Aisha Wunmi Udoma

SIGNS OF GASLIGHTING 5 ways to know if you are being gaslighted How emotionally stable are you? Do you constantly feel downcast or have low selfesteem? If your response to these questions is on the negative side then you should look out for underlying signals of gaslighting in your life. It could be directed at you by your partner if you are in a relationship or married and you may be gaslighted by a member of your family or colleague at work. Gaslighting was inspired by the 1944 movie titled “Gaslight” where the husband persistently manipulated his wife and made her an emotional wreck so as to confine her to a psychiatric home and nick her inheritance. Gaslighting, simply put, is a way of relating to one’s partner such that they feel victimized in the relationship and begin to lose confidence in themselves which could result in them feeling insane or unstable. Therefore it is very important to look deeply into your relationship whether with your parents, spouse, boss, siblings, friend, or even your coworkers in the office to be sure you aren’t a victim of gaslighting to avoid the overwhelming and sardonic effects that come with it. Stick with me as I highlight 5 different ways to know if you are being gaslighted. 1. Anxiety Regularly being gaslighted could result in the victim becoming hypersensitive and irrevocably nervous. This is an unhealthy feeling and goes a long way in affecting their normal life and relationships with other people. Anxiety can lead to instability in one’s daily affairs and a routine check should be put in place to quickly recognize such negative development before it gets out of hand and beyond control. Gaslighters can say unpleasant things that could cause depression and make the victim feel apprehensive about their entire wellness. 2. Vulnerability You should always watch out for signs of being physically or emotionally hurt in all your connections with people around you. You may suspect a friend of yours or sibling gradually turning into a gaslighter making you susceptible to a whole tyranny put up by them. Gaslighters derive pleasure in enforcing their ideas on victims by using power and coercion to drive home points and actions which are not beneficial or progressive in any manner. They are always immune to faults and direct the blame for mistakes and misunderstandings on their partner. You have to be alert to sense such attitudes and mannerisms to avoid being vulnerable under their pressure and humiliation. 3. Soberness Another sign to be watchful of is the pathetic feeling of being sorry or apologetic for any chaos that is stirred up between you and the gaslighter. He/she will always try to manipulate your thoughts and feelings making you feel like you are not capable of doing anything right thereby telling everyone around you derogatory things that could paint a wrong image of the person you really are. You need to wriggle out of your slumber and fight your way out of such an overwhelming situation. It can cause you to lose your self-worth and make you incapable of keeping healthy relationships with others. 4. Inadequacy in making decisions The ability to put your thoughts together and make sensitive decisions depends on how clear your state of mind is at any point in time. Allowing a gaslighter in your life or permitting them to co-exist in taking vital steps with you could ruin your future and that of your loved ones. You may hear such terrorizing statements as “You are paranoid and must be imagining things,” “How could you do a thing like that” or “I didn’t agree with you to invest in that business just yet.” All these are remarks that could reduce your confidence level and make you lose touch with your capacity to function normally as a human being. Gangsters derive joy in saying these and worse comments just to spite you and make you act like you have lost the grip on reality. 5. Hopelessness Abusing a person who is naturally vibrant and positive minded can cause a feeling of hopelessness in them. The gaslighter capitalizes on his tactics of rendering a victim’s life useless without any remorse towards his/her actions. A hardworking and naturally talented kid or sibling may turn out becoming a failure in their academics or career if care is not taken by a gaslighting parent or family member. Unnecessary complaints about how they behave towards him/her when such accusations aren’t true may result in the victim becoming a nuisance to themselves and the society at large. Attitudes of a gaslighter • Dishonesty: He/she will never say any truthful words in your conversations and will always tell lies to cover all the antics and pessimism. • Accusation: They will constantly blame you for every situation in your relationship with them. They will never accept faults or agree they caused any mishap. • Criticism: Gaslighters can never find anything commendable in your character and will always choose to condemn you in the sight of others. • Confrontational: Bandits have no way to pretend to be affectionate because of their nature as hooligans hence they attack whenever there is any dispute. • Aggressive: Your calm nature even with the tide could further trigger their hostility and make them more quarrelsome and forceful towards you. • Denial: They refuse to recognize your thoughts and actions in your struggle with them. Possible solutions and advice As soon as you notice such eerie feelings, please do not hesitate to avoid having any heated arguments with the gaslighter and try as much as possible to steer clear of his/her presence in your life. Your mental health and wellbeing are paramount for sustenance and preventing you from being confined to rehab during which there will be a disconnection between you and your loved ones for a long period. Your itineraries and work relationships will also be affected until you are out of the mental institution thereby resulting in being fired or forfeiting several months’ salary. Make haste and take crucial steps in seeking the help of a mental health counsellor or psychologist before it's too late. Bare out your mind to your counsellor and give detailed reports about your unhealthy relationship as best as you can. Don't wait until you become a living ghost or skeleton. Cry out for help! Dissociate from the gaslighter in your life today and enjoy living to the fullest. Crave for progressive and productive relationships. Encourage people who bring joy to your life by giving them a chance to prove their love for you. Say goodbye to depression, panic, and anxiety today. I am pretty sure there are lots of great people around that you have been neglecting unknowingly. Take a break from the daily trauma of being tortured by an animal in human flesh. It's not too late to begin all over again. The world is big enough to accommodate everyone, even you! I mean you!! Yes, you!!!