But praying must also be accompanied by action. Sometimes, we have a role to play after praying. God won’t appear like Superman and come to the rescue to save you to prove just anything. Still, you will see that when you pray everything shifts and changes. Your life will be restored, the bad will be removed. God works in miraculous ways. Testimony Not Green Lentils By Author Most children often pray for things they can touch: toys, bicycles, games and shoes. When I was a child, I prayed for food. After my parents separated, my mother was raising my siblings and me on her own, and money was very tight. She had nothing to feed us but green lentils, and that’s what we ate every meal. Dad didn’t come home for months, mom had nothing left to cook except for a sack of green lentils which was in our pantry. I was famished, but also tired of eating boiled green lentils for breakfast, lunch and 41 POTTER’S CHILD 96 PLEASE. THANK YOU. I’M SORRY. EXCUSE ME. manners and habits compared to those who are disliked? In order to make friends, we have to be considerate and respect each other. Manners and good ethics are principles that contribute to good friendships and relationships. Imagine someone walking straight into you in their rush to get where they're going through a crowded place. If they don't say, "Excuse me," wouldn’t that cause an unnecessary squabble? At work, customer service and respect for our clients and customers is a reflection of our professionalism and the importance we give our customers. Manners matter in business because customers who pay for services expect to be respected and want value in their services. However, many people who hold job positions take this lightly. Whether you are an employee or employer, talking to each other within your organization with respect is important and a wonderful culture to have. When people don't bother with good manners, it can cause chaos in relationships everywhere we go. Have you heard people talking on the phone with their speakers on in a grocery store or listening to loud music in a public space. I always wondered if anyone took the trouble to teach them how to be considerate when they were children. Why are they oblivious that the rest of us are not interested in their conversation or their taste in music? I have seen two people argue with each other on public transport because one person had loud music on and didn’t care to respect the solitude of other passengers. These disputes are unnecessary, but I have to applaud the person who had courage to politely 113 POTTER’S CHILD attempt to put some sense into the inconsiderate person. “Having these simple manners engraved in your daily living [nurtures] you into a kind and graceful human being who would become a strong team player in future endeavors,” observes Physician-Scientist Dr. Sanya Thomas. “Irrespective of the profession you choose to pursue, this rare quality would prove to be highly valuable as you work with others on a day-to-day basis.” Four Basic Habits of Good Manners—“Magic Words” Manners are habits, like so many other worthwhile things. Julian Baggini, writing in The Guardian, notes: "If we want to be good, we have to get into the habit of being good. And habits are formed by constant repetition of behaviors."(8) Four small phrases form the foundation of a habit of good manners: 1. "Please" when you make a request 2. "Thank you" for what others do or give 3. "I'm sorry" when you're wrong 4. "Excuse me" when you interfere Please Oh please, say "please" when you are asking for something. If you don’t, you sound like you are demanding. 114