Andy

SEX without REGRETS Learning God’s Idea of Sex With Zero Curses NORA FOZARD Learning God’s Idea of Sex With Zero Curses NORA FOZARD - This book is dedicated to my loving and faithful husband whom I love so much, Pastor Donald Q. Fozard, Sr. 5 6 Acknowledgments First of all, I would like to acknowledge my Lord and savior, Jesus Christ. All choices, not just sexual sins, have repercussions—consequences. And I am eternally grateful that God has “chosen [me] and ordained [me], that [I] should go and bring forth fruit, and that my fruit should remain” (John 15:16). I am also grateful to all of my friends, family, and loved ones, who choose, each day, to love and encourage me as I fulfill the dreams in my heart. And thanks to Dr. Hilton Sutton for your kind and powerful words in the Foreword to the first edition. I pray, as you said, that all who read these words “will BENEFIT from [this] message of love and God’s wonderful plan of forgiveness and ability to change what is wrong into what is right and good.” 7 8 Table of Contents Introduction Why This Book is for You.......................................................13 1 Wired For Desire...................................................................17 2 Nobody’s Talking...................................................................25 3 Teach Your Children.............................................................31 4 Where Is The Church?..........................................................49 5 Hoes and Boy-Hoes..............................................................57 6 Adultery...................................................................................73 7 Lust..........................................................................................91 8 Don’t Deprive Your Spouse!...............................................103 9 The Joy Of (Married) Sex...................................................113 10 When Conflict Is Dividing You........................................125 11 Flee Youthful Lust..............................................................149 12 A Final Word: Go and Sin No More...............................163 9 10 Foreword to the First Edition WOW!!! This book by Nora L. Fozard is long overdue. Nora has hit the nail on the head, knocked the ball out of the park, and scored in the final seconds to win the game. This book is filled with truth, supported by the Holy Scripture and professionally gathered statistics. It’s reading by all, especially the Christian community, is a must. The book comes at a time, in American history and the lives of the American people, in which immorality is running rampant. Sexual sins plague most every age group in our nation and is no stranger within the churches. I’m convinced Mrs. Fozard was directed by the Holy Spirit as she penned each page. Once you begin to read you will not want to stop until you have finished the book. Now, here is a loving warning; if you are involved in any form of sexual sin, you may not want to finish reading this 11 timely treatise. However, you will BENEFIT from its message of love and God’s wonderful plan of forgiveness and ability to change what is wrong into what is right and good. I strongly recommend the reading and serious consideration of the subject of Nora Fozard’s book, “Enjoying Blessed Sex with Zero Curses.” Hilton Sutton, Th. D The late Hilton Sutton founded Hilton Sutton World Ministries and wrote this foreword to the first edition of this book. 12 Introduction Why This Book is for You You may be single. You may be married. You may be divorced. You may be widowed. Maybe you’re sexually active. Maybe you’re abstaining from sex. Whatever your sexual status right now, God knows your needs, desires, and longings. God created us. Our bodies are not our own. Our bodies belong to God. “Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is within you, whom you have [received as a gift] from God, and that you are not your own [property]?” (1 Corinthians 6:19, AMP) As individuals, even standing together with God, we often feel powerless against the great flood of sexual information that spreads through our culture. But our churches often seem to be just as lacking in power. Consider: • The sexual sins of church leaders have destroyed huge churches and wracked entire denominations in the last several decades.1 13 • Church teens are more likely to be sexually active than teens outside of churches.2 • Single women and girls who attend church are as likely to have children without being married as women and girls who don’t attend church. More than half of all abortion patients report Christian faith affiliations.3 • The use of pornography has become common among church members and leaders, especially men, with more than half of Christian men who call themselves “born again” using porn at least every month.4 • Men and women who struggle with same-sex attraction are getting mixed signals from faith communities about whether it is appropriate to engage in homosexual relations and same-sex marriages. • Men, women, and teenagers in churches experience sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV.5 Because the church hasn’t understood the root causes of sexual sin, what you usually hear from the pulpit is, “It’s wrong.” “It’s sin!” “You’re going to hell.” All of which are true. But that’s just not all there is to say. And most people who are committing sexual sins already know that what they are doing is “worthy of death” (Romans 1:32). What they don’t know is what life would be like without illicit sex. And since it is such a big part of their lives, they wonder how they will cope if they don’t have this physical and emotional support in their lives. 14 Most people know their sexual activity is sin. What they don’t know is what life would be like without illicit sex. They wonder how they will cope if they don’t have this physical and emotional support in their lives. God knows the temptations and tests we face and He does not intend the tests to defeat us. God has given us a guarantee that no temptation would be allowed to tempt us beyond our ability to resist. He has already made a way for you to be free. In 1 Corinthians 10:13, God reminds us: “No temptation [regardless of its source] has overtaken or enticed you that is not common to human experience [nor is any temptation unusual or beyond human resistance]; but God is faithful [to His word—He is compassionate and trustworthy], and He will not let you be tempted beyond your ability [to resist], but along with the temptation He [has in the past and is now and] will [always] provide the way out as well, so that you will be able to endure it [without yielding, and will overcome temptation with joy].” Your own sexual appetites may have overtaken your good judgment and led you into a relationship or place you regret. But God knows you more intimately than anyone else. God wants you to have a full life that includes everything you need—spirit, soul, and body. I wrote this book because God told me to write about the repercussions of sexual sins. When God gives such a message, the problem is pervasive and needs our attention. Nineveh, for example, was in danger of being destroyed. Jonah needed to preach to them so that they could repent and be spared. 15 We see sexual sins almost everywhere we go. Yet talking about such sins is a delicate issue because they have touched so many of our lives. Think of the homes that have broken up because of adultery. Sometimes both husband and wife share the fault. And certainly, the hurt can ripple far beyond the two of them. Read this book with the confidence that somebody knows and understands what you are going through. I want you to read this book and know that the sexual feelings you experience, but can’t seem to control, don’t have to dictate how you live your life. 16 1 Wired For Desire If all you’ve ever heard in church about your desires is that they’re “Sinful!” and “Wrong!”, what I’m going to tell you next will sound shocking. We are not creatures of desire because of the devil. We are creatures of desire because of God. We are not creatures of desire because of the devil. We are creatures of desire because of God. The reason God created man was so that He could have a relationship and fellowship with him. God desired us. That’s a good thing. The Bible tells us, in the beginning when God created everything, He looked at each thing He created and said, “It was good” (see Genesis 1). The only exception to all this good was when He finished creating man—man was with- 17 Sex Without Regrets out a woman. God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18, ESV). When God created man in His image and breathed His spirit into him and gave him life, man embodied the very nature and character of his creator. “So God created man in His own image, in the image and likeness of God He created him; male and female He created them” (Genesis 1:27). By God’s own design, man, like God, desires to be in relationship and have companionship. This is what I mean when I say we are wired for desire. God created us with a powerful desire to connect with other people, and the most powerful form that desire takes is our sexual desire. The pornographers take advantage of this. The devil perverts it. And the church insists on ignoring it. So, sex sells. But sex alone cannot satisfy all of our desires. People need more than the momentary or physical gratification casual sex offers. People even need more than the different kind of satisfaction that God’s intended marital sex offers. People need to be affirmed. We need to be needed. We need to be validated by our relationships with others. Sexual desires are good desires until they are taken from under the covering of God’s lordship over our lives. Then, that which was designed to create begins to destroy. Why is Our Society So Sex-Obsessed? Have you ever wondered why the society we live in is so obsessed with sex? Have you ever wondered why it doesn’t seem to matter that the repercussions of sexual sins are plagues 18 Wired For Desire of epidemic proportions, and moral decay is overtaking our young and old people alike? We encounter sexually explicit content in media we should be able to trust. From BET to MTV to daytime soaps and the soap they sell, you can’t turn on the TV, radio, or open a magazine, without being bombarded by sexual innuendo or downright raw, in-your-face, sex. Retailer Abercrombie and Fitch—which then catered to the teen market—had to recall its 2003 holiday catalog after it had already been placed in all its stores because of protests over the sexually explicit photos and essays it included.6 I heard a talk show host claim that intimacy in marriages is hindered because we do things like floss our teeth in front of each other. According to him, we have taken the romance out of our relationships and become “too familiar.” That may have been the understatement of the year. We have become so familiar that we have become desensitized to the fact that today’s society applauds and encourages sexual exposure that would have gotten you arrested for indecency years ago. Predatory Porn Online The internet is fueling a new generation of predatory pornography. It’s not safe for a child to log on to the web and type in the most common words. Even www.jesus.com is the website for the Metropolitan Community Church—an openly gay organization that supplies information like “Homosexuality and the Bible.” The Bible calls homosexual behavior “repulsive,” “detestable,” “perversion,” “degrading,” and “shameful” (Lev. 18:22; Lev. 20:13, Rom. 1:26-27, Rom. 1:24, Jude 1:7). There seems to be no moral compass at all when it comes to sex. 19 Sex Without Regrets The internet is fueling a new generation of predatory pornography. Immoral Lives of Public Leaders A quarter century ago, Americans were appalled when then-President Bill Clinton claimed not to have had a sexual relationship with White House staffer Monica Lewinsky—a claim that disintegrated when a stain on her dress proved to be his semen. That scandal, which put Clinton in front of a grand jury, seems almost quaint compared with the sexual bragging, public groping, and multiple divorces of former President Donald Trump. And yet, by claiming that he hadn’t had sex with Lewinsky, Clinton set a new and dangerous precedent for parents and Christian leaders to counter. He was suggesting that if there’s not penetration, it’s not sex. Many teenagers now think that oral sex and mutual masturbation just doesn’t count. Teen girls, under tremendous peer pressure to have sex, buy into the lie that if they give their boyfriend (or just a ‘friend with benefits’) oral sex that they’re somehow not doing anything wrong. They might even have found their “how to” plan in a catalog picked up at a teen clothing retailer. Somebody needs to tell them that herpes, syphilis, hepatitis B, gonorrhea, and HPV (see page 26) can all be transmitted through oral to genital contact. And once they’ve gone that far, their resistance and resolve are soon worn down and they move on to intercourse. 20 Wired For Desire Teen Pregnancy, Abortion Pregnancy among teens and unmarried adults is a huge problem in our country. In 2021, 40 percent of all US births were to unmarried women (1,464,455 children). More than half of all women under thirty who gave birth in the US were unmarried, and nearly six in ten nonmarital births occurred to couples living together unmarried. More than half of all women under thirty who gave birth in the US were unmarried. Knowing that grownups are living that way makes me less excited to know that fewer teenagers are getting pregnant. In 1970, almost half of first births to unmarried women were to teenage girls. Now teenage mothers account for only 15 percent of children born out of wedlock.7 All these years we’ve been teaching children to wait, and all they waited for was their own apartment! For all the babies being born to unwed mothers, abortions in America kill more than fifty times as many people each year as HIV.8 Once considered a disease that plagued gay men, HIV is now common among heterosexuals. Recent studies say that nearly 60 percent of new cases of HIV in the US are among African-American women, even though we are just 15 percent of the US population.9 These statistics are largely due to men “on the down low” (married men secretly engaging in homosexual activity). Which brings me to another repercussion of sexual sin: Divorce. Here, there has been some good news over the last two decades. The pendulum has swung on divorce, and now people 21 Sex Without Regrets who call themselves Christian in the US are again slightly less likely to divorce than non-believers.10 But “slightly less” isn’t great news when the number across all Americans is a 39 percent failure rate for marriages.11 And when I think that more than twice as many people now live together without marriage, and nearly twice as many are just living alone with their temptations12 . . . I’m worried for where we’re headed. Sexual Abuse of Children The sexual abuse of children is another way sexual sin is reverberating through our communities. In the US, one in four girls and one in thirteen boys will experience sexual abuse before the age of eighteen.13 This horrifying violation of innocence is a perversion of the sex impulse. Children are also being exposed to pornography and even engaged in its production. Every person who owns a cell phone can watch porn at any time and also make and distribute pornographic videos. All of these violations of children traumatize them and make it less likely that they will be able to enjoy the God-given benefit of marital sex in adulthood. More Risks from Nonmarital Sex The risks of nonmarital sexual activity include various sexually transmitted illnesses, which have been on the rise. The US Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported an increase of nearly 30 percent in cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and syphilis between 2015 and 2019. If untreated, these diseases can cause chronic pelvic pain, infertility, severe complications in pregnancy, and illness or even death for newborns. 22 Wired For Desire Sadly, the greatest increase was in cases of syphilis among newborns, which increased nearly four times in the five-year window. Human Papillomaviruses (HPV) are DNA-based viruses that infect the skin and mucous membranes of humans and a variety of animals. Some HPV types cause benign skin warts. About 30-40 HPVs are typically transmitted through sexual contact. Some can cause genital warts. A subset of about thirteen “high-risk” sexually transmitted HPVs can lead to the development of precancerous lesions of the cervix, which may in turn lead to cancer of the cervix. HPV infection is a necessary factor in the development of nearly all cases of cervical cancer.15 What Should the Church Do? What should the response of the church be? Can we do more? Yes. Why are the people in the body of Christ faring as badly as or worse than the people that aren’t proclaiming that Jesus is Lord over their lives? Is it the devil? Or has the body of Christ fallen asleep at the wheel and gotten silenced because, like Eli of old, we won’t deal with the issues that face us. Well, today—right here and right now—that is going to change. As a minister of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I’m going to stand and address the problems caused by sexual sins. I’m not going to just address those issues, I’m going to give you the tools that you need to put sex and sexuality in the perspective in your life that God intended. Corporate America and big business around the world have figured out something that the church hasn’t gotten a grip on. Sex sells! And the reason that sex sells is because all human beings are hardwired for desire. Now before you get the impression that I’m okay with the way our society has deval23 Sex Without Regrets ued (or maybe I should say re-valued) sex and sexuality, let me make it clear that I’m not okay with it. I’m just saying that our natural tendency toward desire doesn’t have to be a bad thing. A Call to the Church God created us with a powerful desire to connect with other people, and the most powerful form that desire takes is our sexual desire. But sex alone cannot satisfy all of our desires to connect with people. People need to be affirmed. We need to be needed. We need to be validated by our relationships with others. Make your church a place that helps people fulfill their God-given desire to connect meaningfully with others so they’re less driven to connect through sex outside of Christian marriage. A Call to Christian Women Women want to be loved, affirmed, and encouraged. And believe it or not, you don’t need to have sex to fill those needs! Think about the women friends and family members who help fill these needs for you, and plan to spend more time with them. Think about the women friends and family you can give love, encouragement, and affirmation. Do it! A Call to Christian Men Men need to be encouraged, affirmed and loved. And none of these things depends on having sex with someone! Who are the other men who affirm you and uplift you? Who are the family members whose love you can count on? Set up some time with them right away! 24 2 Nobody’s Talking Hardly anyone likes to talk about the repercussions of sexual sins. One reason for the lack of candid discussion may be that so many people have been affected by sexual sins. Because of the lifestyle we or someone in our family has chosen to live, few are exempt. I don’t want there to be any confusion about what we are talking about. God disapproves of any and all sex outside of marriage. God ordained sex for marriage. People know that. We were created with an internal sense of right and wrong, but extramarital sex remains a big problem. So many people think they can do what they want with their bodies, forgetting there is always a price for our actions. Illicit sex can have horrible repercussions. There are always consequences. Luke quoted Jesus as saying, “nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open.” (Luke 8:17, NIV). 25 Sex Without Regrets Sin has a price tag! According to 1 Corinthians 6:13-15, our bodies should be used as instruments of righteousness and not unrighteousness. “Food is for the stomach and the stomach for food, but God will do away with both of them. The body is not intended for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord is for the body [to save, sanctify, and raise it again because of the sacrifice of the cross]. And God has not only raised the Lord [to life], but will also raise us up by His power. Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Am I therefore to take the members of Christ and make them part of a prostitute? Certainly not!” Let’s begin to address these issues one at a time and see what God’s word says about avoiding the repercussions of sexual sins. God disapproves of all sex outside of marriage. Loose Men and Reckless Women Loose men and reckless women are found in every arena of life. Loose men and reckless women have caused many to fall. In the book of Proverbs, a loose woman is described as extremely dangerous and flirtatious. We are warned to beware of her flattering words because “they are as smooth as oil . . . but they will lead to a deep pit which will ultimately destroy and send you to hell” (Proverbs 5:3, 22:14). If a person does not have Christ in his life, he sometimes can be totally oblivious to the needs of others. We are living in 26 Nobody’s Talking times when such selfishness prevails. A loose man or woman often has this characteristic because they are looking for only their needs to be met. Self-gratification is all they are after— satisfying their sexual desires. But the loose man or woman needs to understand that if they continue in this behavior, there will be repercussions. Hundreds of different diseases are sexually transmitted, including the virus that causes cervical cancer in women. Think of the husbands who have betrayed their wives and been found out. Initially they may lie, but the truth eventually comes out. Adulterers may say they are sorry, but the hurt is still there. Many of the wives will stay in the marriage, but some descend into a dysfunctional state of anger, self blame, or lovelessness. This is not to mention the possibility of a sexually transmitted disease or STD. Over 250 types of STDs are recognized now, including the virus that causes cervical cancer in women. The Closet Door is Open We used to keep sins like adultery, fornication, and homosexuality in the closet as our dirty little secrets. Now, all is out in the open. It’s become common to use and hear these terms. It’s not just in Hollywood, long infamous for loose morals. From Sex In The City to Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, fornicators, adulterers, and homosexuals are out there in full view of everyone. 27 Sex Without Regrets Fornicators boast and laugh about their conquests. “Ha, ha, I had some last night.” Well, nothing is free and their conquests are going to cost them. Jude wrote, “Now I want to remind you, although you are fully informed once for all, that the Lord, after saving a people out of the land of Egypt, subsequently destroyed those who did not believe [who refused to trust and obey and rely on Him]. And angels who did not keep their own designated place of power, but abandoned their proper dwelling place, [these] He has kept in eternal chains under [the thick gloom of utter] darkness for the judgment of the great day, just as Sodom and Gomorrah and the adjacent cities, since they in the same way as these angels indulged in gross immoral freedom and unnatural vice and sensual perversity. They are exhibited [in plain sight] as an example in undergoing the punishment of everlasting fire.” (Jude 1:5-7, AMP) Even Jesus warned against looking back and longing lustfully with the words; “Remember [what happened to] Lot’s wife [when she looked back]!” (Luke 17:32, AMP) Illicit Sex is Not Free Young or old, man or woman—illicit sex is not free. When you are sexually active with someone who is not your husband or wife, it is going to cost you something, somehow, sometime. You are going to pay a price. Your choices will cost you spiritually by destroying your relationship with God, soulishly by destroying your relationships with people, and bodily by attacking your health and general well-being. Advertisements with sexual connotations and innuendoes are all around us. But they never advertise what illicit sex re- 28 Nobody’s Talking ally does to a person. They never show you how immorality affects families, churches, or people’s relationships with God. Packs of cigarettes carry a warning label, but you never see billboards that read, “If you have unprotected sex, it might lead to death.” Sex purveyors don’t put up billboards that read, “If you keep committing adultery, it could kill you.” The reason is obvious but sobering—if people thought too much about the consequences of their behavior, the lust merchants would be out of business. And death is not always physical. Giving in to your body over God’s Word can deaden you spiritually and lead to self-loathing. Packs of cigarettes carry a warning label, but you never see billboards that read, “If you have unprotected sex, it might lead to death.” The sex industry uses streaming videos, music, movies, television, radio, the internet, and print publications to hock their pornography, and they could not care less about your self esteem. They are getting rich from your spiritual damnation. Theirs is a billion dollar business that cares only about making money. A Call to the Church It’s hard for church leadership to take a stand about sexual immorality when everyone knows that Deacon So-and-So is getting some on the side. God says that judgment begins in the house of the Lord, and God has made church leadership the gatekeepers of His holy house. Start making these challenges where God says to: in the private communication that God 29 Sex Without Regrets commands; then with testimony from additional witnesses if you have to (Matthew 18:15-17; 1 Tim. 5:19-20). Do not fail to save sinners from the fire (Jude 1:23), especially if they’re leaders whose example directs others astray. A Call to Christian Women I know you know lots of women and men who are having sexual relations outside of marriage. And I know you want to feel close and committed to someone the way sex can make us feel. But sex without the commitment of marriage isn’t the kind of secure closeness you hope for. Stay secure in God and among God’s righteous people. Find security and commitment where God allows for this time in your life. A Call to Christian Men If “everybody’s doing it,” it’s time for you to stand out from the crowd. God says not to follow the crowd in doing wrong (Exod. 23:2), and having sex with anyone but your wife is wrongdoing. Dig deep into God’s strength so you can stand up to temptation and teach others to walk right with God. 30